Self Help

Emotional Resilience Know what it takes t - Geetu Bharwaney

Author Photo

Matheus Puppe

· 41 min read

Here is a summary of the key ideas from the introduction:

  • Emotional resilience is key to surviving and thriving at work in today’s fast-changing world.

  • The author has over 25 years of experience as a coach helping clients improve work effectiveness. Over the last 16 years, she has specialized in emotional intelligence.

  • Emotion, not technical skills or knowledge, is the main factor limiting most people’s performance and effectiveness at work. Failure to understand the role of emotion leads to unsolved problems, underperformance, and even health issues.

  • The author’s perspectives come from working with clients in diverse industries and roles around the world. The core issues people face tend to be the same regardless of specifics. Even executives struggle with similar challenges around confidence, relationships, change, and work pressures.

  • Developing emotional resilience requires understanding your emotions and the emotions of others, and learning practical skills to navigate challenges. This book provides tools and techniques to build personal and team resilience.

  • Emotional resilience leads to increased energy, influence, connection, and the ability to thrive at work. It is key to achieving your full potential and ease in your role.

• Emotional resilience is the ability to choose thoughts, feelings and actions that help you perform at your best and achieve results. It involves continuous effort and practice.

• Emotions play an important role in the workplace. They provide information about yourself, others and situations. Ignoring emotions means missing out on insights needed for effectiveness and productivity.

• Emotional resilience goes beyond resilience. It incorporates an understanding of emotions and focuses on performance and productivity, not just bouncing back from difficulties. It helps with everyday challenges, not just crises.

• Emotional resilience helps you understand and manage primal emotions from the lower brain as well as higher brain emotions. It allows you to respond thoughtfully instead of just reacting.

• Key skills for emotional resilience include:

› Self-awareness: Recognizing your own emotions and patterns of thought.

› Managing emotions: Choosing how to respond to emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them. Using emotions to motivate and inform rather than derail you.

› Empathy: Understanding other people’s emotions and perspectives.

› Relationships: Developing positive relationships through effective communication, empathy and boundary-setting.

› Optimism: Maintaining a positive and constructive outlook. Seeking opportunities and solutions.

› Adaptability: Accepting change and willing to adapt thoughts, feelings and behaviors as needed to achieve goals. Flexibility of mindset.

› Problem-solving: Ability to think through challenges in a constructive way. Considering multiple perspectives and options.

› Self-care: Looking after yourself through rest, reflection, exercise, social connection and pursuing outside interests. Reduces negative impacts of stress.

• To build emotional resilience, focus on self-awareness, managing stress, developing skills and practicing new habits of thoughts and action. Be willing to move out of your comfort zone, ask for feedback and learn from your experiences. Maintaining a balanced and meaningful life will support your workplace performance and emotional resilience.

• Emotional resilience focuses on the ability to manage your emotions and those of others effectively. It enables you to sustain high performance during challenging times.

• Emotional resilience requires attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions. It involves balancing emotion and rational thinking. Both are necessary to survive and thrive.

• The unconscious mind, which is driven by emotion, controls our behavior unless we consciously take control using the rational mind. Emotional resilience allows us to manage our unconscious thoughts and actions.

• Emotional resilience is both an individual and a team effort. It involves building relationships and connections with others. Resilience alone focuses on the individual, but emotional resilience also considers team dynamics.

• Developing emotional resilience involves focusing on essential aspects of self-awareness, learning practical skills, and achieving results at work. It is a mindset and skillset that leads to outcomes.

• This book provides tips and suggestions for improving emotional resilience through self-reflection, observing others, practicing new skills, and taking action. Notes and journaling aid the learning process.

• The content comes from 25 years of experience helping over 15,000 people in organizations build emotional resilience. The approaches have been tested and proven effective for people in various roles and industries.

• A self-reflection activity helps determine which aspects of emotional resilience are priorities for development. Focusing on the essentials and skills that need the most improvement leads to the best results.

• Emotional resilience is a learnable ability that can transform how you experience and perform in your work life. Developing it should be a high priority.

Does this summary cover the key highlights from the introduction? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any part of the summary.

The instructions ask you to reflect on core aspects of your emotional self-awareness—self-worth, self-control, mood, empathy, understanding, and caring—by circling phrases that apply to you. For each negative impact you identify, you color in a circle on a worksheet. After completing this, you identify your priority topics based on which areas have the most negative impacts. The book then recommends focusing your reading on these priority topics.

The first section lists the six core aspects of emotional self-awareness: self-worth, self-control, mood (for personal resilience), and empathy, understanding, and caring (for team resilience). It notes that developing these areas leads to desired workplace environments and outcomes.

The first chapter focuses on self-worth, which is defined as your self-respect and belief in the unique value you provide at work. Self-worth depends on early experiences but can be improved by managing your self-talk, behaviors, and reactions. Leaders often struggle with self-worth, measuring themselves against others’ success rather than their own qualities and achievements. Self-worth impacts relationships, health, and teamwork. Improving self-worth requires noticing both signs of your own success as well as changing how you view your own work.

• Self-worth is important for health and well-being throughout our lives. Low self-worth is linked to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can lead to health issues. Increasing self-worth can help lower cortisol.

• Self-worth depends on a balance of expectations and successes. Unrealistic expectations or too few successes can lower self-worth. It’s important to examine how expectations affect your self-worth.

• Early life experiences with having basic needs met shape our self-worth. Meet Anthony, a man who overcame low self-worth by working with a coach to build confidence and change his self-perception. Observe confident people at work to learn from them.

