You Are Not Your Brain - Jeffrey M. Schwartz

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Here is a summary of the table of contents:

The book is divided into 3 parts:

Part 1 - A Sense of Self

• Discusses how you are not defined by your brain and habits. Introduces the concept of using your mind to change your brain. Examines why habits are hard to break and why sensations can feel so real. Ends with establishing a new sense of self.

Part 2 - The Skills

• Introduces the Four Step method for identifying and reframing deceptive brain messages. Details how to use the four steps of Relabel, Reframe, Refocus, and Revalue to take control of your thoughts and actions.

Part 3 - Applying the Four Steps to Your Life

• Provides guidance on applying the four steps to real-life situations. Includes examples of using the steps to overcome struggles like depression, anxiety, addictions, obsessions, and relationship issues. Concludes with putting all the concepts together.

The book also contains an introduction, acknowledgements, recommended reading list, and index.

• The book introduces a four-step method to deal with unhelpful thoughts, urges, and behaviors caused by “deceptive brain messages”.

• The four steps are: 1) Relabel - Identify the deceptive brain messages, 2) Reframe - Recognize the thoughts as false messages from the brain, 3) Refocus - Direct attention to something wholesome and productive, 4) Revalue - See the thoughts and urges as having little value.

• The method combines cognitive-behavioral therapy and mindfulness to help separate one’s sense of self from the deceptive brain messages.

• Research shows these four steps can positively rewire brain patterns, similar to the effects of medication for conditions like OCD.

• The book explains why habits are biologically hard to break, how sense of self fuses with deceptive brain messages, and aims to untangle this.

• The method works well for mild to moderate symptoms in people who can focus their attention and are open to seeing the thoughts as false brain messages.

• It teaches skills to become aware of deceptive thoughts, refocus attention, and change perspective on sense of self. Exercises and tips help learn the four steps.

Here is a summary of Part One, Chapter 1 of the book:

This chapter explains the concept of deceptive brain messages - thoughts, impulses, or urges that are false, inaccurate, unhelpful, or distracting, taking you away from your true goals and values.

Examples are provided of people struggling with overwhelming anxiety (Ed), depression and perfectionism (Sarah), excessive worry for others (Abby), and relationship difficulties (Steve). In each case, their brains were sending deceptive messages telling them untrue, negative things about themselves or others.

These deceptive brain messages caused them to act in ways contrary to their true selves and best interests. The concept of the “Wise Advocate” is introduced - the part of yourself that sees the bigger picture and knows your true worth and capabilities.

The main message is that you are not your brain - you don’t have to believe these deceptive brain messages or let them control your life. There are ways to overcome them, which will be covered in the rest of the book.

• Deceptive brain messages are false thoughts or urges that lead to discomfort and distress. In an attempt to relieve these unpleasant sensations, people often respond in unhealthy, unhelpful ways which become habitual.

• This creates a destructive cycle - the deceptive thoughts arise, cause distress, lead to an unhealthy behavior for relief, and then the thoughts/sensations return, continuing the cycle.

• Examples are provided of people like Ed, Sarah, Abby, Steve, and Kara who struggle with various deceptive brain messages related to relationships, work, body image etc. The messages cause significant distress and lead to harmful behaviors like isolation, arguments, substance abuse, eating disorders.

• The cycle has three main steps: 1) A deceptive brain message surfaces causing discomfort 2) The discomfort leads to an urgent desire to escape the unpleasant sensations 3) An unhealthy, unhelpful behavior is done habitually for relief.

• The key problem is the behaviors provide only temporary relief but reinforce the brain’s wiring to automatically choose those actions, perpetuating the cycle.

• It’s important to distinguish emotional sensations caused by deceptive messages from real emotions based in truth. Only sensations from deceptive thoughts should be dismissed.

Here are the key points from the passage:

• Deceptive brain messages are false or distorted thoughts, impulses, or urges that lead to uncomfortable sensations and unhealthy habitual responses. They take you away from your true goals and values.

• Examples of deceptive brain messages: “I’m not good enough”, “I should have/shouldn’t have”, “I’m crazy”, “I want unrealistic things”, etc.

• Uncomfortable sensations caused by these messages include anxiety, anger, sadness, cravings, etc.

• Habitual responses are actions we repeat to alleviate the uncomfortable sensations, like avoiding people/places, overthinking, substance use, etc.

• These habitual responses provide temporary relief but ultimately take you away from your goals.

• To identify your own deceptive brain messages, pay attention to your negative self-talk and the thoughts linked to your habitual responses. What false stories are you telling yourself?

• Examples are provided of the cycle for different people - their deceptive thoughts, the sensations these caused, and the habitual responses they engaged in, like repeatedly apologizing or avoiding exercise.

• The key is to become aware of your own cycles of deceptive brain messages so you can start to deal with them.

• The brain passively receives inputs and generates experiences, while the mind actively focuses attention and makes decisions.

