Self Help

I Can Read You Like a Book How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language - Hartley, Gregory.; Karinch, Maryann_

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Matheus Puppe

· 30 min read

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Here is a summary of key points from the chapter:

  • Primitive man had highly developed skills for reading body language out of necessity for survival. Modern culture and etiquette have diminished this natural ability.

  • The complexity of spoken language and stock body language gestures seen in media make body language more difficult to read. Few people can do it well today.

  • Humans have limited conscious control over their own body language, which is more tied to ritualized behavior than planned actions. Our brains carry out behaviors automatically without thinking.

  • Relearning body language reading takes breaking rituals and habits to get in touch with unconscious signals the body sends. The chapter introduces a framework for systematically studying and analyzing body language.

  • The narrator teaches body language reading skills to various professionals, including law enforcement, military, and security personnel. For many of these groups, being able to read body language could be crucial to their careers or even survival.

  • The book introduces a method called R.E.A.D. (Review, Evaluate, Analyze, Decide) that is used to systematically read and interpret body language cues. This builds on body language courses taught to government and military students.

  • Additional modules are included to address the relationship between body language and emotions, and how to use gestures strategically in interpersonal relationships. Information is also provided on controlling one’s own body language.

  • A flow chart outlines the organization of topics in the book, moving from general communication concepts to specific individual analysis and then back to broader applications. Mastering the skill requires systematically working through each step.

  • Examples are given of how police procedural shows sometimes depict unrealistic body language analysis, compared to the subtleties of real-life interactions. Students’ common misconceptions are also addressed.

  • The conclusion poses a hypothetical scenario to assess the reader’s ability to identify a potential terrorist based on reading body language cues in a high-stakes situation.

  • You question a man about his job, who says he sells timers and radios but seems confused. His cousin says he has a head injury and his cousin helps him by giving him repaired items to sell.

  • Suspicion falls on the cousin, the electronics repairman, as he seems resentful of your questioning.

  • You question his wife next, who is very anti-American from watching TV crime shows. She thinks Americans are immoral.

  • The repairman’s brother owns the house and is a sheep farmer. His wife takes care of the kids.

  • Through questioning the two women against each other, it’s revealed that the wife of the sheep farmer actually grew up in Germany until after the Gulf War due to her father’s issues with Saddam.

  • Clues in her behavior and responses show she is likely smuggling design information and supplies for IEDs by communicating with friends in Germany.

  • The lesson is not to make assumptions and instead watch for logical clues in behavior and responses that provide the real answers.

  • Culture refers to the accepted social norms and rules of a group. These include beliefs, traditions, behaviors and help group members identify with each other and against outsiders.

  • Cultures emerge from small subgroups called microcultures, like couples, and can expand to encompass all humanity. They create norms of what is acceptable and taboos of what is unacceptable.

  • Culture has a huge influence on body language as it shapes how people move and the meanings of gestures. Even seemingly universal movements can have cultural variations. Modern media and globalization have led to the emergence of super-cultures where some gestures and words are recognized worldwide. Understanding the cultural context is crucial for properly interpreting body language signals.

  • Body language can be interpreted differently based on one’s cultural filters and prejudices shaped by their own culture.

  • Culture can be understood using a bell curve model, where most people fall in the “typical” middle range, with some being “sub-typical” or “super-typical” compared to the norms.

  • Within any culture or subculture, there are influences from those seen as “super-typical” who others look up to and emulate. Most people aim to be “typical” rather than “sub-typical”.

  • American culture has evolved over time, from early divisions between Northern and Southern ideals, to new immigrant groups assimilating in changing ways. Prejudices emerged as new groups became “sub-typical” compared to existing norms.

  • Understanding one’s own positioning within cultures and subcultures, as well as the dynamics of super-typical vs typical vs sub-typical influences, is important context for accurately interpreting other people’s body language and communication across cultural differences.

  • Some subgroups lie outside the cultural norms of a society. These people should enjoy the same rights as the rest of the culture, but often don’t due to human tendencies to deny rights to those seen as non-typical.

  • In the past, prominent figures like Abraham Lincoln and FDR used speeches and media to raise awareness of issues facing marginalized groups and advance causes of equality and civil rights.

