Real Happiness The Power of Meditation - Sharon Salzberg

Sharon Salzberg, a renowned meditation teacher and author, offers a simple yet comprehensive 28-day program for learning meditation in her book Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation. The book provides a step-by-step guide for developing the skills of concentration, mindfulness, and lovingkindness through meditation. It starts with the basic techniques of focused breathing and sitting, and builds up to more advanced practices. The book answers many common questions about meditation and addresses challenges such as restlessness, health issues, and sleep problems. It emphasizes that meditation does not require a religious belief and that anyone can do it to decrease stress, increase tranquility, strengthen relationships, and face fears. Meditation also offers numerous physical and mental health benefits according to scientific research. Overall, Real Happiness aims to give readers accessible tools to start and stick with a rewarding meditation practice.

• The author, Sharon Salzberg, has taught meditation to thousands of people over 36 years.

• She co-founded the Insight Meditation Society retreat center.

• She has taught meditation to diverse groups including entrepreneurs, teachers, police, doctors, prisoners, etc.

• A 2007 survey found over 20 million Americans practiced meditation for wellness, stress relief, health issues, etc.

• People meditate to improve decision making, break habits, recover from disappointment, connect with others, feel safer, etc.

• The author started meditating in 1971 as a college student in India seeking relief from a painful childhood.

• Her father left when she was 4, her mother died when she was 9, her grandfather died when she was 11. She lived in 5 households and felt abandoned and unworthy of love.

• She learned about Buddhism in college and was drawn to its acknowledgement of suffering and message of self-love.

• She went to India for study and learned meditation from a teacher there, surprised it was as simple as “sit comfortably and feel your breath.”

• Through meditation she found her own goodness and learned she deserved to be happy.

Meditation is the practice of training your attention through concentration, mindfulness, and compassion. It leads to profound shifts in how you think and see yourself.

Concentration means focusing your attention on one thing, like your breath, and letting go of distractions. It restores your mental energy and anchors you in the present moment.

Mindfulness means opening your attention to whatever arises in each moment, without judgment. It allows you to observe your habitual responses and make wiser choices. You can notice anger arise, for example, without reacting automatically.

Compassion means cultivating kindness toward yourself and others. It reduces suffering and leads to greater peace and happiness.

Through meditation, you realize you are not limited to your past or current self-image. You learn to accept change and setbacks with less disappointment. You become able to choose your responses, instead of reacting out of habit.

Meditation brings happiness, love, and peace, though not every single moment. Life still brings good times and bad. But meditation gives you tools to cope better in each moment.

In summary, meditation trains your attention to allow profound transformation and wisdom.

Meditation has many benefits:

• It increases calm and concentration. Meditation helps strengthen our ability to focus and pay close attention. This allows us to become less distracted and reactive.

• It enhances self-awareness. Meditation helps us recognize and understand our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This allows us to gain insight into ourselves and make positive changes.

• It reduces negative emotions. Meditation can help decrease feelings of anxiety, stress, depression, and anger. It leads to an overall increased sense of emotional balance and wellbeing.

• It fosters better relationships. Meditation enhances our ability to be attentive, compassionate, and less judgmental towards others. This can strengthen our connections with friends, family, and partners.

• It decreases unhealthy habits and behaviors. Meditation helps increase awareness of our own habits and gives us the tools to break free from damaging behaviors and addictions.

• It slows age-related mental decline. Meditation has been shown to boost connectivity in the brain and may help preserve the aging brain. Regular meditators have increased volume of the hippocampus, the part of the brain important for memory.

• It enhances health and longevity. Meditation reduces stress and may decrease the risk of stress-related illnesses. Studies show meditation can positively impact conditions like high blood pressure, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, and chronic pain.

Science is discovering more and more benefits of meditation. Regular meditation can be as important for health and well-being as regular exercise. Meditation provides both short-term and long-term effects for the mind and body.

• Limiting ideas or conditioned responses are beliefs we develop unconsciously over time based on our experiences, environment, and social conditioning. Some examples are: “She’s the smart one, you’re the pretty one” or “Kids from this neighborhood don’t become doctors.” Meditation helps us examine these limiting ideas and see them clearly. We can then discard those that don’t hold up and use those that do in a helpful way.

• Meditation helps build resilience and courage. By practicing being with difficult emotions and thoughts during meditation, we get better at facing them in real life. This helps us become braver and better able to weather hard times.

• Meditation helps us reconnect with our deepest values and priorities. By seeing beyond distractions and conditioning, we gain insight into what really matters to us.

• Meditation is a portable tool we can use anywhere to help center ourselves. We can use the breath to calm our mind and body, even in stressful situations where we can’t remove ourselves.

• Meditation helps us connect with the best parts of ourselves, like kindness, trust, and wisdom. Though these qualities may feel underdeveloped or hidden, meditation gives us a chance to strengthen and access them.

• Meditation helps us stop wasting energy trying to control the uncontrollable, like other people, our emotions, and circumstances like the weather. We gain acceptance of the truth that there are many things we can’t control. This helps reduce stress and leads to healthier boundaries and self-compassion.

• Meditation helps us develop a healthier relationship to change. We start to really understand that change is inevitable, for good and bad, and we can’t avoid it. But meditation also shows us that change is constant and fluid, not solid and immovable. This insight gives us courage and hope, even in difficult times.

• Scientific research has shown that the brain is capable of change and growth throughout our lives (neuroplasticity) in response to experiences and training like meditation. Studies show meditation can strengthen areas of the brain involved in memory, learning, decision making, and emotional health. It may also improve communication between different parts of the brain. Meditation has even been shown to counteract age-related thinning of the cortex, possibly protecting cognitive abilities.

