Weird - Olga Khazan

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Here is a summary of the copyright notice and book introduction:

• The book introduction discusses the author’s experience growing up as a Russian-Jewish immigrant in West Texas, which led to feelings of being different and exclusion from the local culture and norms.

• Her family had a difficult time integrating and making friends. Ultimately they withdrew more into Russian culture through TV, food, and news.

• The author defines what it means to feel “weird” - like you don’t quite fit in or are one of the only ones of your kind in a given environment. She notes this book is for those who have spent their lives feeling different or feel different due to circumstances.

• The copyright notice provides standard information about copyright for the book, the publisher (Hachette Books), and contact details if permission is needed to use content from the book. It’s the standard copyright information found at the beginning of books.

The passage discusses various experiences of feeling different or “weird” growing up. This included the author’s family moving frequently between different Dallas suburbs, making it hard to form lasting friendships. As a Russian immigrant, the author often felt like an outsider.

In high school in Texas, the author joined an evangelical Christian youth group but struggled to reconcile the teachings with their own beliefs and questions. Sex education classes focused more on stereotypes than actual information.

The author found solace online reading the columns of Mark Morford, a writer who voiced progressive views the author did not encounter much in Texas. However, attending a liberal college in Washington DC proved another culture shock. Social situations like parties were challenging without prior experience.

Overall, the passage explores feeling like an outsider due to family background, location, beliefs, and lack of social experience. It addresses how “weirdness” can impact one’s sense of identity and ability to fit in during childhood and young adulthood. Developing social skills is portrayed as an ongoing process.

Here is a summary of the key details in the passage about Michael Ain striking a match:

• Michael Ain was determined to pursue a career in medicine despite being 4 feet 3 inches tall due to having achondroplasia (dwarfism).

• When he went to his adviser at Brown University to discuss medical school, the adviser tried to discourage him because his height would be “bad for his average” of students who get into top med schools.

• Michael applied to 30 medical schools and was rejected from all of them, often because of prejudice about his height. They thought patients wouldn’t respect him or that he was mentally incapable.

• Undaunted, Michael applied to 30 more schools and was accepted to just one because the admissions officer liked baseball, which Michael played in college.

• He faced similar rejection trying to get a residency in neurosurgery due to his height, so he did a year in pediatrics instead.

• Michael kept reapplying and was eventually able to complete his orthopedic surgery residency, becoming a professor of orthopedic surgery at Johns Hopkins, one of the top medical institutions. He specialized in children with dwarfism.

• Michael was determined not to “let these fuckers stop him” and used his difference to power through discrimination and excel in his career goals.

• People are increasingly pruning their social circles to only include those who share their exact views on politics, identity, etc. This leads to more polarization and “us vs them” thinking.

• Jobs are also requiring more social and collaborative skills, even as society becomes more fragmented. This creates a disconnect where social skills are important but social interaction is decreasing.

• Certain jobs and social circles have “unwritten rules” about dress, communication style, etc. Those who don’t grow up learning these norms can feel excluded, like a black man who wore tracksuits instead of the preferred hipster hoodies at a media firm.

• Americans are profoundly polarized along political lines. Democrats and Republicans have crystallized, opposing identities based on traits like race, gender, geography etc. Having a different political view than others in one’s social circle or workplace could feel very awkward.

• In summary, as social ties fragment along rigid identity lines, the ability to collaborate is becoming more important for careers. But estrangement and echo chambers are on the rise, making collaboration more difficult. This disconnect leaves people feeling alienated and unsure how to navigate increasingly polarized environments.

• Social norms strongly influence our opinions and behavior - we tend to think and act in line with what others around us are doing. Experiments show people’s perceptions can be changed just by exposing them to others’ opinions.

• Following norms provides social approval and stability, but they can also restrict individual freedom and change. Conforming too rigidly or breaking norms too often both come with social costs according to sociology theories.

• Certain genes may influence how sensitive people are to social norms. One gene related to dopamine was linked to differences in individualism vs collectivism between Asian and Western cultures.

• Conditions like borderline personality disorder can impair understanding and following of social norms due to difficulties interpreting others’ intentions and reactions. Early family environments shape these social skills.

• While norms provide structure, they can become too rigid over time and punish nonconformity. Balancing individual expression with social cohesion is delicate. Both too much constraint and too little guidance from norms have been linked to higher suicide rates.

This passage discusses several aspects of social norms related to swimwear and public nudity:

• There are complex, unwritten rules about women’s swimsuit styles, including revealing enough to show gender but modest enough for age. One-piece suits were once taboo but are now in fashion.

• Public nudity is typically taboo but permitted in some contexts like Korean bathhouses. Going nude there was initially uncomfortable for the author but her friend was unfazed. Customers are fully nude for some activities despite general discomfort with public nudity.

• Lifeguards at pools maintain a professional, non-sexual gaze over nearly nude swimmers to avoid acknowledging sexuality. Everyone pretends not to notice wardrobe malfunctions to avoid stigma.

• A radio program in post-genocide Rwanda shifted social norms around ethnic tensions and trauma survivors even though it didn’t change underlying beliefs. People will often uphold whatever norms they are exposed to regardless of personal views. Social norms can change without changing attitudes.

In summary, it discusses the complexity, contingency and malleability of social norms governing nudity, sexuality and other sensitive topics through examples from swimwear, bathhouses and a Rwandan reconciliation program.

• Daniel dropped out of college and started taking early childhood education courses as a way to find a career path. However, his family and others saw it as a “Mickey Mouse” degree.

