Integrity The Courage to Meet the Demands

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Here are a few key points in summary:

Successful people tend to have 3 key qualities: competencies/skills, alliance-building abilities, and character.
Many talented people have the first two qualities but lack character, which causes them to “screw it up.”
Character involves things like integrity, honesty, reliability, humility, self-control. It’s about who you are as a person.
We’ve all seen talented people fail due to lack of character. We’ve also felt our own lack of character holding us back at times.
Character is the most important factor for long-term success. It allows skills and abilities to fully shine and grow.
The book will explore how to develop character and integrity to meet the demands of reality and achieve true success.

In essence, character and integrity enable our talents to blossom, while lack of character causes even the most skilled to ultimately fail. The book will delve into building character as the key to unlocking our potential.

Here are the key points from the passage:

Character is more than just ethics and integrity. It encompasses a person’s whole makeup and determines if they can reach their full potential.
Many honest, ethical people still fall short in key areas like gaining others’ trust, seeing realities, delivering results, dealing with failures, and transcending self-interest.
Character issues often have more impact on success than professional skills or knowledge. But we don’t get much training on character development.
The author has seen talented people limited by character issues for over 20 years. He wants to provide a way to understand character that helps people avoid: hitting a lower performance ceiling than their abilities, getting derailed by situations they’re unequipped for, or self-destructing after achieving success.
The book will draw more on the author’s experience than leadership theory. It will focus on the personal makeup issues that cause some people to get stuck and others to thrive. Addressing these can help people attain the success their talents should afford them.

Here is a summary of the key points about character, integrity, and reality from the passage:

A leader’s character is revealed not just in their accomplishments but also in how they treat people. Their “wake” has two sides - the task side (results) and the relationship side (how people were impacted).
Integrity involves looking honestly at the full picture of results and costs, not just highlighting positives. The CEO was initially focused only on the salesperson’s revenue results, not the costs of settlements, lost time, morale issues etc caused by his behavior.
Reality is accepting the full truth of both sides of the wake - the raw results as well as the true impact on people. Excuses and spin do not change the wake that is left behind.
Character is revealed in the wake. If people were hurt, diminished or disrespected, it indicates poor character despite any accomplishments. Leaders must strive to leave a wake where people are better off from the relationship.
The test of character is whether people would want to work with that person again. The salesperson’s wake indicated people felt driven too hard, disrespected and diminished, revealing self-centeredness versus serving others.

The key is evaluating character based on the full reality of a person’s wake - both achievements and treatment of people. Excuses and spin do not define character. The true test is whether people were lifted up or diminished.

The author interviewed references for a potential hire named Amy. The references spoke very highly of Amy’s work, results, and impact on clients and coworkers.
The author also asked for critiques of Amy to get a full picture. The references acknowledged some minor areas where she could improve, but said these were not major issues.
Most importantly, when asked if they would hire Amy again, the references enthusiastically said yes without hesitation. This strong endorsement of Amy’s overall performance and character was a deciding factor in the author’s decision to hire her.
The author contrasts this with a CEO named Brad who hired a VP with great sales results but poor character that ultimately undermined the company.
This illustrates that character encompasses more than just ethics and morals. Key abilities like building trust, repairing relationships, confronting problems, and not avoiding conflict are also aspects of character vital for performance.
The author defines character as “the makeup of a person that determines one’s responses across various situations that life presents”. It is the integrity of a person’s makeup that allows them to withstand the demands of reality without crashing and burning.
In this way, character determines performance capability just as the integrity of an airplane’s design determines its capability to withstand the demands of speed, weather, and maneuvering.

Here are the key points from the passage:

The author’s wealthy friend only invests in businesses he thoroughly understands. He does not invest in things like sports teams or airlines just because other wealthy people do.
However, the friend does invest in other businesses he is not familiar with. But he invests in the people running those businesses, not the businesses themselves.
The friend looks for people with strong character, judgment, risk assessment, execution skills, etc. If he knows the person well and trusts their abilities, he will invest in them even if he doesn’t know the business.
The passage emphasizes that successful business is more about having the right people than about markets, strategy, or resources. With the right people you can adapt to challenges. But without the right people, even good markets and plans will fail.
The key is finding people of strong character to drive the business. Their abilities and judgment are more important than the specifics of the business plan or market conditions.

Here are the key points I gathered from the summary:

Integrity involves more than just ethics and morals - it encompasses being a whole, integrated person where all parts are functioning well.
While we have strengths and weaknesses, character transcends gifts/talents - integrity of character affects our ability to capitalize on strengths.
Integrity enables us to “deliver the goods”, meet demands of reality, and get results.
The model of integrity includes 6 key abilities:

Connect authentically (builds trust)
Oriented toward truth (to operate in reality)
Get results and finish well (to reach goals)
Embrace negative (to resolve/transform problems)
Growth-oriented
Transcendent perspective

Having integrity in these areas leads to effectiveness, good relationships, and achieving meaningful results. Lack of integrity in these areas negatively impacts fruitfulness.