  • New technologies like radio expanded the reach of politicians and helped shape a new sense of entitlement in American culture during the Great Depression era.

  • The civil rights movement further pushed for equal rights and tolerance of differences, enabled by new media giving voices to activists.

  • However, some argue celebrity culture and emphasis on uniqueness over common culture have led to an overly victimized mindset and view of entitlement in American society today. The typical notion of what it means to be American is shifting.

  • Texans developed their own distinct culture and identity after settling in Texas and carving out an independent nation. Pioneering a frontier lifestyle shaped behaviors like toughness and self-reliance.

  • Outsiders sometimes viewed Texans as loud, boastful and overly dramatic in their gestures compared to East Coast cultures. But this became an ingrained part of the modern Texan identity.

  • Cultures develop unique behaviors and body language through social norms, rituals and rites of passage. Examples include coming of age ceremonies, circumcision practices, and everyday routines like smoking breaks at work.

  • Repeating rituals with a group strengthens cohesion and norms one’s behavior. Formal and informal rituals can have lasting impacts on how people perceive themselves and interact. Paying attention to cultural rituals and events can provide clues to group membership and identity.

  • The chapter outlines a method called R.E.A.D. (Review, Evaluate, Analyze, Decide) for learning to read body language.

  • The “R” step involves thoroughly reviewing body language from “scalp to soles” by observing individual gestures and movements without judgment. This builds a foundation.

  • It suggests observing like a child, devoid of biases, to purely collect information without making assumptions. Mimicking poses can help observe objectively.

  • The review covers isolated body language movements and responses, as well as how clothes, accessories, body art and gadgets factor in.

  • This detailed review provides the “puzzle pieces” needed to later see the holistic picture through evaluation and analysis.

  • The goal is to observe basics openly in order to read body language effectively by tying cues together in context. Practice in reviewing body language objectively is emphasized to develop this skill.

Here is a summary of the key points about body language gestures from the passage:

  • It introduces four main categories of gestures - illustrators, regulators, adaptors, and barriers. It provides examples for each category.

  • Illustrators are used to punctuate statements, like finger pointing or head bobbing. Regulators control another’s speech, like putting a finger to the lips. Adaptors release stress, like hand-wringing. Barriers indicate discomfort, like crossing arms.

  • It then discusses specific gestures and facial expressions related to the forehead, eyebrows, and eyes. Things like eyebrow flashes indicating recognition, wrinkled brows showing concern, and eyebrow raises requesting approval.

  • The goal is to introduce essential body language concepts and give a detailed list of facial movements and gestures to help understand how they fit into overall non-verbal communication and expression of meaning.

  • When presenting something new like a sales report or new outfit, one may arch their eyebrows as a request for approval or praise.

  • During an interrogation, one participant raised their eyebrows excessively when questioned, indicating a request for approval rather than providing a truthful response.

  • Precise control over eyebrow movement can enhance acting ability, as demonstrated by Kevin Spacey’s character in The Usual Suspects who had seemingly perfect control over his normally expressionless face.

  • other involuntary facial signals include wrinkling around the eyes during a genuine smile, pupil dilation due to attraction, fear or interest, and eye movement patterns when recalling information internally.

Here is a summary of the key points about eye movement, ears, nose and mouth from the passage:

  • Eye movements are linked to specific areas of brain activity. Looking up to the left or right can indicate visual memory recall vs visual construction. Looking down left indicates cognitive thinking/problem solving, while looking down right indicates intense feelings.

  • Blink rate can increase when a person is stressed or lying. Eyelids and eye contact can be used deliberately to act as barriers to communication or signals like winking.

  • Ears often flush when a person is worried or bluffing. Touching the ears can indicate turning down mental “volume” or just be a self-touching gesture. For some it’s an erogenous zone so context is important.

  • The nose is highly vascular so touching it doesn’t necessarily indicate lying but could signal stress, disgust or blocking smells. Wrinkling the nose Usually indicates disgust and is more common in women.

  • An open mouth can project vulnerability but look vacant. Pulling down the mouth corners signals disgust, while raising brows with it signals surprise or recognition.