• When Daniel started applying for preschool jobs, he frequently faced assumptions that he was a woman named “Danielle.” The bathrooms at one center were not set up for men since they’d never had a male employee before.

• Men make up only about 2% of preschool and kindergarten teachers. Daniel faced skepticism and judgment from some parents, though most were happy to have a male teacher.

• Daniel became the supervisor of a daycare center but found the job stressful, with lots of staff turnover at first. When a male teacher was fired, the parents were clearly uncomfortable with a male teacher suddenly disappearing.

• Despite facing assumptions and stigma at times, Daniel enjoyed his work with young children and advanced in his career as a rare male in the early childhood education field.

• Daniel is a supervisor at a daycare center in Canada. He had to reassure about 40 parents that a teacher, Mr. Michael, did not molest their children.

• The daycare had numerous other issues like exploding toilets and teachers being taken out by a virus. Many children also had serious allergies.

• One older female teacher was not performing well and was fired by Daniel for issues like leaving moldy food around.

• The fired teacher claimed Daniel’s firing of her was “racism.” Shortly after, a negative Facebook review accusing Daniel of inappropriate touching of children appeared, which Daniel suspects was written by a relative of the fired teacher.

• Daniel was worried his career would be over due to the allegation, but others doubted it due to security cameras monitoring teachers. Still, the owner had to report the incident to child services as required.

So in summary, Daniel had to deal with a false allegation of improper conduct with children that was likely made in retaliation after he fired an underperforming teacher. This caused him great stress and concern for his career.

• It is especially difficult to pursue a career in auto racing as a woman for several reasons. Racing is very expensive, so families often focus resources on only one child, usually a boy, as boys are more likely to be steered toward masculine and aggressive sports like racing.

• This means there are fewer young women in the racing pipeline to eventually become professional drivers. The first successful female racer, Danica Patrick, benefited from novelty and buzz as a rarity, but new female drivers are still rare and don’t generate the same interest from sponsors.

• Female racers also have to decide if they want to promote themselves as “girl racers” or try to be seen as “one of the guys.” Sex appeal still sells to sponsors but many women are uncomfortable with that approach.

• Julia Landauer finds it difficult to secure funding and support from racing teams, who are more likely to assume male drivers will succeed until proven otherwise, while women have to constantly prove themselves. Due to financial issues, Julia had no races scheduled in the summer of 2018.

• The passage discusses the acculturation process of a Russian Jewish immigrant family that moved to Midland, Texas in search of lower cost of living.

• In Russia, the author’s Jewish identity was more of a social fact than a religious practice. But in Texas, they encountered a strongly religious Christian culture that they did not fully fit into.

• The father took a part-time job teaching Russian at the local college. This exposed locals’ curiosity about Russia but also highlighted how different the family’s backgrounds were.

• Over time, the father found more work as a cultural translator for local businesspeople interacting with Russians. He helped explain Russian culture and business norms.

• The author felt like an “alien” growing up in Texas, as they were exposed to Christian religion and culture through Baptist daycares but came from a non-practicing Jewish background in Russia. An incident where they ate snacks without praying highlighted feeling like an outsider.

• The family struggled to balance assimilation with maintaining their own identity as Russian Jewish immigrants in a small conservative Texas town. This summarizes their acculturation challenges faced after immigrating.

Here is a summary of the key points about cultural tightness and looseness:

• Cultural tightness refers to cultures with strong social norms and intolerance for deviating from those norms. Loose cultures have weaker norms and more tolerance for unconventional behavior.

• Russia is considered a culturally tight country compared to more loose Western nations like the US and Finland. Tightness in Russia manifested through anti-LGBT propaganda laws and social pressure for conformity.

• Psychologist Michele Gelfand studied 33 countries and found tightness correlated with autocratic governments, less free media, religiosity, and less criminal behavior/protesting. Loose cultures showed more tolerance and individualism.

• Within nations, tightness varies by situation - Americans are loose generally but tight regarding privacy. Japan is tight overall but loose in social bars after work.

• Alina, a Russian teenager, felt like a “loose” person in a tight culture. She was progressive in her views and rebelled against social pressures. She decided to study abroad in looser Finland for more acceptance.

• Tight and loose cultures each have advantages in promoting social order/predictability or creativity respectively depending on their needs and environments. Neither is inherently better or worse.

The passage provides background on Beverly Stiles, a sociology professor at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas. It describes Wichita Falls as a conservative Republican area.

Beverly is passionate about teaching gender studies and exposing students to new perspectives on topics like gender norms and inequality. However, many of her students initially reject or deny these concepts due to religious and political beliefs. Some refuse to take her class or spread rumors that she is a liberal or lesbian.

The passage details Beverly’s journey to academia. She grew up in Ohio with a truck driver Democrat father. After moving to Texas for her husband’s military service, she was the first in her family to attend college. She found graduate school in Texas to be a culture shock due to the lack of female professors and conservative views of some students.

Beverly is determined to broaden her students’ horizons despite challenges. Over time more became open to her teachings as gender studies became a less novel concept. However, a few years in she became divorced and without ties to Texas, looked for jobs in more liberal places like California where she felt she could get her message across better.

• In the 1960s, LGBTQ people faced discrimination and surveillance by authorities. As recently as the early 2000s, politicians have tried to ban transgender people from the military or require them to use bathrooms matching their sex assigned at birth through “bathroom bills.”

• Gender-segregated bathrooms originated in the late 1800s due to norms that saw men and women as intrinsically different. They were meant to create a “protective, home-like haven” for women in the workplace. More recently, bathroom bills are framed as protecting women’s safety and privacy.

