Nothing to Prove Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard - Jennie Allen

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• The book reminds readers that chasing perfection means missing out on God’s grace. It hands readers emancipation. (Ann Voskamp)

• Reading Allen’s work stirs a hunger to know God better. Her passion for God above all else is inspiring. (Kay Warren)

• The book encourages readers to find freedom from the need to measure up and live secure in God’s acceptance. (Mark Batterson)

• Allen writes beautifully about both deep spiritual concepts and real-life struggles in a way that is rare and invites an important conversation. (Shanna Niequist)

• The book calls readers to God’s best vision for them and to focus on God’s greatness rather than dwelling on problems. (Louie and Shelley Giglio)

• Allen shares with authenticity what weary hearts long to embrace - that through Jesus, readers can stop striving and know they are enough. (Lysa TerKeurst)

• The book leads readers to find grace and mercy at the cross, discovering they have nothing to prove. (Jo Saxton)

• It faithfully proclaims that only in Christ’s finished work can true rest be found. (Matt Chandler)

• The book helps readers realign with Scripture’s truth about finding identity in God, not their shortcomings. (Christine Caine)

• The book gets readers into Scripture and on their knees in a way that is “as good as it gets.” (Jefferson Bethke)

• Allen’s story can be the story of finding freedom and refreshment for all readers. (Jon Bloom)

The author drove to Houston with some friends who were worried about her. She wanted to change the subject to avoid being vulnerable. At a burger place with a dirt floor, she broke down crying and opened up to her friends about all her insecurities, doubts, fears and pressures.

For two hours, her friends supported her without judgment. She laughed freely and let go of expectations, realizing she had been performing instead of being authentic. She felt relieved of the need to prove herself.

The experience reminded her that we are all struggling in some way but pretend to be fine. Grace is what we truly thirst for. An enemy wants us distracted, insecure in our identity, intoxicated by the mission over God, and suffering so our faith shrinks.

Jesus alone is the source of living water we crave. Opening up to trusted friends and living freely without the need to prove ourselves can help us find relief from our struggles.

• The author recalls her childhood, including her dad asking about boys, and an incident where a boy commented on her haircut. This made her feel inadequate.

• She tried out for college cheerleading despite doubts about her abilities. She felt like a fraud but made the team. This led to struggles with weight and disordered eating due to pressure to look a certain way.

• As a pastor’s wife, she felt people thought about her more than she wanted and judged aspects of her life. Meet-and-greets at church were stressful due to her attention deficit disorder.

• She wanted to prove she was an asset to her husband and their church community but felt constant pressure to measure up and perform for people deciding if they were enough.

• An incident where a church member thought she was ignoring them highlighted the challenges she faced. She added smiling and greeting people to her list of stressful tasks each Sunday.

• She sat “helpless and completely ill prepared” in a meeting where her child’s school said they were not succeeding, continuing her feelings of inadequacy.

The overall theme is the author’s lifelong struggle with feeling she is “not enough” and not measuring up to various expectations, beginning from her childhood. This has manifested in insecurity, disordered eating, and stress in her roles as wife and mother.

The passage describes a mother’s experience questioning her ability as a parent after receiving comments from others implying she may not be doing enough for her son who is struggling. She wanted to defend herself but stayed silent, crying in her car afterward. She felt deeply inadequate and like a failure.

The voice in her head told her she was “not enough” as a mother. She feared others saw her the same way. This spoke to a deeper insecurity she and many others feel - that no matter what they do, they will never truly measure up or be “enough.”

Though outwardly successful leading a large Christian movement called IF, internally the author still grappled with intense fears of inadequacy. She questioned whether God really chose the right person and feared her limitations would be exposed. Even standing on a famous stage, she still felt the elusive goal of “enough” was just out of reach, constantly mocking her.

The passage describes the author’s experience becoming an adoptive parent and feeling immense pressure to be a perfect parent and do enough. When they brought their adopted son Cooper home from Rwanda, it was an adjustment as they had no prior involvement in his life.

The author describes using a star chart system to motivate good behavior in Cooper, which was effective but also made him feel shame if he didn’t earn stars. This led the author to realize they were relating to Cooper and God through striving and performance rather than joy.