In summary, meditation offers many psychological and physiological benefits that can improve our well-being, health, mood, behavior, and relationships. By developing a regular practice, we gain insight and skills that enrich our lives in so many ways.

• Studies show that meditators have more gray matter in the brain, especially in areas involved in attention, body awareness, and emotional regulation. Meditation strengthens neural connections in the brain that are linked to happiness and well-being.

• An 8-week mindfulness meditation program led to growth in the hippocampus (involved in memory and learning) and shrinkage in the amygdala (involved in the stress response). The more people meditated, the smaller their amygdala got. A control group showed no such changes.

• Meditation improves attention, focus, and the ability to ignore distractions. Studies show meditators are better at orienting attention, sustaining attention, and conflict monitoring. Meditation may help treat ADHD and age-related cognitive decline.

• Meditation improves the functioning of the immune system. A study found that after an 8-week meditation program, meditators produced more antibodies in response to a flu vaccine than non-meditators.

• Doctors are recommending meditation for chronic pain, insomnia, immune deficiencies, and more. Schools are offering meditation training for students. Meditation is also being used as a therapeutic tool for conditions like anxiety, depression, and OCD.

• The U.S. government has sponsored many studies on meditation. The National Institutes of Health has funded research on meditation for stress, chronic back pain, asthma, high blood pressure, and more. The Department of Defense has studied meditation for PTSD and traumatic brain injuries in veterans.

• The benefits of meditation come from actually practicing it, not just reading about it. Meditation can “kick open the door” to a transformed mind and life.

The key message is that we need to regain our ability to concentrate in order to reclaim our energy and feel restored. We often waste our energy by dwelling on the past, worrying about the future, constantly checking our phones and devices, overscheduling ourselves, overeating or overshopping. These are internal and external distractions that fragment our attention and prevent us from living in the present moment.

Continuous partial attention - the desire to not miss anything by constantly multitasking - leads to feeling stressed, overwhelmed and unfulfilled. It reduces our ability to reflect, make good decisions and think creatively. While technology and busyness have their place, we need to consciously choose when to engage with them, rather than doing so out of habit and impulse.

Meditation helps integrate the different parts of ourselves that can feel disconnected when we lack awareness and concentration. It leads to a sense of wholeness and balance.

To prepare to meditate:

• Choose a place without distractions where you can sit comfortably. You can use a meditation cushion, chair or couch. Decorate the space if you like.

• Wear comfortable clothes. Your outfit does not matter.

• Pick a regular time to meditate and stick to it. Many find morning or night works well. Start with 20 minutes a day, 3 times a week and build up. Use guided meditations from the audio CD.

• Make a commitment to yourself to meditate regularly. Write it in your schedule. This will help make it a habit and priority.

The key benefits of building your concentration through meditation are reclaiming your energy, gaining a sense of wholeness and living more consciously in the present moment. Reducing distraction and fragmentation leads to less stress and more well-being and creativity.

Meditation is an important practice, but the key is simply getting started, even if you only have a few minutes. The basic elements of posture—how you position your body—are:

•Legs: Sit with legs crossed, or kneel, or sit in a chair with feet flat on the floor. The key is to have your knees lower than your hips.

•Back: Sit up straight but not rigid. Envision your spine as a stack of coins.

•Arms and hands: Place your hands on your thighs, palms down. Or, clasp your hands together, palms up, in front of your abdomen.

•Head: Look slightly down, not up. Keep your head level and avoid dropping your chin to your chest.

•Eyes: Gently close your eyes, or leave them open and gaze softly at the floor about six feet in front of you. Soften your eyes.

•Jaw: Relax your jaw and keep your mouth slightly open.

The core meditation for Week One involves focusing your attention on your breath as you breathe naturally. Follow these steps:

1. Sit comfortably and establish your posture. Close your eyes or gaze softly forward.

2. Take a few deep breaths to relax into your body. Then let your breath settle into its natural rhythm.

3. Notice where in your body you feel your breath most prominently. It could be at your nostrils, chest, or abdomen. Gently rest your attention on that area.

4. Become aware of the sensations of your breath in that area. Feel the breath moving in and out. Don’t try to control or change your breath.

5. Let your attention rest on each breath as it happens. No need to name or judge the sensations—just feel them.

6. When your attention wanders to thoughts or distractions, gently bring it back to the feeling of your natural breath.

The key is to start simply by sitting, breathing, and anchoring your awareness to your breath. Don’t worry about doing it right. Just begin, and start over again each time your attention drifts. With regular practice, your ability to concentrate will strengthen.

Here is a summary of the meditation guidelines:

• Breathe naturally and focus on the sensations of each breath.

• Notice any thoughts or feelings that arise and gently return your focus to your breath.

• Allow your breathing rhythm to be however it is. Don’t try to control or change it.

• Use words like “in” and “out” or “rising” and “falling” to help keep your awareness on your breath. But do this quietly so you can still focus on the breath sensations.

• Distractions and interruptions will arise. Gently acknowledge them and then return your focus to your breath.

• Don’t chase after or cling to distractions. Just notice them and let them go. Redirect your focus to your breath.

• Don’t judge yourself for getting distracted. Gently acknowledge the distraction and return to your breath.

• This repeated process of noticing you’ve wandered and returning to your breath is the essence of the meditation. Do it with kindness and patience.

• If you feel sleepy, sit up and take some deep breaths. Then return to normal breathing.

• Consider extending the qualities you develop in meditation—calm, presence, willingness to begin again—into your daily activities.

• You can dedicate the benefits of your practice to others, offering goodwill and loving-kindness.

