Literary Insights

Here is a summary of The Laws of Charisma:

• Charisma is the ability to captivate, inspire and influence others. It is a vital motivational and life skill that can be learned and developed.

• Charisma allows you to empower and persuade others to believe in you, trust you, and want to be influenced by you. You captivate and motivate them.

• Mastering charisma will propel you into a position of greater success and influence. Charismatic people tend to be more efficient and effective in achieving their goals.

• Charisma permeates every aspect of life including your career, relationships, ability to influence others and income. Two people with the same attributes can have dramatically different life results based on their level of charisma.

• Charisma is developed through passion, confidence, congruence, optimism, positive energy, humor, competence, intuition, purpose, integrity, courage, creativity, focus and communication skills.

• Charismatic communication involves presentation skills, people skills, influence, storytelling, eye contact, listening, rapport and understanding emotional states.

• Charismatic leaders empower others through inspiration, building esteem, credibility, motivation, goodwill, vision, empathy and showing respect.

• Charisma works through subconscious triggers like verbal presentation, nonverbal communication, physical appearance and avoiding repelling behaviors.

• Continual learning and development is key to enhancing your charisma and achieving greater success and influence. Charisma can always be improved and refined.

• If you are unable to influence others or get them to help you, it is likely due to your own faults and shortcomings rather than the faults of others.

• People with great influence and charisma tend to share certain traits, especially charisma. Charisma is the number one characteristic of persuaders according to research.

• Charisma gives you influence and power over others and inspires their devotion and support. While some aspects of charisma are inherent, it can also be learned and developed.

• Charisma is defined as the ability to build rapport and influence others in a positive way through connecting with them emotionally, physically and intellectually. It allows you to inspire others and gain their support and allegiance.

• Charisma itself is neutral, but can be used for good or bad purposes. The difference lies in whether it is used to serve others or for selfish reasons.

• The book explores 30 skills and traits of charisma. It is recommended to first read through the entire book, then focus on improving your weakest areas. Each chapter explains a skill or trait, common mistakes, how to apply it, examples, and an actionable “charisma key”.

• The greatest obstacle to developing charisma is “self-perception bias” - the inability to accurately assess our own abilities and weaknesses. We tend to overestimate our skills, deceive ourselves about our faults, and have unrealistic expectations. Overcoming this requires honest self-evaluation.

• Improving your charisma and influence requires identifying your blind spots and weaknesses, then taking action to strengthen them. This book aims to help readers in doing so.

Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma. Charismatic people radiate heartfelt passion. When your audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will jump on board emotionally.

People who know where they are going are able to captivate others because they are passionate and therefore charismatic. You can tell when you meet them or when they enter a room. Others are drawn to them because, deep down, people want to be passionate about something. When others see that passion in your eyes, you become more charismatic. They sense that you can help them and improve their lives.

Passion is contagious. When you transfer your passion, the people around you start to absorb your energy. They begin to perform better. Being on the job no longer seems like work. They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team, and more optimistic. When you have tapped into your passion, you become more determined, and that determination strengthens your persistence.

Blind spot: Most people have trouble tapping into their true passion. Many confuse hype, extra caffeine, or excitement with passion. True passion radiates and captivates and does not need to be forced. When your audience feels forced or unrealistic hype on your part, they will be repelled.

Application: Believe in yourself and in your message, radiate enthusiasm in all that you do. On the flip side, fake enthusiasm, unrealistic hype, and false energy destroy charisma. You can enhance your charisma by being sincere, authentic, confident and connecting with others.

Example: John Wooden radiated passion which influenced those around him. His basketball teams won 10 NCAA titles.

Joe Paterno was the head football coach at Penn State for 46 years in a row and had an incredible four perfect seasons. He never made more than $35,000 a year, but his passion and impact on the fans and on his players will last a lifetime. He loved what he was doing and proved that passion is a critical element of success.

Find your passion. Tapping into your passion is like sculpting. You are getting a little closer each time you take a chip off the raw stone.

Sometimes we get closer to our passion by finding things we don’t want to do. Start experimenting with different tasks and topics, and get to know other people. You don’t know whether you like a certain food unless you are willing to take a bite. Read more, join more clubs, and spend more time on personal development in the areas that might be worthy of your passion. You cannot be passionate about something if you don’t know anything about it. In fact, educating yourself about a topic is a great way to increase your passion.

The key message is: find and pursue your passion. Experiment with different options to discover your passion. Educate yourself in areas of interest. Passion is essential for success and happiness.