  • Covering the mouth can signal many things depending on context, such as trying to eat and talk, being self-conscious about teeth, shyness, or not wanting others to hear what is said.

  • An unconsciously covered mouth may be trying to mute sound.

  • A close-lipped smile can still convey warmth even if teeth are not shown, signaling shyness or teeth issues rather than deception.

  • Unconscious mouth movements like chewing lips, licking lips, or lip biting can indicate deep thought or stress.

  • Startlement may cause an involuntary quiver of the lips and chin without words.

  • Lips become thin during fight or flight as blood moves elsewhere, but full during sexual arousal as blood flow increases to key areas.

  • Smiles can be practiced/insincere if not engaging the eyes vs genuine smiles that reach the eyes. Different smiles convey different meanings.

  • A stern jaw signals anger while a slack jaw seems unintimidating or “stupid.” Jaw structure impacts how fierce, comic or surreal facial expressions appear.

  • Head tilts often correspond to eye movement and can reinforce or substitute for statements. Bobbing may signal uncertainty while raised chin implies indignation.

  • Jennifer Aniston raised her chin when asked a personal question in an interview, signaling nonverbally that she did not have to answer.

  • Rubbing or touching the neck can indicate stress or discomfort.

  • Shoulders back conveys control and alertness, while rounded shoulders and downturned jaw are signals of anger typically seen in women, not men.

  • Hand gestures differ based on culture - higher gestures in Mediterranean cultures, lower gestures in Germanic cultures.

  • Arm movements that are higher or lower can indicate masculine or effeminate presentation.

  • Hands on hips with fingers pointing forward signals defiance in men, while pointing back signals the same in women.

  • Nervous leg movements, crossed legs, and foot pointing can all indicate stress, anxiety, or a closed-off posture depending in context.

  • Hand gestures and grooming can provide clues about a person’s actual job or activities versus what they say they do. Context is important for accurate reads.

  • The passage discusses seeing someone walking barefoot in public in Wal-Mart outside of Atlanta, Georgia. The author views this as showing a disdain for cultural norms, as walking barefoot in a public store is generally not considered acceptable behavior.

  • The passage then moves to discussing “utterances” like “ah”, “hmmm” etc. and how they can provide non-verbal communication clues about a person’s emotions, thought processes, origins/accents, and more when combined with observations of other body language cues.

  • Disabilities are discussed and how they can impact a person’s sense of belonging and adaptation of behaviors. It can also influence how others perceive that person.

  • Body adornments like hair, clothing, accessories and tattoos are intentionally or unintentionally chosen to send messages about a person’s identities, fit within cultures, occupation and more. Proper analysis of intent versus perceived message is important in body language reading.

  • Specific examples of how different hairstyles, hats, watches, clothing styles can provide clues are discussed to illustrate this point. The key theme is that body adornments are an extension of body language and identity.

Here are the key points about gestures from the chapter:

  • Symbols are gestures that convey a standard cultural meaning, such as waving hello or thumbs up. Their meaning can vary across cultures.

  • Illustrators and regulators are types of gestures that serve as punctuation. Illustrators emphasize or drive home a point, like pointing fingers. Regulators control interaction, like putting up your hand to stop someone from speaking.

  • Culture influences the shape of illustrators and regulators, but they come naturally as ways to emphasize or regulate communication.

  • Adapters like fidgeting and barriers are usually unconscious gestures that reveal state of mind rather than intentionally communicate meaning.

  • Rituals can be meaningful cultural or individual gestures, or they may have no real meaning. Intent must be determined.

  • Mirroring body language of another can be intentional to forge a bond, or it may happen unconsciously as a way to relate to someone. Intent and context matter.

  • When analyzing gestures, it’s important to consider cultural and individual differences in meaning, as well as the intent behind various illustrators, regulators, rituals and other types of movements.

Here is a summary of the key points about rituals from the passage:

  • Rituals can range from formal ceremonies to cultural norms to personal habits. Their origins and purposes are sometimes known and sometimes unknown.

  • examples given include putting down a knife after cutting meat at the table in America (originating from avoiding stabbings during Revolutionary times) and following rituals in the Catholic Mass.