Adoption came with learning about potential challenges like behavioral issues, which made the author feel like they were carrying a heavy backpack. They wanted to be enough for Cooper but felt overwhelmed. Friends and family added to the pressure with opinions, worries and feeding the author’s narrative that they may fail or not do enough. The experience led the author to realize they needed to stop striving and find freedom instead of living in fear.

The passage emphasizes that we often carry heavy burdens and try to prove ourselves to earn God’s approval, when that is not how God works. We should not strive or feel pressure, as God accepts us as we are.

It encourages identifying what burdens you are carrying - fears, difficulties, pressures, shame from past mistakes. These things can be named and confessed rather than trying to escape or hide them.

Once confessed, God fully forgives our sins and doesn’t keep track of wrongs. We shouldn’t feel guilt over our burdens after confessing.

The story of Joanna is shared, who carried shame from an event in her past but found freedom after finally sharing her secret with others after decades of silence.

In the end, the passage encourages believing in God’s love and acceptance of us as we are, rather than feeling we must prove ourselves. We are encouraged to confess our burdens to find release from trying to carry them alone.

The passage discusses freeing oneself from striving and trying too hard. It encourages letting go of what can’t be controlled and enjoying life with God rather than doing things for him.

Some key points:

• Striving comes from a feeling of not being enough and trying to measure up to expectations. This creates pressure, legalism and lack of enjoyment.

• God loves unconditionally and his love can’t be earned through good behavior or achievements. We are accepted through Christ’s sacrifice, not our own works.

• Living with God rather than for him leads to worship rather than pressure. It allows enjoying life and relationship with him.

• The author struggled with feeling not enough for her ministry role. Being told this was why God chose her paradoxically set her free, as she no longer had to rely on her own sufficiency.

• Constant striving means missing out on life’s meaningful moments. It’s important to regularly disengage from backpacks of responsibility and recenter on God and relationships.

So in summary, it discusses freeing oneself from a performance mindset through accepting God’s unconditional love, and enjoying life with him rather than striving to earn approval.

• The passage discusses how people either strive to meet expectations or numb out from the pressure of striving. Both are ways of finding worth outside of Jesus.

• Numbing through activities like social media, work, or religion helps cope with daily difficulties but isn’t truly living. It results in sleepwalking through life.

• The mundane parts of life aren’t bad, they are the soil for God’s movement. But we compartmentalize our lives instead of seeing God in every aspect.

• Having a clear, inspiring vision from God wakes us up from numbness. Examples from the Bible show ordinary people participating in God’s extraordinary plans, even if they didn’t see the full picture at the time.

• The key message is that God wants us to find our identity, worth, love and acceptance in him alone. We should seek to see him working through every part of our lives, not just spiritual or important moments, and unite under his great vision for the world.

• The author reflects on feeling numb, checked out, and unhappy despite having an outwardly blessed life with family, ministry success, and fulfillment of dreams.

• While on a retreat at a Christian camp, she has a breakthrough conversation with a wise counselor where she pours her heart out about all the pressure and expectations she feels to succeed and please God.

• The counselor tells her to “kick in” the castle of accomplishments and dreams realized, and that God just wants her to love Him and others freely without pressure or expectations.

• This helps her realize she has been living for God instead of with God, and carrying too much pressure. God whispers to her that true joy is found simply in freely loving Him and others.

• This conversation brings her great peace and freedom from the heaviness and burnout she had been feeling, reminding her that God loves her unconditionally and doesn’t need her successes or failures to accomplish His goals.

The passage describes someone realizing they don’t have to do everything alone or by themselves. God calls us to big visions and purposes, but we can’t accomplish them through our own strength or capabilities.

It talks about how the person used to strive and pull heavily to get things done, missing that God was right there next to them the whole time as a strong ox, capable of doing the work. They were making it harder than it had to be by not recognizing God’s presence and power.

Now they see that instead of striving alone, they can hand things over to God and enjoy the journey together with him. God carries the heavy burden, allowing them to rest. The call is not to work alone but to do things with God through his power and resources. Realizing this brings a sense of freedom and relief from the exhaustion of trying to do it all on one’s own.