Here are the key points I took away from the passage:

Character is defined as the ability to meet the demands of reality. It is what enables us to achieve goals and have successful relationships.
Character has six key components or traits: bonding to reality, confronting reality, vision, problem solving, delay of gratification, and creating growth.
We need integration or completeness in these areas. When one area is underdeveloped or “missing”, we get into trouble. Strengths can become weaknesses without balance from other character traits.
The gap between where we are and where we could be in these traits is opportunity for growth. Dysfunction occurs when efforts to improve actually make things worse.
To develop character integrity: 1) Accept the necessity of personal development to meet reality’s demands 2) Understand the components of character to know what to improve 3) Work toward integrating all aspects of character to become whole. As we do this, we gain strength and no weakness can stop us.
A new company president was addressing the management teams of two merging health care companies for the first time. There was anticipation in the room about this important moment.
The president analyzed industry trends and talked about opportunities created by the changing landscape. His brainpower gave people confidence things could still work out financially.
A woman manager asked what would happen to her division and people with the new strategy. She was concerned about major shake-ups. The president quickly dismissed her concerns with numbers showing there would be plenty of work.
The woman seemed hurt that the president didn’t understand her position or address the human impact. Others in the room related.
Another manager raised concerns about merging sales teams with different backgrounds. Again the president dismissed the concerns by saying new products would make it work.
People seemed puzzled that the president thought there would be no problems with the salespeople merge.
Another question was about benefits changes. The president said the big picture would make people happy despite any current benefits loss.
The questioner knew there would be transition issues the president wasn’t recognizing.
The overall feeling in the room deflated as the president failed to connect with the managers’ real concerns.
The president held a meeting with employees who were concerned about upcoming changes. However, instead of listening and empathizing, he dismissed their concerns and insisted they were wrong.
After the meeting, the author told the president he had completely missed connecting with the employees’ concerns and fears. But the president didn’t understand and denied doing that.
The president lacked integrity - he was unable to truly listen, understand, and empathize with what people were thinking and feeling. As a result, people didn’t feel heard or connected with, even though he was nice and caring.
Integrity requires fully entering into people’s experiences and realities, not just being nice. Connecting with people’s hearts and concerns builds trust and gains their willing participation.
The president could have made the same decisions but first taken time to understand people’s perspectives. Doing so would have built connection and brought them along, instead of just imposing his will.
Integrity is key in any relationship - with employees, kids, spouses - to move beyond compliance to gaining people’s best efforts out of desire, passion and willingness.
The story describes a CEO who was removed from his position because he lacked empathy and connection with his employees.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It requires being in touch with one’s own emotions, having good boundaries, and communicating understanding through listening.
The former CEO was likely listening and hearing people’s concerns, but he failed to communicate that he understood how they felt. As a result, people did not feel a connection with him.
In contrast, the example of the waiter who apologizes that the soup is cold shows empathy. The waiter understands the customer’s disappointment and communicates that he cares.
Empathic, connected leaders win people’s hearts and trust. Just being “nice” is not enough - you have to show genuine interest in others, cross over into their world, and let them know you care.
The story illustrates how a lack of empathy and connection undermined the CEO’s effectiveness, despite his intelligence and skills. Building bonds with others requires character traits like empathy, curiosity about others, and communicating understanding.
True listening and understanding occurs when the other person feels you understand their experience. This happens when you connect with their perspective and communicate that back to them.
The CEO in the example failed to listen and understand. He was focused on his own perspective and invalidated the concerns raised by others about the merger. This disconnects people.
Invalidation destroys connection. It occurs when someone negates another person’s experience as not real or valid.
Empathizing does not mean you have to agree. But you should make the effort to understand the other’s viewpoint and communicate that back before persuading them to your view.
The example with the construction company illustrated how taking time to understand another’s experience provided needed context and allowed them to resolve the conflict.
Connecting requires getting out of your own viewpoint and genuinely seeking to understand the other person’s experience. This builds trust and unity. Failure to do this causes disconnection.
Sheila was shocked when her business partner Sarah betrayed her by leaving to start a competing company and taking half the employees.
I understood why Sarah did it - she had tried talking to Sheila about problems but felt invalidated and disconnected from her for years.
When people feel their concerns are invalidated by someone, they eventually give up on being heard by that person. But they still seek to be understood by someone, so they find sympathetic ears elsewhere.
Sarah found support from key employees and investors who also felt discounted by Sheila. Together they split off to start a new company.
Sheila couldn’t understand how this happened because she and Sarah were best friends and partners.
But Sheila had invalidated Sarah’s experiences and concerns for years without truly listening. Sarah finally went elsewhere to find connection.
The human heart seeks to be known and connected. If you don’t connect with people, they will find someone else who will.
Sheila’s lack of connecting with Sarah led Sarah to find that connection through betraying Sheila and splitting off with part of the company.

Here are a few key points I gathered from the summary:

The person being asked about (Joe) is fundamentally honest and will not lie, cheat or steal. However, there are still some concerns about fully trusting him.
The issue is that Joe is mainly looking out for his own interests and not necessarily the interests of others he is working with. He won’t intentionally harm others, but he also won’t go out of his way to look out for them.
The advice is to make sure to get everything in writing and have ironclad contracts and smart lawyers to protect your own interests when working with Joe. This will compensate for Joe’s self-interest and ensure your needs are met.
Even though Joe has integrity in terms of being honest, there is a lack of really extending care and favor to look out for the interests of others. This makes it hard to fully trust him.
The friend went ahead with the deal after getting good legal protections in place and it worked out well. But extra precautions had to be taken due to concerns about Joe only looking out for himself.