• Jess Herbst, the mayor of New Hope, Texas, is transgender. She testified against a Texas bathroom bill in 2017, arguing that laws against voyeurism and assault already exist, so there is no need for additional bathroom legislation. As a public official herself, she appealed to legislators to consider her perspective.

• Jess knew she was transgender from a young age but faced family therapy meant to change her. She married and had kids but continued to struggle with her identity. Over time, as she connected with other transgender people, she realized her identity was valid and began to socially and medically transition. Her family supported her transition.

• As she lived openly as a transgender woman, Jess faced little professional discrimination as an IT consultant. She has helped advocate for transgender rights through her role as mayor.

• Jess Herbst, a transgender woman, was elected as the mayor of New Hope, Texas in 2016 after the previous mayor passed away. She kept her gender identity secret from the town for years while serving in other local government roles.

• In 2017, Jess publicly came out as transgender in a letter to the town. She received support from many in the community but also faced some hostility, mostly online.

• In 2018, Jess ran for mayor in an official election. She lost by 40 votes to the widow of the previous mayor. Jess believes her identity as a transgender woman may have influenced some conservative voters against her.

• Psychological research suggests people are inclined to resist changes to social norms (“system justification”) and are more sensitive to norm violations that affect them directly. Some voters may have felt Jess’ identity meant she could not properly represent the town.

• Despite the loss, Jess remained optimistic and hoped to run for office again. She was attending a leadership course at Harvard. The chapter then shifts to providing background on social psychologist Henri Tajfel, who studied social identity theory and prejudice.

• Some early psychologists thought Nazism arose in Germany due to strict parenting styles popular at the time, which led to “authoritarian personalities.”

• However, Tajfel believed group dynamics were a better explanation for prejudice than individual personality traits. His experiments showing even arbitrarily assigned groups favoring their own supported this view.

• Prejudice comes more from identifying with a group than innate feelings. It is “in the minds” of people rather than just gut feelings.

• Later examples like Irish Protestants vs Catholics and Eastern European immigrants to New York in the late 1800s further supported the idea that even small differences can spark conflict when groups are pitted against each other. Pronouncing “h” differently took on life-or-death significance in Northern Ireland.

• Tajfel helped show that prejudice is a normal consequence of group dynamics and competition, rather than something inherent to certain nationalities or personalities. The mere existence of separate groups can promote conflict and favoritism toward one’s own.

• In the early 1900s, many American states took measures to deport or restrict immigration of certain groups they deemed undesirable, like criminals, the mentally ill, or poor children. Prominent figures advocated for restricting immigration from Southern and Eastern Europe, arguing the newcomers were inferior.

• In the early 20th century, psychologists promoted pseudoscientific ideas about the inherent mental fitness of certain immigrant groups. One claimed to be able to instantly identify immigrants as “morons” based on their ethnicity.

• Eugenicist beliefs influenced anti-immigration stances. A influential 1916 book warned of threats from Jewish immigrants and promoted forced sterilization. Adolf Hitler cited this book as inspirational.

• Hostility toward immigrants fluctuated based on how much their culture differed from white Anglo-Saxon Protestant norms. Non-white groups faced especially strong prejudice.

• In the postwar 1940s-50s, conformity and standardization were highly valued. Individuality was seen as disloyal or a sign of mental illness. Advice emphasized women molding to their husbands’ interests.

• Books told women to be the “perfect follower” and let men lead to build their egos. Individual interests or nonconformity could disrupt relationships and bring social disapproval. True liberation from these social pressures was still limited through the 1960s.

• The passage discusses how efforts to promote nonconformity and diversity often end up creating new norms and standards of conformity.

• Early diversity trainings in companies focused on making women and minorities fit into existing culture rather than changing culture. This urged adapting to adversity rather than stopping it.

• Later trainings aimed at everyone but caused feelings of needing to walk on eggshells around minorities. Underrepresented groups still felt not fully embraced.

• The brain has an instinctual response to perceive outsiders as threats. Areas involved in fear and stereotyping activate more for other races/groups. This suggests an ancestral instinct to avoid or alienate outsiders that is maladaptive today.

• Donald Trump’s messaging about threats from immigrants and foreigners appealed to voters’ desire for cultural “tightness” and norms in response to feelings of status threat from changing demographics.

• Studies found support for Trump correlated with fears that the “American way of life is threatened” by groups like immigrants and people of color. Counties experiencing rapid minority population growth strongly supported Trump.

• One person of a minority is a “deviant” but many suggests a threat to the status quo that can unnerve people psychologically hardwired to perceive outsiders as threats.

• Gloria, a Hispanic immigrant, had difficulty finding similar work when she first moved to Arcadia, Wisconsin. She felt she needed connections to find a position.

• Over time, she was able to find stable work at a bank, but encountered racism and rudeness from some white customers who implied she didn’t know what she was doing or screamed at her.

• The experience took a physical and emotional toll on Gloria. While generally upbeat, talking about situations where she was insulted drained her energy.

• As more Hispanic immigrants moved to Arcadia, some white residents expressed hostility, saying there were “too many” or that the town was being “taken over.” Hispanic businesses and culture also grew more visible.

• Two Hispanic residents, Victoria and her brother, recounted facing more frequent racial tensions and insensitive comments questioning their belonging as the Hispanic population increased rapidly in Arcadia.

• Both felt more connected to Mexican culture as a result of the challenges of living as Hispanic immigrants in a predominantly white town experiencing conflict over cultural changes. Victoria’s brother dreams of improving conditions in Mexico so others don’t have to emigrate.

