Literary Insights

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The author, Jessica McCabe, created the YouTube channel How to ADHD to compile everything she learned about living with ADHD in one place. The channel was so successful that she decided to write a book as a more tangible reference.
The goal of the book is to give readers the same experience they would get from watching all her videos and chatting with her directly - a deep understanding of how the ADHD brain works along with practical strategies.
The chapters cover topics like focus, time management, motivation, memory, emotions, relationships, and more. Each includes the author’s personal experiences, information from research and experts, and evidence-based tools/strategies.
The writing style is intended to be ADHD-friendly, with white space, short paragraphs, reading shortcuts like quotes and bullet points. McCabe worked with her editor to make it accessible for neurodivergent readers.
The book provides options rather than definitive solutions, allowing readers to choose tools that fit their unique brain and life. It aims to empower those with ADHD and help loved ones understand invisible obstacles.

So in summary, the book takes the wealth of information from the author’s YouTube channel and makes it accessible in a printed reference guide for managing ADHD.

The passage discusses language used when talking about ADHD and neurodiversity. The author’s top priority is using language that increases accessibility for everyone. Rigidly enforcing specific terms can deny access to some.

The author uses identity-first and person-first language depending on context, and respects how individuals identify themselves. Terms are used interchangeably. The overall goal is to reduce stigma through education and understanding.

The author shares that they have embraced describing themselves as having a “disability” as it provides legal protections and accommodations. They overcame internalized ableism in part due to their mother’s example of openly discussing her physical disability.

Their mother modeled making space for differences and allowing all voices to be heard. She encouraged curious people to openly ask questions about her disability in order to normalize differences and combat stigma. The author takes the same approach in their work to allow for language evolution through respectful conversation.

When interacting with someone with a disability, it’s best to ask them directly about their preferences and needs rather than make assumptions. Everyone is different.
It’s okay to politely ask questions to understand how to provide appropriate support or assistance. For example, asking if it’s okay to touch their service dog or mobility aids, or what types of support they would find helpful.
Being considerate and letting the person guide the interaction based on their individual needs and preferences is most respectful. Disabilities affect people in different ways so it’s important not to generalize.

The person tried to visit their boyfriend but didn’t return home. They assume they were fired from their job at McDonald’s for this, though they aren’t completely sure. They remember not answering their phone when the McDonald’s called, and they never went back to that location again.

The key details are:

Went to see boyfriend but didn’t return home
Assume they were fired from McDonald’s job
Don’t know for sure if they were fired
Recalled not answering phone when McDonald’s called
Never went back to that McDonald’s location

The narrator started a YouTube channel called “How to ADD” to share strategies for managing attention deficit disorder (ADD). However, they soon learned that ADD is now referred to as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

While the stereotype of ADHD involves hyperactive boys, the narrator related more to inattentive and combined presentations of ADHD. Their doctor confirmed they had the combined type.

Researching executive function deficits associated with ADHD was eye-opening for the narrator, as they had struggled with organization, time management, spending, and feeling overwhelmed for decades without understanding why. No previous doctor had taken the time to fully explain their ADHD diagnosis and challenges.

Learning about ADHD from online articles provided relief, as the narrator realized their struggles were real impairments with potential solutions. They began making YouTube videos to educate others about different aspects of ADHD each week, along with strategies for managing related challenges. The process helped them better understand a condition they had lived with for 20 years.

Here are the key points summarized from the passage:

The author learned an immense amount of new knowledge about ADHD by talking to experts and researchers, which empowered her in a way she never experienced before. It allowed her to understand the specific cognitive deficits and see the “invisible obstacles” she had been tripping over.
However, she also felt grief for all the suffering she could have avoided if she had this knowledge earlier. She wondered how her life may have been different - if she could have finished college, saved money, been a better daughter, etc.
This drove her passion to share what she learned with others to prevent needless suffering. She started an educational YouTube channel and promoted it to help spread accurate information about ADHD.
Many viewers commented that they too were learning about ADHD for the first time and were confused about why no one had told them these things about their own condition before.
This resentment one possible strategy that could help.
Psychoeducation, skills training, therapy, coaching, and support are effective treatment approaches for ADHD. Psychoeducation helps people understand their condition better, which improves self-awareness. Skills training focuses on developing practical skills. Therapy addresses unhelpful thought patterns through approaches like CBT, DBT, and ACT. Coaching provides guidance and strategies through an ADHD specialist. Support from others is also important.
However, barriers like lack of access and stigma can make these treatments inaccessible for some. Free online resources can help fill some gaps.
ADHD is more common than realized, but stigma leads many to hide their diagnosis or struggles. ADHDers are often expected to meet neurotypical standards without accommodations.
Individual symptoms may seem normal, so extent of struggles is hidden. Success doesn’t negate impairment. Support needs vary, and lacking support causes burnout and struggles for some. Greater understanding of ADHD is powerful for managing it.

The person talks about how they originally thought their struggles with ADHD were normal, like spending hours on homework or teachers being frustrated with them. As an adult, they realize their internal mental clutter and difficulty focusing take a lot of effort to manage.

They emphasize the importance of taking ADHD seriously and recognizing its significant impacts, rather than dismissing it or downplaying struggles. Connecting with others with ADHD helped them feel normalized and see their own positive qualities that others saw in them.

Working with their brain means focusing on what does work for them rather than what “should,” building strategies for difficult tasks, and doing challenging work when they work best. It’s about negotiation - what do they need to accomplish tasks, and what does their brain need?

When starting their YouTube channel while working full-time, they faced many obstacles that almost led them to quit. But encouragement from their community to “keep going” inspired them to continue despite failures. They realize failing doesn’t make one a failure, and encouragement from others allows one to keep going through challenges and pileups of failure.