  • Personal rituals or habits can develop like a skydiver always putting on her left glove first.

  • Cultural norms around proximity, eye contact, respect exist like unspoken rules in public restrooms.

  • Couples can develop their own relationship micro-rituals around affection, anger, boredom.

  • Repeated private gestures can leak into public as unconscious rituals like picking at a tooth while thinking.

  • Some gestures have taken on cultural meaning while others spread widely through advertising and media.

  • Groups can evolve their own gestural communication styles over time like horse auction participants.

The passage provides a framework for taking a holistic view of body language by looking at 3 key indicators: energy, direction, and focus. Energy refers to a person’s overall level of liveliness. Direction relates to whether their energy is concentrated on one goal or scattered. Focus is whether their attention is internal or external.

These indicators can be used to describe different moods or emotions. Examples given are confusion having low energy, scattered direction and internal focus, while anger has high energy, sharp direction and external focus.

Taking all parts of the body into account within this framework of energy, direction and focus can help discern subtle meanings beyond just individual gestures or behaviors. It provides context to help understand the overall message the body may be communicating.

  • The passage describes differing cultural expectations around displays of energy and joy depending on factors like age, gender and subculture. For example, a young woman may exhibit joy energetically in a way that would seem unusual for a middle-aged man.

  • It notes how a young boy may exhibit reckless abandon and energy without restraint, whereas a young girl is less likely to do so, potentially due to differences in testosterone levels in the womb.

  • Various moods like interest, fear and excitement are described as having high energy levels directed sharply outward, with a stimulus-dependent external focus on the source of the mood.

  • Secretiveness is described as needing a root emotional cause like excitement or fear, but consciously keeping energy levels low, direction sharp and focus external to avoid giving the secret away, though maintaining total control is difficult.

So in summary, it analyzes how different moods manifest physically with varying energy levels, directionality and degree of external versus internal focus, and how these are shaped by cultural and biological factors like gender.

  • Secretiveness requires a lot of mental and physical energy to conceal information. People try to redirect this energy through gestures, expressions, or controlling the conversation.

  • The more significant the secret, the more energy someone will expend to hide it. Everything in their mind revolves around preventing discovery.

  • Skillful secretive people maintain external focus in conversations to discover what others know and avoid revealing themselves. They also try to find confidants.

  • Embarrassment occurs when secretiveness is discovered. The person focuses intensely on the cause of embarrassment but doesn’t know where to channel the excess energy, so it comes back at them in different emotions like anger or confusion.

  • How people deal with embarrassing energy depends on culture and role. More comfortable people can handle it gracefully while others lash out.

  • Posture reflects cultural influences on openness, energy levels, flexibility and movements. Different cultures and groups have distinct notions of “proper” posture.

  • Closed body language like crossed arms can signal defensiveness but also other states like fear, confidence or hiding a belly. Context is important.

  • Openness vs closedness in posture signals trustworthiness and vulnerability. Facing someone directly is more confrontational than at an angle. Different cultures have different norms for this.

  • Displays of openness like handshakes, salutes and bows symbolize exposing vulnerable areas to show trust and submission.

  • Clothing and use of hands/objects can act as barriers that imply a closed, less trusting posture.

  • Energy levels from things like sleep affect posture more than facial expressions. Lack of energy leads to drooping posture.

  • Flexibility refers to rounded vs rigid postures. Men naturally have squarer postures due to anatomy, while women are more rounded and fluid. Emotions like anger or tenderness cause postures to become more masculine or feminine respectively.

  • Movement styles are influenced by factors like gender, profession, culture and emotions. Dancers, police etc. have traces of training in daily movement. Emotions affect speed and rigidity of movement.

  • Gait refers to a person’s walking style and can indicate things like urgency, focus, and intent. Military marching is used as an example to illustrate precise gaits.

  • Key aspects of gait include speed, stride length, “lilt” or bounce in the step, and focus. Faster speed usually means more urgency. Stride length can indicate if a person is shortening or lengthening their steps. More bounce suggests positivity, while a flat step may indicate negativity. Tunnel vision shows unfamiliarity with a space.