• The author discusses her life in college in the 1990s which was filled with constant prayer, Bible study, journaling about God’s work, fellowship with Christian friends both in and out of the faith, joy, peace, mission, and fullness.

• She wants to live a life continually full of Jesus, where He pours out of her. So she has been studying Jesus’ life in the Gospel of John to understand how He lived without striving while carrying such a huge mission.

• Jesus lived with a deep security in His identity as the Son of God. He was content, dependent on God, had nothing to prove, and sought to display God’s love to everyone. His example shows us how to follow and walk with God.

• Jesus’ life on earth challenges societal norms and shows how wrong humans can be about God. He was fully engaged, connected to God and people, present through all experiences, aware of needs, satisfied in who He was, and confident in God’s provision for His purpose.

• The author wants to know God more and give Him away to others. A sincere faith in Jesus awakens purpose and shift perspectives. All is built on Him, and we have nothing to prove as we have been forgiven, loved, and have an eternal home.

• She discusses finding freedom from always needing to prove herself and striving through remembering that Jesus alone is enough, and His example of fullness in God despite carrying the weight of humanity’s salvation.

• It was the morning of the varsity football game, an important game as the older starter was injured. The main character was very nervous and scared about the pressure of starting in such an important game.

• When he got in the car to go to the team breakfast, he told his mom “I’ve never been so scared.” She was moved by his fear and cried after he left.

• She sent him a long, supportive text message reminding him that God gives strength beyond our own abilities. She encouraged him to trust in God even when scared. She said God often works through moments that stretch us beyond what we can do alone.

• The text emphasized that being humble, working hard for the team, and knowing God is enough even if things don’t go well are important virtues. She told him God would be with him and help carry him through the game.

• The intention was to provide encouragement for anyone feeling afraid, overwhelmed or stretched beyond their limits, reminding them that God can be trusted to help in those moments. Faith is often built the most when we depend on God for what’s beyond us.

• We are constantly seeking fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives, yet we often miss that true fulfillment comes from following Jesus and experiencing his presence.

• Jesus promises complete fulfillment, but it is not found in the things the world tells us will make us happy, like career success, relationships, wealth, etc.

• Jesus lived with joy and showed his followers moments of happiness and celebration, like turning water into wine at a wedding. He wants us to enjoy life.

• We have replaced the “rich wine” of a relationship with God with shallow distractions and entertainment like Netflix, social media, purchases. These things do not truly satisfy our deepest desires.

• True joy is found in knowing God. Spending time with Jesus is better than any other pleasure in this world. Yet we act like we don’t believe this by constantly choosing empty diversions over experiencing his presence.

The key messages are that true fulfillment and joy come from following Jesus and being in relationship with him, not from what the world tells us will make us happy, and yet we often fail to live as if we really believe Jesus is better than any other pursuit.

The passage discusses feeling surprised when worldly pleasures and distractions do not satisfy. It notes that true joy and fulfillment come from spending time with God through prayer, reading scripture, and worship. While the world offers empty pleasures, Jesus provides ever-satisfying wine that fills our souls.

However, it can be easy to get addicted to distractions like entertainment, social media, shopping, food, and more. These things ultimately run dry and don’t satisfy. The passage encourages spending more time with Jesus instead of chasing fleeting pleasures. It notes how time with God helps our souls find peace and security rather than restlessness.

Overall, the message is that true joy and satisfaction come from an intimate relationship with Jesus, rather than what the world has to offer. We should be wary of becoming addicted to distractions and should instead choose to linger in Jesus’ presence through spiritual disciplines like prayer and scripture reading.

• The passage describes an encounter between Jesus and a Samaritan woman at a well.

• When they meet, Jesus reveals intimate details about her past lives, showing he knows her despite being a stranger. This catches her off guard.

• Though initially taken aback, she is intrigued by Jesus’ kindness and authority. He offers her “living water” that will quench her thirst forever.

• She realizes he must be the promised Messiah. Despite her mistakes, he does not condemn her but shows love. This shifts her perspective.

• Eager to share the good news, she leaves her water jars and runs to tell others in the city about Jesus, openly sharing her past for the first time. She is no longer afraid but wants others to meet the Savior too.

• The encounter transforms her from hiding her past in shame to freely proclaiming Jesus’ message of love and acceptance to others in the city. Jesus’ kindness calls her out of isolation and empowers her to share her faith courageously.