The author struggled their whole life with being told to “focus” but not being able to do it on command, since for them focus felt like an elusive creature they had to capture rather than an action.
They would try different strategies to help them focus like certain habits or environments, but it was hard to consistently summon focus.
Being diagnosed with ADHD and getting medication helped immensely by providing focus when needed, but reliance on the medication also caused issues at times.
Researching ADHD, the author learned it’s not actually a lack of attention but an inability to regulate attention due to impaired prefrontal cortex development.
This explains why external strategies are used to focus - it’s analogous to how lizards regulate temperature externally.
Attention is described as an open door that can’t be shut to block out distractions, either external or internal thoughts. Focusing is more difficult for those with ADHD.
People with ADHD can hyperfocus intensely on tasks or activities that engage them, getting so absorbed they lose track of time. Hyperfocus is caused by the brain’s difficulty regulating attention.
Hyperfocus is sometimes helpful but can also be problematic if it causes someone to miss other commitments. It comes at a cost of mental exhaustion after long periods of intense focus.
Attention in ADHD is interest-based - it’s difficult to focus on unengaging tasks. The brain’s default mode network, which runs unconsciously, is more active in ADHD and prone to distraction.
Prioritizing tasks can be challenging, as all signals may sound the same. This can lead to decision paralysis or attempts to do everything at once.
Curbing distractions and boosting engagement with the target task helps focus. Strategies include cues, pre-planning tasks, using distraction alongside work, setting timers, and managing stimulation levels. Medication can also help manage attention but additional tools are often needed.
Find a balance between stimulation and focus. Adding low stimulation like instrumental music during high focus tasks and vice versa helps fill the ‘empty space’ in the brain to hit 100% focus without room for straying.
Practice non-judgmental redirection of thoughts when they wander. Bring attention back gently through mindfulness andreminder techniques like to-do lists or physical barriers. Write down distracting thoughts to address later.
Make space for hyperfocus periods but set limits with cutoff times. Leave notes (‘breadcrumbs’) upon finishing to easily restart the next time.
Move the body through exercise, alternative seating, or changing locations to boost focus. Movement provides stimulation and novelty to engage the brain.
Rest the brain with breaks, breaks from intensive tasks, and giving the brain freedom to relax in its own way even if not a structured ‘relaxing’ activity. This prevents burnout and improves later focus.
The author struggles with staying organized and keeping systems in place over time, despite always starting with good intentions when beginning new tasks or spaces. Things inevitably fall apart.
Trying too hard to maintain rigid systems leads to lack of flexibility and not allowing life to happen naturally. This undermines the purpose of being organized.
Organizational issues contribute to difficulties functioning due to things getting lost or misplaced.
The drive for organization is really a desire for control, as ADHD often makes life feel out of control. But rigid systems are not the solution.
The core issue is difficulties with executive functioning, not a lack of good systems. Finding flexibility and acceptance of weaknesses is needed, rather than relentless striving for perfection.

Here is a summary of the key points about executive function from the passage:

Executive function refers to top-down cognitive processes that help regulate planning, prioritizing, and sustaining effort towards long-term goals. These processes originate in the prefrontal cortex.
Executive functions like response inhibition, working memory, and set-shifting are typically impaired in ADHD brains. This can lead to issues with self-control, attention, task-switching, organization, and decision-making.
Executive function develops more slowly in those with ADHD, often being delayed by around 30%. This can make even adult tasks difficult and lead to perceptions of immaturity.
There are “hot” and “cool” executive function systems related to emotional/motivational processes vs cognitive processes. For those with ADHD, the hot system may override the cool system more easily, affecting decision-making.
Issues with executive function have wide-ranging impacts on daily life for those with ADHD, from productivity and time management to parenting and meeting long-term goals and commitments. Remembering and executing all the steps of tasks can be challenging.
The article discusses some tools and strategies that can help compensate for differences in executive functioning that are common in ADHD. These include having less stuff to manage, providing accommodations for oneself, and accounting for the “ADHD tax.”
Having less stuff means delegating tasks, keeping organizational systems simple, practicing minimalism, and limiting projects. This lessens the cognitive load.
Accommodations can include scaffolding tasks with supports initially, self-advocating for needs, and using formal plans like IEPs or ADA accommodations.
The “ADHD tax” refers to extra costs from things like late fees, replacements, rushed shipping, etc. Ways to lessen it include using services for important tasks, setting up shortcuts, and investing in tools to help with common struggles like losing things.
Examples are given of people using strategies like body doubling, weekly check-ins, and finding alternatives to stressful tasks like baking to help manage ADHD symptoms. The toolbox aims to provide compensatory techniques.

The passage discusses challenges with sleep for those with ADHD. It notes that sleep often acts chaotically and does not care about plans or responsibilities someone may have the next day.

Several anecdotes are provided:

The author’s family remembers kicking them out of their mother’s room on the first night home from the hospital because their brain would not stop talking to itself and preventing sleep.
Routine changes that throw things into “manual mode” by requiring more conscious thought can disrupt sleep patterns for those with ADHD, as seen when the author’s work updating menus at a restaurant job caused struggling.
Maintaining automatic systems that are already working provides stability to support changes someone is trying to make, like improving sleep habits. It is important not to make too many changes at once if some rely on executive function.

Overall, the passage examines how sleep can act unpredictably for those with ADHD and disrupt plans or responsibilities, as well as how relying on established routines and automatic systems can help provide stability during periods of change.

The person struggled greatly with sleep from a young age, often sleeping in weird places like their bouncy chair or while being driven in the car. They would also have nights where their legs hurt badly or they would grind their teeth.
As a teenager, they would frequently fall asleep before making it to bed. One time they woke up still in their marching band uniform in their parents’ minivan.
Their sleeping and waking behaviors felt out of their control and they were frustrated by not knowing the cause.
They learned that sleep disorders are very common with ADHD, affecting around 73-80% of those with ADHD. Common disorders included restless leg syndrome, insomnia, delayed sleep phase syndrome, and excessive daytime sleepiness.
Symptom severity is linked, with more severe ADHD symptoms relating to more severe sleep issues. Certain ADHD presentations are also linked to specific sleep disorders.
People with ADHD are more likely to miss out on sleep for reasons like having a later natural bedtime, taking longer to finish tasks, stimulus from medications/caffeine, revenge bedtime procrastination, lack of routine, and finding bedtime boring.
Inadequate sleep further exacerbates ADHD symptoms by impacting attention, memory, processing speed, response inhibition and more. Getting enough quality sleep is very important for brain function and managing ADHD symptoms.

The responses discuss various challenges with sleep for those with ADHD. For some, an active mind and body make it difficult to fall asleep. Others struggle with procrastinating sleep due to dopamine from phones or prioritizing other activities. Consistency with sleep schedules and avoiding stimulants near bedtime are suggested, though individual needs vary. Motivating sleep requires meeting needs during the day so there’s less temptation for engaging activities before bed. Winding down rituals and considering sensory needs can help the transition to sleep. While standard sleep hygiene advice may not apply, exploring routines and triggers can support better quality sleep for those with ADHD. Overall, the responses emphasize both the difficulties and importance of prioritizing sleep for neurological and overall health reasons.