  • Center of gravity refers to where a person’s energy and movement is focused. American men typically have an upper body focus around the chest, while women are lower around the hips. Gender, weight, and culture impact center of gravity.

  • Exercises are described to have men and women try walking with the “opposite” center of gravity to feel the differences in comfort and natural movement.

  • Aging typically causes centers of gravity to shift lower as muscle mass decreases and weight increases in the midsection over time. This is described as impacting gaits and postures. John Wayne is used as an example of compensating for these aging changes through his distinctive sideways gait.

Here is a summary of key points from the passage:

  • Interrogators and fortune tellers can manipulate people by exploiting their filters - things like gender, culture, assumptions and projections.

  • Filters like where someone grew up and their ethnic background influence their body language in detectable ways.

  • Not being aware of your own filters, or how they affect your perspective, can impair your ability to accurately read others.

  • Gender is a major filter, as biological and anatomical differences lead to powerful biases about the opposite sex. Understanding these differences is important for eliminating biases.

  • Men and women communicate differently due to the influence of primary sex organs on identity and behavior. This impacts nonverbal cues like body language.

  • Cultural factors also strongly influence filters and interpretations. What is deemed normal or acceptable varies across cultures.

  • Assumptions, projections and biases from filters can distort accurate perception if not controlled for. Being aware of probable filters is important for the interrogator or reader.

In summary, the passage discusses how filters related to attributes like gender, culture, location and projections can manipulate perceptions or impair accurate reading if their influences are not recognized and accounted for. Self-awareness of probable filters is presented as key to overcoming their effects.

  • Gender differences start in the womb due to the introduction of hormones like testosterone. Exposure to testosterone in the womb can determine things like finger length ratios.

  • Testosterone tends to make young males take more physical risks, while young females are biologically programmed to protect potential offspring and be less physically risky.

  • Males and females have similar inclinations for social/creative risks, but males are more comfortable with physical risks. Females may be more inclined to take relationship and emotional risks.

  • The female brain and body are designed for nurturing potential offspring, which influences behaviors. The male role in reproduction is more finite - attract, breed, sleep.

  • Differences in the corpus callosum mean the male and female brains communicate information differently. The female brain processes things more creatively and flexibly while the male brain focuses on single tasks.

  • Movement patterns differ between genders due to skeletal differences and the influence of hormones like testosterone. Things like aerobic exercises are often approached differently.

  • Adaptors refer to self-soothing behaviors, and males tend to be more tactile and use adaptors more noticeably than females.

  • Adaptors are involuntary gestures used to relieve stress and discomfort. They vary significantly between individuals and cultures. Some common male adaptors include rubbing eyes, rubbing legs, and hand wringing. Common female adaptors include lightly rubbing under the eyes and finger massaging.

  • Barriers are used to create a protective barrier between oneself and others, demonstrating a need for control or comfort. Men tend to use larger, more distanced barriers while women more openly use clothing or objects as barriers.

  • Illustrators are intentional gestures used to emphasize a point. Women tend to engage their whole body while men use uni-channel illustrators like hands or facial expressions.

  • Culture has a strong influence on the development and meanings of gestures. Adaptors, barriers, and illustrators take on different forms and meanings across genders and cultures. Making assumptions based solely on one’s own cultural understanding can lead to misunderstandings. Elements like space, taboos, and color meanings are interpreted differently in various cultures.

  • The person found themselves intimidated by Darth Vader’s black leather cloak and respirator, which symbolized bad past memories for them.

  • The summarizer asks if Darth Vader would still be intimidating if dressed in bright colors like fuchsia or lime green.

  • Colors have certain cultural meanings and associations. In the past, certain colors like purple were restricted for royalty only through sumptuary laws.

  • Modern American culture allows anyone to wear any colors they want. People form subcultures based on shared styles and symbols, each with their own color and style codes.

  • Public humiliation and mockery can be used as forms of cultural control and social sanctioning to influence behavior and conform to norms. However, responses to humiliation vary - it can define a person or make them adaptive.

  • Informal social hierarchies in schools use humiliation as a way for kids to differentiate each other and establish a pecking order. More formal cultural practices also use humiliation as a form of punishment or deterrent.