The passage discusses hiding parts of ourselves from others due to fear and shame. It suggests we often only share selective or edited versions of our lives on social media or with acquaintances. True vulnerability involves being transparent about our flaws, hurts, failures, etc., especially with close friends and God.

It talks about how we all feel thirsty for things like love, acceptance, fulfillment, and wholeness. Like the woman at the well, this thirst pushes us out of hiding at times. Meeting Jesus is what can truly satisfy this thirst and allow us to fully engage with others without fear of being known.

It shares Maya’s story of enduring severe abuse and trauma, but finding purpose and freedom in her work rescuing slaves after finding strength in God. Her message is to not let past shame hold us back from boldly doing good.

In the last section, it compares how in Downton Abbey social classes were divided and looked down on each other. But in God’s family, through Christ we are all equally valued members without walls dividing us. Our identity and worth come from God, not our mistakes or fears.

• The passage is told from the perspective of one of Jesus’s disciples who is feeling doubts and fatigue from their travels preaching and healing.

• A large crowd is following Jesus up the mountain. When Jesus asks how to feed them, the disciple responds that it would take a year’s wages to feed everyone.

• Someone offers a few fish and loaves of bread. Jesus has the crowd divide and sit, then breaks the food and thanks God. When the baskets start being passed around, the small amount of food miraculously feeds everyone.

• The disciple finds his doubts shifting as he witnesses Jesus perform this sign, showing his power and care for the crowds through the miraculous feeding. It renews his faith and energy in following Jesus.

The passage discusses living with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. It shares stories from the Bible where Jesus demonstrated abundant provision, such as turning water into wine, talking to the woman at the well about living water, and feeding over 5,000 people with just a few fish and loaves of bread.

The author reflects on living tired and overwhelmed, always feeling like there is not enough time, resources, help, etc. But Jesus modeled providing extravagantly and wanting his followers to know God works in abundance, not lack.

The passage encourages believing that God has enough favor, gifts and talents for each person to accomplish their purpose. It challenges comparing ourselves to others and shutting down dreams due to insecurity. Instead, we should focus on the good things right in front of us and what God can do through our lives by trusting in his abundant provision and promise to never leave us thirsty or hungry. The overall message is about shifting to a mindset of abundance over scarcity by believing God is enough.

• God works in miraculous ways that exceed human limits and expectations. He did this through the miracle of feeding the 5000, providing exactly enough food and 12 baskets of leftovers.

• This was meant to show the disciples that with God, all things are possible. When they rely on human strength alone, there will never be enough. But working with God, He can supernaturally meet any need.

• But often people’s own fears and doubts hold them back from allowing God to work through them. They worry about appearing self-promoting or not being good enough. This was the struggle Moses faced too when God called him.

• But God equips people with everything they need to accomplish His purposes. Our past failures or mistakes do not disqualify us. All that matters is believing in God and allowing Him to work.

• Striving to prove ourselves or be special only leads to exhaustion. True rest and strength come from quietly trusting in God, believing in our identity as His beloved children, and cooperating as He rescues others through us. When we see a need, we should fall on our knees and ask God to help meet it.

• The author had an eating disorder that they hid well from others, especially their partner Zac. While Zac noticed some behaviors, he did not realize the full extent of the eating disorder.

• When the author unexpectedly became pregnant with their first child, it brought about a change. Caring for the growing baby meant the author needed to eat well and prioritize the baby’s health over their own issues. This shift in focus and priorities started the process of healing from the eating disorder.

• Taking risks to love and serve neighbors is how God wants us to live. We should get out in our communities instead of just relying on online interactions. Small acts of serving others can have big impacts and lead us to use our God-given talents.

• God wants us to take the first step in faith towards following our dreams and using our gifts, even if it seems small or scary. Examples given are calling a neighbor, taking an art class, sharing a business idea, or contacting an adoption agency. Taking that first step allows God to work.

• Having a child brought about healing from an eating disorder by shifting the author’s focus outward to caring for the baby. This summary captures the key points about hiding an eating disorder, the change prompted by pregnancy, and the message about taking risks to love and serve others in our communities.