In summary, the issue is that while Joe has honesty and won’t violate ethics, he lacks the character quality of extending favor and care to look out for the interests of others he works with. This limits the ability to fully trust him, even though he has integrity in other areas. Protecting your own interests through legal means can compensate.

The author was at a party and a man came up to him, saying he had followed the author’s advice in a business deal. The advice worked out well, but the man realized he still had to protect his own interests and tie everything up contractually.
This illustrates the difference between someone who can be trusted to fulfill agreements, versus someone with true integrity who looks out for your interests as well as their own.
True trust means you can be “careless” and not worry about protecting yourself, because the other person has your interests in mind too.
The author gives an example of a business owner who listened to employee complaints about benefits. Though he was already spending more than competitors, he researched and found an even better benefits package that also saved money.
Rather than keeping the savings, he put it into a retirement trust for employees. This showed he looked out for their interests even when he didn’t have to.
When both parties look out for each other’s interests, great things happen - negotiations, relationships, and business endeavors thrive without defensiveness.
True integrity comes from a stance of being “for” the other person, not neutral or against. This orientation reflects how much someone values people.
There are two types of people when it comes to trust and relationships. The first type quickly feels attacked or suspicious when something goes wrong. They view the world as “us vs them” and are always expecting conflict. This makes it hard to fully trust them.
The second type desires good relationships as long as they are treated well. They will reciprocate care and support. However, if something goes wrong, they withdraw and the relationship suffers. Their care is conditional on being cared for.
True trust comes from integrity - caring for others’ best interests unconditionally, even when they fail or let you down. This “grace” means extending unmerited help and favor to bring out the best in people.
Leaders and parents with grace empower others to meet high standards by providing support and resources, not just demands. In relationships, grace tries to be a redemptive force, not abandoning others for their failures.
People with integrity and grace uplift others and situations. They create lasting trust and do not get dragged down by others’ shortcomings.

Here are the key points I gathered from the summary:

For trust to work in relationships, there needs to be a balance of power and vulnerability. Too little power and people can’t depend on you. Too much power and people can’t relate to you.
My mother was able to help me persevere through a difficult time at school when I was sick. She showed both strength by pushing me to go, but also vulnerability and relatability by admitting she also sometimes doesn’t want to go to work when feeling sick.
Her vulnerability allowed me to connect with and internalize her strength. She integrated my discouragement with ability.
To build trust, you need to show enough vulnerability for people to identify with, but enough strength for them to depend on. The combination of the two allows people to internalize your good qualities.

Here are a few key points about being oriented toward truth as an aspect of integrity:

Being oriented toward truth means being in touch with reality, even when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. The CEO in the story was not oriented toward the truth that dogs simply didn’t like the dog food.
An orientation toward truth requires humility - being open to feedback and willing to admit when you’re wrong. The CEO was arrogant and kept blaming others instead of facing facts.
Leaders with integrity seek truth, even if it means challenging long-held assumptions or beliefs. They are willing to question themselves and listen to others who see things differently.
Truth-seeking requires curiosity and learning - staying open to new information and perspectives. The CEO lacked curiosity and shut out the real problem.
Integrity demands seeing the world clearly, without distortion or spin. Reality must take priority over ego or maintaining a self-image.
Truth orientation is crucial for solving problems. You have to diagnose issues accurately in order to fix them. The CEO kept missing the root cause.
Being oriented toward truth builds trust and credibility. No one will follow leaders who distort or deny reality. They appear delusional.

In summary, an orientation toward truth is about humility, openness, curiosity, clear perception of reality, and a willingness to seek and accept the truth even when difficult. This dimension of integrity is fundamental to all other aspects of character.

Here are a few key points I took away from the summary:

Basic truthfulness and honesty are foundational to good character, but not enough for full success. Successful people need to have an increasing grasp of truth and reality.
People often lie or distort the truth to avoid negative consequences or make others happy. But deceit usually leads to bigger problems down the road than just facing the hard truths.
Truthfulness means representing reality as best you understand it. But successful people need to constantly expand their understanding of reality in areas critical to their goals.
Just having a great product isn’t enough if you don’t understand the realities of marketing, distribution, etc. Success requires seeing the whole picture clearly, not just bits of truth.
Integrity requires seeking out and embracing hard truths, even when it’s uncomfortable or requires change. Facing reality head-on is key to reaching one’s potential.
Truthfulness is about more than just avoiding outright lies. It’s an orientation toward pursuing ever-deeper knowledge of the full truth in all areas relevant to your aims.
Reality is your friend. Facing the truth, no matter how difficult, is the only way to make real progress and achieve results.
High achievers confront reality head-on. They don’t avoid or deny the facts. Those who avoid reality live in a fantasy that prevents them from seeing what needs to be done.
There is usually a reason why things are the way they are. To improve your situation, you need to understand the underlying realities.
Successful people seek out reality. They don’t assume they already know the truth. The pastor Rick Warren went door-to-door asking people why they didn’t go to church before starting his own.
Being in touch with reality requires humility and a learning orientation. You have to be open to discovering truths you may not want to hear. Arrogance blinds you.
Character strengths like humility, openness, flexibility, and patience help people see reality clearly without filters and blind spots. Honesty alone isn’t enough.
Face reality with courage and wisdom, using it as a platform to create positive change. Don’t avoid it or dwell on it negatively. Reality is a starting point.
The CEO of a dog food company took it from near failure to nearly a billion dollars in sales in two years. He accomplished this by seeking to truly understand his customers and their beliefs about teeth and toothpaste.
He had the humility to admit he didn’t know it all and went to live on a rice farm to learn about how people used detergent. This allowed him to grasp the reality that Chinese people saw teeth as impervious enamel that just needed surface cleaning.
When he showed them that teeth actually have pores and holes that fluoride fills and strengthens, he saw a strong consumer response to Crest toothpaste with fluoride.
Seeking reality instead of making assumptions was key to his success. Those with an orientation toward truth actively seek it out instead of being passive or avoiding it.
They seek reality about the external world, feedback about themselves, and operate with humility rather than arrogance about what they know.
Top performers rely on knowing their true strengths and weaknesses, but you can’t know these without seeking honest feedback from others.
Those who excel maximize strengths rather than focus on fixing weaknesses. But this requires first knowing what those strengths and weaknesses are through seeking reality.