Here is a summary of the provided excerpt:

• Emma Gingerich grew up in a very conservative Amish community in Missouri with strict rules, especially for women. She was not allowed to cut her hair, wore plain dresses, and had to cover her head.

• Emma bucked the norms of her community by secretly enjoying school, listening to the radio, and questioning why they couldn’t have modern conveniences like electricity.

• At 16-17, Amish girls typically start courting and get married, but Emma struggled with this process. A boy left on their first date very quickly, and others she was set up with she did not like.

• Emma started having headaches and nausea, and felt excluded from her peer group. She realized she did not want to live the Amish life forever.

• When she turned 17, Emma contacted a non-Amish family for help and ran away from home one day when her parents were gone. She left a note saying she was unhappy and needed to try a different life.

So in summary, the excerpt details Emma’s unconventional experience growing up in a strict Amish community and her ultimate decision to leave that lifestyle behind at age 17.

• Asma felt like an outsider as both a black and Muslim kid in her town. She sensed adults liked her because of her “neutral” accent, but not the other black kids facing poverty.

• Later, she learned her high school teacher, who had been kind to her, was actually a member of a neo-Nazi group. This led her to question why he accepted her as a black person, and if she was okay with hateful white people liking her.

• Research has found countries with fewer historical infectious diseases tend to produce more Nobel laureates and patents per capita. One theory is that worrying about diseases made those societies more conformist and less open to new ideas.

• People may have evolved “behavioral immune systems” that make us avoid norm-breaking outsiders due to an instinctive fear they could carry unknown pathogens. This could contribute to xenophobia and close-mindedness. However, some dispute how much this explains human social behavior.

• When Emma Gingerich left the Amish community, she had to learn many basic aspects of modern life from taking showers to using deodorant to getting her first haircut.

• She was handed off to a family in Texas near the US-Mexico border but quickly felt isolated from her only known social group of the Amish.

• As an American citizen with no records, Emma struggled to learn to drive, get a job, and was even robbed.

• Within her first seven months outside the Amish, Emma was raped twice which caused her deep emotional distress.

• Emma moved to continue her education but still struggled socially, having difficulty trusting others. Her first friendship required constant reassurance that made her uncomfortable.

• At times Emma still felt people could see her Amish past despite dressing in modern clothes, facing ongoing feelings of social alienation after leaving her tightly-knit religious community.

• Emma speaks with a noticeable German accent. People often ask her where she’s from and she finds explaining it tiring.

• She found the Baptist church in Texas too insistent that she attend every Sunday or twice a week, though she remains a strong Christian.

• As a Russian immigrant growing up in Texas, she and her family experienced subtle social exclusion and feeling of being outsiders. Locals would question them about their church attendance and where they were from.

• In high school she got a job at a men’s clothing store. One coworker, Brad, asked her out as a joke in front of others, humiliating her.

• In college she no longer felt like a curiosity due to her Russian background. However, after graduating she experienced a string of setbacks - job loss, breakups, friends moving away - and felt very isolated when first moving to LA for graduate school alone.

• She describes feeling socially isolated and like an outsider as an immigrant growing up in Texas, as well as lonely periods after college when she had no local support system in LA during a difficult time.

• Scientists study loneliness in rhesus monkeys as they are a good animal model for human loneliness. However, monkeys cannot answer questionnaires about their feelings like humans.

• John Capitanio devised a method of observing monkeys’ social interactions and dividing them into “attempts” and “successes”. Lonely monkeys make many attempts to socialize but have trouble successfully interacting with others.

• Capitanio sees loneliness as an evolutionary instinct like hunger, driving us to seek social connections. However, lonely people fear rejection which prevents them from socializing.

• Studies find loneliness affects monkeys and humans similarly. Lonely monkeys show signs of increased “fight or flight” response and inflammation. Strangely, they also have high levels of cortisol which should reduce inflammation.

• Chronic loneliness can perpetuate a cycle of withdrawal and loss of friends as people come to view others negatively. This social isolation takes a toll on mental and physical health over time by triggering prolonged inflammatory responses in the body.

• The woman worked at a job dominated by white men who would “mansplain” to her, take credit for her ideas, and be surprised when she finished projects quickly.

• She felt she had to “push her feelings down” and not be seen as an “angry black woman” to avoid further issues. But suppressed feelings can still affect one’s well-being.

• Studies show social exclusion leaves psychological impacts like uncertainty about identity and belonging. People question who they are when made to feel they lack fit within their group.

• Some turn to extremism or terrorism due to feeling socially isolated or marginalized within their culture. A lack of belonging can motivate the desire to restore significance through destructive means if positive options are lacking.

• Deradicalization programs aim to help extremists find new, non-violent groups that provide identity and significance through contributions to society like job skills or volunteer work.

• Social exclusion also negatively impacts those who break gender norms, like transgender people denied access to appropriate facilities, increasing suicide risk and health issues.

Here are summaries of Parts I of the stories of Vivienne and Alex:

Vivienne, Part I:

• Vivienne grew up in Monterey, California in the 1980s, assigned male at birth but feeling uncomfortable with masculine expectations
• Felt distressed by gender dysphoria from adolescence onward
• Became depressed in college and virtually moved into a closet nest, unable to attend classes
• College expelled her for not attending, and she lived out of her car for a year alone, adrift and friendless
• Reached a breaking point of self-loathing and considered suicide with a gun

Alex, Part I:

• Mormon college student Alex had been preparing over a decade for expected two-year mission required of devout Mormon men

• Assigned to Sofia, Bulgaria, where missionary work proved very challenging due to cultural hostility toward Mormons

• Rigid daily routine at missionary training center and in Bulgaria, no contact with friends/family

• Found Bulgarians overwhelmingly not interested in converting, due to hostility toward Mormon faith

• Faced harassment and assault, with missionaries in one town even having to close their church

• Struggled with rejection as doors were constantly slammed in his face

• The author is interviewing for a scholarship to attend USC’s master’s program in journalism. She sees this as her chance to pursue her dream of becoming a journalist and escape her grim situation in DC after a breakup.