The passage discusses strategies people use to wind down before bedtime, such as dimming lights, taking a shower with lavender scents, and changing into clean pajamas. It also mentions distraction techniques like listening to audiobooks or podcasts that some associate with sleep.
It discusses working with one’s chronotype (whether they are a morning person or night owl) by figuring out when they are most alert and planning tasks accordingly. It suggests setting smart lights to mimic sunlight and prepare for early mornings.
It recommends having a backup plan in case someone can’t fall asleep, like sleeping elsewhere, resting with meditation/yoga, or making strong wake up plans.
It discusses how while morning routines are emphasized culturally, research shows one’s personal chronotype is more important for ethics and productivity than the time of day alone. It is difficult to override one’s natural chronotype long-term. The passage advocates accepting one’s type rather than feeling morally superior.
Time management is exceptionally difficult for those with ADHD. According to research, 98% of people with ADHD report time management challenges, compared to only 8% of the general population.
Those with ADHD experience time differently - they are “time blind” or “time nearsighted.” This means they have difficulties recognizing how much time has passed and estimating how long tasks will take.
Temporal processing is different for those with ADHD. Their sense of time is “blurred” rather than sharp. They have problems keeping track of time and accurately gauging durations.
This time blindness makes planning, schedules, deadlines and routines very challenging. Tasks often take much longer than expected or appointments are missed due to poor time perception.
For most of their life, the author related to these issues with time management. They struggled to follow schedules, lived reactively without planning, and relied on hyperfocus or last-minute scrambling to get things done.
It’s important to understand time perception issues are highly correlated with ADHD and not a personal failure or lack of willpower. With awareness and strategies, time management can be improved.
People with ADHD tend to have a weak sense of time passing. They may lose track of time easily and underestimate how long tasks will take.
Their time horizons, or the point when future events feel real, tend to be much shorter. Things farther than a day away often don’t feel important.
Boring tasks drag on while engaging activities make time fly by more than for others.
They often forget to account for all the steps involved in a task like setup, transitions, breaks, contingencies, etc. and only consider the core activity.
Executive dysfunction challenges like organizational issues, distractibility, memory problems make tasks take longer than planned.
To manage time better, strategies suggested include building “time wisdom” by working backwards from deadlines, estimating generously, using reminders and alarms, scheduling breaks, and accepting imperfect time management as an ongoing process. The goal is gaining more control over time rather than being controlled by it.

This passage discusses the importance of having an accurate gauge or sense of how long tasks and activities will take when living with ADHD. It recommends tracking time spent on tasks to get a better understanding of actual durations. It also suggests being aware of where time may be unintentionally “stolen” from one area of life to catch up in another.

Some strategies presented for improving time perception include using clocks, watches, alarms and reminders to make time feel more concrete. Scheduling vague plans like “later” for specific times helps turn abstract timeframes into real commitments. Establishing regular “time pillars” and “time buckets” adds structure and dedicated slots for various activities.

Communicating time management challenges with others can help prevent frustrations and wasted time. Sharing plans and asking for input on prioritization are suggested. Requesting accommodations like flexible deadlines at work may also help.

While extra time is often recommended, it doesn’t necessarily improve time management and can reduce urgency. Alternative strategies like buffer periods or scheduling tasks twice are presented. Having unscheduled time to immerse in flow states without clock-watching is also important for well-being.

e. Keep some days meeting free so ADHD brains can find their flow without interruptions. At least set aside longer time blocks for deep work.

f. Set aside “flexible” days where the schedule is not strict. This builds in buffer time to catch up and makes sticking to the schedule easier the rest of the week.

g. Take a “time vacation” day where nothing needs to get done at any particular time or order. Brains need rest!

The individual stories provide examples of effective time management strategies for ADHD brains, such as reserving one day a week without commitments to focus on nagging tasks, or learning to embrace less rigid “kairos time” rather than strict schedules. Overall it emphasizes finding a balanced schedule that allows for flexibility, buffer time, rest, and spontaneity to avoid burnout from overscheduling or rebelling against unrealistic structures.

For people with ADHD, motivation doesn’t come from important life goals or external consequences like it does for others. Their brains are not motivated by things that are lengthy, repetitive or boring.
ADHD brains are motivated by things that are urgent, novel, challenging, of personal interest - i.e. stimulating things that release dopamine immediately. Important tasks often lack this immediate reward.
Dopamine levels are lower in ADHD brains, impacting motivation, pleasure, emotions and perceived ability. Low dopamine leads to needing urgent deadlines to start tasks.
Intrinsic motivation comes from enjoyment of an activity itself. Extrinsic motivation comes from external rewards/consequences. But for ADHD brains, extrinsic rewards are often too far away in time to be motivating due to temporal discounting and shorter time horizons.
To stay motivated, tasks need intrinsic elements or extrinsic rewards that are immediate enough to overcome issues with temporal discounting and maintain dopamine levels. Relying on last-minute extrinsic consequences from impending deadlines is reinforced but not sustainable.

The passage discusses various factors that can impact motivation, beyond just intrinsic motivation to do a task. These include:

Emotions associated with past failures at a task can create a mental “Wall of Awful” that one needs to overcome through emotional work before feeling motivated to tackle the task again. Those with ADHD often have higher walls due to more frequent failures and criticism.
Behaviors often precede motivation - taking small actions towards a task can help generate motivation, rather than waiting until fully motivated. This is the idea behind behavioral activation.
Motivation alone is not always the issue - there may be skill gaps, lack of resources, perfectionism, unrealistic goals, or forgetfulness impacting one’s ability to complete a task more than pure motivation.
Filling gaps in one’s “motivational bridge” can help boost motivation. Suggested techniques include adding urgency, finding the right challenge level, tying tasks to interests, and adding novelty. Addressing the underlying emotional barriers is also important for feeling motivated long-term.

So in summary, the passage discusses how motivation is multi-faceted and not always the core issue, and provides suggestions for boosting motivation through actions, coping with emotional barriers, and addressing other potential root causes beyond pure willpower.

The prompt instructs someone to sum up the task of hanging up a whole clothing pile and folding one shirt. It involves two separate tasks - hanging up an entire clothing pile, and then folding a single shirt. The key details are hanging up multiple pieces of clothing from a pile, and folding one individual shirt.