Here are a few key points I gathered from the summary:

Winners seek the truth about themselves, even if it is difficult or painful. They have the courage to face their weaknesses and faults, with the help of outside feedback.
We naturally tend to avoid seeing the full truth about ourselves, often out of fear, a fixed self-view, lack of skills to handle it, or not wanting to redo our life plan. Winners overcome this by actively seeking candid feedback.
At Willow Creek Church, they have a culture of wanting the “last 10%” of feedback - the part people usually hold back to avoid hurting feelings. This helps them improve.
We also distort the truth about others, often due to unresolved issues from our past projecting onto them, our own needs clouding perception, or not being in touch with something in ourselves. Winners seek truth about others too.
Facing the truthful reality about ourselves and others, though difficult, allows us to negotiate life and meet external demands better. Integrity involves hunger for truth.

Here are the key points from the summarized text:

The leader was not paying attention to his responsibilities and was deceiving people into thinking things were better than they were. He was projecting his own faults onto others.
He idealized another person’s strengths because he could not see those strengths in himself. He needed to recognize his own capabilities rather than hiring someone else.
People with integrated character tend to see others more clearly, without distortion. They seek to truly know someone before making major decisions about them.
Successful people have an “observing ego” - the ability to monitor their own thoughts, behaviors, etc. This self-awareness allows them to self-correct.
They can “neutralize” hard truths, delivering or receiving them without extreme emotion, so the truth can be used productively.
They also don’t get overly excited by positive news, keeping a realistic perspective.
Mature character brings care, reality and truth together, leaving no aspect out.

Here are the key points in summarizing the passage on Jekyll and Hyde:

Splitting is when some aspect of ourselves is not connecting with another, often its polar opposite.
The most common form is splitting between “good” and “bad”. This is seen as immature character formation.
Infants and young children tend to see things in black and white terms, not shades of gray. This is developmentally normal early on.
But mature adults need to see themselves, others, and the world in more nuanced, whole representations, not just “all good” or “all bad”.
People who engage in splitting miss a lot of reality and can make unwise decisions based on this limited perspective.
If someone sees a person or situation as “all bad” based on one frustration, they may fail to see the good parts and potentials. Their judgment becomes unreliable.
Mature character formation involves integrating the good and bad to see whole representations of people and situations, leading to wiser judgments and decisions. Moving beyond the splitting of “Jekyll and Hyde”.
Mature characters are able to see the “whole person”, not just their mistakes or flaws. They can see someone’s strengths and good qualities along with their faults.
Similarly, mature characters can see the full, complex picture when looking at outside issues and realities. They don’t just see one side or pole of an argument.
Immature characters tend to see things in black-and-white, either-or terms. They struggle with complexity and gray areas.
Mature functioning requires the ability to assimilate new information and accommodate it into one’s worldview. This means taking in new data and adapting one’s perspective.
Immature characters often ward off or reject new information that challenges their existing views. This can be due to arrogance, pride, fear of change, etc.
The ability to assimilate and accommodate is key for relationships, business, and life in general. It allows one to adapt to changing realities. Those who can’t do this often stay stuck.
Examples are provided of business leaders who failed to assimilate new realities like the internet or supermarket trends. Their inability to accommodate change led to being left behind.
High performers tend to have certain character traits and ways of operating that lead to getting results beyond just working hard. Developing character is as important as developing job skills.
Knowing your strengths and limitations, and focusing your efforts in your areas of talent, is crucial for success. This requires having a well-defined sense of identity and self-awareness.
Being honest with yourself about what you are good at and not good at, and structuring your work accordingly, leads to better results. The example is given of the entrepreneur who was told to step back from operations to allow someone else to manage it so he could focus on his strengths.
Delaying gratification and having perseverance to see goals through over the long haul is another trait of high achievers. They stay focused on the end goal and don’t get distracted.
Passion and purpose motivates people to push through challenges. Understanding your deeper motivations helps fuel perseverance.
Surrounding yourself with talented people who have strengths you lack is important for success. This requires humility and letting go of ego.
Character ultimately matters more than talent. Developing integrity, maturity and wisdom leads to getting the right results.
The story is about a surgeon who followed his father and grandfather into the profession, even though his true talents were in the arts. He was living out a “family script” rather than his own identity.
Because surgery was not his true passion, he made errors and faced malpractice suits. The hospital moved him out of surgery.
When he moved to a new city, he embraced his identity and talents in the arts. He found engagement, fulfillment, and success.
People with secure identities are confident in who they are and what they’re good at. They don’t try to be something they’re not.
Finding one’s identity requires risk-taking and experimentation. Fears and other character flaws can prevent this.
Humility paradoxically builds confidence. Knowing one’s strengths and limitations avoids arrogance.
The ready, aim, fire process illustrates character. Being ready means preparing and having discipline versus jumping in impulsively.
Impulsiveness leads to failure. Due diligence and delaying gratification are key to being ready and succeeding. Character determines readiness.
Readying oneself is also key - growing in needed capacities. Character flaws versus strengths determine growth and readiness.