• Reflect on whether your basic needs were met in childhood and how that affects you now. Also examine your attachment style, which relates to how you view yourself and others. Insecure or avoidant attachment can lower self-worth.

• Reduce negative self-talk by replacing “shoulds” with “wants.” Take care of yourself by focusing on nutrition, exercise, supportive relationships, achieving work goals, maintaining priorities, and having outlets to discuss challenges.

• Build self-worth through accepting yourself, focusing on strengths, setting small goals, engaging in self-care, maintaining a balanced perspective, and surrounding yourself with a strong support system. Make a habit of affirming your positive qualities, skills, and values.

• View self-worth as something that needs to be nurtured. While you will face setbacks, have patience and compassion for yourself. Every small improvement makes a difference. Focus on progress, not perfection.

Here is a summary of the key points on interactions:

  • Build supportive relationships at work to help affirm your self-worth.
  • Note positive feedback from others and use it to build your confidence.
  • Learn to express your own feelings and needs rather than always responding to others.
  • Respect your own time and do not give more than you can handle. Set healthy boundaries.
  • Spend time with people who appreciate you and can mentor you.
  • Stop pleasing others at your own expense. Focus on your own needs and desires.
  • Ask for help when you need it. Look for ways to support yourself.

The suggestions provide practical ways to build self-confidence through your interactions and relationships at work. The key is learning to value yourself, express your needs, and find supportive people around you.

  • People often lack self-control at work due to issues like distractions, technology addiction, and the desire for immediate gratification.

  • Research shows that self-control is linked to success and well-being. A famous study found that children who could delay gratification by not eating a marshmallow had better life outcomes.

  • A lack of self-control can lead to poor decision making, health issues, financial problems, and damaged relationships.

  • Imran’s story shows how a lack of self-control and the inability to say no led to overwhelm, stress, and health issues. Coaching helped him set boundaries and have an honest conversation with his boss.

  • Observing people with good self-control and your own behavior can help build this skill. Notice signs of low self-control like fidgeting, interrupting, and impatience. Practice saying no and delaying distractions.

  • Building self-control involves recognizing you have a choice, reflecting before reacting, managing distractions and technology, breathing and staying calm under pressure, and learning from mistakes.

  • Stronger self-control leads to better emotional resilience, composure, decision making, and the ability to handle challenges at work. It’s a learnable skill that involves controlling impulses and choosing appropriate responses.

Low self-control affects all areas of work, including how we communicate, interact with others, and accomplish tasks. People with low self-control are often impatient, demand to get their way, and don’t listen to others. They frequently struggle with health, work, and addictions. Building self-control requires reflection and practice.


Mismanaged anger: Identify situations that make you angry, rank how often they happen, and determine how to address them (discuss, forgive, change, etc.). Address issues requiring discussion.

Event-Behavior-Consequence (EBC) analysis: For key emotions, identify the triggering event, beliefs/self-talk (rational and irrational), and consequences (emotional and behavioral). See which emotions have the biggest impact on your work.

Activities to improve self-control:

Seek feedback, avoid rushing into decisions, and focus on priorities.

Distinguish between needs and urges. Needs are lasting and important, urges are temporary and less important. Focus on satisfying needs, not urges.

Replace “should” with “want” in your self-talk. Focus on what you want, not what you feel obligated to do.

Action center: Be self-responsible, have clear objectives and time management, reflect daily, use scripts to buy time, eat healthy, exercise, and manage your energy.

Mood is your overall emotional state at a given moment. It influences your choices and behaviors.

Positive moods expand your thinking while negative moods constrain it. Your mood affects those around you.

Things that affect your mood include: surroundings, physical state, relationships, knowledge, and personality.

In business, many have mood problems. Aim for neutrality and using it to be effective. Notice how meetings reflect the overall mood.

Most don’t prioritize activities for their mood. Match your tasks to your mood and energy level.

Research shows positive emotions linked to better health and longevity. Negative emotions do the opposite.

Boosting your mood comes from doing what’s important to you. Observe positive people and try to emulate them.

A coaching example showed how negative mood and attitude was limiting a woman’s career until she became aware of its impact. She then made changes.

Observe positive, cheerful people at work. Notice what they do for enjoyment and fun. Try to follow their lead.

Mood management tips:

  • Be aware of your mood and how it affects yourself and others

  • Make an effort to be positive and neutral

  • Match your tasks and activities to your current mood and energy level

  • Spend time with positive, cheerful people

  • Engage in enjoyable and fun activities, not just work

  • Reflect regularly on what impacts your mood and make adjustments

Identify which aspects of this person’s life you would like to have more of. The activities in this section cover both these aspects of mood. Mood affects all interactions. It affects the atmosphere in which we do our work. It is a powerful build on our self-worth and our self-control, as it reflects how we actually feel in the moment. This, in turn, is likely to be a combination of our underlying mood (how we feel about our past, present and future), plus the mood we are currently in, based on our internal and external responses to the moment.

Who do you know who keeps an upbeat mood and stays on top of situations, even when things get really tough?

Different moods for different tasks It is true that we need different moods for different work tasks. To be effective in problem solving we might need to be more serious. To connect well with people, we may need to be more enthusiastic and upbeat. To learn effectively, we need to be relaxed and to have a sense of curiosity.

What language do these people use as reflective of their positive mood, even when things get difficult?

How do they plan for a positive result? What actions do they take as reflective of their reasonable confidence in accomplishing success?

Objective: Focus on the objective or purpose of the meeting. Do not deviate from the set agenda or discussion topics.

Openness: Listen without judgment and be open to different perspectives. Ask others for their input.