The chapter discusses ways for people with ADHD to motivate themselves to complete tasks or stay on track with commitments. Some key points:
Set rewarding yourself as a motivator, but only reward yourself after making progress on a task. The reward is more motivating this way.
Break big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps and reward yourself for each step completed.
Don’t expect yourself to always stick with new habits or commitments long-term. It’s okay to cycle through different hobbies, jobs, etc. over time as interest fluctuates.
When starting something new, agree to commit for a set trial period rather than assuming it will be a lifelong commitment. Reevaluate at the end of the trial.
Speak to yourself with encouragement (“Coach B”) instead of criticism (“Coach A”) when you make mistakes or things don’t go as planned. Focus on learning from experiences.
Use a variety of motivational strategies and switch between them depending on what works best for different tasks or time periods. Don’t expect one strategy to always work indefinitely.

So in summary, the chapter provides advice on self-motivation techniques that are sensitive to the fluctuating interests and challenges of ADHD. It emphasizes encouragement over criticism and flexibility over rigid expectations.

People with ADHD often struggle with forgetfulness and remembering things. This can be caused by weaknesses in working memory and issues with encoding information into long-term memory.
Working memory is impaired in ADHD. People with ADHD typically have fewer “slots” to temporarily hold information while processing or doing a task. This makes it difficult to remember instructions, questions, or multiple pieces of info at once.
Encoding new information requires understanding it and associating it with prior knowledge. If the encoding process is disrupted due to poor attention, weak working memory, or lack of comprehension, the information may not get stored properly in long-term memory.
However, long-term episodic memory (recalling personal experiences) is often intact or even stronger in people with ADHD. They can recall detailed memories from their past.
Forgetfulness causes self-esteem issues and practical problems like missed appointments, lost items, forgotten tasks, difficulties at school or work, damaged relationships, and financial issues from missed bills. Understanding the cognitive reasons for it can help manage these issues.
Encoding new information takes more effort for those with ADHD, as working memory has limited capacity and information may get bumped out before encoding occurs.
The author shares an experience trying to understand an algebra lesson without the foundational knowledge, unable to answer quiz questions or know what to ask.
Providing some basic algebra knowledge through quick Googling allowed the author to understand more of the next lesson by giving context to “hang” new information on. This allowed chunking of data into working memory slots.
Free recall, or remembering without cues, is impaired in ADHD. Prospective memory (remembering future actions) is also impaired, especially time-based (remembering actions at specific times).
Various memory strategies are discussed as ways to support recall, like using calendars, checklists, journals, to-do lists, and project management apps to offload information from limited working memory. The key is lowering demands on working memory so it can be used more effectively.

The passage discusses using cues to help with memory and task completion for those with ADHD, but cautions that cues need to be used carefully. Some key points:

Cues work best when placed where you can easily see them, like labels on containers.
“To-do” cues should only be used when you can immediately follow through on the task, otherwise they may get ignored.
If ignoring a cue, do so mindfully by recognizing why you’re choosing to delay the task.
Cues can remind you of your intentions and goals rather than just tasks, like inspirational quotes posted around the home.
Intention cues may take the form of words, posters, vision boards, or questions that motivate thinking about goals.
Short tasks under 2 minutes are best cued, as longer tasks risk being forgotten or ignored when cued in advance.

Overall it emphasizes cues as useful tools for memory and tasks, but cautions they need to be implemented thoughtfully to avoid being ignored or becoming counterproductive. Mindful responding to cues is important.

The author uses the metaphor of being underwater to describe their experiences with emotions. As a child, they often felt overwhelmed by intense emotions but were told by parents and teachers that they were wrong, too sensitive, dramatic, or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. This made the author feel like they were drowning, unable to breathe or communicate how they truly felt. Even small things like socks or teasing caused panic and distress. As the author got older, they developed coping mechanisms like hiding, laughing, or eating sweets to self-soothe. However, the messages to suppress emotions still echoed in their mind as an adult. The author’s metaphor conveys how invalidating environments can flood someone with emotions they aren’t allowed to feel or express.

People with ADHD struggle with emotion dysregulation, which is an impaired ability to control emotional responses. Emotions can hit harder and last longer for ADHD brains.
Emotion regulation relies on skills that are difficult for ADHD brains, like inhibition, self-soothing, focus, and responding appropriately to emotions. ADHD brains may impulsively react to emotions without time to regulate them.
Poor emotion regulation can lead to labels like “overly sensitive” as a child. As adults, it can contribute to getting fired from jobs due to inappropriate emotional expressions.
Both negative and positive emotions can feel intensely for those with ADHD. This makes them try to avoid or suppress emotions through distraction, intellectualization, masking feelings, etc.
While some emotion regulation strategies like situation selection can be helpful, relying too much on avoidance and suppression is problematic. The author recommends learning to accept and cope with emotions through skills like cognitive reappraisal. Understanding the neuroscience behind emotion dysregulation can help manage its impact.
People with ADHD commonly use cognitive avoidance as a coping mechanism to escape distressing emotions, thoughts, and mental states. However, chronically avoiding emotions can be problematic and have negative consequences.
Emotions provide important information about our needs, values, and what is or isn’t working for us. Avoiding emotions causes us to miss these signals and can lead to psychological symptoms like dissociation, anhedonia, and alexithymia (difficulty identifying emotions).
It’s important to learn to feel, acknowledge, and understand our emotions. Labeling emotions can help diminish the emotional response and make them easier to manage. Talking to a therapist can also help develop healthier coping strategies.
Effective emotion regulation strategies mentioned include labeling emotions, paying attention to intensity levels, using feeling wheels or diagrams, assessing bodily sensations, and looking for underlying emotions behind surface feelings like anger.
It’s also important to make space for emotions and give ourselves permission to feel what we feel without judgment, as chronic avoidance and suppression can amplify distressing emotions over time. Learning tools like deep breathing, journaling, crying, talking to friends, and distracting activities can help make space for big emotions.

In summary, the text discusses why avoiding or suppressing emotions is problematic for people with ADHD, and provides strategies and tools for developing healthier ways to identify, acknowledge, and cope with distressing feelings.