  • Populations tend to gravitate towards those perceived as their “own” based on visible characteristics like race or appearance, though other affiliations can become more important than race alone.

  • When observing others, people tend to project their own biases, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and programming onto what they see, which can cloud objective observation.

The passage discusses establishing an individual’s baseline or normal parameters as the “A” step in the R.E.A.D. method for analyzing body language. It’s important to understand what is normal for a particular individual based on their personality, traits, and any medical conditions, rather than making judgments based on societal norms. The author gives examples of baslining a friend with Tourette’s syndrome to understand his normal behavior, as well as noticing individual verbal patterns and differences that may indicate something is influencing a person’s behavior or thought process. Understanding an individual’s baseline is key to accurately analyzing and interpreting their body language.

Here is a summary of the key points about baselining a person’s non-verbal behavior:

  • Baselining involves observing a person in a non-stressful environment to understand their normal/baseline gestures, mannerisms, eye movements, posture, etc. This provides a point of comparison.

  • It’s important to observe both overall body language and specific gestures/movements to get a holistic picture. Consider cultural and gender norms as well.

  • Ask simple, non-threatening questions where you know the answer to observe natural responses. Note details like eye access patterns and where hands/arms gesture.

  • Be cautious of assuming - intuit responses and sense if something seems off even with an “honest” response. Pathological liars can deceive senses and intuition provides another layer of analysis.

  • Ask open questions requiring narratives rather than yes/no answers to access different parts of the brain involved in memory, opinions, etc.

The overall goal of baselining is to understand normal behavior patterns for an individual so any deviations can be identified and analyzed for potential deception or other insights into their mental state. Careful observation over a period of time builds a point of comparison.

  • The signals crossing between the left (logical) and right (creative) hemispheres of the female brain gives women a practical benefit of being able to move quickly back and forth between logical and creative thinking. Women have more of a “revolving door” between hemispheres, while men have more of a “locked door” they need to open to shift between hemispheres.

  • Intuition involves both feelings and facts, so the female brain is better suited to support intuitive thinking due to its ability to freely integrate information from both hemispheres.

  • When baselining someone, it is important not to let prejudices, stereotypes, assumptions or projections influence your read of their behaviors. Focus on observing them objectively without preconceived judgments.

  • Contextual factors like location, the person’s companions, and timing aspects can significantly influence how body language should be interpreted. Settings like home, car, work, church, or an unfamiliar place each set different expectations for behavior.

  • People tend to modify their body language when in the company of superiors, members of the opposite sex they are attracted to, or people they perceive antagonistically. Understanding these relationship dynamics provides context.

Here is a summary of the key points from the section:

  • Politicians, pundits, and stars often rely on strategies or models of behavior that have been successful for them in the past for conflict and influence. Some behaviors are intentional while others have become second nature.

  • Several common strategy models are described:

  1. The Holy Warrior - Associates themselves with a cause to seem beyond reproach and deflect criticism.

  2. I’m Just a Girl - Women use feminine traits and “vulnerable” body language to seem less threatening and elicit protective instincts from men.

  3. The Flirt - Uses charm and personal connection to distract from content and make the other person emotionally invested.

  4. There Is Nothing to See Here - Seems unintelligent/naive through self-deprecation to be underestimated.

  5. I’m Just a Kid - Younger people use naivete and less polished body language to seem less threatening.

  6. The Blamer - Accuses others to force defense/denial and distract from their own behavior.

  7. The Magician - Like a performer, distracts from realities through charisma and showmanship.

The key point is that successful strategies become ingrained behaviors, both conscious and unconscious. Irregularities in the behavior can reveal inconsistencies.

  • The passage analyzes the body language and communication styles of several prominent politicians and public figures, including Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ann Coulter, and Jennifer Aniston.

  • It notes how Bill Clinton is an extremely charismatic extrovert who intently focuses on whoever he’s speaking to and uses facial expressions, gestures, and a persistent smile to engage others. However, his body language may have masked the truth during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

  • Hillary Clinton is described as more mechanical and rigid in her delivery, tightly adhering to prepared statements and shifting her weight when stressed. However, she comes “alive” when passionate about an issue.