Energy: Stay hydrated and move around if needed to maintain energy and focus.

Reflect on your own focus, openness, and energy levels during discussions and score yourself from 1 to 10, with 10 being high. Practice self-observation to improve awareness of your mood and how it impacts your work.

Learn to identify and express core feelings like happy, scared, sad, confident, excited, upset, angry, and tired. Avoid using “ed” words like thrilled or exhausted. Practice using the suggested alternatives to build your emotional vocabulary.

Reflect optimistically on challenging work situations. Note three examples of how an optimistic attitude helped address a problem. Express gratitude daily. Replace negative reactions to problems (“It won’t work.”) with positive ones (“It can work. Let’s find a solution.”).

Analyze the costs and benefits of your mood and feelings about your work. Identify three key words describing how you see yourself, your feelings about your role, the costs of those feelings, and the benefits. Do the same for how others may perceive you. Identify counterproductive feelings and take action to address them.

Distinguish between objective descriptions and subjective interpretations or judgments. Descriptions tend to feel more neutral. Practice seeing other perspectives, creating a sense of freedom at work, showing appreciation, and putting situations in proper perspective. Remind yourself that difficulties are temporary.

To reduce an elevated mood at work, review your weaknesses and how your mood impacts you negatively. Revisit the self-reflection in the introduction. Remember you can only control your own responses. Ask yourself whether you need to clarify your own goals, manage your emotions, or communicate with others.

Consider improving your emotional resilience, mood, empathy, motivation, and confidence. The team essentials of empathy, trust, communication, and motivation are also important to explore.


• The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. • Tuning into other people’s feelings and perspectives. • Vital for building effective relationships at work. • Involves imagining what another person might be feeling and responding appropriately.


• When empathy goes too far and you become absorbed in other people’s needs and problems.
• Can lead to feelings of being emotionally overwhelmed. • Important to set healthy boundaries to avoid co-dependency.

Increasing empathy:

• Practice ‘generous listening’ - hear what is said and unsaid. • Say ‘I hear you’ to acknowledge other’s feelings. • Recognize emotions and facial expressions. • Stay out of judgment. • Communicate your understanding of other’s emotions.


• Those struggling with self-worth, self-control, and mood may find empathy difficult.
• Empathy makes a big impact on workplace relationships. • Notice interactions where people seem to really understand each other.

Research shows:

• Managers who show empathy boost team well-being and performance. • We can learn to recognize emotions through facial expressions. • Lack of empathic accuracy damages relationships.

Example: Hannah

• Hannah had a caring nature and volunteered to teach adult literacy. • She became too involved in her students’ problems and felt emotionally overwhelmed. • She learned to set boundaries to avoid co-dependency, while still showing empathy and compassion.

• Become totally absorbed in other people’s needs and then forget your own. This often leads to being unhappy, disengaged and burned out.

• Healthy boundaries are important for good relationships. Internal boundaries help you take responsibility for yourself. External boundaries give you control over interactions with others. Lack of boundaries can lead to co-dependency which destroys healthy relationships.

• Showing empathy in a healthy way involves:

  • Tracking other people’s emotions and your own reactions to gain insight. This helps finetune your “empathy barometer.”

  • Practising connected listening by being fully present, suspending judgment, finding common ground, and making sure you understand the other person.

  • Becoming a better observer of others by listening more and sharing your views less. Try rephrasing what others say to show you understand them.

  • Asking how others feel, making eye contact, and being sensitive and understanding. Avoid language that is judgmental or tells others what they “should” do.

  • Improving your listening skills by giving others your full attention and not interrupting or judging them. Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. Learn tools like heart-focused breathing to help regulate your own emotions.

  • Appreciating differences in others and empathizing without feeling responsible to fix things or getting drained. Check how much you focus on yourself versus others in conversations.

  • Labeling the emotions you perceive in others and reflecting their thoughts and feelings back to them. Recognize how empathy makes you and others feel.

  • Distinguishing empathy from co-dependency. Empathy intentions are selfless and make you feel good. Co-dependency intentions are self-protective, make you feel lack of control or connection, and value others more than yourself.

  • Having choice and agency. With empathy you can choose to care for others without abandoning yourself. Co-dependency feels without choice and like you have no self outside the other person.

The relationship described in the passage is unhealthy and co-dependent. The people in the relationship are motivated by a sense of responsibility and fear of abandonment, not by genuine compassion or care for the other person. Their acts of “selflessness” are not really selfless at all but are done to enable the other person’s destructive behavior and meet their own need for security in the relationship. This leads to feelings of guilt, jealousy, poor communication and other problems.

To reduce over-empathizing and build healthier relationships:

•Remind yourself that the other person’s feelings belong to them, not you. Don’t take on their emotional baggage.

•Focus on your own self-care. Make sure your own needs are met so you have the capacity to be there for others in a healthy way.

•Set clear boundaries. Be willing to say no when the other person’s requests don’t feel right or are beyond your ability to help in a constructive way.

•Communicate openly and honestly. Express how their behavior makes you feel without accusing or attacking them. Focus on using “I” statements.

•Spend time strengthening your own interests and relationships outside of the co-dependent one. Maintain your own separate identity.

•Seek counseling or join a support group. Speaking to others who have been in similar situations can help give you perspective and advice for improving the relationship or leaving it behind.

•Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to end altogether if the unhealthy dynamics cannot be resolved. This is a difficult but sometimes necessary step towards healthier relating.

The key to overcoming co-dependency is self-care, boundary setting, open communication and maintaining your own identity outside of the relationship. With time and effort, unhealthy relationship dynamics can be transformed, but you must be willing to put your own well-being first.