Validating and processing emotions through awareness, journaling, discussion can help manage them and make it okay to feel feelings.
Waiting before taking action when highly emotional allows time for processing and makes less reactive decisions. Sitting with feelings also allows them to pass more easily than avoiding them.
Exploring emotions through creative outlets like art or writing helps understand raw emotions and better communicate them later.
Emotions can be used positively as fuel for motivation, a compass for values and needs, and to connect with others through shared experiences. Enjoying emotions is part of being human.
Finding balance involves meditation, seeking support in difficult situations, and focusing effort on controllable factors to reduce overwhelm. Physical relaxation techniques and exercising endorphins can help reset emotional levels. Temporarily undoing expectations allows future processing when capacity is limited. Overall it’s about awareness, processing and managing emotions in a healthy way.

The passage discusses the author’s struggles with social skills and forming friendships due to having ADHD. As a child, she was socially awkward and had trouble applying social rules. She didn’t have many close friends growing up. She found a sense of belonging by spending time swimming and reading books. Her first feeling of acceptance came from a boyfriend, but when they broke up it hurt deeply.

After that, she focused on romantic relationships where the other person was more into her than vice versa. She learned to please partners but didn’t have the skills to please groups. When starting her YouTube channel How to ADHD, she began developing meaningful online connections and finding community, realizing she could have friends after all. This started undoing her people-pleasing habits from past relationships.

Here are some key points about the author’s social struggles and realizations:

They struggled with feelings of not fitting in and relying too heavily on jobs/relationships for purpose, connection and identity.
After their mom’s death, they realized the limits of online/long-distance friendships in providing in-person support during grief.
Leaning too much on a romantic relationship was not sustainable when their needs increased due to grief and isolation. This relationship ended.
Being alone in their new empty home highlighted how they lacked local friends to share big moments with.
They realized no single relationship or online community could fully meet their social needs - humans need in-person connections to feel like they belong.
Making friends as an adult in a new city while busy is challenging, but they are working on developing local connections.
Their social struggles are common for those with ADHD due to difficulty socializing, missing social cues, uneven social skills development, and challenges maintaining friendships.
Both their behaviors and mindsets around relationships contributed to friendship difficulties through things like anxious overcorrection after social mistakes.

So in summary, the author gained insight into how their ADHD affected relationships and the importance of developing local in-person connections to feel truly socially supported.

People with ADHD can place unrealistic expectations on themselves to always be available for others and do unlimited tasks. This constant hypervigilance is unsustainable. It’s important to remember that they too have their own lives, needs, emotions and goals.
Operating with a “scarcity mindset” where they feel they need to take any relationship opportunities and work extremely hard to maintain relationships with people who may not be a good fit. This wastes a lot of time and energy.
Thinking they are “unlovable” because they require more support from others. When close friends get frustrated or need a break, it can trigger feelings of rejection and reinforce low self-worth.
Believing they need to completely “fit in” to belong, rather than accepting themselves. This causes disconnection from themselves and others.
Rejection sensitivity is common for those with ADHD due to emotion dysregulation and lifetime experiences of rejection. Managing emotions and shifting mindsets, not just behaviors, is important to cope with this.
Making friends is a multi-step process over time through participation and connection, not achieving close friendship immediately. Building trust gradually through shared experiences is key.

The passage encourages making socializing a regular routine in order to develop and maintain friendships. Some key points:

Set aside dedicated times, like certain days or blocks in your schedule, to check in with people and spend time socializing. This takes the guesswork out of remembering to socialize.
Designate “go-to people” for specific activities you enjoy, like a friend to go bowling with regularly. Doing activities together builds friendship into everyday life.
Reach out to people simply to say hello when you happen to think of them, even if just sending a brief message to follow up later. This keeps the lines of communication open without overcommitting time.
Consider prioritizing social circles, like responding first to closest friends and saving more casual check-ins for weekends if feeling overwhelmed.

The overall message is that making socializing a routine habit, through dedicated times, dedicated activity partners, and casual check-ins, helps develop and maintain friendships in a sustainable way. It provides structure to overcome difficulties with free recall and initiative related to neurodivergence.

The person uses the Sweepy app to help with housework and organizational tasks. This app allows them to add “social” tasks to their to-do list.
The social section of the app helps them see how long it’s been since they’ve texted a friend and adds maintaining their social connections as part of their routine.
This helps them remember that their social life is as important as tasks like cleaning. It gives them a sense of accomplishment when they check off social tasks on their list.
By integrating maintaining social connections into their routine/to-do list, it helps them stay in regular contact with friends and not let too much time pass without checking in. The app provides a reminder and organizational tool to dedicate time and effort to their important social relationships.
The author learned that while ADHD impacts cognition and brain development similarly across people, individual experiences with ADHD differ due to biological, psychological and socioenvironmental factors.
These intersecting factors like gender, race, class, trauma history can influence how ADHD symptoms present, their severity, and the level of impairment experienced.
The author realized many of their own ADHD struggles were exacerbated by trauma, anxiety, and internalizing societal expectations related to their identity as a white, middle-class cisgender woman.
This led them to see ADHD as “ADHD and” - recognizing co-occurring conditions like how trauma interacted with emotional dysregulation.
They learn most people with ADHD have additional neurodevelopmental or psychological conditions that intersect with ADHD, like autism increasing focus challenges or tic disorders worsening impulsivity.
The author aims to better acknowledge the complex, individual lives of those in the ADHD community and recognize how various identity factors compound experiences of discrimination.
Common learning disabilities among those with ADHD include dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia, which can compound academic difficulties.
Intellectually gifted students with ADHD may struggle to have both their intelligence and needs recognized and supported.
Depression and anxiety disorders are common coexisting conditions with ADHD that can worsen its symptoms. Oppositional defiant disorder is also frequently diagnosed but may be due to living with untreated ADHD.
Trauma and substance use disorders occur more often among those with ADHD compared to the general population.
Eating disorders and disordered eating can stem from ADHD symptoms like sensory issues and impulse control difficulties.
Biological factors like hormones, biological sex, age, and pregnancy can impact how ADHD presents over one’s lifespan. Testosterone is linked to greater impulsivity while estrogen influences dopamine levels. Symptoms may differ or change for males versus females at different life stages.
Existing research suggests stimulant medications taken during pregnancy pose minimal risk, but limited research means some doctors are uncomfortable allowing their use during pregnancy. Discontinuing meds during pregnancy can negatively impact the parents-to-be.
Migraines are common in those with ADHD. Men with ADHD are twice as likely to experience migraines. Migraines don’t always involve pain.
Chronic pain complicates ADHD as pain is distracting and those with ADHD struggle to filter distractions. It can also lead to avoidance of activities that boost dopamine levels and focus.
Any chronic condition is more difficult to treat with ADHD due to challenges with treatment compliance and medication management. Providers should work with patients to develop treatment plans that account for their ADHD.
ADHD also makes preventative healthcare challenging due to issues with scheduling, paperwork, and follow through on annual exams.