Optimism means having an expectation that things will turn out okay and believing you can accomplish your goals and help others achieve theirs. Optimists see problems as temporary and attract others with their positivity.
Attitude reflects your expectations of yourself and others. Your attitude, optimism, and expectations influence how others act.
No one can influence others with a negative attitude. Becoming charismatic means turning others’ negativity into something positive by looking at the world differently and focusing on solutions.
Optimism increases resilience, creativity, motivation, and flexibility. It allows you to take risks and exude charisma.
We are born optimistic but often become pessimistic over time without realizing it. Pessimism repels charisma.
You can improve your optimism by:

Changing negative self-talk. Replace pessimistic thoughts with more constructive ones.
Practicing positive visualization. Imagine things turning out well.
Focusing on solutions, not problems. Look for ways to resolve challenges.
Surrounding yourself with optimistic people. Their positivity will rub off on you.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Appreciate what you have and express thanks.
Taking control of your expectations. Have high expectations for positive outcomes. Expect the best of yourself and others.

sPower comes in many forms. Certain forms increase charisma and ability to influence. Legitimate power causes people to willingly take action.

sCharismatic people understand how to use positive power. They don’t force themselves on others or make people do things just for fun.

sAuthority power comes from perceived knowledge, position or expertise. It causes others to comply due to status or rank.

sClothes and uniforms can evoke authority and prestige, influencing before you speak.

sTitles like CEO, manager or captain create expectations of authority and respect. We assume important people hold these titles.

sThe blind spot is thinking power is negative. Power is neutral and can be used for good or bad. Fear diminishes long term charisma.

sDraining power: Overly serious, poor appearance, poor presentation, letting power go to your head, serving yourself not others, disrespecting others.

sExample: The Dalai Lama has power over followers from his title and position. Power varies based on the audience and situation.

sKeys: Choose a form of power and enhance it. Expertise solves problems and gives influence. Create an appropriate, respect-garnering title.

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Charisma PowerThrough Positive Power

Here are some key points about happiness and humor:

• Happiness comes from within, not from external sources. It is determined by your mental and emotional state, not by circumstances.

• You can choose to be happy by interpreting events in a positive way and maintaining an optimistic outlook. Happiness is a choice.

• Develop a sense of humor and learn to laugh. Laughter releases endorphins that improve your mood and make you feel good.

• Spend time with positive, happy people. Their positive energy will rub off on you.

• Do things you enjoy and are passionate about. Engage in hobbies, activities, and work that you find meaningful and fulfilling.

• Practice gratitude. Appreciate the good things you have in your life. Express thanks for what you are grateful for each day.

• Take care of yourself. Your physical health influences your mood and happiness. Exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, and avoid harmful substances.

• Don’t rely on material possessions or money to make you happy. While they may bring temporary pleasure, lasting happiness comes from within.

• Spread kindness. Doing good for others boosts your own happiness and life satisfaction. Share smiles, compliments, and good deeds.

• Live in the present. Don’t dwell on the past or worry too much about the future. Savor the moment and be fully engaged in the here and now.

That covers some of the key principles for cultivating happiness from within and developing an optimistic outlook. The ability to radiate positivity, joy and humor is a hallmark of charismatic people. By following these guidelines, you can tap into your inner well-being and share that positive energy with others.

• Self-discipline and willpower are required to develop charisma and influence. They provide inner strength, drive, and motivation.

• Most people avoid these topics because they cause discomfort. It is easier to choose instant gratification over discipline.

• Lacking self-discipline leads to feeling lazy, uninspired, and depressed—the opposite of a charismatic person.

• Discipline is a choice to reach a better future result. It leads to accomplishment, happiness, and reaching your potential.

• Discipline must be practiced constantly to reach the top. You can’t slack off just because you’ve been good for a while.

• Discipline helps control emotions, habits, mind, and body. It attracts others, brings peace and motivation, and leads to success.

• Self-discipline is like a willpower battery. It declines with fatigue, temptation resistance, negative emotions, low blood sugar, and impulse suppression. It recharges with rest, healthy eating, positivity, and replenishing activities.

• Develop discipline through habit building, starting small, accountability, reward, environment control, and perseverance. Replace negative habits and commit to continuous self-improvement.

• The benefits of discipline include focus, confidence, achievement, happiness, and excellence. Lack of discipline leads to regret, wasted potential, and settling for mediocrity.

• You can strengthen your willpower through the following:

› Make goals and commitments. Vow to improve.

› Start your day early with exercise and motivation.

› Plan and prepare. Have routines, schedules, and to-do lists.

› Focus on one thing at a time. Don’t get distracted.

› Practice mindfulness. Spend time in self-reflection.

› Surround yourself with disciplined, like-minded people.

› Stay accountable. Share goals and progress with others.

› Reward yourself for milestones achieved. Celebrate wins.

› Learn from your mistakes and failures. Make adjustments.

› Read books and listen to podcasts on discipline and success.

› Take care of yourself. Maintain a healthy body and mind.

The key is making self-discipline a habit and way of life. Stay committed to constant, never-ending improvement.

Competence, knowledge, and expertise are critical to enhancing your charisma and ability to influence others. You must be perceived as knowledgeable and capable in areas that matter to your audience. Become an expert in your field through continuous learning and experience.

Your knowledge and access to resources that others value increase your competence. However, competence erodes over time, so you must constantly work to expand your knowledge and skills.

To increase your competence, do the following:

•Have others endorse or explain your qualifications.

•Ensure your surroundings radiate competence.

•Maintain an untarnished reputation.

•Get referrals from others.

•Credentials, degrees, and titles can help establish initial competence.