• When ending your meditation, take time to appreciate caring for yourself in this way. Then gently open your eyes.

The summary provides an overview of the key points covered in the initial instructions for the meditation focusing on your breath. The guidelines emphasize being gentle, non-judging, patient and willing to start over as key principles for the practice. The summary can serve as a useful reminder and reference for your meditation. Please let me know if you have any other questions!

The key insight is that practicing meditation is like sculpting an elephant from a block of stone - you keep removing everything that is not the elephant. Similarly, in meditation you keep letting go of distracting and unnecessary thoughts, feelings, and sensations, continually returning your focus to the breath. This helps develop concentration and recognize what is truly important.

Some tips for practicing meditation:

•Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on the feeling of your breath. Make a quiet mental note of “breath” with each inhalation and exhalation.

•When thoughts, feelings, or sensations arise, simply note them as “not breath” and gently let them go, returning your focus to your breath. Don’t judge yourself for the distractions, just calmly return to your breath.

•Practice mini-meditations throughout the day by focusing on your breath for a few moments wherever you are. This helps build the habit and restores calm.

•Don’t struggle or strain to concentrate. Relaxed perseverance and self-acceptance are key. The conditions for concentration arise most easily when your mind and body are at ease.

•View the ups and downs of your practice with an even perspective. Success is measured by how you relate to what’s happening, not by what’s actually happening. Gently observe sensations without judgment.

•Cultivate “quiet eyes” - a spacious awareness and acceptance of the present moment. This counters the tendency to grasp onto fleeting pleasures or postpone happiness to some imagined future moment. Appreciate what you have now.

•Lack of awareness and “quiet eyes” can fuel addictive behavior as you seek increasing stimulation to feel alive. Practice presence and savor the simple details in each moment. This brings satisfaction and contentment.

The key point is that meditation involves continually letting go of distractions and returning to the present moment, not struggling to control your experience. Success comes from a stance of self-acceptance, calm observation, and appreciation of what you have now.

Your tendency to be inattentive and distracted played a major role in your dissatisfaction and longing for something more. When you ate the apple, banana and mango inattentively, you felt unsatisfied after finishing them. It was not the fault of the fruits but rather your lack of attention while eating them. By developing your concentration through practices like mindfulness meditation, you can learn to experience life fully and gain contentment. With stronger concentration, you can look at the ordinary world with greater attention and calmness. You realize you do not need more exotic experiences to be happy but instead need to pay closer attention to your present experiences.

In essence, dissatisfaction arises more from how you do things rather than what you do. Concentration helps overcome this tendency for distraction and restlessness, leading to greater peace and fulfillment.

• The goal of meditation is to be aware of your thoughts and feelings as they arise, instead of getting carried away by them. Focus on your breath to anchor your attention.

• Don’t judge yourself when your mind wanders or you experience discomfort. Accept these as natural and temporary, and gently bring your focus back to your breath.

• To avoid drowsiness, try observing your fatigue, standing up, splashing cold water on your face, sitting with your eyes open, or stepping outside. See your drowsiness as impermanent.

• To deal with restlessness, observe the physical sensations and emotions accompanying your restless thoughts. Give your energy room to move by switching positions, going outside, or walking. Your restlessness will pass.

• If you feel discomfort in your body, make sure you’re in a comfortable position. You can change position or start your meditation over. The discomfort may arise from tension surfacing or unfamiliarity with the position.

• Meditation teaches skills like focusing your attention, accepting discomfort, and letting go of judgments. These skills translate to life outside of meditation.

• Success in meditation looks like staying focused on the present moment, letting go of judgments, and finding an inner calm you can access during life’s challenges.

The main takeaway is that the challenges we face during meditation, like restlessness, discomfort, and wandering minds, are normal and temporary. We can view them with compassion and gently bring our focus back to the breath. Meditation gives us useful skills that improve our lives, even when we’re not meditating.

• Mindfulness helps us let go of burdens we add onto our experiences. We often project into the future, make assumptions, cling to concepts, or engage in unexamined habits or associative thinking.

• Mindfulness teaches us to see what we’re adding onto our direct experiences. We can do this with physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts.

• A good way to learn mindfulness is by observing our physical sensations. We add stories and interpretations onto fleeting sensations and make them into something bigger than they are.

• An example is feeling tension in your jaw and then concluding you’re an uptight person who will always be alone. The direct experience is just tension in the jaw.

• The meditations this week will help us get in tune with our bodies, see how experiences constantly change, and spot the add-ons we generate.

• We’ll do a body scan, walking meditation, body sensation meditation, and shorter meditations in everyday life.

• Add a fourth day of at least 20 minutes of practice. Do sitting and walking meditations. Walking can rebalance your energy.

• The breath is one tool for training attention. The meditations this week use other techniques as well, not just focusing on the breath.

• The body sensation meditation helps us see how we cling to pleasant experiences and push away unpleasant ones. We automatically perceive things as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.

• The key is to be aware of how we’re relating to experiences, not just the experiences themselves. We can learn to meet all experiences with equanimity.

• Humans have a tendency to categorize experiences as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. For pleasant experiences, we cling to them and try to make them last. For unpleasant experiences, we try to avoid them or push them away. For neutral experiences, we often disconnect from them or ignore them.

• Mindfulness allows us to experience these moments as they are without grasping, avoiding or disconnecting. It allows us to enjoy pleasant moments while they last, face unpleasant moments without suffering, and find richness in ordinary moments.

• The body scan and walking meditations are ways to cultivate mindfulness. In the body scan, you systematically bring awareness to sensations throughout your body. In walking meditation, you bring focused awareness to the sensations of walking, especially the sensations of your feet and legs. This helps you connect with the present moment and provide insight into your habitual reactions.