The section discusses the importance of leaders being willing to make hard calls and decisions, even if they may upset or hurt people. It uses an anecdote about a woman who was too afraid to fire her nanny directly, so she and her husband had to hire someone else to do it for them. The author argues that the inability to make hard decisions that may adversely affect people will limit a person’s success and ability to accomplish things. Leaders often have to make choices for the greater good that will disappoint some. The more responsibility one has, the harder the decisions become. While being uncaring is bad, nothing erodes respect more than an inability to make tough calls. Leaders who can make difficult decisions gain loyalty and trust, as people know they will do what is necessary even if unpopular. The section emphasizes that integrated character involves the moral strength and resolve to make hard choices for the right reasons when required.

The ability to persevere in the face of obstacles is a key character trait for success. Dr. Cloud gives an example from when he was starting his first company at age 29 - he had a vision to create an ideal psychiatric hospital but faced numerous roadblocks in finding a facility. After setbacks and almost giving up, he finally secured a hospital through perseverance and creativity. Though the journey was difficult, the hospital succeeded and led to further opportunities.

Dr. Cloud argues that learning to “lose well” is equally important. Everyone will face losses and failures. Winners lose well - they learn from losses and don’t repeat mistakes. Losers lose poorly - they don’t learn and continue repeating the same losses. The ability to learn from losses and persist through obstacles requires courage, judgment, resilience and other aspects of character. Developing these is key to future success.

Some people are unable to accept and move on from losses or failures. They get stuck reliving the loss rather than learning from it and moving forward. This causes them to repeat the same mistakes.
Integrated characters are able to face the reality of a loss, grieve it, and then move on. They engage in an “autopsy” to understand what went wrong so they can learn from it.
It’s important to take time to process and metabolize the experience before jumping into something new. This allows you to take the lessons forward and leave behind what is not helpful.
High performers are able to let go of things that are working but are not the best option. They don’t get stuck holding onto mediocrity just because it’s working.
Letting go of things that are only partially working takes maturity and character. It’s being able to see the bigger picture rather than clinging to what provides short-term satisfaction.
Overall, the ability to lose well, learn from losses, and let go of mediocrity is a key factor that separates successful people from others. It demonstrates emotional health, integrity, and a focus on real achievement.

Here are a few key points about embracing problems and negative realities:

Successful people don’t avoid problems - they face into them directly and address them promptly. They lean into problems rather than running away.
They see problems as opportunities to improve things. With the right mindset and character, problems can be transformed into profitable outcomes.
Embracing problems requires maturity and character traits like courage, persistence, creativity, optimism, and taking responsibility. Complaining or blaming others doesn’t solve anything.
Scheduling difficult conversations and clearing up issues before moving on is wise. Lingering problems only cause more damage over time.
Language matters - the way people talk about problems reveals their orientation. Passive language distances oneself, while active language like “face into” shows a willingness to engage.
Those who build success embrace negative realities as a part of life and business. With the right equipment of character, problems can be resolved in ways that leave everyone better off.
The bottom line is that problems are inevitable but overcoming them leads to growth. Avoiding problems guarantees stagnation. Character determines how one faces challenges.

Here are a few key points summarizing the passage:

Integrated character actively seeks out and resolves negative issues rather than avoiding them. Facing problems is seen as an opportunity for improvement, not something to fear.
Successful people have the internal fortitude to embrace problems. They see it as necessary to get to a better place, like going to the dentist to resolve a toothache. Avoidance only prolongs the pain.
Tiger Woods provides an example. After a record Masters win as a pro, he still worked to improve his game even though it meant initially struggling and losing. This character led to even more success.
Avoiding clear problems erodes trust in leaders. Decisively dealing with issues improves morale and performance, as one company found when they finally addressed a dysfunctional executive.
Problems that are truly addressed can be resolved quickly. Avoidance draws out pain for years, but once dealt with, normalcy returns within weeks and months. Integrated character allows people to face problems head on and reap the benefits on the other side.
The ability to recover quickly after setbacks or failures is a sign of strong character and integrity. My friend who launched an unsuccessful venture demonstrated this by analyzing what went wrong and figuring out how to fix it, rather than getting discouraged.
People like Michael who withdraw when things go badly likely learned this response in childhood as a defense mechanism. With new supportive experiences, he was able to develop the ability to recover instead of shutting down.
High achievers have a stable sense of self separate from their results and performances. They can accept negative outcomes without feeling damaged personally.
Being differentiated and having an intact identity apart from others’ feelings allows someone to deal with interpersonal problems without becoming infected by the issues.
Taking ownership of mistakes and failures rather than blaming circumstances shows integrity. Jim tried to avoid responsibility by saying he just followed directions, but true character involves owning the outcome.
Jim was a VP of HR who engineered a “layoff” to get rid of some store managers he wanted to fire, rather than properly documenting their performance issues.
This caused chaos - employees worried about the business, suppliers threatened to withhold orders, and morale plummeted.
Jim took no responsibility for these results. He felt he had “followed policy” so he did nothing wrong.
The author argues leaders must take ownership of results, not just follow orders. Blaming others cripples improvement.
People blame to preserve a “good self” image and avoid shame. This comes from seeking praise to overcome low self-worth.
Acceptance of one’s imperfections is needed to take responsibility. Blame also avoids the hard work of solving problems.
Leaders must take responsibility for results, not just be “order followers.” This empowers improvement, not cripples it through blame.