•Have a definite opinion in your area of expertise.

•Learn from your mistakes and use experience to build competence.

Competence takes time to develop. Stay focused and keep learning. Short-term failures are inevitable, so patience and persistence are key.

The example of Fred Smith, founder of FedEx, shows how continuous learning and creating value for others through competence can lead to success.

The key to competence is patience and persistence. Keep learning and gaining experience, despite inevitable failures and setbacks. In time, your competence and ability to influence others will grow.

Intuition and instinct are an important part of long-term success. Successful historical figures like Lincoln, Edison, and Churchill persevered despite early failures. They followed their intuition and instincts.

To develop your intuition:

Spend time alone to clear your mind.
Have a positive, confident attitude that your intuition will guide you.
Listen to your intuitions and act on them.
Practice using your intuition in small ways and build up from there.

Following your purpose and mission in life is a key to charisma and influence. Your purpose drives you and attracts others. To find your purpose:

Identify your interests, gifts, talents, and passions.
Notice what excites or energizes you.
Think about the causes or issues that stir you.
Help others in some way. Contributing to something bigger than yourself is deeply meaningful.
Don’t worry about finding the “one right” purpose. There are many ways to fulfill your purpose and mission in life. The key is just to start.

Integrity is one of the most important qualities for influencing others and enhancing your charisma. Integrity means consistency between your values, beliefs and actions. People want to be around those who are honest, sincere and genuine. To tap into your integrity, you must know yourself, your values and what you stand for. Integrity helps determine how you will respond in any situation. However, creating the perception of integrity takes time and can be lost quickly.

Having integrity is part of your character. Character is made up of honesty, sincerity and predictability. Success will not last without integrity and good character. Even if you have integrity, people may make judgments without the facts. So avoid even the appearance of dishonesty.

Many companies claim to value integrity but lack it in practice. The Great Wall of China failed because the gatekeepers lacked integrity, not because of outside forces.

The challenge with integrity is that many don’t realize how they seem to others. They think they have enough integrity or that cutting corners is no big deal. But this erodes integrity. To be charismatic, tap into your internal guidance system, your moral compass, to guide you in every situation. Make integrity a habit through discipline and consistency. Choosewisely in each situation according to your values. Continuously reflect on and refine your moral code.

Moral authority comes from integrity, not position or status. But integrity is fragile and takes constant work. It starts within, by accepting responsibility and doing the right thing. Let your moral compass guide you to inspire others.

Integrity is a lifelong pursuit that requires discipline, consistency and continuous reflection. Making the right choice in each situation by following your moral code will build your moral authority. Let your moral compass inspire others through your own pursuit of integrity.

Courage is having the heart and determination to do the right thing, even when it is difficult or scary. Courage involves facing your fears and moving forward despite failures or setbacks. Developing courage requires accepting responsibility for your actions, learning from your mistakes, and maintaining a positive attitude.

Some tips to build courage:

•Remember past times you showed courage. •Focus on your strengths and accomplishments. •Take calculated risks and ask “What’s the worst that could happen?” •Visualize yourself succeeding. •Learn from role models who show courage. •Ask for help when you need it. •View failures and setbacks as learning opportunities.

Courage is vital for developing charisma and achieving your dreams. The Wright brothers showed courage by persevering despite public ridicule and failure. Have the courage to follow your heart and pursue your purpose.

• Focus and concentration are key to accomplishing goals and being productive. Without focus, you will waste time and be busy but not accomplished.

• Preparation and goal setting help create focus. Know what needs to be done each day and prioritize important tasks.

• Ask yourself questions to determine if you are focused on the right things:

What is the best use of my time right now?
Am I spending vital time on unimportant things?
Do I confuse being busy with accomplishment?
Am I clear about exactly what I need to accomplish today?

• Eliminate or minimize distractions like phones, emails, and interruptions. Find times to concentrate without interruption.

• Start with your most important tasks first before switching to reacting and responding. Don’t get distracted with busy work.

• Review your goals and priorities regularly to maintain focus. Make adjustments as needed to accomplish what really matters.

• Take regular breaks to rejuvenate your mind and body. Even short breaks can help you renew your focus and concentration.

• Consider using timers to minimize distractions and keep you on task. Start with 25-30 minutes at a time and build up from there.

Does this summary cover the key highlights related to focus and concentration? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any part of the summary.

Here are some key points to improve your presentation skills:

•Know your audience. Tailor your message and examples to your specific audience. Speak to their interests and needs.

•Have a clear message. Know the one thing you want the audience to remember. Repeat it several times.

•Start strong. Capture their attention immediately. Share an interesting story or statistic. Ask an engaging question.

•Make it visual. Use PowerPoint, video, demonstrations. Visual aids engage more senses and make messages memorable.

•Show passion and enthusiasm. Your energy and passion will translate to your audience. Speak with conviction about your topic.

•Use humor. Funny stories and appropriate jokes can bring an audience together and help make messages stick.

•Share stories. Stories, examples and anecdotes breathe life into presentations and help audiences relate the messages to their own lives.