• Kim leads “Restorative Circles” which bring together law enforcement and people charged with domestic violence. She facilitates reconciliation processes to help overcome life-controlling issues. This has reduced crime rates in Austin.

• Kim believes relationships and conversations can bridge racial divides in the justice system. She addresses deep, complicated conflicts with empathy.

• At an event, Kim challenged Jennie from IF:Gathering about diversity. They had lunch with four Black women who shared their experiences of feeling like outsiders at IF events.

• Kim proposed starting a reconciliation circle like those she leads, bringing together Black, white, Asian and Hispanic women. They met and had candid discussions about racial issues, helping the white women understand different perspectives.

• This experience stretched the group and gave them a fuller view of God’s diversity. It showed Jennie parts of life and God she was missing. Risking discomfort expanded their hearts and relationships.

• The passage encourages risking comfort and safety to experience God more deeply. Stepping out of “boxes” wakes our hearts up. Jesus calls us to walk on water through obedience despite fears. Risking places our lives in God’s hands and tests His enoughness.

The passage discusses the importance and risks of taking steps of faith and obedience, even in small ways, to heal and help others as Jesus did. It uses the example of Jesus healing the blind man on the Sabbath despite criticism. This showed Jesus risks his reputation and followers for one man’s healing.

The author had a friend, Tasha, intentionally risk offending her to help raise her biracial son in a culturally aware way. Tasha brought culturally relevant products and resources to educate the author. Their friendship has helped the author better understand racial issues.

Building community with those different than us expands our worlds. We must all be willing to take risks like intentionally forming cross-racial friendships. Another example given is a woman who felt prompted to go pray for a man in the grocery store who said he didn’t believe in God, despite it being awkward. Her small act of obedience potentially changed his life.

The passage encourages us to consider what risks of faith and healing God may be calling us to take, even in small everyday ways, like the examples given.

• The passage describes how a multi-racial group formed to have honest conversations about race relations, inspired by an initial conversation between members over tacos.

• This led to hosting larger events to promote racial unity. Thousands wanted to start similar groups in their cities after hearing members speak.

• God was working through these conversations before major racial tensions and events emerged, like in Ferguson. The group was brought together providentially.

• Living without fear of judgment allows one to take more risks for God and meet needs of others. Stepping out of our comfort zones allows God to work beyond our imaginations.

• Examples are given of small ways one can risk for God, like visiting an unfamiliar church, having diverse friendships, or hosting interracial meals for understanding.

• Ultimately having hope in eternal life with God rather than temporal dreams helps one face suffering with more joy and live freely without fear of death. Friends who face death daily seem most full of this hope and perspective.

• The author recalls a conversation with her friend Julie where Julie expressed 100% certainty in life after death and Jesus. This gave the author courage and faith.

• She questions whether we really share Paul’s attitude of considering worldly dreams “garbage” compared to gaining Christ. She admits she doesn’t always trust God like Julie seems to.

• Those who have Jesus are free from worry about this life, guilt/shame, all fear, and get to stop being afraid. Nothing in this world has power over those not afraid of the worst.

• The author wonders if readers’ worlds are falling apart amid suffering. She empathizes with pain and suffering but believes God has a plan through it to produce faith and hope.

• We go numb to pain because we think we can’t handle darkness, but need to face it with Jesus present. Physical death exposes our powerlessness, but God has power over death and sin through making us alive with Christ.

• The author recalls a conversation with her creative sister who felt guilty being happy with a nice life. After losing everything unexpectedly, her sister found God is enough. Happiness comes through facing what we avoid, not avoiding pain.

Here is a summary of the Beatitudes in Matthew 5:3-12 beginning with the Greek word “Makarios” which means “happy” or “blessed”:

Makarios are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Makarios are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Makarios are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Makarios are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Makarios are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Makarios are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Makarios are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Makarios are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

The passage reflects on experiences with ashes during Ash Wednesday services and the reminder they provide of humanity’s fallen, sinful nature. It acknowledges feeling distant from God at times due to sin, like living driven more by ego than by faith, wanting approval more than loving others well, and doubting God.

It describes past struggles with an eating disorder as an addiction to controlling one’s image and weight. Over time, daily choosing to focus thoughts on Jesus rather than obsessive thoughts helped bring freedom.