• The brain acts automatically to ensure short-term survival, while the mind weighs options and considers long-term goals aligned with your values.

• It’s important to balance the brain’s quick, automatic reactions with the mind’s more thoughtful decisions guided by your Wise Advocate.

• If unhealthy routines are programmed into the brain’s automatic reactions, you may act in ways not good for you without realizing it. Using your mind/Wise Advocate helps make better choices.

• You are not destined to live a predetermined life based on genetics. Many vulnerabilities can be heavily influenced by your actions and lifestyle choices.

• Change takes effort and commitment, not just knowledge. Don’t confuse your biology with your true self. Use awareness of this difference to motivate and empower positive changes.

• Connie Smiley had a severe stroke that paralyzed the left side of her body. Doctors told her she would likely never walk again.

• Connie was determined to recover and not end up disabled like her husband had after his stroke years earlier. She decided to do whatever it took to regain function.

• Using self-directed neuroplasticity, powered by her meaningful goals, Connie made incredible progress in her recovery. Seven weeks after her stroke left her paralyzed, she was able to walk with assistance and go home.

• Connie’s story illustrates how the brain can change and heal itself throughout life (neuroplasticity). By focusing on meaningful goals, we can direct our own neuroplasticity to drive recovery and positive change.

• Introducing a story about physical recovery helps make the concept of self-directed neuroplasticity more concrete when later applied to emotional struggles like depression and anxiety.

• Connie’s experience shows it’s possible to make progress even when facing daunting circumstances, if you tap into your brain’s neuroplasticity using meaningful goals. This mindset can be applied to defeating deceptive brain messages as well.

• Connie faced major physical and emotional challenges during her recovery from a stroke. She experienced anger, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed which she managed by labeling her emotions and reframing her negative thoughts.

• Making mental notes of her thoughts, sensations, and urges was critical for Connie to identify unhelpful patterns and not get caught up in them. This allowed her to dismiss destructive thoughts before they spiraled.

• Connie reframed debilitating thoughts like “I can’t do this” to empowering ones like “I will do this!” This allowed her to veto giving in to negative messages.

• Using her passions like teaching and animals motivated Connie during recovery, driving neuroplastic changes in her brain to take on new functions beyond expectations.

• Neuroplasticity involves the brain’s ability to reorganize and change in response to new demands and experiences. Connie leveraged this to regain speech, movement, and function.

• Connie’s perseverance, self-belief, and techniques like relabeling and reframing enabled her to overcome huge setbacks. Her experience shows how these methods can help anyone facing psychological or physical distress.

Here are the key points:

• Connie’s case shows the remarkable power of self-directed neuroplasticity. Through focused effort and attention, she rewired her brain in unexpected ways, regaining use of her left hand despite severe damage to the right side of her brain.

• Neuroplasticity on its own is neutral - it can wire the brain in helpful or unhelpful ways depending on what we focus on. Self-directed neuroplasticity involves consciously directing our attention and effort to shape our brains in positive ways.

• Finding meaning and connecting to one’s true self can provide the motivation needed to keep putting in effort despite adversity. For Connie, meaningful goals like handling snakes again fueled her therapy.

• Viktor Frankl realized in the concentration camps that having a purpose and meaning helps people endure suffering. Goals and a sense of future possibilities are crucial.

• We can choose our attitude and response to situations, even when circumstances are out of our control. Believing in our own worthiness and ability to overcome challenges is key.

• Infusing daily life with meaning and connecting goals to one’s true self can provide the drive needed to rewire the brain in positive ways through self-directed neuroplasticity. Connie exemplifies this resilient mindset.

• Viktor Frankl noted that having meaningful goals is crucial for finding purpose and persevering through adversity. Connie’s story illustrates this, as she was able to recover from her stroke by focusing on goals that mattered to her.

• Connie’s goals centered around relationships, leisure activities, independence, and living life to the fullest. Her values included internal qualities like being loving, courageous, and caring. This allowed her to find meaning amidst difficulty.

• Research by Dr. Burns found that effort, not desire, is the best predictor of overcoming adversity like depression. Those willing to put in effort to examine thoughts and develop coping skills improved more.

• Desire can actually make things worse, as found by placebo researcher Dr. Price. Expectations of improvement matter more than the desire for it.

• Deceptive brain messages cause unrealistic expectations and strong desires that lead to unhealthy actions just for momentary relief. This undermines long-term goals and values.

• Desire and craving originate from brain centers focused on self-preservation and instant gratification, not long-term meaningful goals. So desire is fleeting and unreliable as a motivator.

• Becoming aware of desire as it arises, relabeling it as an unreliable motivator, and refocusing on expectation of gradual progress based on goals and values is key. Effort trumps desire.

Here are the key points from this chapter:

• Effort is essential for achieving meaningful goals and overcoming deceptive brain messages. Desire alone is not enough.

• Examine areas of your life where desire has failed you or led you astray. This helps reveal where effort is needed.