•Use rhetorical devices. Things like alliteration, metaphors and repetition make speeches more engaging and memorable.

•Practice. Practice your presentation out loud, ideally in front of a mirror or to friends and family. Hearing yourself speak the words will make you more comfortable and confident.

•Have a clear ending. Wrap up by revisiting your key message or themes. End as strongly as you began. Thank the audience for their time.

•Handle questions confidently. Anticipate potential questions and practice responses. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” but follow up and get the answer.

•Review and improve. Think about what worked and didn’t work to strengthen your next presentation. Get feedback from others as well. With regular practice, these skills will become habits.

Does this help summarize some key tips to strengthen your presentation skills? Let me know if you have any other questions.

Here are some tips to help improve your people skills:

•Focus on others, not yourself. Ask questions and listen to show you are genuinely interested in learning more about them.

•Smile and make eye contact. Engage people by smiling, making eye contact, and nodding to show you are paying attention.

•Be positive and enthusiastic. A positive, energetic attitude is attractive and charismatic.

•Find common ground. Look for shared interests or experiences and highlight them. People connect over commonalities.

•Read body language. Pay attention to people’s body language and subtle cues to better understand them and connect. Mirroring body language can also help build rapport.

•Remember names. Make an effort to remember people’s names to show you value them. Repeat names back to reinforce them in your memory.

•Be flexible and adapt. Adjust your style to match different people and situations. What works with one person may not with another.

•Sincerely compliment others. Offer thoughtful praise and compliments to make people feel good and build connection. But be genuine.

•Treat people well. At the end of the day, having good people skills comes down to treating people the way you would like to be treated. Be kind, considerate and make people feel valued.

E X A M P L E

Bill Clinton is known for his exceptional people skills and charisma. Some tips from his style:

•He makes intensive eye contact, smiles, leans in and really focuses on whoever he’s talking to. This makes people feel like they’re the only person in the room.

•He asks lots of questions and listens attentively to show genuine interest in learning more about others.

•He finds common ground and makes personal connections with people from all walks of life. He’s able to relate to their experiences, interests and challenges.

•He offers sincere compliments and praise to make people feel good. But his praise always seems thoughtful and from the heart.

•He’s warm, energetic, optimistic and makes people feel at ease. His positive spirit is contagious.

•He’s adaptable and able to shift his style based on different audiences. Whether talking to celebrities, politicians or ordinary people, he makes a personal connection.

•He has an amazing memory for names and faces. He works hard to remember personal details about people to make them feel valued. His keen interest in others serves him well.

C H A R I S M A K E Y

Developing exceptional people skills and the ability to connect with most anyone will significantly boost your charisma and influence. Work on focusing outside yourself, adapting your style to different people, being positive and enthusiastic, genuinely complimenting others, and making real personal connections. Mastering these skills can change your success and happiness in all areas of life. Your charisma depends on how well you interact with and relate to people. Make that a top priority.

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• Stories are powerful tools for developing charisma and connecting with your audience.

• Stories draw your audience in and help them understand and appreciate your message.

• Facts and figures are more impactful when coupled with relevant, powerful stories.

• Effective storytelling establishes common ground, creates connectivity, and generates attention and receptivity.

• Stories build rapport with your audience by helping them believe in you and your message.

• The elements of a good story include:

Engaging the emotions.
Having a clear message or moral.
Including vivid details and imagery to help the audience visualize what happened.
Using an authentic, enthusiastic tone.
Having a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Including challenges or obstacles that build suspense.
Featuring compelling characters.
Using dialogue to bring the story to life.
Ending by reinforcing your key message.

• Practice your stories ahead of time but sound spontaneous when sharing them.

• Choose stories that are relevant to your audience and purpose. The most powerful stories are personal experiences.

• Keep your stories concise while including meaningful details. Aim for 2 to 3 minutes in length.

• Eye contact is a powerful form of communication. It can convey trust, confidence, emotions, and establish connections. Lack of eye contact can appear untrustworthy or dishonest.

• Charismatic people are adept at engaging others through eye contact. They can create instant connections and rapport.

• Gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for each person and situation. About 70% is a good rule of thumb. Don’t stare at the other person the entire time, which can seem aggressive or romantic. Mirror the other person’s eye contact to build rapport.

• People feel special and important when you make eye contact with them. It shows you are engaged and speaking directly to them. Breaking eye contact too often can damage connections and rapport.

• Pupil dilation shows interest and arousal. We find people with larger pupils more attractive. We distrust people who hide their eyes, e.g. behind sunglasses.

• The length and type of eye contact must be tailored to each person, culture, and situation. One standard will not connect with everyone. Many people feel uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact.

• You can assess rapport through eye contact by seeing if the other person mirrors your eye contact, head nods, or smile. If so, you have built a connection.

• Practice and get feedback to enhance your ability at engaging others through eye contact. It is a learnable skill.

• Rapport is an instant connection or bond between two or more people. Charismatic people are able to quickly establish rapport with others.

• Rapport synchronizes people mentally, physically, and vocally. It creates trust and puts people on the same wavelength.

