Self Help

A Gentle Reminder - Bianca Sparacino

Author Photo

Matheus Puppe

· 16 min read
  • Thought Catalog Books is an independent digital publisher based in New York and Los Angeles

  • They publish books on personal growth, relationships, and culture

  • This book, “for the deep feelers”, is a collection of inspirational thoughts and reflections by author Bianca Sparacino

  • The central messages are around self-love, healing from past relationships, finding hope, and courageously pursuing your dreams and passions

  • Some key thoughts:

    • Let go of past relationships to make space for new love
    • It’s ok to take your time to figure things out
    • This season may be about being alone, healing, and rediscovering yourself
    • The right person will love you for who you are
    • Chase the things that ignite your passion
  • The overall tone is one of encouragement, empowerment and inspiration for “deep feelers” and idealists

  • Have the courage to believe in genuine connection and open yourself up to it. Do not approach relationships wearing a mask or playing it cool. Have the courage to fully connect with people.

  • Do the hard work required for relationships. Sit with your pain and demons; heal your wounds instead of avoiding them. Understand yourself fully, even the darkest parts. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and nurture your pain instead of sweeping it aside.

  • Have the courage to end things when needed. See endings as transformative and part of life’s chapters. Give yourself closure without destroying yourself or feeling like a failure. Move on with grace.

  • Do things differently. Follow your heart and trust yourself. Seek freedom from restrictive rules and expectations. Pursue what ignites you.

  • You deserve to be loved fully for who you are. You deserve someone who chooses you, stays, and does not judge you for your past. But you must also be this person for yourself. Know yourself and stand up for your heart.

  • Do not forget someone who once meant a lot to you. Be thankful for what you had and how that person changed you. Appreciate the experience and walk away with gratitude, knowing you felt deeply.

  • Move on for yourself, not to prove anything to others. Do it for your future and to heal yourself. Carry the lessons with you.

  • It is beautiful how you continue to show up openly and hopeful despite life’s defeats. The way you turn losses to lessons and find courage each day is brave. Your continued healing and growth are courageous.

Forgive yourself for changing and becoming a different person. Change means you are growing and learning. Do not fear change; wish for it.

Forgive yourself for giving your heart to the wrong people. Those relationships taught you lessons and helped you learn to protect your heart in an informed way.

Forgive yourself for taking your love back and outgrowing certain people. You cannot fix others or heal them; they must do that themselves. Walking away to protect yourself is necessary. Love others from a distance when needed.

Forgive yourself for the way you treated yourself in the past. Forgive the way you talked to your body and mind. Forgive how you settled for less than you deserved.

The key message is to be gentle with yourself, learn from your experiences, and make choices that nourish you. Protect your peace and know your worth.

• Forgive yourself for not pursuing the things you wanted or needed in life because you didn’t feel worthy or deserving of them. Forgive yourself for not reaching your full potential or taking up space due to self-doubt and lack of confidence. Forgive yourself for not showing up for yourself in the ways you could have.

• Forgive yourself for what you had to do to survive difficult times. Do not blame yourself for how you coped with pain, sadness, or challenges along your journey. Forgive yourself for how you fought to make it through.

• The universe may allow heartbreak and missed opportunities to teach you lessons and make you stronger. Caring for those who are difficult to love can teach you to appreciate those who truly see and protect you. The hard journey can teach you to value the good.

• We want to protect and nurture those we love, especially their vulnerable parts, because we see ourselves in them. Loving another’s broken pieces can help us be kinder to our own.

• Give yourself permission to let go of what weighs you down. You do not have to carry it all.

• Do not feel unworthy if someone cannot love you back right now. It is not a reflection of you. People are on their own journeys. Sometimes you are ready but another is not. You cannot love someone into potential or readiness. Let them go and pour your love back into yourself.

• Being openly and clearly loved by the right person is beautiful. Nothing is more appealing than someone who chooses you without games.

• Do not worry if you feel you cannot get back to who you used to be. Who you were exists in the past and didn’t go through life’s hardships. You have grown into who you need to be now. Release expectations of your past self. Molt like a snake and embrace your evolution.

• Do not settle for “almost” in a relationship. You deserve certainty, effort, and to be someone’s favorite, not almost happy or almost valued.

• You deserve to be in a loving relationship where your partner values you, commits to you, and cares for your wellbeing. You deserve someone who wants the same things as you and treats you as a priority.

• Don’t tie your self-worth to what others think of you or to meeting unrealistic expectations. You are the only one who can decide if you are good enough. Focus on loving yourself.

• Remember how much you have grown and overcome. Appreciate what you have and who you are. You deserve to be happy, loved, and inspired.

• Stay present in the moment. Put down your phone and connect with the real people and experiences in your life. Life has so much beauty to offer if you pay attention.

• Let go of people who cannot love you. Holding onto unhealthy relationships will only hurt you more in the long run. Choose to love yourself.

• Life is meant to be lived fully. Pursue your passions, find joy, and surround yourself with people who love and support you.