• Define your meaningful goals and rank them by importance. Prioritize goals that align with your values over desires.

• Find ways to integrate goal-directed activities into your daily routine, like Connie did with exercising her left hand.

• Be on the lookout for opportunities to practice the Four Steps whenever deceptive brain messages arise. This strengthens your brain over time.

The next chapter will explain the biology behind deceptive brain messages, including the role of the Habit Center and Survival Center. This knowledge can help motivate greater effort when dealing with urges.

Here is a summary of the key points from the chapter:

• Habits form when we repeatedly respond to situations or thoughts in the same way. Our brains link the situation, response, and outcome together, so the response becomes automatic over time.

• Steve formed a habit of drinking wine to relieve stress. At first it helped him relax, but over time the habit took over and he craved alcohol even without stress.

• Hebb’s law explains how habits form at the neural level. When nerve cells activate together repeatedly, they form circuits and wire together. The brain then responds automatically in the same way whenever that situation arises.

• The quantum Zeno effect keeps nerve cells activated together long enough for Hebb’s law to link them up. Focused attention powers the quantum Zeno effect.

• Attention also strengthens the brain circuits supporting habits. The more Steve focused on drinking to relieve stress, the stronger his cravings became. This “fed the monster” and made things worse.

• Breaking habits is difficult because of these brain processes. We teach our brains to respond automatically, and repeated focus of attention reinforces the habit circuits.

The key points are:

• Focused attention activates the quantum Zeno effect, which stabilizes brain circuits so they can wire together through Hebb’s law. Repeatedly focusing attention on something strengthens the corresponding brain circuits.

• Attention density refers to how concentrated your attention is on something. The more concentrated (dense) your attention, the more that circuit gets wired into your brain through the quantum Zeno effect and Hebb’s law.

• Letting your attention get “passively” grabbed by destructive thoughts/urges increases attention density in an unhealthy way, strengthening those circuits. You need to actively choose where to focus attention.

• You can’t directly control the initial emergence of thoughts/urges in your brain. But through “Free Won’t” and “Veto Power” you can choose not to act on destructive impulses.

• So don’t blame yourself for having negative thoughts/urges, but recognize you are responsible for whether you act on them. Use your “Veto Power” to avoid acting in harmful ways, and actively refocus attention to rewire your brain in healthy directions.

Here is a summary of the key points from the passage:

• Deceptive brain messages lead to uncomfortable sensations that make us want to engage in unhealthy habitual responses to make them go away.

• The brain areas involved in deceptive brain messages are:

1. Frontal cortex (Executive Center) - involved in strategy and error detection

2. Hypothalamus (Drive Center) - involved in drives like hunger and sex

• The brain areas involved in generating uncomfortable sensations are:

1. Amygdala - generates feelings of fear and physical sensations

2. Insula - generates “gut-level” uncomfortable sensations

• Along with the amygdala and insula, the anterior cingulate also activates, giving a rapid sense that something is wrong. This is the “Uh Oh” center.

• The basal ganglia (Habit Center) kicks in to generate automatic thoughts and actions, our habits, to get rid of the distress.

• When the amygdala, insula, and anterior cingulate activate, it creates an overwhelming sensation that something is wrong, making us likely to engage our habits to relieve the discomfort.

• Understanding the brain areas involved helps explain why the cycle of deceptive brain messages and unhealthy habits is so hard to break.

• John experiences recurring deceptive brain messages telling him that his girlfriend Alicia is too good for him and will leave him. These messages make him feel anxious, shaky, and nauseated.

• When he feels these uncomfortable sensations, John habitually checks his email and calls Alicia seeking reassurance that she still loves him. This temporarily relieves his distress.

• But then the deceptive brain messages return, strengthening the neural circuits underlying this unhelpful cycle.

• The Four Steps allow John to overcome this pattern:

1. Relabel the deceptive brain messages as false.

2. Reattribute the uncomfortable sensations to his brain, not reality.

3. Refocus his attention on something positive and productive.

4. Revalue Alicia and the relationship rather than giving in to his fears.

• Using the Four Steps, John is able to dismiss the deceptive messages, stop seeking reassurance, and focus on enjoying his loving relationship.

• This allows new neural connections to form supporting his confidence in himself and the relationship. John develops a healthier sense of self not defined by his insecurities.

Here are the key points:

• The medial prefrontal cortex, part of the Executive Center, is the Self-Referencing Center focused on internal processes related to oneself.

• The orbitofrontal cortex is involved in error messages and obsessions.

• The lateral prefrontal cortex is the Assessment Center, which helps regulate responses from the Uh Oh Center and sees the bigger picture beyond just oneself.

• The Self-Referencing Center and Uh Oh Center are tightly connected, making it hard to separate emotional sensations from one’s sense of self. This causes people to believe the sensations are real and define them.