Belonging: The need to connect with and bond with others. The feeling of being part of a team or family. Without belonging, trust is impossible.

Understanding: The need to understand others and feel understood. Removes feelings of self-doubt and shame.

Control: The motivation to influence how work is done and feel in control of decisions. Creates a sense of initiative and removes guilt.

Self-enhancement: The motivation to feel socially worthy and able to improve yourself. Provides a sense of efficiency and effectiveness.

Trusting: Being able to trust others and be trusted. Allows you to contribute without suspicion or needing to control others.

To build understanding, try:

  • Sharing information about yourself and inviting others to do the same. Facts, values, aspirations.

  • Identifying what annoys you in others and talking to them about it. See their perspective and find ways to get your needs met.

  • Using caring behaviors in meetings: do a feelings check, ask questions to understand different views, encourage full attention, ask if anyone wants to add comments.

Caring is treating others with kindness and respect, showing concern for their needs and efforts. It creates compassion beyond empathy. Caring teams improve performance by 25%. Caring behaviors show you value, respect and support each other. You can still care even when in conflict.

Caring is about small actions that show you value others, even if you do not socialize outside of work. Caring can be shown through appreciating others, listening to them, and supporting them. Caring involves accepting others and validating their feelings, especially in times of conflict. In caring workplaces, people ask questions to draw in quieter voices and help overloaded colleagues. Caring leaders foster positive interactions and express gratitude. Observing caring people at work and reflecting on your own behaviors can help strengthen caring in a team.

I validate and support others by:

  • Listening actively and showing agreement
  • Being patient and offering to listen
  • Being fully present physically and emotionally

I invalidate others by:

  • Rejecting their identity and individuality
  • Being impatient, restless and not fully engaged while listening
  • Not offering to listen, especially when feelings are involved

To contribute to my team members:

  • I will determine specific ways I can support each person and express this to them as a commitment to strengthen our working relationship.

To avoid caretaking and instead show caring:

  • I will be aware of the motivations behind wanting to rescue someone (discomfort, fear of loss, desire for approval)
  • I will trust that others can handle difficulties themselves and be there to genuinely support them without needing anything in return
  • I will consider the costs of caretaking behavior and be willing to receive support from others

Everyday work tips:

  • Make small caring gestures like asking how someone is, saying thank you, recognizing efforts, offering help before deadlines
  • Communicate one-on-one when someone is going through something difficult to show you care
  • Develop objectivity about difficult colleagues and see their perspective
  • Call out rude, disrespectful behavior but also make an effort to include quieter colleagues
  • Suggest implementing processes that enable team members to share how they are doing and what issues they are facing

Here are the key points from the highlighted sections:


g The definition of shifting refers to consciously changing your emotional state to meet the needs of a situation. It involves noticing your thoughts and feelings are not helpful and choosing a different emotional state.

g Shifting your emotions is a skill that allows you to overcome unhealthy thought patterns, prevent emotional overreactions, and make good decisions. It requires being aware of your emotional state and what you need in the moment.

g Although shifting refers to making immediate changes, repetitively shifting your emotions can lead to longer-term changes in how you handle emotions. This can increase resilience, happiness, and fulfillment at work.

g Shifting emotions is not about repressing or numbing them. It’s about consciously choosing a helpful emotional state.

Practical observations

g Many people accept their emotions as unchangeable, so shifting them may be a new concept.

g Your work environment and relationships can impact your ability to shift emotions. Some workplaces may require more frequent shifting.

g Effectiveness at work requires the ability to shift emotions in order to stay focused and grounded. Activities that engage the creative brain, like music, can help shift emotions.

g Research shows memories activate the same neural pathways as actual experiences. Shifting emotions is important to avoid reacting to memories as if events are still happening.

g Studies show positive emotions can improve physical and mental functioning. The ability to generate positive emotions and shift physiological states is a learnable skill.


g The “is your career safe” reflection helps identify your underlying emotions at work regarding acceptance, sadness, anger, fear, and enjoyment. Scores of 43 or below may indicate a need to shift emotions or change jobs.

g The “high life low life” reflection identifies high and low points in your career to better understand the emotions involved and how you coped. This can inform your ability to shift emotions in your current role.

Here is a summary of my career as a dot chart with explanatory notes:

… ● Entry-level job in marketing: Feeling enthusiastic but confused and overwhelmed. Key feelings were eager to learn but lacking confidence in abilities.

●Promoted to marketing specialist: Gaining competence and confidence. Key feelings were motivated, challenged and proud of abilities.

… ●Recruited to new firm as manager: Feeling validated, accomplished and optimistic. Key feelings were energetic, committed and aspirational.

●Team lead transferred and extra workload added: Feeling stressed, under pressure and disengaged. Key feelings were resentful, taken for granted and trapped.

●Sought new role in communications: Feeling reinvigorated and reengaged. Key feelings were curious, creative and purposeful.

●Laid off due to restructuring: Feeling shocked, betrayed and worried. Key feelings were fearful, doubting self and frustrated.

●Found work as a consultant: Feeling determined, resourceful and independent. Key feelings were resilient, in control of destiny and able to weather setbacks.

The feelings from earlier roles that are no longer serving me well are:

  • Feeling trapped or stuck due to circumstances outside my control. I now see I have more choice and influence over my work situation.

  • Doubting my abilities or skills. I now have a track record of success and competence that I can draw on.

  • Looking to others to validate my worth or provide purpose. I now know my own strengths, values and priorities which guide my work.