Confronting problems productively is an essential aspect of character integrity. Both failing to confront issues and confronting in a destructive manner lead to negative outcomes. Integrated people confront problems directly while preserving relationships and caring about positive results. They “go hard on the issue and soft on the person.” After resolving problems, integrated people let go of negativity and forgive, instead of holding on to grudges. This allows relationships and people to move forward in a healthy way. Overall, confronting with care and letting go with forgiveness demonstrate integrity and lead to better personal and professional outcomes.

Here are the key points from the passage:

The author has a friend who had a successful early career in the music industry but left it to start over in another industry as a beginner.
This friend was motivated by a curiosity to learn new things and a desire to do something different, not just settle into a comfortable career path.
Instead of moving to another industry in a comfortable CFO type role, the friend started over at the bottom as a beginner.
This demonstrated an orientation toward growth and increase - a desire to keep learning, taking on new challenges, and expanding his abilities, rather than just maintaining the status quo.
The friend went into real estate and had to start learning the basics of that business from scratch, showing humility and openness to being a novice again.
After getting experience in real estate, the friend then went on to start a successful tech company, again demonstrating a drive for increase and new challenges.
The author sees this continual desire for growth, learning and new experiences as a sign of character - not being content with past successes but always seeking increase.
The man had a desire to grow, learn, and become more than he was. He was driven by curiosity and a hunger for growth.
He started in real estate with no experience, but studied, took courses, and slowly built up expertise. He started small with minimal overhead, and worked his way up over time.
He applied this same drive for mastery and growth to other areas of life - golf, cycling, personal development, spirituality. He was relentless in his pursuit of improvement.
This drive for growth and increase is about becoming more complete, gaining more skills and abilities. It goes beyond just solving problems or maintaining things.
People with this character trait create growth and increase wherever they focus their efforts - their relationships, careers, organizations.
This growth drive is integrating - it connects to other character traits like problem-solving. It’s hard to truly grow without also solving problems.
The key is that true growth requires sustained effort and pushing past pain and grief to reach new capacities. It’s a constant force inside.
Growth is natural with use and connection. Without drive, growth stops and decay begins. This man’s unrelenting curiosity fueled continual increase.
Growth and development require an innate drive and hunger. This drive can be stimulated and encouraged, allowing talents to flourish. Or it can be criticized, injured and stifled, causing talents to wither.
The character of a person is shaped by these early experiences. If the drive to grow is encouraged, it can last a lifetime. If injured, it can be lost.
People like Joel have had their drive to grow injured and stifled. As a result, their desire for new experiences is instantly killed off by the critical internal voice formed from those early experiences. This causes them to remain stuck, without the motivation to grow and change.
For growth to happen, there must be freedom from internal attack and fear of failure. People need space to try new things and integrate new capacities. But negative messages shut this down.
Loss of the hunger and drive to grow causes people to become zombies, just maintaining day to day life. Their potential goes unrealized, like an invisible museum that is never built. Character must keep the drive alive.
Growth requires taking risks and stepping outside one’s comfort zone. But successful people take calculated risks based on abilities they have developed, not pure gambles.
Risk involves voluntarily exposing oneself to potential danger or negative outcomes. But character growth means having the resources to withstand those potential outcomes.
People of character take risks as an expression of who they’ve become through growth, not as blind leaps of faith. It’s a natural progression of developed abilities.
Relationally, people take risks like vulnerability after developing relationship skills to handle potential fallout. Growth precedes bigger risks.
Stagnation happens when past pains cause detachment from desires and belief in growth. Overcoming those experiences rekindles hope and drive.
Risk for successful people is taking responsibility vs staying in security. It’s using abilities in new arenas, not attempting what they’re unprepared for.
In summary, calculated risks express and further growth, while blind risks without developed character are like gambling and don’t lead to growth.
Growth requires taking risks, but smart risks that naturally evolve from internal growth, not foolish risks or gambling. Divorced people devastated by a breakup who quickly risk everything in a new relationship are not growing wisely.
Two ingredients are needed for growth: 1) Energy - input and fuel from outside sources pushing you to grow, like a coach or support group. Lack of outside pushes is the #1 reason people don’t grow. 2) A template - a structure, path or direction to shape the growth, like a training program.
People oriented toward growth spend time and money on experiences and structures for growth - coaches, training, education, retreats, spiritual development groups, etc. These are concrete in their calendars and checkbooks.
Growth-oriented leaders invest in developing themselves and their teams, even when busy. They make time and spend money on growth, not waiting until they have time.
Submitting to structures for growth requires courage and facing those who may be upset you are investing in yourself. But lacking investment leads to stagnation.
Characters who grow have an eye for the future and the character to pursue it proactively. They don’t just wait for the future to come to them.
They seek out mentors and are willing to submit to their guidance, even if it’s uncomfortable. They are open to criticism and feedback.
They value accomplishments in the present but don’t rest on their laurels. They balance celebrating growth while striving for more.
They take on challenges that demand more of them than they are currently able to deliver, forcing growth.
They put themselves in situations where they have to expand their abilities and can’t rely on their existing skills. This act of reaching beyond their grasp is key for growth.
Overall, a willingness to be vulnerable, take feedback, and lean into discomfort distinguishes those who grow from those who stay stagnant. The right mindset enables progress.
An old story about a navy warship heading through fog at night encountering a faint light ahead
The captain demands the other vessel change course, identifying himself as an admiral
The other party reveals they are a lighthouse, immovable and larger than the warship
The moral is that sometimes we encounter things greater than ourselves that we cannot control or change, only adjust ourselves to
We can have an inflated sense of importance and assume we are the bigger ship, when we may just be a small vessel compared to forces greater than us
Being oriented toward transcendence means recognizing and embracing things larger than our own ego, plans, and desires
Submitting to higher purposes and powers brings meaning and fulfillment versus selfishly insisting on our own way
A transcendent outlook requires humility to accept our place in the grand scheme rather than assuming we are at the center