• Sarah took critical feedback personally because her unhelpful Self-Referencing Center filtered out information that her boss was just having a bad day. Her Uh Oh Center signaled something was wrong, so she concluded the problem was with her.

• Similarly, John was unable to see reality - that Alicia loved him - because his unhelpful Self-Referencing Center caused him to doubt and obsess. He could not separate his anxious sensations from his sense of self.

• The key is using the Assessment Center and Wise Advocate to get distance from unhelpful Self-Referencing Center messages and see reality more objectively. This allows one to respond voluntarily rather than automatically believe the sensations define you.

• John suffered from anxiety and obsessive thoughts that his girlfriend Alicia was going to leave him. This caused him to constantly check his email for reassurance.

• These anxious thoughts and urges were caused by overactivity in the unhelpful aspects of his Self-Referencing Center and Uh Oh Center. Meanwhile, his Assessment Center was not able to properly evaluate the situation.

• John learned to use the four steps: 1) Relabel the thoughts as false brain messages, 2) Reframe them as useless chatter rather than reality, 3) Refocus attention on more positive activities, 4) Revalue the thoughts as having little meaning.

• By following these steps, John strengthened his Wise Advocate, which allowed his Assessment Center to quiet the unhelpful brain centers.

• Through this process, John broke his habit of obsessively checking email. His brain rewired itself to respond in a healthier way, no longer automatically believing the anxious thoughts.

• John’s experience demonstrates “self-directed neuroplasticity” - the ability to intentionally rewire your brain circuits through conscious effort and practice. This provides a basis for hope and motivation to overcome unhealthy habits and thought patterns.

Here are some key points for applying Self-Directed Neuroplasticity:

• You can’t control your initial thoughts or stop them from arising, but you can control how you respond to them. Don’t try to block or resist the thoughts.

• You can’t immediately stop uncomfortable sensations, but you can change their meaning and diminish their intensity. Don’t fight the sensations.

• Pay more attention to your actions than your thoughts. Focus on constructive behaviors aligned with your values.

• Labeling your thoughts/sensations activates the Assessment Center and quiets the unhelpful Uh Oh Center alarm.

• Reframing situations activates the Assessment Center and calms the Uh Oh Center. See things from a different perspective.

• Mindfulness keeps you focused on the present, rather than getting caught up in unhelpful self-referencing thoughts.

• Consistently using the skills strengthens healthy brain circuits and weakens unhealthy ones through neuroplasticity.

• Don’t take thoughts too personally or let them define you. Use your Wise Advocate to see the bigger picture.

• Make decisions aligned with your true self, not the deceitful messages. Let your values guide your actions.

The key is patience and consistency in applying the skills over time to rewire your brain in healthy ways. Don’t get discouraged - change is possible if you stay committed. Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional questions!

• Deceptive brain messages often arise from our ability to absorb information, especially in childhood. We have a strong innate need to connect with others emotionally.

• As children, caregivers shape our sense of self and ability to handle emotions through their responses to our needs. A loving, responsive caregiver provides an “emotional safe zone.”

• With a safe zone, we learn to express our true emotions constructively. Without it, we may suppress emotions, leading to anxiety and unhealthy coping habits to calm distress.

• Caregivers need not be perfect, but must meet our emotional needs sufficiently - around 50% of the time - for healthy development.

• If caregivers frequently dismiss, criticize or ignore our genuine needs and reactions, we learn our feelings don’t matter. This activates the brain’s “Uh Oh Center” and teaches unhealthy responses.

• Reflecting on the origins of negative self-talk can reveal links to childhood interactions. Understanding these false messages came from others helps separate them from one’s true self.

It seems Sarah learned some unhelpful lessons as a child about how to handle her emotions and needs. When her true feelings and needs were dismissed or criticized by important caregivers, her young brain concluded she must suppress them to avoid further pain. This led her to develop perfectionism and anxiety as ways to cope.

The brain wires based on what it repeatedly focuses on, so by habitually ignoring her own emotions and needs, her brain reinforced those patterns. Any situation now that reminds her brain of those old experiences triggers her old habits of anxiety and self-criticism.

To heal, Sarah needs to approach her emotions with compassion, recognizing the brain’s intentions were good but the habits are no longer helpful. She can rewire her brain over time by focusing on listening to her feelings and meeting her needs in a balanced way, like a caring friend would. This allows new, healthier habits to develop so she can handle life’s stresses from a place of self-acceptance and wisdom.

• Sarah used unhealthy coping strategies like perfectionism to deal with distress in her childhood. These provided short-term relief but wired her brain in unhelpful ways long-term.

• Her deceptive brain messages telling her she was flawed and unlovable made her constantly try to be “perfect.” This caused problems in her relationships.

• She was unaware of the link between her childhood distress and current reactions. Until she recognized the triggers, she would keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns.

• The Four Steps help identify deceptive brain messages formed in childhood. Becoming aware of the triggers allows you to respond in healthier ways aligned with your true self.