• “Nothing endures but change.” Though we long for permanence, everything, including our experiences, thoughts and emotions, is transient. Mindfulness allows us to accept this truth and live fully in each changing moment.

• We often miss the richness of moments by being caught in our thoughts, worries and efforts to control things that cannot be controlled. Mindfulness restores balance by allowing us to release these reactions and connect with our direct experience.

• The meditations encourage releasing judgment and just feeling what is there from moment to moment. We practice stepping out of concepts and into the world of sensation.

• Practice mindfulness through touching your reality in the present moment and being aware of what is right here, right now without grasping, condemning or zoning out.

Sit or lie comfortably and focus your awareness on your body sensations. Begin by noticing any sounds around you, then shift your focus to your breath. Follow your breath until a physical sensation distracts you, then shift your focus to that sensation. You may mentally note the sensation to help focus your awareness, but don’t try to control or change it.

If the sensation is pleasant, observe it without clinging to it. If it’s unpleasant, observe it closely. Notice if it changes or has different components. Try focusing on a specific part of it. Observe the sensation itself, separate from your reactions to it.

If thoughts or emotions distract you, shift your focus back to the physical sensation. Scan your body briefly to notice if you’re tensing up around the sensation. Take a deep breath and relax.

Pain will pass. Pleasure will pass. Just observe whatever has your attention. You don’t have to make the experience better or different.

Shift your focus among sounds, breath, and body sensations. Your awareness should remain open, relaxed and spacious no matter what.

Gently end the meditation, and try to maintain that centered feeling in your body.

The key points are:

•Focus awareness on physical sensations, sounds and breath •Observe without clinging or pushing away •Note sensations to help focus, but don’t try to control them •Unpleasant sensations will pass; observe them without fear or judgment •Pleasant sensations will pass; observe them without clinging •Remain open, relaxed and spacious •Shift focus as needed; come back to breath for relief •End gently and maintain centered feeling

The passage discusses different ways to bring mindfulness and awareness into your everyday activities and daily life. Some suggestions include:

• Stopping for a few moments during the day to become aware of your body and the sensations you’re experiencing. Notice the predominant sensations and try to have a direct experience of them. For example, feel the water glass against your hand or sense the exertion in your body when sweeping the floor.

• Choosing a brief daily activity and bringing your full awareness to it. For example, a “drinking tea meditation” where you slowly and mindfully brew a cup of tea, noticing all the sounds, smells, flavors, and sensations. Put aside distractions and focus on each component of drinking the tea. Notice any thoughts or judgments that arise and then return your focus to the direct experience.

• Slowing down an everyday activity, like eating lunch or washing dishes, and noticing the specific sensations, movements, and details. This can help restore your attention and awareness.

• The reflections discuss how practices like the walking meditation and body sensation meditation can help you connect with your physical sensations, experience the present moment, and develop a mindful approach to experiences like pain. They point out how pain and discomfort are always changing, not static, and mindfulness can help you find “space within the pain.”

The key themes are using everyday activities as an opportunity to practice mindfulness and awareness, slowing down to fully experience the moments of your day, and developing a mindful relationship to discomfort and pain. The practices suggested aim to help you connect with your direct, sensory experience rather than getting caught up in judgments, anticipations, and distractions.

Mindfulness helps us deal with difficult emotions in four steps:

1. Recognize what you’re feeling. Acknowledge the emotion arising in the present moment. Notice the strands of different feelings, rather than seeing it as one solid mass. This allows you to understand your emotions better.

2. Accept whatever arises. Don’t resist or deny the feeling. Use whatever emotion comes up as an opportunity to practice mindfulness. Don’t blame yourself for difficult emotions - they arise on their own. Remind yourself you can’t control emotions or declare they end.

3. Investigate the emotion with curiosity. Look at the feeling, examine where it manifests in your body. See how it changes or remains the same. Look at what situations trigger that feeling. Explore without judgment. This helps reduce reactivity and leads to greater understanding.

4. Respond mindfully. Now that you understand the emotion better, you can choose how to respond. Take a few deep breaths to pause before reacting. See the wider perspective. Then respond in a balanced, compassionate way - not overreacting or underreacting. Make better choices.

Practicing this way of working with emotions during meditation helps us get better at it in daily life. We develop the ability to recognize feelings early, pause, and respond wisely. We find the middle ground between being overwhelmed by emotions or ignoring them. This leads to healthier relationships and greater well-being.

The key is frequent practice. While mindfulness is simple, it’s not easy. But each time we remember to be mindful, we regain it. We can begin again, aiming to increase the moments of mindfulness and make it more habitual. Progress comes through frequency, not achieving some ideal level. With regular practice of recognizing, accepting, investigating and responding to emotions mindfully, we can transform our relationship with them.

The key steps in dealing with difficult emotions are:

1. Recognition - Notice the arising of the emotion and name it, e.g. anger, fear, sadness.

2. Acceptance - Allow the emotion to be there without judging it. Do not resist or push it away.

3. Investigation - Explore the emotion with interest and compassion. Notice where you feel it in your body. See that it is changing and comprised of different moments. This helps make the emotion feel more manageable.

4. Non-identification - Do not identify with the emotion. See that you are not defined by it. Emotions come and go, they do not last. You remain.

The major obstacles to mindfulness are desire, aversion, sloth, restlessness and doubt. These manifest in many ways, e.g. desire as wanting and grasping; aversion as anger or fear; sloth as numbness or laziness; restlessness as anxiety or worry; and doubt as indecision or inability to commit.