In summary, the lighthouse story illustrates that to live with character, we must orient ourselves to the reality that we are not the biggest or most important, and embrace operating within higher purposes. This requires humility and transcending ego.

The most important question for a person’s functioning is “Are you God, or not?” How someone answers this determines whether they are self-centered or able to see things bigger than themselves.
Self-centeredness is akin to narcissism - thinking everything revolves around oneself. The opposite is transcendence - realizing there are things much bigger than oneself that one’s life should revolve around.
To grow into greatness, we must humble ourselves and serve greater causes, values, and missions beyond ourself. Paradoxically, focusing on things bigger than us makes us bigger.
Values like love, justice, honesty are like lighthips - they transcend us and do not move. If we ignore them and put ourselves first, we will crash against their reality.
In recent corporate scandals, leaders valued themselves above all else. But there are universal values bigger than self-interest, and by ignoring them, these leaders caused huge damage.
We must bow to universal values and principles bigger than ourself in order to thrive. This takes humility and realizing we are not the center of the universe.
People who are only focused on themselves often end up losing the bigger, more important things in life. By being self-centered, they neglect values, ethics, responsibilities and their impact on others.
This was evident in the corporate scandals where executives only cared about their own interests, not how their actions affected the company, employees, stockholders, etc. As a result, they undermined trust in the markets and damaged entire industries.
Laws and regulations often have to step in when individual character and integrity fails. But rules can’t fully replace doing the right thing - that depends on “mores and ethics of the leaders.”
The same happens in other contexts - a selfish spouse can damage a family, a company that ignores values and customers’ needs fails long-term. Character and transcending self-interest matters.
Transcendent awareness is key - realizing there are things more important than one’s own interests. This awareness can come through life experience, inspirational models, emptiness/meaninglessness prompting search for more.
Without awareness of and concern for the bigger picture, people operate on self-gratification. Transcendence requires enlightenment to larger realities. Bowing to these leads to fulfillment and achievement.
Moving past a self-centered existence and becoming aware of something greater is the first step in transcending the self. However, some attempts at transcendence like certain forms of meditation are still self-focused.
True transcendence involves investing oneself in things larger than oneself, like a cause, mission, or values that lead to serving others. This requires getting out of oneself.
Developing transcendent character requires visible expression of values in behaviors and actions, not just talking about them. A structured approach like classes, mentors, or volunteer work can help internalize transcendent values.
With transcendent values, there is less focus on being a “good person” and more on intrinsic fulfillment from doing good. The ego diminishes.
Examples of transcendent leadership include Johnson & Johnson pulling Tylenol off shelves nationwide to protect customer safety despite heavy losses, and businesses providing free prescriptions to Hurricane Katrina survivors in need.
Transcendent character involves self-denial, self-correction, and adjusting oneself to a higher purpose beyond selfish interests. It’s about living for something bigger than oneself.

Here are a few key points summarizing where character can go missing in leaders and others, based on the anecdote:

Talented people in leadership roles may lack personal development and self-awareness. The CEO was very accomplished but seemed unprepared to handle an interpersonal confrontation.
Leaders can be scared of or avoidant of difficult interpersonal situations, even though they have capability in other areas. The CEO kept going over the same ground about how to handle the firing, seeming nervous rather than prepared.
There can be a disconnect between leaders’ professional capabilities and their personal maturity. Though powerful in business, the CEO lacked the maturity to handle the firing with composure.
Coaching and advice may not be enough to help leaders develop true character. Despite thorough preparation from the consultant, the CEO still struggled when the actual conversation happened.
Self-awareness, emotional intelligence, empathy, and confrontational skills are examples of personal maturity areas where leaders may be underdeveloped. The CEO needed growth in facing a difficult interpersonal situation.

In summary, the anecdote illustrates that talent and accomplishments do not necessarily equate to personal wholeness and maturity in leaders. There can be gaps where character development is needed. Coaching alone may not be sufficient to build true integrated character.