• Ignoring your true self strengthens deceptive brain messages. To change, you need to recognize situations that trigger these messages.

• Connecting specific messages to childhood events/people helps reveal the inaccuracy. This prevents conflating reactions to current people with past hurtful messages/actions.

• Seeing these messages came from childhood, not truth, liberates you to act in ways aligned with your true self rather than follow erroneous brain messages.

Here are the key points from the chapter:

• The biggest challenge in using the Four Steps is believing you are worth the time and effort to challenge the deceptive brain messages. Your sense of self is fused with these messages, making habits hard to break.

• Simply thinking positively usually doesn’t work because you believe the negative messages more strongly than positive qualities about yourself.

• The Four Steps help break the unhealthy allegiance to the deceptive brain messages by increasing awareness of how often they arise and how much time/energy is spent following them.

• Seeing how false and destructive the messages are helps you naturally believe more strongly in yourself and your right to follow your true goals and values.

• Stories from patients show how using the Four Steps allowed them to see their time could be better spent in healthier ways rather than following the deceptive messages.

• A key first step is changing your perspective to see the harm in following the deceptive brain messages and realizing you deserve better treatment. This motivates using the Four Steps to challenge the messages.

Does this help summarize the key points about preparing to use the Four Steps and changing perspectives on the deceptive brain messages? Let me know if you need any part of the summary expanded.

Here are the key points about the negative impact of deceptive brain messages:

• Deceptive brain messages can suck up time, take over your life, exhaust you, cause you to lose opportunities, restrict your activities, and damage relationships.

• They can make you avoid things you want to do and engage in unhealthy habits you wish to stop.

• Deceptive brain messages obscure reality so you believe the negative messages are true. This keeps you trapped and not living as your true self.

• Seeing the damaging effects helped patients strengthen their resolve to dismiss the faulty logic of deceptive brain messages and act in healthy ways.

• To stay motivated, patients used inspirational catchphrases like “Reality is better than the fiction in my head” and “Do not feed the monster.”

• The key is realizing you have the power to reject deceptive brain messages, as they are false, no matter how real they feel. Choosing healthy actions, not giving in to unhealthy urges, is what counts.

Here are some key tips and insights from the passage:

• Allow uncomfortable sensations caused by deceptive brain messages to be present but do not act on them. Sitting with the discomfort is hard but necessary for change. Relief comes gradually with practice.

• Practice the Four Steps repeatedly - it takes time to form new healthy habits. Celebrate small successes. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

• Journal your successes, no matter how minor they seem. This encourages you to keep going.

• Don’t try to tackle all deceptive brain messages or unhealthy habits at once. Making too many changes simultaneously can feel overwhelming.

• Focus first on paying close attention to deceptive thoughts and urges. Be gentle with yourself in the process.

• Don’t procrastinate using the Four Steps. It’s your actions that count, not waiting for the perfect time or mental state.

• The Four Steps may seem simple but take commitment and effort. Be patient and keep practicing. Over time you’ll see progress.

• Ed thought he was observant and in touch with his feelings, but he did not notice his own deceptive brain messages and false beliefs about himself.

• With education on deceptive brain messages and the Four Steps, Ed learned to be mindful - to observe his thoughts and sensations accurately.

• Before, Ed let deceptive brain messages pass by unnoticed and believed them to be true. This held him back.

• Mindfulness is being aware and seeing things as they truly are, not just habitually believing your brain’s messages.

• Ed compares deceptive thoughts to only seeing red flowers. When he was mindful, he noticed there were yellow flowers too - he saw reality accurately.

• Mindfulness helped Ed stop blindly following his brain’s messages and see that his perspective was inaccurate and harmful.

• Becoming aware lets you notice deceptive brain messages you didn’t see before. This awareness is crucial for change.

In summary, being mindfully aware is key to noticing deceptive brain messages, separating from them, and changing entrenched patterns. You can’t change what you can’t see.

• Mindfulness is an activity, not just a state of mind. It requires effort and practice to develop.

• Mindfulness is about awareness - being fully aware of what is happening in the present moment.

• The goal is to become more aware of your experiences, especially your bodily sensations, movements, and automatic reactions. Exercises are provided to help increase awareness.

• Awareness is different from focus, though related. Awareness means being fully knowledgeable of whatever is happening, while focus means selectively directing your attention.

• Mindfulness teaches you to see your experiences just as they are, without ascribing meaning or judging them. It helps you recognize your habitual thoughts and actions.

• Mindfulness is key to the Four Steps process. It allows you to “Relabel” deceptive brain messages, see them for what they are, and then “Refocus” elsewhere.

• Daily mindfulness practice strengthens your ability to recognize deceptive brain messages as they occur and avoid being misled by them.

Here is a summary of the key points about mindfulness:

• Mindfulness means being aware of your present moment experience, including thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings, in a non-judgmental way.

• It involves observing deceptive brain messages and seeing them for what they are, without getting absorbed in their content.