• You have to believe in yourself and your worth. Do not let self-doubt hold you back. Have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

• Life is short, so live fully while you can. Do not wait for perfect circumstances to pursue your goals and dreams. Take risks and live life with urgency and intention.

• Healing and growth are not linear processes. Be gentle with yourself if you experience setbacks. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

• Let go of people who do not value you. Do not dwell on past relationships or wish for people to change. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you.

• Every experience, good or bad, has something to teach you. Learn from your struggles and perceived failures. They are opportunities to become a better person.

• You have an indomitable human spirit. You have the strength and resilience to survive and overcome anything. Believe in your ability to endure hard times.

• Speak your truth. Share your story with others. You have a voice, so use it.

• You cannot change the past, so do not carry it with you. Learn from it and let it go. Your body is constantly renewing itself; your mind and spirit can too. Focus on the present.

• Connect with the strength and beauty in nature. You share the same life force. Draw inspiration from the perseverance of mountains and the endurance of granite.

• Do not be afraid to do difficult things. Have the courage to face challenges and step outside your comfort zone. Even when it’s painful or imperfect, keep going. You will grow through hard experiences.

• Ultimately, believe in your ability to be okay. You have an indomitable will to survive and thrive. Hard times never last, but strong people do. You can endure.

  • Stand up for yourself and pursue the life you truly want. Believe in yourself and keep going no matter how difficult things are. Nothing can defeat you unless you let it.

  • The love you deserve will choose you confidently and will fight for you through challenges. It will accept you as you are, support you, celebrate you, and love you even when you don’t feel you deserve it.

  • Difficult times can teach you a different kind of happiness found in simple things like a morning coffee, nature, conversations with loved ones, self-care, and quiet moments. These “small” things are meaningful and life-saving.

  • Trust the timing of your life. Don’t feel pressure to achieve milestones at a certain age or chase society’s vision of success. Learn about yourself and pursue what ignites your soul.

  • It’s okay to outgrow those who don’t know how to love you.

  • Learn to let go of other people’s opinions, comparisons to others, distance over depth, and love that won’t love you back. Make time for yourself a safe space. It’s never too late to change your life or become who you’ve always wanted to be.

  • In a world pushing cool over connectedness, choose to be someone who cares deeply without fear of being too much. The right people will understand and nurture you.

Do not silence or diminish the parts of yourself that are capable of deeply loving other people. Embrace all of who you are.

Sometimes you have to let go of relationships or situations even when it’s difficult and painful. Learning to release the hope you have for them is part of the healing process. Trust yourself to do what’s right for you.

Finding closure is not required to heal and move on. Closure does not actually help you let go and often we rely on it as a way to avoid accepting the end of something. Your healing is in your own hands, not dependent on anything from the other person. Forgive them and yourself, acknowledge the pain, and make the choice to move forward.

If you pour yourself into others, remember that you deserve love and care too. Don’t hide from connection but open yourself up to vulnerability. The pain of staying closed off is worse than the pain of heartbreak. There is magic to be found in human connection.

Those who give the most also feel the most. Don’t forget that you need rest and you cannot save everyone. Take the love you give to others and give it to yourself too. You do not have to always be the strong one. Ask for help when you need it. Take a step back to care for yourself. Your heart needs nurturing too.

• It is okay to want love and connection. Humans are social creatures and desire relationships.

• Love comes in many forms - from friendships to romantic relationships to family. It is the little moments of joy and bonding with others.

• Even if you are independent and content alone, that does not negate your need and desire for love. Love adds beauty to life.

• When times are tough, remember that you have gotten through hard times before. Have faith in your resilience and ability to heal. Though it may not feel like it, you are growing and becoming stronger.

• Do not be afraid to open your heart to others. Searching for genuine connection and understanding can lead to profoundly meaningful relationships. Though risky, love is worth it.

• You do not always have to save yourself. It is okay to need others and to rely on their support and care. Let others in.

• Celebrate how far you have come. Be proud of your courage, awareness, and strength. Appreciate your growth.

• Find meaning in all of your relationships - even those that do not last forever. Each person you connect with teaches you something and shapes who you are. Be grateful for them.

• Do not settle. Keep searching for love and connection that truly fulfills you. Follow your heart.

• Love involves small but meaningful moments, like late night grocery runs, stolen moments together in public, and curling up with someone after a long day. These moments appear small but are profoundly fulfilling.

• We can’t control how long someone chooses to love us or stay with us. All we can do is appreciate the moments of beauty we shared, learn from the ending, and remain open to finding love and connection again.

• Happiness and sadness can co-exist. You can have a loving life and still feel moments of intense sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. Be gentle with yourself during difficult times. Your journey will have dark days, so show yourself compassion.

• Being alone is not bad or shameful. It is an opportunity to build a strong foundation within yourself, gain self-knowledge, dedicate yourself to your own growth, and remind yourself that you can be self-sufficient. Alone and lonely are not the same.