The feelings I want to carry forward are:

  • Feeling motivated and purposeful. I do my best work when I feel passionate about contributing value.

  • Feeling resilient and able to navigate setbacks. My ability to pick myself up after failures or disappointments has been hard won but serves me well.

  • Feeling curious and open to new challenges. An open, learning mindset keeps work interesting and helps me continue developing new skills.

Does this summary and analysis resonate with you? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any part of this response. I aimed to be concise while capturing the essence of changes in feelings over the course of a career journey.

Here is a summary of Martin Luther King:

• Martin Luther King Jr. was a Baptist minister and civil rights activist who played a key role in the American civil rights movement from the mid-1950s until his assassination in 1968.

• Inspired by Mahatma Gandhi and the nonviolent civil disobedience movement against British rule in India, King became a leader of the Montgomery bus boycott in 1955-1956, which helped launch the civil rights movement.

• In 1957, he and other activists founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference to organize nonviolent protests against racial segregation and discrimination across the South.

• As president of the SCLC, King organized massive demonstrations, sit-ins, bus boycotts, and marches for civil rights - notably the 1963 March on Washington and his “I Have a Dream” speech.

• King received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964 for combating racial inequality through nonviolence. He continued to advocate for civil rights, economic justice, and world peace until his death.

• Tragically, on April 4, 1968, King was assassinated on a motel balcony in Memphis, Tennessee. He was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal.

• Martin Luther King Jr. is remembered today as one of the greatest leaders in world history and an American hero who fought for freedom, justice, and equality for all people. His words and actions continue to inspire generations in the ongoing quest for civil rights.

That covers the key highlights about Martin Luther King, the preeminent leader of the American civil rights movement, his life, accomplishments, and enduring legacy. Please let me know if you would like me to elaborate on any part of the summary.


  • I try to understand the root cause(s) of the emotion and address them. I aim to be empathetic.
  • Others may seek me out because I listen without judgment and provide emotional support.


  • I do not always use a structured approach and can get caught up in the emotion. I need to improve at staying objective.
  • I can get too emotionally invested in the problems of others at times. I need to set better boundaries.

In solving problems of an emotional nature, I try to:

  • Distinguish the core emotion(s) involved (e.g. anger, fear, guilt, etc.). This helps provide clarity.
  • Use self-soothing techniques like deep breathing to gain perspective.
  • Challenge any unhelpful thoughts or beliefs that are fueling the emotion. Try to adopt a more balanced view.
  • Take responsibility for my part in the situation. Focus on what I can influence rather than blaming others.

My effectiveness varies but I aim to improve by:

  • Using more structured tools and techniques for problem solving emotions. For example, the “feelings check-in” and “differences and disagreements” tools.
  • Gaining awareness of when I become too emotionally invested and learning to step back when needed. Set better boundaries.
  • Continuously practicing empathy, compassion, and a balanced perspective. The more I do this, the more natural it will feel.

Overall, I see this as an area I can continue to develop and strengthen through conscious effort and practice. The key is awareness - noticing when emotions arise and addressing them in a productive manner. With regular use of helpful tools and techniques, I believe I can enhance my effectiveness in solving problems of an emotional nature.

•Expressing your feelings and thoughts at work is an important communication skill. It allows you to build strong relationships and be heard.

•The type of expression needed varies depending on the situation. Expressing thoughts may require an energetic style. Expressing values may require assertiveness. Sometimes it is better to back off.

•Non-verbal communication, like tone of voice and facial expressions, enhances the expression of emotions. Too much expression can be seen as overly emotional. Lack of expression means you may not be heard.

•Expressing emotions is undervalued at work. Giving praise and expressing positive feelings should be encouraged.

•Research shows expressing emotions in words (“labeling feelings”) can help reduce activity in the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. Even subtle expressions of togetherness, like using the word “together,” can increase motivation, effort, and performance.

•The case study shows how tensions can arise when new people join a team. Expressing feelings of vulnerability and addressing issues of resentment early on is important for building relationships.

•Key strategies for Sanchez would be:

› Express to colleagues he feels vulnerable since the directors argued and ask for their input. This shows he values them.

› Address perceived resentment by acknowledging he was first hired but wants input from the whole team now. This can help build trust and cohesion.

› Increase informal interactions with colleagues to build familiarity and express positive feelings. This helps create an atmosphere of “togetherness.”

› Be flexible in his approach and open to different perspectives from new colleagues. This shows he is willing to collaborate.

› Express clear expectations about his role and ask for feedback. This avoids future tensions and ensures everyone is on the same page.

Does this summary cover the main points? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any of the summary points.

  • Sanchez struggled with expressing himself at work and holding in his feelings had negative consequences, including losing his job.
  • Expressing feelings, needs, and appreciation can build understanding and improve work relationships.
  • There are some useful tools for learning to express yourself better:
  1. Express feelings versus thoughts. Learn the difference and use “I feel” statements. Expressing feelings can help prevent negative emotions from building up.

  2. Express expectations. Have a two-way conversation with colleagues about what you both expect from each other and how you want to work together. Set clear goals and rules.

  3. Express core feelings. Practice talking about specific feelings like joy, fear, anger, sadness. This can help build closer relationships. Learn to say no and be assertive.

  4. Express appreciation. Express genuine appreciation for important people and relationships at work. This improves connections and satisfaction.

  5. Make amendments. When you make a mistake, express yourself to make amends. Apologize sincerely and commit to doing better going forward. Taking responsibility improves trust.

The key lessons are: express yourself openly and honestly, focus on feelings not thoughts, set clear expectations, build closer relationships through sharing feelings, express appreciation, and make amendments when needed. Improving these skills can have significant benefits for well-being, collaboration, and career success.