• When rapport is established, communication flows easily. People feel comfortable opening up and sharing information.

• Rapport is built through mirroring body language, facial expressions, speech patterns, and showing genuine interest in others. Smiling, eye contact, and listening also help build rapport.

• Rapport can be broken by failing to mirror the other person or showing a lack of interest or understanding. It takes time and effort to re-establish rapport once it has been broken.

• Examples of people who are skilled at building rapport include talk show hosts, counselors, and successful businesspeople. Strong rapport skills allow them to get others to open up and share information.

• To improve your rapport skills, focus on listening, mirroring, maintaining eye contact, and showing genuine interest in others. Make a habit of smiling, complimenting, and putting others at ease. With practice, building rapport can become second nature.

Charismatic people are inspiring. They lift others up and energize them.
Inspiring others is not easy and requires constant effort. People expect charismatic leaders to inspire them.
Many people are surrounded by those who discourage and disempower them. Charismatic people inspire hope instead of despair.
Desperation and fear can motivate people temporarily but lead to poor decisions, unwanted choices, and regret. Inspiration promotes hope and teamwork.
Hope reduces troubles, gives purpose, and turns discouragement into determination. Charismatic people inspire hope in others.

Some keys to being inspiring:

Believe in others and express confidence in their abilities. Help them see their potential.
Share an exciting vision and purpose. Help others feel part of something bigger than themselves.
Use positive language and encouragement. Praise people’s efforts and achievements.
Lead by example. Model the attitude and behavior you want to see. Your passion and enthusiasm will spread to others.
Challenge people in a supportive way. Set high expectations and help them achieve more than they thought possible.
Express empathy for their challenges and help them overcome obstacles. Provide the support and resources they need.
Celebrate wins, both big and small. Make people feel valued and that their efforts matter.

In summary, charismatic and inspiring leaders energize others by believing in them, sharing an inspiring vision, using positive language, leading by example, setting high expectations, showing empathy and support, and celebrating achievements. They spread hope, passion and purpose.

• Understanding ego and self-esteem is key to developing charisma. We like people who like us and don’t like people who don’t like us.

• Most people struggle with giving praise and boosting self-esteem. But charismatic people understand this need and are good at raising other people’s self-esteem.

• Having a healthy self-esteem yourself is important. Admit when you’re wrong, don’t get rattled by criticism, and stay confident in who you are.

• Look for signs of low self-esteem in others like bullying, gossiping, needing to always be right. Then boost their esteem through praise and gratitude.

• Praise is powerful but must be sincere, specific, prompt, and public. Criticism should be used sparingly since it has more impact.

• An example is Andrew Carnegie naming his steel mill after a railroad executive to show him importance and gain influence.

• The blind spot is thinking a few kind words will fix low self-esteem. You must understand how your own self-esteem affects your charisma and get better at sincerely boosting others’.

• Application: Use the elements of effective praise like being specific, sincere, public, and positive. Praise costs nothing but yields big results.

Does this summary accurately reflect the key points on understanding ego and using praise to build self-esteem? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand on any part of the summary.

Thompson was so impressed by Carnegie’s honor that he only bought steel from Carnegie. Esteem is simple yet powerful.

People avoid giving praise due to concerns it may seem insincere, unbelievable, or upset others. But charismatic people praise genuinely and specifically, opening doors and boosting charisma. Spending time praising builds the habit and shows the power of praise. Look for opportunities to praise; it’s free.

Rate your ability to build esteem (0-10).

Charisma requires credibility—being believable and able to solve problems. Credibility depends on knowledge, track record, and appearance. Have you kept promises? Admitted mistakes? Stayed calm? Deception and seeming too good to be true hurt credibility. Reveal a small weakness to seem more honest.

Assume you lack credibility until you earn it. Complaints, needing references, cancelled meetings, no repeat business, no loyalty show low credibility.

Motivation makes people do what you want because they want to. Charismatic people motivate long-term by helping others visualize and achieve goals, setting their own goals, solving problems, making decisions as a team. Prepare for downtime; help through personal development and meeting basic needs. Challenge and inspire. Motivate with vision, coaching, encouragement and by rewarding progress. Light their inner fire!

Rate your ability to motivate others (0-10).

Showing goodwill through charity and compassion is a key to increasing your charisma. Focus on others by being friendly, kind, and showing genuine concern. Criticize carefully and focus on the positive. Develop an abundance mentality that allows you to give freely. Start giving of yourself now through small acts of kindness and service. The Chicken Soup for the Soul creators are examples of people who give back and show goodwill.

Charismatic people have the ability to see things through the perspectives of others and understand what others feel, need and want. Empathy is more than just being aware of other people’s emotions, it is the ability to actually experience what others feel and understand why they feel that way. Empathy builds trust, respect and long-term charisma. It enables you to understand others’ attitudes, beliefs and fears by seeing things through their eyes.

Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is being able to relate to others while empathy is truly feeling for others and understanding them. Empathy requires putting yourself in others’ shoes and seeing through their eyes. It is difficult to learn empathy from books alone. We live in a self-absorbed world where empathy goes against what society has taught us. Most people are not naturally empathetic but have to work to develop empathy.