The summary highlights some common comorbidities and healthcare challenges that people with ADHD may face.

Having ADHD interacts with many other factors in a person’s life, making the experience and management of ADHD more complex.
Socioeconomic status, culture, medical conditions, discrimination, trauma and other life experiences all intersect with ADHD in both positive and negative ways.
For example, family or cultural pressures could motivate support for school but also cause stress and shame. Medical conditions like anxiety or joint pain may exacerbate ADHD symptoms.
Discrimination like racism, fatphobia, ableism, etc. can make it harder to get an ADHD diagnosis and treatment due to biases and lack of accommodations.
The interplay between these factors is unique for each individual and not always straightforward. Support for those with ADHD needs to acknowledge this complexity.
Learning about all relevant diagnoses and conditions is important to understand the full picture and find the most effective strategies. But access to care and diagnoses can be limited by socioeconomic and other barriers.
Getting an accurate diagnosis can be difficult as the symptoms of conditions like ADHD, depression, autism, and OCD can overlap. It’s important to see a provider with expertise in the conditions you suspect.
Treatment should consider all factors like ADHD, cultural influences, anxiety, medical conditions, etc. Approaching problems from different perspectives can uncover new strategies.
Other conditions may need to be treated first before effectively addressing ADHD symptoms.
Resources should be accessible and informed by one’s intersecting identities like gender, race, disabilities, etc.
It’s helpful to develop a wellness plan for when symptoms worsen.
Connecting with communities of others with similar lived experiences can help reduce stigma and increase support. However, no single community can meet all needs, so it’s good to seek multiple groups.
Respect your own journey and choices for strategies over societal or outsider pressures. Diagnosis labels aim to help understand one’s experience versus shame or limitation.
While labels can be overwhelming, an accurate diagnosis provides treatment, accommodations and community access to better function. Relabeling after a diagnosis can help shift perspective.
The author realized that not only those with ADHD were watching their videos, but also their partners and caregivers (“Hearts”).
The author empathized with the frustration of Hearts in trying to understand and support someone with unpredictable executive function challenges.
When dating someone with both ADHD and autism, the author tried to apply what they had learned about themselves, but it did not always translate effectively.
Communication was challenging as the author didn’t know when their partner was listening vs distracted. Promises were not always kept sustainably.
Frustrations escalated on both sides. The author struggled not to say things like “Why can’t you just…”
They found themselves in a relationship “death spiral” with growing frustration, higher stakes, and reduced ability to meet each other’s needs despite communication tools. More was needed to understand each other.

In summary, the author recognized the challenges Hearts face and how their own experience did not fully equip them to support a partner with different neurodivergent experiences, leading to communication issues and relationship strain.

Relationships involving someone with ADHD often struggle with unmet expectations and frustration from executive dysfunction challenges. This plays out in their personal life and community.
When trying to communicate about issues, emotions can escalate making it difficult to have a productive discussion.
Caregiver burden is common as neurotypical partners take on more household/parenting responsibilities, leading to burnout if not addressed.
Partners of those with ADHD may treat them like children or see their struggles as a problem to be solved rather than an inherent difference. This hurts self-esteem.
ADHD impacts cannot be avoided, only managed. We should accept ourselves as we are rather than try to be “normal.”
Open communication, managing expectations, understanding ADHD challenges, and accessing appropriate support can help reduce relationship strain from executive dysfunction issues inherent to ADHD. But change takes ongoing effort from all parties.
The person is trying to communicate to their partner that they find it romantic when someone buys them flowers. However, their brain makes it difficult to organize their thoughts and communicate this point succinctly without going off on tangents.
Inconsistency is part of having ADHD. Just because someone with ADHD was able to focus and complete a task one day doesn’t mean they can do it the next day. Their ability can fluctuate based on factors like exhaustion, sleep, and distractions. It’s important for partners of people with ADHD to recognize and embrace these inconsistencies.
Emotions like shame and anxiety associated with past failures can get in the way of completing tasks for those with ADHD. The negative self-talk and pressure to perform makes tasks even more difficult.
ADHD traits can be seen as two sides of the same coin. Things like impulsivity, divergent thinking, and emotional sensitivity - which can cause challenges - are also the source of spontaneity, problem-solving skills, energy, and caring deeply in relationships when channeled positively. Support for struggles helps the strengths shine through more often.
Both the person with ADHD and their partner felt lonely and overwhelmed at times due to difficulties with emotional regulation and challenges in meeting each other’s needs consistently, but getting diagnosed and treated helped improve their relationship. Supporting treatment is important.

The post discusses strategies for supporting loved ones with ADHD and maintaining healthy relationships. It emphasizes collaborating on solutions rather than taking an adversarial approach. Both parties should work together to clearly define goals and allow flexibility in how those goals are achieved. The partner/family member should avoid taking on too much of a coaching/support role and instead help the individual build their own support system. It’s also important to look for efforts being made and assume good intentions, rather than solely focusing on failures or frustrations. Noticing both the challenges and benefits of ADHD traits can make difficulties feel more manageable. Overall, the approach promotes understanding, compromise and viewing each other as allies rather than opponents.