  • Ann Coulter projects confidence among conservatives but displays more nervous habits like fidgeting and hair-playing in less controlled settings. She uses her femininity and appearance strategically.

  • Jennifer Aniston was praised for appearing refreshingly authentic and honest during interviews following her high-profile divorce from Brad Pitt, in a way that differentiated her from other famous personalities.

The passage examines the public personas and communication styles of these figures through analyzing their body language, tone, facial expressions, and other nonverbal cues.

  • The passage analyzes Ann Coulter’s body language during interviews where she is challenged or attacked by her ideological opponents. It notes her use of dismissive gestures, nervous laughter, leaning away physically from opponents, and employing “I’m just a girl” body language to try to defuse criticism.

  • When confronted directly by Matt Lauer on the Today show, she becomes a “supplicant” with begging hands, and tries to get the audience on her side when she loses control of the interview.

  • Contrasts her style with more rarely off-script style of Hillary Clinton. Notes George W. Bush’s often critiqued improvisational style and how his body language can project genuineness but also lead to “Bushisms” when he has to retrieve prepared responses from memory.

  • Briefly discusses Mark Foley’s body language during an earlier interview about issues related to his later misconduct scandal.

  • Compares perceptions of Richard Nixon prior to Watergate scandals versus biased modern views, noting his genuine and congruent body language in early career.

  • Analyzes contrasting body language of Rose Kennedy and Jacqueline Kennedy during a campaign interview, seeing Rose as puppet-like while Jackie was rehearsed.

  • Notes how Tom Cruise’s body language shifted into a confrontational, lecturing posture just before he strongly criticized Matt Lauer during their infamous Scientology-focused interview.

Here is a summary of the key points without personal opinions or additional commentary:

The passage discusses interactions between politicians, pundits, and celebrities on television and how their body language can provide insights. It analyzes episodes featuring Senator Barbara Boxer, Senator John Kerry interacting with Bill O’Reilly, and Johnny Depp’s appearance on David Letterman’s show. The analysis suggests Boxer’s gestures sometimes didn’t match her words, while Kerry controlled the conversation with O’Reilly using his body language and facial expressions. Depp appeared to be himself rather than putting on a character during the interview due to introverted behaviors like fidgeting. Celebrity interactions on TV evolve through experience promoting certain strategies. In general, the ability to effectively manage body language can help control and influence conversations, as shown through examples of nodding to encourage speaking and subtly looking at a watch to end a discussion.

Here is a summary of the key points about using body language to repel others:

  • You can use negative body language behaviors strategically to make the other person feel like they need your validation and approval. This includes repelling motions that force the person to try to win your approval.

  • Examples of body language that can repel include strong barriers like crossed arms, exaggerated illustrators like finger wagging, increased physical distance, slow or halting responses to create a sense of uncertainty, and artificially creating stress in the other person through violating their personal space norms.

  • Managing the stress you create can then make the other person feel relieved and thankful towards you when you relieve it, bringing them closer to you even though you were the original source of stress.

  • Confrontational body language from daily conflicts can mirror theories of why groups engage in war, such as creating solidarity amongst one’s own group by highlighting differences from others.

So in summary, certain negative or confrontational body language poses can strategically be used to repel others or force them into seeking one’s approval and validation.

Here are the key points about using body language to your advantage in business:

  • Business is a microculture or sub-tribe composed of people from multiple cultural backgrounds coming together for a common purpose. You need to learn the social norms of the business “tribe”.

  • Your first step is to assess the business tribe - understand who the influential or “super-typical” people are, both formal leaders and informal leaders whose influence exceeds their title.

  • Super-typical people shape norms and priorities through their own behaviors and styles. You should observe their body language to understand what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable in your particular office culture.

  • Mirroring the body language of super-typicals builds rapport and subconsciously signals that you share their perspectives and priorities. However, don’t overdo mirroring or it will seem ingenuine.

  • Pay attention to status cues like spatial distance, facial expressions, eye contact and touch norms. Understanding status dynamics helps you navigate office politics more effectively.