Charismatic people are able to pick up on subtle clues indicating how others truly feel inside. They have emotional intelligence and the ability to manage emotions. Without these skills, no matter how smart you are, you won’t get very far in developing charisma and influencing others.

• A fox was running and playing in a field when he fell into an abandoned well.

• The fox panicked and kept unsuccessfully attempting to jump out of the hole.

• A goat walked by and the fox pleaded for help. The goat lowered his horns so the fox could grab on.

• The fox was thrilled as he was lifted to freedom, but he played a trick on the goat and kicked him in the mouth, stunning him.

• The moral is that one should not trick or deceive those who help you in your time of need. Kindness and gratitude should be shown.

The story teaches a moral lesson about showing gratitude and kindness to those who help you, even if you have the opportunity to deceive them. The fox should not have tricked the goat after the goat helped rescue him from the hole. One should help others in need and be appreciative when receiving help.

Your voice and the words you choose have a significant impact on how charismatic you appear to others. Charismatic voices are confident, captivating, and easy to listen to. The words you use trigger feelings and thoughts in your audience, either connecting or disconnecting with them. To improve your verbal presentation, focus on:

Word choice: Choose words that evoke the right emotions and attitudes in your audience. Words that are too casual, confrontational or weak can repel people.
Rate of speech: Speaking at an energetic yet varied pace keeps people engaged. A fast rate shows competence but should be varied. Match the rate of others initially.
Eliminate vocal fillers: Saying “um,” “like,” or “you know” too often hurts your credibility and annoys others. Most people overuse fillers without realizing it.
Pitch and inflection: A lower pitch signals confidence and strength. Vary your inflection to keep people interested. A monotone voice bores others.

Using language effectively is key to gaining charisma and influence. Continually improve your verbal skills to connect with others and achieve your goals.

Your body language and gestures play an important role in how charismatic you appear. Pay attention to and control your:

Eyes: Make eye contact, don’t wear sunglasses. Dilated pupils, lack of eye contact, increased blinking can indicate deception.
Hands: Relaxed, open hands convey confidence. Clenched fists, touching face, sweating palms can indicate deception.
Legs: Legs pointed toward the speaker show interest. Crossed legs, foot tapping can indicate boredom or impatience. Tucked legs show comfort. Crossing/uncrossing legs, wiggling feet can indicate deception.
Shoulders/Arms: Aligned with speaker’s shoulders shows connection. Crossed arms show rejection. Shoulder shrugs disconnect. Crossed arms, turned shoulders, shoulder shrugs can indicate deception.
Head: Tilted head shows interest. Supporting head shows lack of interest. Increased touching, color changes, increased/decreased movement can indicate deception.
Body: Increased movement shows connection, decreased movement shows disconnect. Changed posture, mechanical movements, moving back can indicate deception.
Touch: Appropriate touch can help connect with others but be aware some don’t like being touched.

In summary, the key to appearing charismatic through body language and gestures is to appear open, interested, engaged and confident. But also be tuned into the speaker’s body language so you can detect deception or a lack of interest/connection. Syncing your body language with the speaker’s also helps build rapport and trust.

• Physical appearance matters more than we like to admit. We make quick judgments about others based on how they look.

• Certain physical attributes like height, physique, facial structure, hairstyle, and grooming influence how charismatic and influential we perceive someone to be.

• Looking athletic or fit tends to increase perceived charisma and influence. Being overweight or sloppy in appearance decreases it.

• Facial symmetry and an attractive smile also positively impact charisma and likability. Wearing glasses can reduce perceived competence and charisma.

• Hairstyle and grooming send signals about someone’s personality and professionalism. Messy or unkempt hair decreases likability and credibility.

• Clothing and accessories provide clues to someone’s status, competence, and charisma. Flashy or mismatched clothing reduces charisma. Professional, tailored attire increases it.

• Good posture, confident body language, and a firm handshake also contribute to making a good first impression and being seen as charismatic. Slouching or timid body language has the opposite effect.

• While we can’t change certain aspects of our appearance, focusing on the variables within our control—grooming, style, body language, smile, etc.—can significantly boost our charisma and influence.

You may be repelling people without realizing it. This can damage your charisma and influence. Some common mistakes that repel others include:

• Talking too much. No one can get a word in and you seem self-absorbed.

• Showing how much you know. You come across as arrogant and obnoxious.

• Getting too friendly too fast. Your friendliness seems insincere and makes people uncomfortable.

• Getting too comfortable too fast. You invade people’s personal space and touch their things without permission. This creates resentment.

• Using outdated persuasion techniques. Your approach seems cheesy, lame, and condescending.

• Violating proxemics. You get too close physically and make people feel tense and uneasy.

• Exaggerating or providing misleading information. You damage your credibility and trustworthiness.

• Asking too many questions. Your questioning feels like an interrogation and puts people on the defensive.

• Seeming insincere. People sense your ulterior motives and lack of genuine interest in them.