The story of the woman whose tires were stolen illustrates how these obstacles operate. Her desire led her to buy silk pajamas before dealing with the situation. An angry person would have kicked the car. A slothful person would have gone to bed. An anxious person would have worried endlessly. A doubtful person would have blamed themselves.

In practice, notice the feeling of the obstacle itself, not just its object or story. See the vulnerability in desire, the unease in restlessness. Be with these feelings instead of following the thoughts they trigger.

This week, practice mindfulness of emotions and thoughts. See add-ons for what they are - extras we bring, not the actual experience. With practice, distinguishing experience from add-ons becomes easier. Observe feelings with interest and let them go, without judgment or clinging.

The goal of mindfulness meditation is not to eliminate difficult feelings or prolong pleasant ones, but to accept them as impermanent. We aim to pay attention to feelings in a deeper way, without clinging to or rejecting them.

At first we may only notice strong emotions, but with practice we become aware of subtler ones. The four steps are:

1. Recognition: Notice the feeling and name it, e.g. impatience, joy. Use mental noting like “impatience, impatience”.

2. Acceptance: Accept the feeling without judgment. Soften into it rather than pushing it away or drowning in it.

3. Investigation: Locate the feeling in your body. What sensations arise with it? Release any tension that builds up in reaction. Observing a feeling can help dissipate its intensity.

4. Nonidentification: Remember that feelings are impermanent and you are not your feelings. Let them arise and pass without clinging to them or believing you must act on them.

In meditation, follow your breath. If a strong emotion arises to distract you, make it the focus of your meditation. Note it, locate it in your body, relax into observing it. Return to the breath when ready.

You can also call up a difficult emotion intentionally in meditation. Bring the situation to mind, feel the emotion and locate it in your body. Note how sensations change. Complex emotions often comprise both positive and negative feelings - try to discern the different strands. Observing them helps make them feel more manageable.

Mental noting acknowledges what is arising without judgment. It establishes a calm space of awareness and shows how things constantly change. The word used does not matter, just recognizing the experience. Noting is a skillful use of thought that supports awareness and prevents getting lost in thought. It points you back to the moment and breath. You can meditate without noting, just noticing experiences is enough. But noting can be a useful way to connect with the present moment.

Difficult feelings often arise in these meditations. You may notice resistance to them or get pulled into reliving them. Be gentle with yourself and keep practicing. Over time, your ability to be with whatever arises will grow.

• Mindfulness meditation allows us to see ourselves and our lives more clearly by reducing mental agitation and fragmentation. When our minds are calm, we gain insight into habitual patterns of thinking and reacting.

• We all have recurring mental “tapes” or patterns that frequently play in our minds. These include thoughts of being a failure, that everyone else is wrong, drama and negativity, feeling hopeless, etc. Recognizing and naming these tapes helps us realize they are impermanent and not our true selves.

• A student recognized his tendency to feel like a failure based on one small criticism, calling it his “one false move” tape. Although he didn’t yet understand the origin of this pattern, identifying it was an important first step.

• Meditation is like exploring an old attic—we discover old furniture, boxes, and other items that have been stored there for a long time. We get to know the space and what it contains, seeing it with fresh eyes. Similarly, meditation allows us to become aware of habitual patterns of thinking and reacting that have developed over the years.

• It’s important to approach ourselves with patience, compassion, and gentleness. Judging or criticizing yourself for feelings and thoughts that arise during meditation is counterproductive. The practice of mindfulness cultivates calmness and non-judgement.

• Letting thoughts and feelings go during meditation, rather than clinging to or struggling against them, leads to greater peace and clarity. We realize that they are transient and not our true essence.

• Both positive and negative emotions arise during meditation. It’s important to fully experience them without judgement and let them go, continuously returning our focus to the breath. Suppressing emotions is unhealthy and they will continue to surface until we address them.

That covers some of the most significant insights and takeaways from the material on week three. Please let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any part of the summary.

The key message is that it’s never too late to gain a new perspective by turning on the light—through mindfulness meditation. When we meditate, we see everything in our mind with openness and awareness—both the good and bad. We accept it all without judgment.

A story illustrates this message. A man tried to run away from his shadow and footsteps, running faster and faster until he dropped dead. He failed to realize that if he stood still, his shadow would disappear and his footsteps would stop. Like this man, we often react habitually to difficult thoughts and feelings, rather than pausing to observe them. Mindfulness meditation teaches us to be still and watchful, fully present with what’s happening without reacting.

Some key principles of mindfulness meditation:

•Non-doing: Not reacting habitually or pushing experience away. Sitting quietly and observing.

•It’s about perspective: Mindfulness gives us a new way of relating to experience so we’re not overwhelmed or rejecting of it. We cultivate balance.

•Observe feelings without analyzing: When strong emotions arise, go with them. Don’t struggle to escape them or analyze them. Simply observe and experience. Note the feeling and return to your breath. Go back and forth as needed to stay balanced.

•Let go when needed: If you start to feel unbalanced or resentful of what you’re observing, it’s time to return your focus to your breath. Follow your intuition.

•Be with difficult feelings: Opening to feelings like fear, self-doubt and depression is an opportunity to relate differently to them. Observe them with compassion, rather than identifying with or clinging to them. They may return, but you can work with them skillfully.

•Complementary practices help: While mindfulness is balancing, other practices like relaxation, walking in nature, etc. can also help shift difficult moods and cultivate well-being. A balanced approach uses a variety of skillful means.

•Seek help if needed: For severe or persistent conditions like depression, work with a qualified teacher and consider professional help. Mindfulness and meditation can complement other treatments.