Here is a summary of the key points from the section:

Group empathy involves:

  • Tuning into and shifting emotions at group level to stay on track with work goals
  • Holding different perspectives in the team and applying empathy, understanding and caring at a group level
  • Taking actions to help shift the group mood to a more positive outlook
  • Understanding and working with other people’s emotional states
  • Influencing other people’s emotional states in team settings (e.g. calm them down, console them, motivate them)
  • Making others feel better when they need it
  • Reaching common ground and favourable outcomes

Key observations:

  • Few people are genuinely good at group empathy, especially outside of counselling roles
  • Leaders who read their teams well often achieve better business results

Important to know:

  • We have a whole body response to emotions that affects health, well-being and teamwork
  • Regulating emotions is more important for team performance than reading emotions
  • Research shows people’s heartbeat signals register in each other’s brainwaves when in close proximity
  • The heart has its own ‘brain’ and nervous system that affects the brain and body
  • Emotions exist as chemical reactions in the body
  • Emotions involve the heart, brain, nervous system, hormones, senses, all influencing thoughts and behaviour

Meet Rick:

  • Rick was a successful but loud and boisterous executive who dominated team meetings
  • His quieter team members felt unable to contribute and gave feedback that Rick needed to tone down his approach
  • Rick listened to the feedback, built trust in the team and asked for everyone’s input in a calmer way in the next meeting
  • The quietest team member gave very creative ideas that were implemented, showing the value of bringing everyone in

Tools for developing group empathy:

  1. Becoming aware of automatic assumptions that influence how you interact with groups

  2. Checking the feeling in the team using a simple technique during meetings

  3. Understanding strong emotions like anger through working examples

  4. Reading anger effectively through observing body language and asking open questions

  5. Using a group shift process to move a team to a more constructive mood

• Strong emotions often come from assumptions we make automatically in situations that threaten our goals or negatively impact us in some way.

• We need to be careful in responding to others’ strong emotions. It is useful to try to understand the assumptions underlying the emotions.

• Questioning our assumptions can help to challenge negative emotions and see situations more rationally. We may find the emotion lessens or changes, or we can take appropriate action.

• Anger often comes from feeling our goals are frustrated, our self-esteem is threatened, or we blame someone else. It is useful to ask questions to determine if these factors apply.

• Some tips for managing anger in groups:

  • Recognize your own and others’ emotion levels.

  • Determine the source of the feelings.

  • Talk about feelings using “I-messages.”

  • Acknowledge others’ feelings as legitimate.

  • Do not react emotionally to outbursts.

  • Leave the room temporarily if needed.

  • Use symbolic gestures to express respect.

Using negative emotions at little cost:

• Expressing negative emotions at work without considering the impact can damage relationships and team dynamics. Emotions are contagious, so expressing anger or frustration can spread those feelings to others.

• Productive dialogue requires empathy, caring and understanding. Expressing raw negative emotions lacks these qualities and is unlikely to lead to a constructive outcome.

• There are more effective ways to address issues or concerns that also maintain positive relationships. Approaching a conversation with empathy, caring and understanding is more likely to lead to a productive resolution.

• Consider the other perspectives and priorities before expressing frustration. What may seem like an easy fix to you could be more complicated, or there may be good reasons for the current approach. Seek to understand before being understood.

• Look for compromise and solutions, not just voicing complaints. Come prepared with some ideas for addressing the issues, not just the issues themselves. A solutions focus is more constructive.

• Consider timing and approach. Choose an appropriate time and place, and a private, respectful conversation. Do not ambush or attack. This will only make the other party defensive and damage the relationship.

• Look at the bigger picture. Will expressing this frustration or complaint help in the long run or just make you feel better in the moment? Consider the team and organizational dynamics. Will it be productive or just divisive?

• Stay optimistic and professional. Do not make personal attacks. Address the issues, not the individuals. Maintain a positive outlook that solutions and compromises can be found.

• Follow up appropriately. Make sure any solutions or next steps are clear to avoid future confusion or frustration. Be open to feedback and willing to revisit the discussion if needed. Continuous dialogue is most effective.

• Our hormonal system and emotional states are closely linked. The levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and DHEA (the anti-aging hormone) in our body indicate our resilience and ability to handle stress. High cortisol and low DHEA lead to health issues and faster aging. Positive emotions help increase DHEA and lower cortisol.

• Dialogue and engagement with colleagues help build emotional resilience. Asking questions about how the team handles emotions and including feelings in decision making can help. Setting ground rules for open and honest communication is important.

• Discussing potential areas of conflict or “hot buttons” before problems arise can help build understanding and prevent issues. Going through a structured process to discuss respect, trust, feelings in the working relationship, conflict resolution approaches, unhelpful patterns, values and expectations can improve communication and working dynamics.

• Compromise and understanding different perspectives are key. Identifying differences in views and finding common ground build resilience. Adjusting demands to preferences and taking responsibility for one’s own feelings instead of blaming others are helpful strategies.

• Positive emotions at work help lower stress and create better health and longevity. Feeling happy and engaged at work leads to higher DHEA and lower cortisol, which has significant benefits. Using tools to increase positive feelings and deal with challenges in a constructive way builds emotional strength.

The key insights are: open communication, emotional awareness and understanding, positive engagement, and the ability to handle difficulties in a collaborative, solution-focused manner help create emotional resilience for individuals and teams. Compromise, empathy and a willingness to understand other perspectives are essential skills. Focusing on the positive and proactively addressing challenges help achieve a healthy balance of DHEA and cortisol, which is vital for well-being, health, productivity and longevity.