  • Confrontational body language should generally be avoided, but controlled, confident body language can help you advocate for your ideas successfully in meetings.

  • Be aware of cultural norms around gestures, eye contact, timing of responses etc. to ensure your body language does not unintentionally cause offense.

This passage describes several types of informal leaders or influencers that can exist within an organization, even without an official title. It outlines their typical behaviors and how to identify them based on body language cues.

The main types discussed are the Alpha (official top leader), the Influence Peddler (wields power through relationships), the Advisor (trusted confidant of the Alpha), the Instigator (stirs up trouble for influence), and the Coalition Builder (brokers compromises that benefit themselves the most).

It provides advice on how to spot these individuals based on their posture, gestures, social behaviors, and interactions with others. It also recommends strategies for dealing with each type, such as co-opting them, forcing confrontations to divide them from allies, or positioning oneself as more important to their sphere of influence.

Overall, the passage examines the dynamics of informal leadership and how understanding nonverbal behaviors can help uncover hidden powers within an organizational structure. It advocates both defensive and offensive tactics for managing relationships with different social/political players.

  • Using body language passively can help understand a personal situation better, like if trying to determine if a spouse is being honest, but should avoid manipulative techniques.

  • When dealing with salespeople, fundraisers, etc. who intrude, crossed arms, looking at a watch, lack of eye contact and expressionless face sends a clear “go away” message without having to abruptly say no.

  • Car dealers are different as most people visiting have intent to buy, so they prey on body language showing excitement or interest to make a sale.

  • In social interactions, mirroring others’ body language can help build rapport and likeability by creating a sense of similarity and connection. But overmirroring seems fake.

  • Touch should generally be avoided in most professional and social contexts due to perceptions of intention or implied meaning behind different types of touch.

  • Smiling is usually a positive thing to do in social and professional settings as it conveys friendliness and puts others at ease.

The passage discusses using body language to gain an advantage in negotiations, dating situations, and committed relationships.

It advises observing someone’s baseline behavior to understand their true intentions. In negotiations, getting the other person out from behind their desk allows you to negotiate more effectively.

When facing high-pressure sales tactics, turn the tactic back on the person to diffuse it. With dating, look for signs of acceptance like opening body language and mirrored posture.

In committed relationships, past fights are often due to undefined expectations. Using body language reading skills can help understand a partner’s subtle signals and rise above emotional responses to issues. Observation can reveal if a partner is behaving differently regarding a suspicious topic.

Overall, the passage promotes careful observation of body language cues to gain insights into other people’s intentions and navigate interpersonal interactions more successfully, especially when there may be deception, pressure tactics or past hurt feelings involved. Reading body language is positioned as a useful skill across various contexts.

  • Body language is profoundly influenced by culture. Factors like gender, age, culture, and context must all be considered when interpreting body language.

  • Establishing a “baseline” of normal behavior for an individual is important for accurate reading.

  • Context provides crucial cues for understanding body language. Companions, antagonists, gender, and whether a person is typical or super-typical in their culture/group all impact context.

  • Culture creates norms around behaviors like adaptors, barriers, gestures, and use of space that outsiders may misinterpret.

  • Body language skills should be used thoughtfully and not as “weapons” or tricks. R.E.A.D. (Review, Evaluate, Analyze, Decide) is presented as a careful method.

  • Factors like disabilities, birth defects, or emotional states can strongly shape an individual’s body language patterns.

  • Confrontation and conflict, even war, are analyzed through lenses of play, politics, solidarity, and human nature. Care is urged around confrontation.

Here is a summary of the document outline:

The book is divided into 4 parts:

Part I provides basics on body language including the steps to reading body language and how culture influences it.

Part II teaches the R.E.A.D. method (Review, Evaluate, Analyze, Decide) for analyzing body language. It covers reviewing different body parts and gestures, taking a holistic view, and addressing filters like sex.

Part III applies the skills to real examples like politicians and personal interactions. It covers using body language in business and personal life.

Part IV concludes by discussing using the R.E.A.D. method.

Additional sections include a glossary and index. The content provides actionable advice on developing proficiency in reading non-verbal cues and understanding what different behaviors truly signify.

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About Matheus Puppe