So in summary, the key is developing a balanced, compassionate and watchful awareness of all your experience—both pleasant and difficult. Stay open, observe without judgment and cling less to habitual reactions. Let go when you need to, and don’t hesitate to draw on other resources for help. With practice, mindfulness can help transform your perspective and your life.

• It’s fine to explore mindfulness practices other than just sitting meditation if it helps you gain a calmer and clearer perspective. Things like walking, stretching, or being in nature can work. The key is to find what helps you reenter a state where you can relate to your experiences in a balanced way.

• Don’t judge yourself for having “crummy” feelings or thoughts during meditation. See them as temporary constructs that are already changing. Observe them unfolding without judgment. This leads to understanding and liberation.

• Walking meditation may be better than sitting when you’re feeling low energy or agitated. It can help channel your energy in a constructive way. Either way, investigating your experience will boost your energy and insight.

• The best way through difficult feelings is to observe them with compassion, without knowing where it will lead. Trust that this leads to new understanding, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.

• Mindfulness does not mean losing the ability to distinguish like from dislike or becoming passive. It means making informed choices with awareness instead of being driven by habit. Accepting negative feelings does not mean wallowing in them or acting irresponsibly.

• Staying present does not mean never thinking of the past or future. It means not getting lost in worries, regrets, or obsessive planning. You can use the past and responsibly plan when grounded in the present moment.

• Creating space between feelings/thoughts and habitual reactions is key. Observing your experience leads to understanding yourself and others better. This allows choosing a different response.

• Stories show how people used mindfulness to gain insight into habitual negative thoughts, change reactions to a difficult situation, and help another person gain perspective. In each case, they were able to pause, observe their experience, and choose a different response.

• The lessons are: recognize thoughts/feelings as temporary and not defining; observe your habitual reactions/judgments; stay with your direct experience; this leads to informed choices and new understanding.

• Lovingkindness meditation focuses on cultivating positive feelings of kindness, friendliness, and warmth towards oneself and others.

• It helps overcome feelings of isolation and separation by fostering connections between people. It challenges an “us vs. them” mentality and helps one see that everyone’s happiness is interconnected.

• Lovingkindness is an ability, not just a feeling. It involves taking risks by offering kindness towards oneself and others, even difficult people. It means listening to others and seeing their humanity.

• Lovingkindness can take the form of compassion, sympathetic joy, and goodwill. Compassion is feeling for the suffering of oneself and others. Sympathetic joy is the ability to feel joy for the good fortune of others.

• An example of cultivating lovingkindness is a meditation where one sends good wishes to everyone in an audience before performing in order to overcome stage fright. This helps one see the audience as interconnected rather than judgmental.

• The Dalai Lama says that cultivating lovingkindness for others increases one’s own happiness because there are billions of people in the world, so the odds of finding joy are much higher if one rejoices in the joy of others.

• A metaphor for living with compassion and lovingkindness is imagining being stuck together forever on a subway. We would need to care for each other, even if we don’t like everyone. This is like life on Earth - we are all linked so we must support each other.

• One way to nourish lovingkindness is to look for the good in others, though this does not mean ignoring the bad or condoning harmful behavior. Looking for the good helps overcome habitual criticism and judgment, softening one’s heart.

That covers the key highlights and main takeaways on cultivating lovingkindness from the reading. Please let me know if you would like me to explain or expand on any part of the summary.

The key message is that if we focus only on the negatives in others, we will feel estranged and disconnected from them. But if we make an effort to find even a small bit of good in them and focus on that, we can build connection and closeness, rather than distance.

A suggested practice is lovingkindness meditation, where we silently repeat phrases wishing safety, happiness, health and ease for ourselves and others. Start with yourself, then move on to a benefactor, someone suffering, a casual acquaintance, and finally a difficult person. The goal is not to force feelings or pretend to like people, but to recognize our shared vulnerability and wish all beings well. Focusing on our connection and wishing others well can help us have a more balanced and compassionate view of ourselves and others.

Here are the key steps in the meditation:

1. Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths to settle into your body. Close your eyes or keep them open with a soft gaze.

2. Notice the first critical or judgmental thought that arises. It might be about yourself, someone else, or some situation. Gently bring your attention to this thought.

3. Say silently to yourself: “This is just one thought. It will pass.” Take a few deep breaths.

4. Ask yourself: “What is the kindest and most supportive response to this thought?” Create a phrase or short statement that embodies this supportive perspective. For example, if the thought is, “I never finish anything,” a kind response might be, “You have accomplishes a lot in your life. Everyone feels overwhelmed at times.”

5. Repeat your supportive phrase silently, letting it surround the critical thought. Notice if the critical thought loses some power or fades away. It’s okay if it doesn’t; your mind may go back to it. Gently repeat your supportive phrase again.

6. Continue sitting, and notice any other critical thoughts that arise. For each one, create a supportive and kind phrase to counter it. You might reuse the same phrases or create new ones. The important thing is embodying a loving perspective.

7. End the meditation by reflecting on how it felt to meet your own inner critic with compassion. This is a profound act of self-love. Even if it felt difficult or awkward, you took an important step. With regular practice, it will become easier.

8. Extend compassion to yourself for any remaining feelings of self-judgment. Say to yourself, “May I accept myself as I am.” Repeat this phrase with care and gentleness.

9. When you feel ready, open your eyes. You may want to write about your experiences with this meditation in a journal. Regular reflection can help strengthen your awareness and equanimity.

The key is to meet your inner critic with compassion. Be gentle and patient with yourself, as this is a skill that takes practice. But with regular lovingkindness meditation, your inner critic will lose power and your ability to care for yourself with wisdom and grace will grow.