Celebrate small wins and accomplishments of those with ADHD, as praise and recognition can be very motivating for their brains. Even successes that seem easy to others deserve recognition.
Taking time to appreciate tasks that were completed, like admiring a mowed lawn or cleaned car, builds self-esteem.
Staying focused on survival mode and putting out fires all day leaves those with ADHD feeling unseen, so specific acknowledgment and appreciation revives their sense of self-worth.
Caregivers of those with ADHD need to prioritize self-care to avoid burnout. Setting boundaries, engaging support systems, allowing yourself to feel emotions, and taking breaks are all important.
Relationships can fall into unhealthy patterns if one person takes on most responsibilities without communicating plans and needs. Making plans together as equal partners, reevaluating periodically, and openly discussing responsibilities, mental health needs, and quality time prevents this.
Acceptance alone is not enough - active communication and problem-solving as a team is needed to handle life’s challenges, from housework to relationships to mental health, in a sustainable way.
The author started her YouTube channel with the goal of “overcoming” her ADHD struggles, believing she could figure out which impairments were getting in her way and fix them to become successful.
However, she realized that no matter how many tools and strategies she learned, ADHD cannot truly be “overcome” or cured. Managing it requires extensive effort and tools on an ongoing basis.
While tools are helpful, they also have limitations. No single person can constantly use dozens of tools without extra costs in time, money, and energy. And tools need to interface with an accessible environment to be fully effective.
The author came to understand disability as more of a social/systemic issue than an individual medical problem. Barriers exist due to lack of accommodation, not just impairment itself.
Systems are much more adaptable than individuals. So changing systems and building accessibility into societal infrastructure makes more sense than expecting neurodivergent people to constantly compensate on their own.
The goal shifted to helping create a world where people’s needs are reasonably accommodated without shouldering the entire burden alone through complex individual tools and strategies.
ADHD affects individuals and impacts society as a whole through high turnover, unemployment, incarceration, and economic costs that far outweigh treatment costs.
Expecting those with ADHD to simply “overcome” it without supports or accommodations hurts them personally and society. A better approach is needed that promotes neurodiversity and change that is sustainable and beneficial for all.
The author’s initial approach of trying to change the world didn’t work, but they realized positive changes were already underway as societies became more accepting of neurodiversity.
Learning about their own ADHD helped close the “self-discrepancy gap” between their perceived and actual selves, improving mental health and self-advocacy.
Individual empowerment and advocacy have ripple effects, as many in the ADHD community educate others and advocate for change. Combined with prior advocacy work, this is driving systemic changes like improved adult ADHD care and more neurodiverse environments.
While progress remains uneven, looking for positive examples of what’s possible with acceptance can help realize further change. The stages of accepting ADHD in others are also discussed.
People with ADHD have the potential to change the world, but often struggle with organization and follow-through due to their ADHD traits.
However, they are already changing the world through open discussions that normalize neurodiversity and improve understanding. This helps many realize they have ADHD and seek support.
Advocacy is improving care and support for adults with ADHD. Guidelines are being developed and more supports are available in workplaces and education.
Universal design principles make supports accessible to all without needing accommodations. Things like curb cuts help both wheelchair users and others.
Some strategies for effectively working to change the world while having ADHD include finding fuel through inspirational files, being the advocate one wishes they had, ideating possible solutions, and conserving energy by focusing on areas of most influence. Crowdsourcing ideas from others in similar situations can also help. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
F community and connection can break away stigmas and redefine what were once considered cultural norms. By bringing people together in support groups and communities, neurodivergents can help each other understand themselves better and reduce feelings of isolation. This connection and representation can help change perceptions.
Sharing personal stories is one of the most impactful ways to reduce stigma about mental health issues like ADHD. Speaking openly about one’s experience with ADHD, even to just one person, can create ripples and help shift understanding in systems they may never see. Unapologetically disclosing one’s diagnosis helps demonstrate that ADHD is part of human diversity and not something to be ashamed of. Seeing neurodivergent people they interact with regularly helps normalize ADHD.
Joining forces with advocacy organizations already working on issues is more efficient than starting from scratch. Individuals can support the work through donations, fundraising, sharing resources and collaborating on initiatives to create more impact.

In summary, community support, sharing stories, and collaborating with advocacy groups are effective ways for individuals to help redefine cultural norms, break down stigma, and work towards change regarding issues like ADHD.

The passage discusses how our lives are like stories, with obstacles (“buts”) and choices (“therefores”) that determine the direction of our narratives.
The author notes how learning about their ADHD helped them understand the invisible obstacles they face and gave them better options for navigating challenges. They went from avoiding problems to finding more functional solutions.
By learning how their brain works, the author was able to respect the difficulties contributing to failures rather than just feeling like a failure. This helped them respect themselves more.
While we can’t control our stories, our power lies in evaluating information and making new choices, especially when faced with obstacles. The author is now learning to give themselves more choice over the path their life takes.
Knowledge of their ADHD provides options for dealing with challenges, but the author notes they still sometimes stick to routes that aren’t working well despite warning signs, showing how habits can be hard to change even with self-awareness.

In summary, the passage discusses how gaining understanding of one’s mind through learning about conditions like ADHD can empower people to better handle obstacles, make functional choices, and navigate the story of their life, even if old habits sometimes persist. Self-awareness provides agency rather than just acceptance of difficulties.

The author had embarked on a 7-year journey to learn how to better work with her brain and overcome challenges from ADHD. She wanted to gain the tools and understanding to be “successful.”
However, over time the life she wanted to return to after the journey had changed or fallen away due to changes like her mother passing away, moving cities, changing careers, etc.
She realized that her sense of worth shouldn’t be tied to reaching some measure of “potential” or “functionality.” She needs to accept herself as she is now, with her brain differences, and find fulfillment in the present.
Going forward, her new journey is focused on learning what is truly worth doing and pursuing a life that aligns with her values rather than what she thinks she “should” do. She also wants to install checkpoints to remind herself that she can choose her own path.

So in summary, the author’s perspective shifted from wanting to “fix” her ADHD to accepting herself as she is, and focusing on personal fulfillment rather than expectations of potential.

The passage reflects on how the author initially focused on learning about her ADHD impairments and deficits from a scientific perspective, which helped her understand and work with her brain more effectively.
However, she worried this book focused too much on the negative aspects of ADHD and not enough on the strengths.
She reached out to Dr. Ned Hallowell for his perspective. He agreed research doesn’t focus much on ADHD strengths, but emphasized telling stories of how individuals leveraged their strengths.
Looking back, the author realizes many of her initial successes with How To ADHD stemmed from playing to her natural strengths, like curiosity, passion for helping others, willingness to be open and authentic, and ability to hyperfocus - even if unintentionally at the time.
She did things in unconventional ways that worked with her strengths and avoided her weaknesses, like creating scripted video formats. This allowed her channel to grow organically in its early days by leveraging her atypical approaches.
The passage encourages focusing more on ADHD strengths and how they can be harnessed productively, not just the challenges. Individual uniqueness and creativity can emerge from leveraging one’s atypical strengths.
The page discusses various strengths that people with ADHD often have, or are valued for having. It notes that no one has all the strengths, but most people with ADHD have more than a few, and they are often related to their ADHD traits.
Some examples of strengths mentioned include reading comprehension, acting skills like sitting still and being vulnerable, flexibility from serving jobs, ability to simplify complex ideas for communication, and past successes that involved leaning into strengths.
A key point is that the most successful people don’t get good at what they’re bad at, but lean into their strengths. People with ADHD innately have unique strengths and skills from how their brains work differently.
Understanding strengths can help understand why being neurodivergent is valued, as accomplishments others can’t achieve are possible by leaning into strengths. This is not to say exceptional performance is needed, just focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses.
Working with one’s brain means starting now by leaning into strengths, not waiting until being good at strategies. The community’s strength is supporting each other by leveraging different strengths through interdependence. It’s okay to be different and struggle as long as strengths are focused on.