The importance of authenticity, embracing one’s imperfections, and letting God receive the glory is emphasized. A grandmother who exemplified living freely forgiven rather than trying to impress others or be defined by sin is fondly remembered.

Early experiences planting a church where leaders openly shared struggles like addiction, abuse, and debt are recalled, helping create a safe environment for others to find freedom through similar vulnerability and God’s grace rather than hiding issues. Overall it promotes embracing one’s brokenness and forgiveness over perfectionism and pretense.

• The passage describes a church community that experienced powerful spiritual renewal and healing as people openly confessed their sins and struggled to one another.

• When people confessed hidden debts or addictions, the small group rallied to help pay off debts and provide accountability.

• It was a “wildfire of holiness” where people wanted to get close to the church community rather than hide. Open confession and support for one another strengthened bonds.

• The author contrasts this to apathy about sin today. They argue we must regularly confess sins to one another and pray for each other in order to experience healing. Openly exposing our sins allows God’s grace and forgiveness to spread contagiously.

The key points are that open confession of sins within a supportive community leads to deeper relationships, accountability, healing and restoration. It creates an environment where people feel able to be honest about struggles rather than hiding them. Working through sins together in this way empowers people and spreads holiness in a way that isolated confession does not.

• The passage is told from the perspective of Peter after he betrayed Jesus. He is filled with regret and wants to prove his love and repentance to Jesus.

• Peter goes fishing with some other disciples but they catch nothing. A man on shore tells them to fish on the other side of the boat and they catch a huge number of fish. Peter realizes it is Jesus.

• Jesus has a fire going and cooks some of the fish for them. There are 153 fish and the net is not broken. They eat together.

• When Jesus looks at Peter, Peter is afraid because they have not discussed his betrayal yet. Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him. Each time Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep.

• Jesus is saying Peter, though sinful, should go and build the church through displaying grace to others. Peter is committed to following Jesus’s call, despite feeling unworthy.

The passage depicts Peter’s regret after betraying Jesus, Jesus forgiving and restoring Peter, and calling Peter to lead his church despite his failures. It’s an example of God using imperfect people to accomplish great things through His power and forgiveness.

The passage encourages the reader to walk in who they already are as a child of God, rather than striving to make their own way. It suggests trusting that God will provide peace, joy, fun, connection with others, and purpose simply through abiding in him, rather than working hard to achieve or prove themselves.

While it may seem backwards, walking in God’s “opposite ways” of letting go of striving and control can actually lead to experiencing the things we crave. We are invited to quit trying so hard to be “enough” and instead rest in who we are as God’s beloved children. The key is trusting that God’s ways of receiving through abiding, rather than achieving, will truly satisfy and provide fruit in our lives.

• We are called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, rather than just pretending to love him. We should genuinely love our neighbors as well.

• While cultural battles are important, they will not matter in heaven. The most important thing is for people to believe in God.

• We should abide in (remain closely connected to) Jesus through prayer, reading the Bible, worshipping him. If we do this, he will produce fruit (good works, spiritual growth) through us.

• After receiving the Holy Spirit, the disciples had a fierce peace and were filled with power, joy, confidence and rest. This is available to believers today as well through seeking God.

• The simple acts of spending time with God daily through Bible reading and prayer, meeting with a small group, and openly discussing struggles will change us and allow God to work through us.

• Our job is to know, love and give God away to others. Ministry happens naturally when our goal is to love Jesus as much as possible.

• As we remain connected to Jesus (the vine) through faith, he provides spiritual nourishment and causes us to bear much fruit for his kingdom. In him we have everything we need.

• God gives the right to become children of God to those who believe in His name.

• God’s Spirit dwells within believers. His Spirit is with them and He will not leave them.

• God equips believers for every good work He has planned. He gives a spirit of power, love and self-control, not fear.

• God will build His church through believers, and the gates of hell will not overcome it.

• God will comfort and remind believers that His promises are real. He is coming soon to take them to be with Him.

• Believers will inherit the earth and be with God forever. God will wipe every tear from their eyes and death will be no more. He is making all things new.

• God’s kingdom is coming and His will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven. His steadfast love endures forever.