• Showing signs of fear or deception. Your nervousness and lack of transparency make you seem untrustworthy.

• Making excuses. Your excuses damage your accountability and reliability.

• Lacking enthusiasm. Your lack of passion fails to inspire and motivate others.

The key is to avoid these kinds of behaviors and approach people with sincerity, transparency, and a genuine desire to understand their perspectives. Build trust and rapport. Show interest in others. And choose persuasion techniques that educate and inspire rather than manipulate.

Here is a summary of the research from Section One: Presence: What Do You Radiate?

Chapter 1: Passion: The Transfer of Pure Energy

Passion is what differentiates high and low achievers and income earners. Charismatic people are described as inspiring, empowering, and awe-inspiring by followers. Enthusiasm and emotions are contagious. Passion gives you a sense of mission and motivation.

Chapter 2: Confidence: Conviction Is Contagious

Charismatic people project confidence. Confidence is at a 10-year low. Charismatic leaders do not show discouragement or feelings of imminent failure. Arrogance is a top complaint against managers.

Chapter 3: Congruence: Actions Versus Intention

Wrong cues or gestures can lead to impressions of lack of competence or credibility. Nonverbal behaviors affect impressions of sociability, attractiveness, and whether you like others. Gestures showing less immediacy communicate you don’t like others.

Chapter 4: Optimism: Adjust Attitudes

Optimism leads to living longer, stronger social networks, higher motivation and performance. Belief in good luck produces optimism and confidence. Pessimists give up twice as fast as optimists.

Chapter 5: Positive Power: Force Is Not Charisma

Expert power comes from information, knowledge, and wisdom. There is a desire in all people for power and to incite reactions in others. Charisma and leadership depend on one’s position. Referent power comes from admiration, liking, and respect. Charismatic power comes from envisioning a better future and expressing that vision.

Does this summary cover the key highlights from the research for Section One: Presence: What Do You Radiate? Let me know if you would like me to clarify or expand the summary in any way.

Uniformed individuals tend to gather more charitable donations. People are more likely to comply with traffic signals when they see someone of high social status violate the signal.
Charismatic and energetic people tend to have good health and social relationships. Positive relationships and prayer are linked to better health outcomes.
Charismatic people tend to use humor and be cheerful. Humor increases trust, connects people, increases attention, and makes disagreement less likely.
Talent is less important for success than drive and determination. Charismatic people emphasize hard work, commitment, and overcoming challenges. Willpower weakens over time like a muscle.
Feeling competent increases motivation and charisma while reducing fear. Intelligence correlates with income. There are three core human needs: autonomy, relatedness, and competence. Key modern competencies include managing resources, interpersonal skills, information, systems thinking, and technology.
Intuition feeds expertise, creativity, love, and spirituality. Managers and leaders tend to have strong intuition. Overanalyzing is ineffective. People can intuit much from thin slices of information.
Charismatic leaders have passion, conviction, and commitment to their vision. Purpose gives life meaning and often involves helping others.
Honesty, integrity, and trust are highly valued qualities in leaders, coworkers, and managers. Lying and dishonesty are seen negatively. However, society may be becoming more tolerant of deception. Employees prefer honest managers. Many people distrust their bosses.
Courage is required for difficult conversations and recognizing excellence. Courage, risk-taking, and innovation are key to motivation and success. Courage is a attribute of great leaders who inspire others to outstanding achievements.

Here is a summary of the research:

• Courage is integral to charismatic leadership. Leaders like Moses, Lincoln, and MLK Jr. derived meaning from courageously overcoming challenges. [Borgatta et al., 1954]

• Creativity is learned, not inherent. Average intelligence and divergent thinking can be developed into creativity. [Sawyer, 2006; Torrance, 1975; Middlebrooks, 2006; Heilman et al., 2003]

• Focus and impulse control predict success. Workers estimate wasting 1.44 hours a day; executives say focus is a key strength. Diet, sleep, caffeine, and carbs affect focus. [Gallup, 2007; Martin, 2006; ‘‘Morning Cereal… ,’’ 2009]

• Presentation and verbal skills influence leadership and success. 75% of executives say presentation skills are 3 times more important than writing skills. [Bass, 1990; Alessandra, 2000; American Salesman, 1991]

• ‘‘People skills’’ and likeability reduce risk of lawsuits and help in career success. 66% of companies don’t focus on developing people skills, though 91% say they’re important. [‘‘Damaging Shortage… ,’’ 2002; ‘‘Bulletin… , ’’ 2001; Bass, 1990; ‘‘What Does It Take… ,’’ 1991]

• Influencers have persuasion skills and reciprocate persuasion. Nonverbals, vocal quality, and facial expressiveness increase persuasion. 95% of persuasion involves subconscious triggers. [Bass, 1990; Mortensen, 2004; Burgoon et al., 1990; Sugarman et al., 1999; Damasio, 2000; others]

• Stories grab attention, simplify ideas, and persuade subtly. Metaphors increase inspiration and charisma. Stories connect better than facts or numbers. [Mortensen, 2008; Mio et al., 2005; Mortensen, 2004, 2008]

• Eye contact increases perceived dominance, assertiveness, and compliance. Longer eye contact leads to more positive personality judgments. [Brooks et al., 1986; Knackstedt and Kleinke, 1991; Droney and Brooks, 1993; Kleinke and Singer, n.d.]