• In LA for the interview, the author and her friend Kelly have some uncomfortable experiences that highlight how unfamiliar they are with the city and lifestyle. The author is deeply depressed.

• Realizing the interview is crucial, the author spends the night voraciously researching online journalism trends to prepare.

• On the day of interviews, the author is impressed by USC’s lavish campus but intimidated by the other well-qualified applicants, including someone from Harvard. She sees winning the scholarship as critical to afford the tuition.

• The writer said his school is expensive, but he did not intend to pay for it, somewhat menacingly.

• This suggests he plans to not pay the tuition for his school and will likely do something harmful or illegal to avoid paying, given his menacing tone.

• Living abroad or having unusual experiences can boost creativity by expanding one’s perspectives and exposing them to new ideas and ways of thinking. This was demonstrated through studies of immigrants, people who traveled abroad, and those who experienced virtual reality that violated normal physics rules.

• Having a blended cultural identity, viewing different cultures as combined rather than in conflict, is associated with greater original thinking, especially in multicultural environments.

• Being on the periphery of social groups allows more freedom to innovate and experiment, like how urban youth culture develops new fashion trends.

• Moderate levels of adversity or unfamiliar experiences may enhance creativity by promoting cognitive flexibility and rule-breaking thinking, but very high levels of trauma could be debilitating.

• Adaptive resources like intelligence, openness to experience, social support, and ability to view challenges positively influence whether unusual experiences lead to growth versus harm.

• Groups benefit from dissenting members who encourage consideration of alternatives and reexamination of assumptions, leading to more innovative solutions. However, people rarely choose friends they disagree with.

• While creativity may spring from “weirdness,” it still requires opportunities to develop without major barriers like discrimination or poverty preventing its flourishing. Unusual perspectives alone do not guarantee creative achievement.

• Terri Muir and Tom Buckley were two of the early pioneers of online dating, signing up for Match.com in 1997 when it was still a novel concept.

• Online dating was seen as risky, weird, and somewhat stigmatized at the time. People were advised to meet in public for safety and kept their online meetups secret.

• Terri and Tom lived about 500 miles apart but clicked on each other’s profiles and began communicating via early internet methods like AOL email and international phone calls.

• Their long-distance romance blossomed, despite the stigma around online dating and the challenges of communication before widespread internet adoption. They eventually married in 2000 and helped normalize online dating.

• Pioneers who try new trends often face social stigma but press ahead to live authentically. Terri and Tom’s story shows how nonconformists can find true connections by doing things differently, even if their methods seem strange at first.

• Terri and Tom met online in the 1990s when dial-up internet connections made online communication difficult. They had to exchange photos via mail and took a long time to meet in person due to the challenges of internet communication at the time.

• Dawn met her future husband James online in 1994 through an Apple computer chatroom. They began exchanging emails and poetry and James mailed Dawn a plane ticket for their first date after months of correspondence. Both couples’ friends and family were skeptical about them meeting strangers they met online.

• Terri and Tom told people they met at a rugby match due to the stigma around online dating at the time. Dawn’s parents and coworkers warned her James could be dangerous. Both couples are now happily married but only revealed later how they really met.

• The story highlights the challenges and stigma of being early adopters of online dating in the 1990s before it became mainstream. But both couples believed communicating online first allowed them to truly get to know each other before meeting in person.

• Leslie was a member of the Peoples Temple cult led by Jim Jones in the 1970s. The cult encouraged socialist ideals but over time became more authoritarian.

• Leslie began doubting the cult and pulling away from activities. At “catharsis sessions” members would accuse each other to break down their self-esteem.

• Leslie had a son, Jakari, with a fellow member but they separated. She allowed Jakari to go with his father to Jonestown, the cult settlement in Guyana.

• Leslie was pressured to go to Jonestown in 1977 out of fear of not seeing Jakari again. Upon arrival, passports were seized and the jungle settlement appeared idyllic at first.

• Over time, conditions deteriorated with overcrowding, short rations, and racial disparities. Jones threatened “revolutionary suicide” if attacked.

• After learning of abuse, Leslie planned her escape. She escaped the day of a congressman’s visit with Jakari, learning hundreds died including her family.

• In total over 900 died in Jonestown from suicide or killings. Brainwashing, imprisonment, malnourishment, and hopes of change kept many from escaping sooner.

• Leslie struggled with trauma and guilt after. Jakari ended up in prison, showing effects of his upbringing. Compassion and trusting one’s moral compass are needed to prevent such tragedies.

• Alex served a two-year Mormon mission in Bulgaria, where he struggled with the rigors of missionary work and doubts about his faith. Though he completed his mission, he had mixed feelings that didn’t end when he returned home.

• Taylor served in the Czech Republic and had a very different experience, finding that antagonism reinforced his faith. Both men had to determine what truly animated their beliefs after facing rejection as missionaries.

• Alex eventually left the Mormon church for good, feeling opposed to its stances on social issues. Taylor remained faithful.

• Alex considered becoming a police officer since his mission prepared him for that lifestyle, but quit the police academy due to similarities to his mission experience that felt cult-like.