Listening: Pay close attention to the speaker. Maintain eye contact, nod, and avoid distractions. Listen for content and emotion. Ask clarifying questions. Paraphrase what the speaker said to confirm understanding.

Expectations vs Needs: Expectations are preferences while needs are requirements. Needs are based on insecurity and dependency while expectations recognize interdependence. Have clear expectations and roles in relationships.

Trust Your Colleague: Trust is the foundation of good working relationships. The qualities of trust are:

  • Truthfulness: being honest and transparent
  • Respect: valuing your colleague
  • Understanding: demonstrating empathy and compassion
  • Support: providing help and encouragement
  • Time: following through on commitments and being reliable

Emotions like fear, anxiety, anger, selfishness, and sadness can undermine trust. Discuss with your colleague how to build more trust in the relationship.

Giving Feedback: Feedback should be:

  • Specific: focus on observable behaviors and actions
  • Timely: address issues promptly while memories are fresh
  • Compassionate: frame feedback around growth and development
  • Solution-focused: provide constructive suggestions for improvement

Prepare feedback by organizing your thoughts. Choose an appropriate time and place for the conversation. Pay attention to your nonverbal communication. Consider the recipient’s feedback style and needs. Separate intentions from outcomes.

Steps for delivering feedback:

  1. Situation: Describe the context for the feedback. Ask permission to discuss.
  2. Behavior: Describe specific behaviors objectively without judgement.
  3. Outcome: Discuss the impact and results of the behaviors. Explore perceptions.
  4. Alternative behavior: Suggest more effective behaviors or ask for input.
  5. Alternative outcome: Discuss the potential positive outcomes of alternative behaviors.

The results: Following these principles and skills will lead to:

  • Increased energy and motivation

  • Sustained high performance under pressure

  • Stronger connections through quality relationships

  • Improved resilience and well-being

To influence key stakeholders and navigate workplace complexities, develop and demonstrate these characteristics of emotional resilience:

  • Competence: Develop expertise and skills. Continually expand your knowledge and abilities.

  • Confidence: Believe in yourself and your abilities. Have a growth mindset. Learn from failures and setbacks.

  • Connection: Build trusting relationships. Show empathy, caring, and compassion for others. Communicate openly and honestly.

  • Composure: Manage your emotions and reactions. Stay calm and think before responding. Have patience and maintain a positive attitude.

These attributes manifest themselves in your workplace through your motivation, focus, achievement, and service to others. Take action to sustain your energy and effectiveness by using tools like the energy audit, values audit, and SWAN method. Reduce decision fatigue through self-discipline, rest, nutrition, and minimizing distractions. Align your motivation, attention, and attitude to accomplish meaningful work. Find purpose and meaning in what you do through connection to your values and priorities.

In summary, to positively influence at work, develop and sustain your emotional resilience, maintain high energy and effectiveness, reduce decision fatigue, and pursue purposeful action aligned with your values. The specific tools and strategies provided in this summary can help strengthen these areas.

What gives me energy: Human interaction Learning and developing Progress and achievement Variety and change Positive feedback

What drains my energy: Monotony and repetition
Lack of control or autonomy Unclear expectations Negative feedback Working in isolation

Strategies to increase energy: Connect with colleagues Take a short walk Set small, achievable goals Ask for clarification when needed Celebrate small wins

Strategies to decrease energy drains: Break up repetitive tasks Communicate about priorities
Discuss frustrations constructively Focus on things within your control Take regular breaks to recharge

  1. Values: Value: Achievement Definition:Accomplishing challenging goals and making progress. What it looks like:Setting targets, developing action plans, overcoming obstacles, and celebrating wins. Does this need more emphasis: Yes, I could pursue more opportunities for growth and advancement.

Value: Creativity Definition:Generating new and innovative ideas. What it looks like:Brainstorming, thinking outside the box, trying different approaches.
Does this need more emphasis: No, I feel able to express creativity in my current role.

Value: Work-life balance Definition:Maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life. What it looks like:Leaving work on time, using all entitled time off, engaging in hobbies and relationships outside of work. Does this need more emphasis: Yes, I often struggle to “switch off” from work and could improve work-life boundaries.

  1. SWAN Strengths: Strong communication, time-management, and problem-solving skills. Adaptable and willing to learn. Weaknesses:Can be overly self-critical and have trouble delegating. Need to improve work-life balance. Ambitions:Within 5 years, advance to a leadership position. Long-term, continue progressing in my career and maintain strong relationships. Necessities:Meet essential financial obligations. Have meaningful work that utilizes my talents. Make time for loved ones.

  • Focus on the aspects of your job that energize and fulfill you. Learn more about those areas and get involved in them.

  • Define your career interests and pursue acquiring more knowledge in those areas. Make a list of things you want to learn in the next few months.

  • Plan how you spend your time and create a balanced life. Divide your time into 6 areas: intellectual, financial, spiritual, physical, social and career. Allocate time for each area and list specific activities. Aim for 168 hours total.

  • Write “living legacy” statements for each area, describing your ideal outcome as if you’ve already achieved it. Identify key milestones to work toward those outcomes.

  • Implement time management tips like: know yourself and your priorities; plan each day; reduce crises; have productive meetings. Work smarter, not harder. Keep your living legacy goals in mind.

The overall themes are: gaining clarity on what motivates and fulfills you; intentionally planning how you allocate your time; setting goals and working steadily toward them; and utilizing effective time management strategies. Focusing on these areas can help create a more balanced and meaningful life, even when changing jobs is not currently possible.