Here is a summary of the key points about the advantages and disadvantages of changing behavior from the provided text:

Potential advantages of changing behavior:

Good things could happen as a result of the change. Changing behavior may lead to positive outcomes.
The text does not provide specific examples, leaving it open-ended for the reader to consider what good things might happen from their own potential behavior change.

Potential downsides of changing behavior:

The text does not provide any specific examples of potential downsides or disadvantages of changing behavior. It leaves this open for the reader to consider based on their own situation.

Other considerations:

There are likely mixed feelings involved when deciding to change an established behavior pattern.
It is the individual’s decision to make about whether the potential benefits outweigh any costs or downsides for their particular situation and goals.
Rewards or trying a different type of change may help make changing behavior feel more worthwhile or attainable for that individual.
Feelings about change decisions are common, emphasizing it is a personal choice for the reader to make.

So in summary, it outlines there can be advantages in terms of good outcomes, but also does not rule out potential downsides or mixed feelings, leaving it up to the individual to consider based on their goals and situation. It encourages the reader to weigh factors and make the choice that feels right for them.

Ties with different cognitive demands refers to tasks or activities that place varying levels of demands on our cognitive abilities like working memory, time management, focus, etc.
Working memory is the type of memory that allows us to temporarily hold and manipulate new information in our mind. It has limited capacity.
Time blindness/nearsightedness refers to the inability or difficulty recognizing how much time has passed or estimating how long a task will take. This is common for those with ADHD.
Different tasks place different levels of demands on working memory and time perception abilities. Tasks that require holding lots of information in mind while performing other mental operations, or that involve estimating and managing time, place higher cognitive demands.
Understanding how tasks vary in their cognitive demands can help explain why some activities may be more difficult for those with ADHD or other cognitive differences that impact working memory, time perception, etc. It’s about matching demands to abilities.

So in summary, the key idea is that different activities and tasks tie into or place varying levels of demands on different cognitive abilities, like working memory and time perception, which can impact one’s ability to perform those tasks depending on their cognitive strengths and weaknesses.

The author acknowledges their partner and future child’s father, Dr. Raffael Boccamazzo, for teaching them about love and relationships.
They thank their mother for showing them that people with disabilities should not be excluded from activities and that everyone deserves to have their voice heard, if given the means to do so.
Their mother taught them the importance of inclusion, empowerment and giving a voice to all people, including those with disabilities. She inspired them to advocate for others and ensure all people are treated equally.
The author expresses gratitude to both their partner and mother for the important life lessons they have taught around love, inclusion, advocacy and empowerment. Both individuals have shaped the author’s views and approach to relationships and supporting others.

Here is a summary of the provided text:

Emotions regarding ADHD include difficulty feeling emotions, trying not to feel emotions, and using emotions positively. Therapy can help with emotions.
Empathy, encoding stage of memory, ethnicity, event-based prospective memory, excessive daytime sleepiness, executive function, exercise, expectations, extrinsic motivation are listed terms.
Executive function involves challenges, development, impairments, management strategies, minimalism, parenting, response inhibition, self-advocating, set-shifting, time management and trades. Accommodations can help executive function difficulties.
Focus involves boosting focus through interest, body movement, mindfulness, music, note-taking, clearing your mind, and managing distractions and noise. Hyperfocus and ensuring undivided attention are discussed.
Friendship involves developmental struggles, mindset, rejection sensitivity, empathy, listening skills, meeting people, shared values, boundaries, purpose and qualities of good friends. Social skills and routines aid friendship.
Health issues like learning disabilities, genetics, hormones, sleep, pain, migraines are mentioned as possibly relating to ADHD.
Holistic treatment, individual empowerment, labels, learning disabilities, LGBTQIA+ topics, and personal reflection on one’s journey are covered.
Memory involves encoding, cues, journaling, recall, prospective memory, lowering demands, monotasking, note-taking and using project management software or a memory buddy/assistant. Forgetting has benefits.
Motivation discusses intrinsic/extrinsic motivation, reward systems, filling planning, urgency, novelty, interests and behaviors that precede motivation. Challenges and expectations are noted.
Other topics are messiness, mindfulness, mindset, minimalism, manual mode, medication, meditation, nutrition, noise, obstacles, organization, and parenting.
Perseverance, priorities, procrastination, productivity, project management software, psychoeducation, and psychological factors like anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, and substance use disorders are discussed in relation to ADHD.
Relationships can be challenging for those with ADHD due to issues with communication, emotions, empathy, expectations, inconsistency, and traits that can be both strengths and weaknesses. Support and strategies are discussed.
Sleep issues are common for those with ADHD, including disorders, inconsistencies, electronics use, motivations, routines, owls vs. larks chronotypes, and stimulant medications.
Time management is difficult for those with executive functioning challenges. Concepts discussed include time blindness, building time wisdom, buckets/pillars of time, Schedule Jenga, sequencing, and working backward.
Socioenvironmental factors like socioeconomic status, race, socialization/societal expectations, and trauma can impact those with ADHD.
Self-esteem, sensitivity, perfectionism, shame, and self-discrepancy are discussed in relation to common emotional experiences for those with ADHD.
Strengths, leaning into talents, developing skills and systems, and advocacy are presented as strategies for success. Therapy, support groups, wellness plans, and workplace/school accommodations are also touched on.

This text is an advertisement for a book recommendation service. It prompts the reader to sign up to get personalized book recommendations and news about authors. It doesn’t contain enough context on its own to summarize further.

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How to ADHD An Insider's Guide to Working with Your Brain (Not Against It) - Jessica McCabe