• Choose to pursue happiness, let go of the past, forgive others, and move forward. Choose love that feels right and fulfills you. Choose yourself.

• Life is messy, chaotic, and random. We have little control over it. Some days will be easy while others will be profoundly difficult. Learn to embrace the disorder and unpredictability of life. Though it may not make sense, it is stunning and magical.

• When letting go of someone who cannot love you well, remember what you deserve - someone who chooses you, reciprocates your love, supports you, sees you fully, and stands by your side. You deserve real love and connection.

  • You deserve to find someone who genuinely loves and cares for you. Someone who shows up for you and wants to share life’s moments, both big and small, with you. Release anyone who cannot give you their full love and support.

  • Expressing how you really feel to someone you care about makes you vulnerable, but it can lead to beautiful connections. Take the risk and express your feelings openly and honestly.

  • Connections are about depth, not duration. You can know someone for a short time but develop a deep bond and understand each other in a meaningful way. Follow your heart, not timelines.

  • It’s okay to still have feelings for someone from your past who was once meaningful to you. While you move on, they will always remain a part of you in some way. Your capacity to love so deeply is a strength, not a weakness.

  • The strongest, healthiest relationships are built on a foundation of freedom and independence. When you can stand confidently on your own, you can build a healthy, mutually supportive partnership with someone else. Love enhances, it does not complete.

  • Healing from heartbreak takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Let go at your own pace, and know that you will heal in many small ways, even if you can’t see the progress day to day. It’s a journey, not an instant transition.

  • It’s okay to feel many things at once—both tender and tired, hopeful and haunted. Life contains beauty and hardship. Give yourself grace to feel the full range of emotions. True bravery is finding the strength and courage to face life each day, even when it’s difficult, and to continue growing into your best self. Your worth isn’t defined by any one person or experience.

Do not let someone else’s inability to love you or choose you define your self-worth. Do not abandon who you are or question yourself because of how others treat you. Remember to love yourself, because you have value and worth. Do not let being misunderstood or unappreciated by others cause you to see yourself through their eyes. You have always been worthy and deserving of love.

Letting go of people who hurt you does not mean you stop caring about them. You have to accept the loss and keep moving forward. Sometimes your biggest losses lead to even bigger opportunities and relationships. Sometimes you have to let go of unrealistic hopes and expectations for a relationship that will never meet your needs. By walking away, you open yourself up to finding someone who will love and support you fully.

The hardest times in life often lead to personal growth and recognizing your own strength and resilience. You may not notice the healing and progress until much later. But you have overcome so much that you once thought would defeat you.

No one goes through life without facing hurt, loss, and pain that leaves a mark on them. We have all hurt others and made mistakes. We are all constantly learning and growing. Have compassion for yourself and others who are struggling in their journey. Believe in second chances and the capacity for positive change. With understanding and kindness, we can all become better people.

Ask yourself who you would be if you were able to let go of past hurts, unrealistic expectations, and judgement from others. Who would you be if you gave yourself permission to follow your dreams and desires without needing validation? You are worthy and deserving of love as you are.

Choose to remain open-hearted, even when it is difficult. Choose to keep going, to face your struggles, and be gentle with yourself. Choose to love fully, share openly, and fight for your hopes and dreams. Love should be clear and uncomplicated.

Remember that energy cannot be destroyed. The love you shared with someone you lost still exists in the world, even if they are no longer with you physically. They live on in your memories and in the transformation of their energy. Finding comfort in this idea can help ease the grieving process.

The passage is apologizing to the reader for the difficult experiences and hardships they have endured in life. The writer expresses sorrow that the world and the people in it have not always been kind. Specifically:

  • The writer apologizes that the reader’s heart and tenderness have been mishandled by those they cared for.

  • The writer apologizes that the reader has loved people who did not love themselves or properly care for the reader in return.

  • The writer apologizes that the world has failed to protect the reader’s soul at times and has caused them pain.

  • The writer apologizes that the reader has had to face difficulties like loss of loved ones at a young age and has not always had support.

  • The writer reiterates that they are sorry the world has not always been kind and that the reader has had to learn hard lessons in painful ways.

  • Ultimately, the passage is conveying regret for the suffering the reader has experienced and empathy for their hardships.

  • The speaker expresses pride in the person they have become despite facing difficult life experiences.

  • They are proud of the way they chose to love deeply and make themselves vulnerable.

  • They are proud of the way they advocated for and supported others.

  • They are proud of the way they persevered through hard times and healed from pain and trauma.

  • They are proud of maintaining hope and believing in the beauty life has to offer.

  • They are proud of fully embracing life with all its ups and downs.

  • They aim to leave this world with a heart worn out from loving fully and a life lived meaningfully by taking risks and connecting authentically with others.

  • Ultimately, they want to be proud of the person they have become.

The key themes are pride, resilience, hope, love, meaningful living, and personal growth. The overall tone is one of hard-won wisdom, compassion, and inspiration.

Author Photo

About Matheus Puppe