• Mindfulness includes focusing your attention on something specific, like your breath or a task. This trains your brain to stay present.

• It is non-judgmental about initial thoughts/feelings, but you should judge harmful actions mindfully and take responsibility.

• Mindfulness sees that deceptive brain messages are false and detached from your true self, even though the sensations are real.

• You can’t be mindful of everything, so choose objects of focus like your breath, a task, thoughts, or sensations. The goal is greater awareness of the present.

• Practicing mindfulness rewires your brain over time to have greater focus, awareness, and control over responses.

• Our minds are constantly thinking, which can take us away from being mindful and aware of the present moment. Getting lost in thought is a barrier to using mindfulness techniques like Step 1: Relabel.

• When caught in repetitive thoughts, the cycle is hard to break. Patients describe this experience of being “stuck” in thoughts as “spinning” or “worrying.”

• Noticing the stream of thoughts is challenging because you don’t see thinking as an activity like other behaviors. You have to start seeing thoughts arise as an activity you can observe.

• The goal of the thought awareness exercise is to see how many thoughts arise in a short time, how disconnected they are, and how easy it can be to start noticing thoughts if you pay attention.

• Noticing your thoughts is an important first step before you can start identifying and Relabeling your deceptive brain messages. You have to be able to see thoughts before you can change them.

In summary, the key point is that learning to notice when your mind gets caught up and lost in thoughts is an essential skill for being able to Relabel deceptive thoughts and break out of negative repetitive thinking. This awareness is the first step to gaining control over your thoughts.

• Practice meditation or other mindfulness exercises for up to 30 minutes per day to increase your awareness of when your mind wanders or gets lost in thought. Just notice when this happens without judging it.

• Become aware of the physical and emotional sensations caused by anxiety, depression, stress, or cravings. These include things like muscle tension, panic symptoms, low energy, sadness, or food cravings.

• Label these sensations as “deceptive brain messages” and specifically name the emotion you are feeling like “anxiety” or “craving.” This is called Relabeling.

• Making mental notes or using shorthand labels can help you quickly identify deceptive brain messages and relabel them. For example, noting “false body sensation” or “anxiety.”

• Recognizing physical and emotional sensations from deceptive brain messages is key so you can relabel them and not react automatically. This will help retrain your brain.

The goal is increased awareness through mindfulness so you can identify deceptive brain messages, relabel them, and not believe or act on them automatically. This process will strengthen healthy brain circuits.

• Relabeling involves creating short, simple mental notes to identify thoughts, sensations, and habits when they arise. Examples include “thinking,” “worrying,” “craving,” etc.

• The goal is to briefly label the experience so you can detach from it rather than get caught up in the content. Perfect wording is not important.

• Relabeling activates the Assessment Center and quiets the Uh Oh Center, helping you manage difficult emotions and sensations.

• When you first start Relabeling, the deceptive brain messages can seem more frequent and intense. This is because you’re noticing things that were always there but you overlooked before.

• If identifying thoughts is difficult, start by Relabeling the physical/emotional sensations, as these tend to be consistent for each person.

• Keep using Relabeling even if the sensations seem to get worse at first. It helps you resist giving in to deceptive urges and creates distance between the false messages and your true self.

Here are the key points about Step 2: Reframe:

• Reframing involves seeing your deceptive brain messages as false and as a symptom of your brain’s wiring, not a reflection of reality or who you are.

• Deceptive brain messages feel true because the brain generates them, but they distort reality. Don’t believe everything you think!

• Reframing helps you gain distance from your thoughts and choose wisely, rather than reacting automatically.

• Common thinking errors to watch out for are all-or-nothing thinking, fortune-telling, catastrophizing, emotional reasoning, and more.

• Self-criticism and shame often arise from deceptive brain messages. Reframe these as untrue and unhelpful.

• Bring in your Wise Advocate to reinforce that the deceptive messages are not you, but just faulty transmissions in your brain.

• Keep practicing Reframing - it takes time to change the meaning you assign to your deceptive thoughts. But it’s worth it.

The key is learning to see your thoughts as just thoughts, not necessarily reality. This allows you to respond more wisely. Reframing is a powerful step to break free from the grip of deception and align with your true self.

• Liz had trouble seeing her repetitive, unhelpful thoughts as detrimental because they were so tightly linked to her sense of self. When this happens, it seems like the thoughts are an accurate, true part of you.

• Psychologically, this is called being “ego-syntonic” - when your thoughts and impulses feel aligned with your sense of self. The opposite is “ego-dystonic” - when they feel alien or uncomfortable.

• At first, George felt his obsessive thoughts were foreign invaders, but it was hard to resist acting on them. Learning to relabel and reframe them with the 4 steps helped him separate himself from the thoughts.

• Sarah initially saw her depressive thoughts as reflecting her true self. Recognizing her symptoms as signs of depression allowed her to relabel the thoughts as not being her.