No, you’re not a terrible human being. Our capacity for compassion is not consistent or constant. There are many factors that influence whether we feel compassion for another person’s suffering:

• How similar we feel to the other person. We tend to feel more compassion for those we perceive as similar to us in some way.

• How much we can relate to their suffering. If we have experienced something similar, it’s easier to empathize.

• How much we perceive the suffering as “their own fault.” If we judge the person as responsible for their troubles, we are less likely to feel compassion. This is an inevitable human tendency, but with practice we can challenge those judgments.

• Our own mental and emotional state. If we are feeling distressed, threatened, or fatigued, our capacity for compassion is diminished. When we are feeling secure and content, compassion arises more easily.

• Our habits and conditioning. Some of us have been trained from an early age to be more judgmental, while others have been encouraged to be empathetic. These tendencies can be transformed over time with conscious effort and practice.

The fact that your compassion is inconsistent is simply because you’re human. Lovingkindness meditation helps strengthen our “compassion muscle” by exercising it regularly. Over time, you may find those judgments arising less often and your compassion expanding to include more beings. Don’t judge yourself for your lapses in compassion—extend compassion to yourself as well! With patient practice, compassion can become second nature.

Q: How can I practice lovingkindness for people who have caused harm? It doesn’t feel natural or even possible for me.

A: It can be very challenging to practice lovingkindness for people who have caused harm. Some suggestions:

• Start with yourself. Begin by offering lovingkindness to yourself. This will help put you in the right state of mind and open your heart. From there, you can gradually expand the circle of your compassion.

• See their humanity. Try to see beyond the harmful actions to the humanity of the person. Recognize that there are reasons why people cause harm, often due to their own pain, suffering, ignorance or difficult circumstances. This can help make them feel more “like us.”

• Focus on specific individuals. Rather than practicing for an abstract group like “all harmful people,” focus on a specific person who has caused harm. This can make the practice feel more relatable. See if you can uncover any compassion for their suffering or circumstances.

• Use different phrases. The traditional lovingkindness phrases may not resonate for people who have caused harm. You could try phrases like: “May you be free from suffering,” “May you find wisdom and compassion,” or “May you cease to harm others.”

• Be patient with yourself. Don’t force yourself into feelings of compassion before you’re ready. Let your heart soften in its own time. Even just the intention to practice lovingkindness for those who cause harm is a start. Your capacity for compassion will grow each time you practice.

• See interconnectedness. Remember that we are all connected. Harm against any being ultimately harms us all. By cultivating compassion for those who cause harm, we help move the world in a more compassionate direction. We are all in this together.

With time and practice, your heart will open even to those who are the most difficult to forgive and understand. But go slowly, be gentle with yourself, and follow your own readiness. Forcing yourself to feel compassion when you simply aren’t able to yet will only breed feelings of aversion. With patience, even the most hardened of hearts begins to soften.

• Lovingkindness meditation does not require feeling strong emotions toward others. It is about cultivating a different perspective and way of relating to ourselves and others.

• The phrases and intentions behind lovingkindness meditation can work in subtle ways even when we don’t feel strong emotion. We shouldn’t force feelings or have unrealistic expectations about what we “should” feel.

• Compassion arising from lovingkindness meditation does not leave us weak or unable to set boundaries. We can say no or set limits with compassion. Compassion is about seeing things as they really are and responding skillfully.

• Feeling envy or resentment towards the success or good fortune of others is rooted in the mistaken belief that happiness and success are limited or zero-sum. We can cultivate joy for others by connecting with our own inner abundance and happiness. Everything changes, and this too shall pass.

• It is not invasive to wish someone well through lovingkindness meditation. We offer lovingkindness freely without expectation of results. We accept that we cannot control how it is received or if the person changes their behavior. Equanimity allows us to wish someone well without needing to change them.

• Lovingkindness meditation is an experiment in attention and mindfulness. We can pay attention in new ways by listening fully, being open and interested in others, and seeing beyond habitual judgments and classifications. These shifts in attention and perspective can lead to surprising and transformative insights.

• Research shows that lovingkindness meditation leads to actual changes in brain function, especially in areas involved in emotional processing and empathy. Lovingkindness strengthens positive connections between people.

The researchers studied the brain activity of novice meditators and expert meditators during lovingkindness meditation. They found that meditation activated the parts of the brain involved in empathy, emotion regulation, and emotional processing in both groups compared to a non-meditating control group. The expert meditators showed even greater activity in these brain regions, especially in response to negative emotional sounds.

The researchers concluded that lovingkindness meditation leads to:

1. Increased empathy. It helps overcome the sense of “us vs. them” and cultivates compassion for all beings.

2. Improved emotion regulation. It helps regulate negative emotions and distressing feelings.

3. Enhanced emotional processing. It helps enhance the ability to perceive subtle emotional expressions in others.

To deepen your practice of lovingkindness meditation:

1. View kindness as a strength, not a weakness. It is allied with wisdom and courage.

2. Look for the good in yourself and others. This helps cultivate kindness and overcome selfishness.

3. Remember that everyone wants to be happy. This inspires kindness and compassion.

4. Recollect those who have helped you. This cultivates gratitude and reminds you of the power of kindness.

5. Practice one act of generosity a day. This expresses kindness in meaningful ways.

6. Do lovingkindness meditation daily. This helps you hold others in your heart and wish them well.

7. Listen attentively. This shows kindness and compassion to others.

8. Include those who seem left out. This is an act of kindness that can make a big difference.

9. Refrain from speaking ill of others. This avoids creating divisions and planting seeds of dislike.

10. Try to understand others before judging them. This allows you to act with greater compassion.

To strengthen your meditation practice:

1. Practice daily for at least 20-30 minutes. Aim for some longer sessions of 30-45 minutes.

2. Focus on one main meditation in each session. You can also combine two meditations. The core meditation should remain the anchor. Choose based on your needs.