Finish on time:

  • Use visual aids or write down key points.

  • Do not allow interruptions.

  • Only note agreed actions and deadlines.

Manage interruptions:

  • Set boundaries and say no.

  • Be honest with time-wasters.

  • Limit availability.

Keep a clear workspace:

  • Only current work on desk.

  • Tell others you want a tidy space.

  • Clear desk each night.


  • Get solutions and options from colleagues.

  • Delegate responsibility and authority.

  • Check work has been done.

  • Set high standards.

  • Stop upward delegation.

  • Ask for feedback.


  • Check commitments are achievable.

  • Do not overcommit to helping others.

  • Value yourself.

  • Plan exercise and relaxation.

  • Take holidays.

Manage stress:

  • Be aware of your signs of stress.

  • Practice breathing techniques and relaxation.

  • Prepare for stressful situations visually.

  • Use your network for support.

  • Focus on what you can control.

Handle change:

  • Vary your routine frequently.

  • Accept change as opportunity.

  • Practice relaxation techniques.

  • Listen to different ideas.

  • Be willing to learn.

Here is a summary of the main points:

To influence others positively, you need to be aware of the five passions of the mind - vanity, lust, anger, greed and attachment - and keep them in check. These can negatively impact how you conduct yourself and are perceived by others.

To improve your influence, use the three Ps:

Politics - Understand the political dynamics and power structures in your organization. Build key relationships and alliances.

Patience - Influencing others takes time. Don’t expect immediate results. Listen, build trust and credibility. Look for small wins to build momentum.

Presence - Have a clear vision and message. Communicate with confidence and passion. Your presence and how you show up can strongly influence others.

You can also use the 20-point checklist to review behaviors you may need to manage to increase your positive influence, such as:

  • Absence of balanced self-worth: adding too much value, excessive need to be “me”, claiming undeserved credit, passing the buck, refusing to express regret
  • Absence of balanced self-control: passing judgement, speaking when angry, showing how smart you are
  • Absence of balanced mood: making destructive comments, negativity
  • Absence of balanced empathy: not listening, punishing the messenger, starting with “no, but, however”
  • Absence of balanced understanding: clinging to the past
  • Absence of balanced caring: failing to express gratitude, give proper recognition, making excuses, playing favorites, withholding information

The key is to build self-awareness about these behaviors and make a conscious effort to minimize them in order to have a more positive influence. Continually work on developing emotional intelligence and resilience.

Competition motivates people to focus on their own gains in order gain advantage over others. However, this narrow focus on self-interest can be counterproductive for both individuals and groups. Emotional resilience helps broaden one’s perspective to include the needs and concerns of others. By developing skills like empathy, caring, and understanding, people can build stronger relationships, teams and communities. Emotional resilience leads to personal growth and greater success and well-being for all.

Here is a summary of the sources cited in the given text:

  • An unpublished Masters thesis titled ‘Emotional intelligence and its impact on team performance’ from Pepperdine University, Malibu, California.

  • The book ‘Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom’ by Rick Hanson, published in 2009. This book is cited in Chapters 11 and 12.

  • An article titled ‘Do you suffer from decision fatigue?’ by John Tierney published in the New York Times Magazine on 17 August 2011. This article is cited in Chapter 12.

  • The book ‘Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength’ by John Tierney and Roy F. Baumeister published in 2011. This book is cited in Chapter 12.

  • An article titled ‘The health benefits of writing about life goals’ by Laura A. King published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2001. This article is cited in Chapter 13.

  • The book ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful’ by Marshall Goldsmith with Mark Reiter published in 2008. This book is cited in Chapter 15.

  • A list of additional references and web resources are also provided. These include books, articles, videos, templates, and surveys on topics such as emotional intelligence, resilience, well-being, influence, and performance.

Does this help summarize the sources cited in the given text? Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional questions.

Here is a summary of the key points on emotional resilience:

• Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to stressful situations. It involves recognizing and managing your emotional reactions.

• The five essential characteristics for emotional resilience are:

  1. Self-awareness: Understanding your moods, emotions, reactions, and hot buttons. This includes doing regular self-reflection and observation.

  2. Self-management: Managing your reactions and behaviors in response to your emotions. This includes techniques like self-soothing to calm yourself, controlling impulses, and avoiding emotional outbursts.

  3. Social support: Having a network of people who support and care about you. Support from others helps build resilience.

  4. Optimism: Maintaining a positive and hopeful outlook. This includes avoiding negative self-talk and cognitive distortions. Optimism leads to greater resilience.

  5. Agility: Being flexible and willing to adapt to change. Rather than resisting change, build the ability to adapt quickly and look for the opportunities in new situations.

• Key tools and techniques for improving emotional resilience include:

  • Emotional awareness: Observe your emotions and reactions, do regular self-reflection, and understand your triggers.

  • Self-care: Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and avoid burnout. Engage in relaxing activities.

  • Positive relationships: Build a network of supportive people in your life. Express appreciation and caring for others.

  • Positive mindset: Practice optimism and positive self-talk. Challenge negative and irrational thoughts.

  • Problem-solving: Develop the ability to solve emotional problems. Discuss differences, find compromise, and resolve conflicts in a constructive way.

  • Self-expression: Learn to express your emotions in a healthy way. Be open to listening to others as well. Effective communication leads to greater resilience.

  • Flexibility: Willingly accept change and look for the opportunities in new situations. Adapt quickly when needed.

• Continually working to strengthen these characteristics and use the tools and techniques can help build your emotional resilience over time. But it requires conscious effort and practice.

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