• To change, you first need to acknowledge the part of you that knows the unhealthy thoughts are false. Then you can work to relabel and reframe them as separate from your true self.

• Social pain activates the same brain areas as physical pain, explaining why social situations can feel so distressing. The more the “Uh Oh Center” fires, the more distress you feel.

• Taking things too personally is linked to overactivity in the unhelpful aspects of the “Self-Referencing Center.” This causes you to over-analyze situations and assume things are about you.

• Repeated over-analysis wires your brain to react this way habitually, creating unhelpful response patterns to social distress.

• Reframing with the Four Steps calms the Uh Oh Center and activates the Assessment Center, allowing you to manage emotions in a healthy way.

• Suppressing emotions is unhealthy - it raises blood pressure, impairs memory/learning, and negatively impacts those around you.

• The key is changing your relationship to distressing thoughts and experiences through relabeling and reframing, rather than suppressing reactions. This reduces distress and allows for healthy responses.

• Trying to suppress your reactions to deceptive brain messages by denying, neglecting, or dismissing your true self will only increase blood pressure, stress, and discomfort. It also makes you and those around you feel worse.

• The goal is to change your relationship with the deceptive brain messages and uncomfortable sensations, not try to make them go away. Reframe them based on what’s really happening without acting on the urges or trying to change the sensations themselves.

• Reframing changes your perception of the messages in an accurate, helpful way. You see them as false intruders rather than something you need to act on.

• Reframing helps calm the self-referencing center and uh-oh center so you don’t take things too personally or feel a lack of acceptance.

• Sitting with discomfort without acting on it is hard but helps rewire brain circuitry associated with unhelpful thoughts and impulses.

• Uncomfortable sensations do pass on their own if you don’t act on them impulsively. Reframing helps you see situations more objectively over time.

• Saying “it’s just my brain” or “it’s not me, it’s just my brain” is an effective reframing technique to separate your healthy self from the deceptive brain messages.

Here are a few key points about reframing thinking errors:

• Thinking errors are habitual, automatic ways of responding to deceptive brain messages that distort information and lead to false conclusions. Identifying them helps you recognize when your brain is misinterpreting situations.

• Thinking errors perpetuate distress and negative self-concepts by activating the unhealthy aspects of the self-referencing center. Catching them early prevents repetitive, unhelpful thought loops.

• Relabeling thinking errors assertively and reframing them helps raise awareness so you can choose to redirect your focus in healthier, more constructive ways rather than indulge the unhelpful thoughts.

• Common thinking errors include black-and-white thinking, discounting the positive, emotional reasoning, labeling, magnification, mental filtering, overgeneralization, personalization, and more.

• Recognizing your own habitual thinking errors takes self-awareness. Once identified, you can challenge the distorted thinking and purposefully reframe your perspective. This helps disengage from unhelpful thought loops and make wiser choices.

• Burns initially identified 10 thinking errors or cognitive distortions. The authors recategorized these into 6 main errors, seeing some as inherent in all deceptive brain messages: filtering, minimizing, and personalizing. They added two other key errors - faulty comparisons and false expectations.

• All-or-nothing thinking involves seeing things in extremes, like perfect or horrible. This black-and-white perspective is common with perfectionism and can make people miss opportunities and paralyze decision making.

• Catastrophizing or worst-case thinking involves exaggerating negative possibilities and imagining the worst possible outcome will happen. It feeds anxiety.

• Discounting the positive involves ignoring or severely downplaying positives about yourself or positive reactions from others. It maintains low self-esteem.

• Emotional reasoning means assuming your negative emotions reflect reality, rather than recognizing emotions may be exaggerated or unjustified.

• Labeling involves making exaggerated negative conclusions about yourself or others based on behavior, like “I made a mistake, so I am a total failure.”

• The authors encourage recognizing these thinking errors and reframing deceptive thoughts objectively to overcome them.

• Thinking errors lead to unhelpful beliefs and behaviors. Common thinking errors include catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, discounting the positive, emotional reasoning, mind reading, and “should” statements.

• Catastrophizing involves imagining the worst possible outcome from a situation. It fuels anxiety.

• All-or-nothing thinking refers to seeing things in absolute, black-and-white terms. It prevents seeing nuance.

• Discounting the positive involves dismissing or downplaying positive experiences, accomplishments, and feedback from others. It can lead to negative self-perceptions.

• Emotional reasoning means believing your emotions reflect the truth, rather than recognizing emotions may be biased or irrational at times.

• Mind reading involves assuming you know what others are thinking without sufficient evidence.

• “Should” statements hold self or others to unrealistic expectations, which leads to guilt, anger, or resentment when unmet.

• Identifying and relabeling these thinking errors helps prevent buying into distorted thoughts. Reframing with more balanced perspectives is the next step.

• The man’s “should” thinking and false expectations that others would fulfill his needs led him to become angry and drink when they did not meet his unrealistic standards.