• Leaving the church helped Alex learn to stand up to authority respectfully and question his own beliefs. For Taylor and Alex, being outsiders on their missions helped them uncover their true selves.

• Julia is preparing to race in a NASCAR event in Ontario, Canada. The previous weekend her car had mechanical issues at another race in Nova Scotia.

• If it rains at the Ontario race, there will be no qualifying session to determine the starting order. Without qualifying, cars will start based on past points, putting Julia toward the back.

• At practice before the race, Julia’s car has several problems and is unsafe. But the day of the race is dry.

• Julia suits up in her fire-proof racing suit and helmet. Many drivers and fans offer her support and good luck wishes.

• Julia’s goal is to quickly work her way through the pack since trailing cars can be more dangerous. Her father gives her encouragement before she drives onto the track to start the race from the 21st position.

So in summary, Julia is facing adversity with her unreliable car but receives support from her community as she prepares to battle through the field from a disadvantaged starting position in the race.

• Julia Landauer took part in a NASCAR race. Her family watched from the sidelines to support her.

• Julia got off to a promising start, passing two cars on the first few laps and reaching 14th place. But then her car started having technical issues - its sway bar came undone, causing it to drive lopsidedly.

• Despite trying to fix the issues with pit stops, Julia continued losing positions and finished 16th, outside the top 10 predicted for her.

• Julia’s team CBRT may not be as well-funded as some competitors, meaning they couldn’t afford to replace parts as proactively to prevent failures like the sway bar breaking.

• Julia remained resilient in the face of setbacks, likely due to her passion for racing and strong support from her close-knit family, who cheer her on at races. Their involvement helps counter acts of low-level sexism she faces in the male-dominated sport.

• In general, choice mothers who intentionally have children alone face stigma but seem better able to withstand societal pressures if they have supportive social circles, like Aileen Budow who received encouragement from family and friends in her decision.

• The passage describes a sociology professor named Beverly who teaches at a college in Wichita Falls, Texas, which is considered one of the most conservative congressional districts in America.

• Initially, Beverly approached her sociology course material from a more liberal perspective, focusing on topics like gender inequality and feminism. Some conservative students felt uncomfortable with this approach.

• Over time, Beverly adapted her teaching strategy. She acknowledged upfront that some topics may clash with students’ existing beliefs. She spends more time discussing men’s issues before moving to women’s topics.

• Beverly’s new approach is similar to the concept of “idiosyncrasy credits” - gaining acceptance in a group first by conforming to its values, then spending those “credits” later through small acts of nonconformity.

• By addressing conservative viewpoints respectfully early on, Beverly has found a way to introduce liberal concepts to her students and help them be more receptive to challenging material on gender studies. Her strategy allows her to stay in Wichita Falls and teach students she feels need to hear diverse perspectives.

• Beverly builds acceptance in her conservative community by easing students into more controversial topics and finding small ways to connect, like sharing her working-class background. She avoids politics outside her close friends and adopts some local phrases.

• Over time, with students seeing her as a normal, caring professor, she is able to challenge their views more. While some issues still arise, students now accept topics like gender inequality more readily. Several students cited how her teachings positively impacted them.

• Asma faced prejudice growing up Muslim in a small Southern town. At times she conformed mildly, like contributing to a Christmas drive, but also stood out by fasting visibly. In college, she avoided peer pressure to drink at parties, adopting the mantra “Everywhere I am is a good time.” Her parents taught her to stay grounded in her identity despite potential alienation.

Both Beverly and Asma gradually gained acceptance in their communities by building rapport over time, while also remaining true to their principles when pressures to conform arose. Their strategies helped make controversial ideas or differences more palatable to their peers.

• Michele Roberts grew up in the Bronx but attended an elite boarding school on scholarship, where she was one of only a few black students and felt like she didn’t belong. This experience motivated her to work harder to prove herself.

• She had a similarly isolating experience as one of the few black students at Berkeley law school. This stoked her determination to exceed expectations.

• As a public defender in DC, she worked much harder than her peers, visiting clients on weekends and dedicating extra effort to thoroughly preparing cases.

• She became a very skilled lawyer and went on to break barriers as one of the few black female partners at a top law firm and later as the first woman to head a major professional sports union.

• Faced with prejudice and low expectations, minorities like Michele are often driven to demolish stereotypes by working harder than others and achieving more than what is expected of them as a means of survival in their careers and professions.

• While this diligence allows some to accomplish great things, true progress will only come when all groups are seen as equals and no one feels compelled to work harder just to be seen as adequate.

• The passage describes the experience of Daniel, a gay man who works as a preschool teacher.

• He was falsely accused by a former employee of misconduct like racism and molesting children. This led to an investigation by the children’s services agency.

• The accusation was dismissed but it was still a traumatic experience for Daniel that made him question his career choice.

• Daniel deals with this type of prejudice by studying child development theories and viewing challenges from an intellectual/academic perspective rather than personally.

• This “Solomon’s Paradox” external perspective helps him process unfair treatment and regain confidence in his work.

• After some time, Daniel left his job at the daycare due to high costs of living in Toronto. He was considering transitioning to teaching/writing about early education or policy work.

• The passage suggests Daniel’s academic lens helps him withstand stigma by distancing himself from problems intellectually rather than internalizing criticism personally. It allows him to persevere in his career ambitions.

• Deana was born in northern Russia and didn’t know she was Jewish until a classmate called her an anti-Semitic slur. Her family was poor.

• Her mother began communicating with a man named Raymond in Texas and decided to become a mail-order bride. She brought Deana, her brother, and grandmother to live with Raymond in a small Texas town.