Accomplished and successful people can still have character flaws or “chinks in their armor” that are not readily apparent. We tend to idealize successful people and assume they have it all together.
But in reality, we all have strengths and weaknesses, talents and dysfunctions. No one is perfectly well-integrated.
These “gaps” in people’s character often originate in childhood experiences. For example, someone who avoids confrontation may have learned as a child that confronting others leads to trouble.
The experiences we have while growing up shape our character in profound ways, both positively and negatively. They leave “engraved marks” on us.
It’s important not to be too hard on yourself for the flaws you notice in yourself. They likely stem from early life experiences that taught certain unhelpful patterns.
The good news is that these gaps or lacks in character can be addressed and improved at any point. The key is to embrace the reality that no one is perfectly integrated, but we all have room for growth.

Here are the key points in summarizing the areas that can contribute to character gaps:

Dysfunctional experiences in the past can shape our character in unhelpful ways, leading us to develop compensatory patterns. We need new, healthy experiences to transform our character.
Lack of skills acquisition can leave gaps if we are not taught important life skills and given models to follow. We need training, discipline and good role models.
Proper structured feedback is essential to help make us aware of areas for growth and give us a path forward. Without it, we avoid facing those areas.
Support during growth is important, but it should empower us forward, not enable us to remain stuck.
We need safe spaces to practice new skills without catastrophic results. Survival mode inhibits character growth.
Improper motivation, seeing growth as something we ‘ought’ to do but not really wanting it, will not lead to change. True desire fuels transformation.

The key is that dysfunctional past experiences, lack of training and models, insufficient feedback and support, and improper motivation all contribute to the gaps and blind spots in our character. Growth requires transforming those patterns through new experiences, skills development, feedback, empowering support, and true motivation.

Here are the key points from the summary:

We get too busy “doing” urgent things and don’t become whom we need to be. This prevents us from doing what we need to do.
“Ought to” is not a good motivator for character growth. Reality losses, rewards, and consequences motivate change.
You have to truly want to change. Some people are resistant or defiant to changing.
Genes and past experiences determine some of our character. But we are responsible for making choices now to develop the character we need.
Integrity gaps are normal. Focus on the opportunities for growth, not judging yourself.
Understanding the causes of integrity gaps gives insight into how to grow. Getting motivated by desired realities drives change.
There is hope! With the right motivations and ingredients, we can make character changes and realize who we were created to be.
Character is not fixed, but can change and grow over time. All of the “chinks in the armor” that limit character development can be overcome.
The early years of life shape character, but new experiences can provide healing and growth. You can find the support and validation you may have missed.
Lack of skills, structured feedback, practice, motivation, or desire to change can all be developed through various growth experiences like training, therapy, groups, mentors, etc.
As you grow in one area of character, it positively impacts other areas in an integrated way. Developing trust helps you see reality more clearly. Seeing reality helps you get better results and engage problems. And so on.
Focus on developing all six character traits - trustworthiness, truthfulness, humility, commitment to growth, embracing negative realities, and transcendence. Growing in one supports growth in the others.
It takes opening yourself up to growth experiences and investing in your own development over time. Like financial investments, character investments compound.
The personal growth and character development that occurs is ultimately even more rewarding than the external successes you achieve. Integrity brings many fruits, but is its own reward as well.

Here are a few key points about results and character:

Results are an important outcome of character. A person’s ability to get results is related to their character traits like integrity, facing reality, and connecting with others.
At the same time, focusing too narrowly on results can be detrimental. It’s important to balance drive for results with integrity, transcendence of self, and care for others.
Getting results requires facing reality, persevering through challenges, learning from failure, and having passion. But it also requires integrity, humility, and avoiding ego-driven motivation.
True success comes from transcending a purely results-oriented focus. Character development enables getting meaningful, sustainable results while living by deeper values.
Overall, results and character have a complex, reciprocal relationship. Developing character traits like integrity helps achieve results, and pursuing results can strengthen character - if done in a principled, balanced way.

Does this help summarize some of the key points about results and character in the book? Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional questions!

Here are a few key points summarized from the passage:

Character is made up of many interacting qualities like integrity, humility, courage, etc. It reveals itself over time through a person’s actions and life.
For successful leadership, character qualities like integrity, self-awareness, understanding others, facing reality, getting results, and transcending self-interest are essential.
Integrity involves being trustworthy, responsible and accountable. It’s built through transparency, admitting mistakes, and keeping promises.
Self-awareness comes from soliciting feedback, self-correction, and separating emotions from facts. It enables understanding others.
Understanding others requires empathy, validating them and seeing their perspective. This builds connections.
Facing reality means seeking the full truth, even when uncomfortable. Having integrity and self-knowledge helps with this.
Getting results requires strategic planning, emotional regulation, taking responsibility, and persisting through setbacks.
Transcending self-interest involves selfless service, contributing to others, and living by values greater than just achievement.
Overall, character reveals itself in someone’s wake - how they impact others and the world through their actions over time. It’s built gradually through experiences.
The book teaches that having strong character and integrity leads to greater performance and effectiveness as a leader.
It shows how to integrate the desire for profits with personal behavior and values.
It argues that character and integrity help build lasting relationships and meaningful results in business.
The book aims to help business leaders understand how character and integrity can be active ingredients in developing relationships and achieving results.
Overall it makes the case that character, integrity and ethical behavior are vital for successful business leadership.

#book-summary