3. Remember that mindfulness is always with you. The moment you notice you were distracted, mindfulness has returned. Keep practicing and it will become more continuous.

4. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Don’t judge yourself for perceived “failures.” Gently return to the practice.

5. Find a community to support your practice. Connecting with others strengthens commitment and provides guidance.

6. Read books on meditation and mindfulness. They provide ongoing inspiration and instruction.

7. Reflect on the benefits of your practice. This motivates you to continue meditating.

8. Practice mindfulness in daily activities. This carries over the calm and clarity into your life.

• Mindfulness meditation practice is meant to help us recall the truth that we are already perfect as we are. We practice to remember this more often in our daily lives. Regular practice helps make mindfulness a natural part of us.

• Meditation experiences constantly change. We shouldn’t fixate on any one experience, whether positive or negative. What matters most is how we relate to each experience.

• It’s common for meditation practice to waver. When this happens, don’t berate yourself. Seek inspiration and start over. Just put your body there—that expresses your commitment, and the rest will follow.

• Change takes time. Don’t expect immediate results. Keep practicing patiently and your life will transform gradually. Look for signs of progress in how you live your life, not in any single meditation session.

• Use ordinary moments to practice mindfulness and lovingkindness. Pause to rest your attention on your breath or body. This can make you more aware and sensitive to life around you. Practice during daily activities or while waiting.

• Make sure your life reflects your practice. Some meditate to achieve special states but don’t apply mindfulness to daily life. Your practice should affect how you treat others in your life. Meditation insights must translate into action.

• We can continue practicing mindfulness through challenges. Our capacity for awareness gives us the ability to meet any experience with balance and wisdom. Whatever arises, we can choose to respond mindfully. This is the heart of our practice.

That’s a high-level summary of the key points and advice around meditation practice and mindfulness. The main themes are starting over when you falter, focusing on progress over time, using everyday life as practice, living according to your insights, and maintaining mindfulness through challenges. Regular practice and patience are required to make progress.

The key points are:

1. Our meditation practice and daily lives should be congruent. We should live according to our deepest values and apply the skills we develop in meditation such as mindfulness, concentration and lovingkindness in our daily lives. Over time, this will happen naturally but we need to examine if there are any disharmonies we need to address.

2. Success in meditation is measured by transforming our mind through starting over with gentleness and compassion whenever we get lost in thought, not by accumulating experiences. The changes may be visible in our daily lives first before we notice them. Loving ourselves and others is a profound transformation.

3. Fear and distress can arise even from positive states of mind in meditation if we are unused to them. We can broaden our awareness to contain these feelings by listening to environmental sounds, walking meditation or metta practice. It is important to continue the full meditation period and work with the energy.

4. Starting a daily practice can be difficult. We can make a minimum 30-second commitment to just sit in the meditation posture before bed. Notice how it affects our mind and sleep. Dedicating our practice to others can inspire us to continue.

5. Boredom can be interesting to observe. It often arises from relying on intense experiences, being only half-present or waiting for something significant to happen. The antidote is to fully pay attention to one breath at a time. The problem is usually not the object but our lack of presence.

6. Suffering in our practice can teach us about our habitual patterns of relating to experiences. We can notice if we are judging ourselves or the practice against some ideal. The point is to be aware of all states, not achieve some model. We need to hear this repeatedly.

7. Awareness from meditation practice can change our perspective to be less overwhelming and solid, more open and spacious like watching an opera in an open-air theater. What happens in our mind becomes less compelling and we can see it against the backdrop of awareness.

• Meditation allows us to gain a broader perspective. We can’t change our circumstances but we can change how we relate to them.

• Meditation helps us find real happiness within, not from temporary pleasures or distractions. Conventional happiness is fleeting and isolating. Real joy comes from acknowledging life’s ups and downs.

• Happiness depends on what we focus on. Meditation trains our attention and helps us connect with ourselves and others. This fosters lasting well-being.

• Through meditation we find happiness in simplicity, presence and integrity. We don’t need to look outside ourselves to feel fulfilled.

• Helping ourselves through meditation helps others. Our own happiness is the source of our ability to help others.

• There are many places to learn meditation and find supplies. Scientific studies show meditation can change our brains and biology in positive ways.

• The four weeks cover concentration, mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of emotions, and lovingkindness. Quotes and studies illustrate key benefits and lessons.

• Continuous partial attention and distraction are common but meditation helps build focus and concentration. Mindfulness of the body can change our experience of pain. Mindfulness of emotions can help with depression and anxiety. Lovingkindness boosts compassion and positive feelings.

• In summary, meditation leads to greater peace, clarity and connection. It is a practice that can benefit both ourselves and others. By looking within, we find our greatest source of strength and joy. This is the heart of the teachings shared in the book.

• The audio files offer guided meditations from the book Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg.

• There are four meditations: Breathing, Walking, Emotions, and Lovingkindness.

• Each meditation has an introduction track explaining the practice, followed by the actual guided meditation led by Sharon Salzberg.

• The meditations are meant to be actively practiced along with the audio, not just listened to passively. Listeners should follow Salzberg’s guidance and do the breathing, walking, and other exercises.

• The audio can be downloaded to mp3 players so people can listen and practice anywhere.

• The meditations correspond to practices described in the Real Happiness book. The audio provides an interactive experience with guidance from the author.