• Deana struggled to adjust, facing a language barrier, nosy neighbors who asked insensitive questions, and not fitting in with Raymond’s family. She felt like an outsider.

• Her grandmother stayed behind in Russia due to illness. Deana was close with her grandmother and struggled with saying goodbye knowing it was likely permanent.

• Due to her English skills, Deana couldn’t enroll in high school and spent her days helping with Raymond’s business, feeling isolated at home.

• She had an uncomfortable experience visiting her stepbrother’s friends where no one included her in conversation and then abruptly left her alone in the room.

• Determined to get an education, Deana started volunteering at the library and studying English. She was accepted to a local college and hoped it would help her gain independence.

Here is a summary of key points about dependence from the passage:

• Deana found intellectualizing her experiences through psychology helped her understand and feel less hurt by prejudices against her culture. Applying concepts like bias and social exclusion helped her make sense of behaviors she found strange in Texan culture.

• Gradually, as she understood Texans better and stopped expecting them to behave differently, Texan culture became less “freakish” and distinctive to her. She became less dependent on seeing things through only her personal lens.

• Like Deana, Daniel also found a way to intellectualize his experiences, making them seem less hurtful when viewed through a less personal lens.

• Nora Ephron found that for some people like herself and reporters, it can be more satisfying to study and observe social interactions rather than fully participate. This allows a degree of intellectual detachment and independence from taking things too personally.

• For shy or socially anxious people, observing and studying people can help lessen unease around strangers by providing a structured way to interact, like interviewing for a school paper. This promotes less dependence on only one’s inner anxieties and more independence through an objective role or task.

• Vivienne earned a degree in neuroscience and graduated with honors but continued to struggle with insomnia and anxiety.

• In 2004 she met Norma Chang and they fell in love. Three years later, Vivienne told Norma she wished she was a woman. This was the first time she had openly shared her desires to transition.

• Norma was initially shocked but committed to supporting Vivienne. They got married, with Vivienne in a tuxedo. She changed her name and began hormone therapy and gender transition surgeries.

• Vivienne pursued advanced degrees and founded companies focused on social issues like a diabetes tracking app. She found purpose in helping others rather than dwelling on her own insecurities.

• Her research showed hiring discrimination against women and minorities leads to economic costs of $100,000-$300,000 in lost career opportunities and earnings.

• Vivienne aims to help companies expand their hiring pools to be more inclusive and tap into unconventional talent regardless of degrees or backgrounds. Her mission is to maximize human potential.

Emma Gingerich grew up Amish but left the community after high school. She now lives in Texas and stays connected to her roots through gardening. However, visits with her family still cause tension since leaving.

Emma was helping her younger brother also leave the Amish community, which was unexpected but she wanted to support him. She feared he would face difficulties as she did after leaving.

Emma then shared about being sexually assaulted twice since leaving - once soon after and again recently under the false pretense of a job opportunity. During the second assault, the man threatened her in her hotel room until she found the courage and strength to demand he leave immediately.

The experience brought up painful memories of always being expected to submit as a woman in the Amish community. Though now outside that system, the trauma of assaults has stayed with Emma as she continues rebuilding her life.

• Emma was raised Amish but left the community after undergoing an unsuccessful medical procedure. She suffered from severe anxiety and PTSD as a result of the ordeal.

• Growing up Amish, she was not supposed to show emotions. She learned to be a people pleaser to avoid conflict. This has been her hardest struggle after leaving the Amish community.

• When dating, some men made inappropriate jokes about her Amish background that made her uncomfortable. She decided to be directly upfront about her background to take control of how people perceive her story.

• With one guy she told right away that she was raised Amish but emphasized how driven and focused she is today, not letting the past hold her back. This approach worked well.

• Curt grew up feeling shy and self-conscious partly due to a birth injury that caused his arm to be slightly shortened and discolored. He had a difficult time socially in school.

• In college, Curt decided to transform himself into an extrovert by committing to uncomfortable social situations and telling himself he loved them. This cured his shyness over time.

• Curt believes people can change aspects of their personality if they are willing to try, though it may not work for everyone. His strategy of remodeling his personality worked for him.

• Personality can be flexible and changeable with effort, even in adults. Changing traits requires acting in ways that embody the desired trait through new behaviors and habits.

• Therapists have helped clients transform personalities through adopting new “roles” that represent desired traits like extroversion. Taking on these roles can help people internalize the traits as their real selves.

• therapies have been shown to significantly reduce neuroticism and increase extroversion over just one month, leading to lasting changes. Support from a therapist may help people feel valued and able to change.

• Todd lacked friends for most of his life. When his marriage suffered due to emotional cheating, he realized he needed to build real friendships. He made an effort to invite past colleagues out and engage people from his church, learning social skills as an adult. Forming new friendships through regular outings helped transform his isolated personality.

So in summary, research demonstrates personalities can flexibly change through purposeful habits and actions, with therapy also accelerating this process. Todd’s story illustrates how one man actively changed his isolated disposition later in life by adopting friendship-building behaviors.

• Todd realized that just because he doesn’t always initiate plans with friends, it doesn’t mean the friendships aren’t real. He found he was letting friendships lapse by not making plans a third time in a row.

• Todd learned the importance of staying in touch between in-person meetups. He started texting friends more regularly to check in and see how their day is going. This helped him build stronger friendships.

• Through making more effort to connect with others, Todd estimates he now has 5-6 “good friends,” compared to just one friendship previously. He asks his socially connected wife for advice on friendship issues.