Here is a summary of the key points from the research:

• Listening is a key skill, but studies show most people are poor listeners. Effective listening leads to better persuasion, adaptation, and learning.

• Creating rapport and making a good first impression are critical. Facial expressions and perceptions have a huge impact on rapport and persuasion.

• Inspiration stimulates enthusiasm and confidence. Most managers fail to inspire and guide the personal growth of employees.

• Self-image and praise are linked to charisma and persuasion. Early experiences shape self-image, and praise causes people to change their minds.

• Credibility depends on success and organization. Charismatic people are very successful. Nonfluencies and disorganization decrease credibility.

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• Motivation is lacking in most companies, yet many employees say they could work harder. Motivation depends on meeting intrinsic needs and involvement in change.

•Goodwill, kindness, and compassion build self-respect, better health, and loyalty. Concern and kindness are the foundation for good interactions and environments.

• Vision is key to success, buy-in, and implementation. Visionary, charismatic leaders who can articulate a vision are critical. Visions offer irresistible images of the future.

• In summary, the research shows the power of soft skills like communication, perception, motivation, and vision. Technical skills are not enough— leaders must connect, inspire, gain buy-in, and drive change. The most successful leaders have high emotional intelligence and the ability to understand ego and self-image.

Here are the main points from Exceptional Leadership by Jay A. Conger:

• Leadership requires passion and purpose. Effective leaders have a clear vision and sense of purpose that motivates and inspires followers.

• Leadership requires competence and courage. Leaders must have the skills, abilities, and courage to achieve their vision and purpose. Competence builds confidence in followers. Courage is required to overcome obstacles and make difficult decisions.

• Leadership requires integrity and intuition. Leaders need integrity to build trust and intuition to anticipate opportunities and problems. Integrity means consistency between words and deeds. Intuition comes from experience and pattern recognition.

• Leadership requires creativity. Effective leaders think outside the box and find innovative solutions to problems. They encourage creativity in their followers and organizations.

• Leadership requires focus and concentration. Leaders maintain focus on key priorities and avoid distraction. They are able to concentrate their efforts to achieve important goals and objectives.

• Leadership requires empathy and emotional alignment. Leaders show empathy for the needs and feelings of followers. They are able to emotionally connect with others and create shared enthusiasm for the vision and purpose.

• Leadership requires respect and goodwill. Leaders treat all people with courtesy, respect, and goodwill, which builds morale, motivation, commitment, and trust in followers. Respect and goodwill create an abundance mentality.

• In summary, exceptional leadership requires passion, competence, integrity, creativity, focus, empathy, respect, and goodwill. Possessing and cultivating these qualities will make you an inspirational and visionary leader.

I N D E X

by learning to delegate, 129

207

leadership, 188–192

empowering others with

exceptional, summary of key

your credibility, 126–129

points on, 205–206

research on, 198

integrity in, 65

emotional appeal, 96–97

lifelines in, 36

emotional intelligence (EQ),

and passion, 139

151–156

research on, 183–184, 188–192

developing, 154

and vision, 139

importance of, 152

leading by example, 65

research on, 198

learning, 81, 133

emotions, see emotion(s)

from failure, 54

energy from positive thoughts, 67

research on, 190

enthusiasm, sharing, 91, 139

leg movements, 162

Equals, power based on, 30

levels of communication

ethics

micro (body language), 161

and charisma, 5–6

micro (verbal), 155

research on, 187

macro (point of view), 84, 87

Euro RSCG survey, 135

life, balancing, 36–39

eye contact, 102–105

lifelines, 36

maintaining, 103–104

Lincoln, Abraham, 53

and moods, 169

logic, emotion vs., 166

eye cues, 161

logos, using in messages, 156

eye movement, 161

listening, 106–109

face, moods revealed by, 169

active, 108–109

failure

barriers to, 107

as learning experience, 54

benefits of, 107–108

fear of, 118–119

with empathy, 144

false confidence vs., 18

to gain understanding, 142

fear, 117–120

storytelling aided by, 101

appeasement from, 119

Maclean’s, 106

courage vs., 68

maintaining eye contact, 103–104

dealing with, 118–119

manipulation, influence vs., 96

emotion of, 168

masculinity, and colors, 169

as subconscious trigger, 166

Mayer, John D., on emotional

fight-or-flight response, 151

intelligence, 152

focus

messages

as core quality, 77–81

choosing words in, 156

maintaining, 79–81

congruence of words and actions

research on, 191

in, 22–25

frowns, 169

emotional appeal of, 96–97

frustration, 167

logical appeal (logos) in, 156

208

I N D E X

tailoring, to audience, 89

on following your passion, 62

The Laws of Charisma How to Captivate, In - Kurt W. Mortensen