• In his friendships now, Todd opens up more instead of always playing the role of observer. When one friend opened up about marital issues, Todd shared about his own marriage struggles and they bonded over the personal conversations.

• Todd realized making friends was important for his well-being, as not having social connections contributed to issues in his own marriage that almost led to divorce. Forming friendships provides needed human connection and support.

• The passage discusses whether marginalized groups should try to blend in or stay noticeably different. It uses the example of Little People and their views on limb-lengthening surgery.

• In the US, Little People support groups tend to celebrate differences and unite with each other for support. In other countries like Spain, the view is more that dwarfism should be medically “solved.”

• The author reflects on their own experience as a Russian immigrant in middle school. They were briefly offered the chance to form an alliance with another Russian student but worried it would attract more bullying, so they ignored him.

• Years later, the author was reintroduced to the Russian community as an adult and realized how few Russians they had interacted with growing up as an immigrant. The passage examines the choice between blending in or finding support from one’s own marginalized group.

• The author met Anton, a Russian immigrant, at a concert and they bonded over their shared experiences of being Russian in America. They had similar family backgrounds and could relate to each other in a way the author hadn’t experienced before.

• The author tried meeting other Russian Americans but found they didn’t always share the same experiences or understand his struggles adapting. While he grew up feeling like a fish out of water, others hadn’t had those same experiences.

• The author went to Russia but struggled with how rusty his Russian language skills were. He didn’t truly feel at home there either.

• Some aspects of Russian culture he encountered, like racist views expressed by one person he interviewed, made him wary of strongly identifying as Russian.

• Ultimately, the author concluded he is American after being here most of his life. While he still explores his Russian heritage, he no longer tries to force connections with others just because of shared nationality. He is comfortable identifying primarily as an American.

• Anton also chose a different path, marrying a woman who recently immigrated from Russia, while the author’s partner’s family has deeper American roots dating back centuries.

• Paul started a company called Conservative Move to help conservatives relocate from liberal states like California to more conservative areas like McKinney, Texas.

• He grew up in a poor household in Riverside, California and had experiences with crime and poverty that shaped his conservative views. He feels communities in California are poorly managed.

• Paul and his family moved to McKinney because they didn’t like the schools and traffic in California. They also wanted a safe, conservative community with strong Christian values.

• Conservative Move refers clients primarily to McKinney because it is seen as an ideal conservative suburb - with good schools, low crime, religious communities, and Republican politics.

• Many clients contact the company because they feel like outcasts in liberal California due to their political views. They are looking for a community where they feel accepted as conservatives.

• Paul denies claims the company aims to create a “white utopia,” noting many Latino clients also want to relocate to Texas from California for political/cultural reasons.

• The company is facilitating a trend described as “The Big Sort” where Americans increasingly self-segregate politically into hyper-partisan communities of like-minded people.

Paul acknowledges that people tend to sort themselves along ideological lines, as evidenced by the 35% of consistent liberals who prefer to live near others with similar political views. However, Paul genuinely believes the conservative vision is better for America’s future, as it helps avoid becoming like Europe with its “Open Society” model promoted by George Soros.

Kurtis and Crystal, a young conservative couple from California, felt discouraged expressing their views in their liberal social circles and neighborhood in Long Beach. They were attracted to McKinney, Texas due to its lower costs of living, conservative values, and lack of problems they associated with liberal policies like homelessness, crime, and restrictions on gun ownership. Though they miss aspects of California, they feel more ideologically accepted in McKinney and have enjoyed settling into the community.

Jess is a transgender woman who acts as an unofficial guide and information source for people in her community who have questions about what it means to be trans. She doesn’t mind answering personal questions, as she sees it as helping educate others and reduce stigma. Her attitude surprised the author, who assumed being different meant not wanting attention on those differences.

Jess does it to help make the trans community more accepted over time. By openly discussing her experiences, she hopes people will become more comfortable and trans identities will no longer seem unusual. Ultimately, reducing questions and attention on individual trans people is the goal.

The summary touches on how trans people are often expected to serve as representatives and explainers for their community, taking on activist roles even if they don’t seek it. This mirrors experiences of other marginalized groups. While helping social progress, it also means trans people don’t always get to simply exist without attention on their identity. Jess’ approach is to make the best of her situation by using it to educate others.

• The passage describes the author’s mother’s positive experience living in Midland, Texas as an immigrant from Russia.

• She appreciated the outgoing, friendly nature of Midlanders and how they actively included her family in social events and offered friendship and support. This was different from her experience in Russia.

• Midland’s isolation meant people there relied on each other for company and entertainment. Newcomers were welcomed into the small community.

• The author’s mother felt more comfortable in Midland than other suburban places, believing Midlanders’ cultural tightness helped them accept “whatever weirdos” arrived there.

• Overall, the passage paints Midland in a positive light as a place that made the author’s mother feel at home and accepted her as one of “their kind of people” despite her foreign background.

• The author describes visiting their Russian grandma in St. Petersburg years ago before her mental faculties began to deteriorate. When saying goodbye, the grandma looked at the author in a way that conveyed this would be their last real visit together.

• Outside, the author’s parents asked why they were crying. The author mumbled about not finding an Uber, but was really upset at the prospect of never seeing their grandma in the same way again.

• The author notes that the weirder a person is, the fewer people truly accept them.

• After their visit, the author and their friend Deana cried over their Soviet grandmas for a few minutes. They then gathered themselves and walked into the foreign land around them.

• The passage acknowledges that the author is fortunate to have many people who helped with this writing project, including an agent, editor, copy editors, and others who provided feedback on drafts.