• He needed to reframe these thoughts as “thinking errors” caused by the “Should Monster” - separating his distorted thoughts from reality.

• After relabeling the thoughts, he needed to reframe the reason for the deceptive brain messages as stemming from false expectations and “should” statements that did not match truth.

• False expectations and faulty comparisons are also thinking errors that bias perception and lead to deceptive brain messages.

• Expecting others to provide excessive care or affection typically stems from unmet childhood needs and is unhealthy in adulthood.

• Research shows anticipating something negative can actually cause your brain to feel those sensations.

• Noticing your expectations helps reveal triggers for uncomfortable sensations and habitual reactions.

• Thinking errors like all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, discounting positives, etc. all filter information and lead to deceptive brain messages from the false self.

Here is a summary of Burns, Feeling Good (New York: Harper, 1999):

Feeling Good by David Burns presents cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to combat depression and anxiety. Burns introduces the concept of “cognitive distortions” - warped patterns of thinking that contribute to negative moods and self-defeating behaviors. He provides strategies to identify and correct these distortions, including tools like thought records to examine irrational thoughts. The book encourages readers to monitor moods and identify triggers to understand their own cognitive distortions. It promotes developing a more realistic perspective by considering evidence contrary to distorted thinking. Burns also advocates behavioral activation and scheduling pleasant activities to improve mood. Overall, Feeling Good offers research-based cognitive and behavioral techniques to overcome depression and anxiety by changing thought patterns.

Here is a summary of the key points about strengthening your Wise Advocate:

• The Wise Advocate is the healthy, rational part of yourself that can counteract the deceptive brain messages. It helps you respond in a loving, caring way.

• Techniques to strengthen it include asking “How would someone who loves me advise me?”, doing a “reality check” on how others are reacting, recognizing it as just a “bad brain day”, and emulating how a role model handles things.

• The Wise Advocate helps you see the deceptive thoughts for what they are - false messages from your brain, not facts.

• “Recognize, Dismiss, Accept” is a good shorthand for using your Wise Advocate - recognize the deceptive thought, dismiss its faulty logic, and accept that the feeling may still be there but doesn’t have to control you.

• Acceptance is key - accepting that the thoughts/urges will arise but not acting on them. Letting go of the expectation that you can make them disappear completely.

• The Wise Advocate guides you to respond in alignment with your true goals and values, not the deceptive brain messages.

• Strengthening your Wise Advocate is important to be able to separate yourself from the deceptive thoughts and make healthy choices.

It sounds like Abby is getting caught in a loop of worrying and catastrophizing instead of moving forward with her life. Here are some suggestions for how Abby could more effectively Refocus:

• Notice when her mind starts obsessing about an imagined negative outcome, and consciously shift her attention to the present moment - what she is doing, seeing, hearing, feeling right now. Grounding herself in the present will help interrupt the fruitless worrying.

• Refocus on positive possibilities and realistic solutions. Instead of imagining worst case scenarios, she could think about having open and honest conversations with her daughter about drugs, role models, and decision making.

• Reframe the worrying thoughts as unhelpful background noise from her anxious brain. Then refocus on an activity or value that matters, like connecting with her daughter.

• Make a list of activities that absorb her attention and do one of those when she catches herself worrying - read a book, take a walk, call a friend, work on a hobby. This gives her mind something more constructive to “chew” on.

• Set a “worry time” limit. Only allow herself to worry about a topic for a short time, then consciously shift to thinking about something else. The brain will try to pull her back, but she can keep redirecting.

• Focus on what she can control - her own choices and actions aimed at prevention and connection with her daughter - rather than unproductive worrying about unlikely worst case scenarios.

The key is to catch herself indulging the worries, disengage, and repeatedly shift her focus to the present moment, realistic solutions, or values-based activities. It takes practice, but she can retrain her brain away from obsessive worrying.

• Refocusing (Step 3) is about directing your attention towards productive activities even while unwanted thoughts, urges, etc are still bothering you. It helps rewire your brain in healthy ways.

• Refocusing strengthens your Wise Advocate, making you feel empowered to make healthy choices. It teaches you that you have choices despite uncomfortable sensations.

• Refocusing involves actively placing your attention on constructive, beneficial activities of your choosing, despite the presence of unhelpful thoughts. It takes practice.

• Make a list of potential refocusing activities you can use when deceptive thoughts arise. Ideas include going for a walk, exercising, calling a friend, doing a hobby, etc.

• Be aware of where your attention is focused. Continually relabel and reframe even when refocusing.

• Refocusing activities should engage your mind and hold your attention. They help cement new healthy neural pathways.

• Refocusing gives you confidence you can live your life despite unwanted thoughts/urges being present. It teaches your brain you have choices.

• Consistently refocusing weakens unhelpful brain circuits and cravings over time. But you must keep refocusing and not give in.

• Refocus your attention on something positive and wholesome when you notice deceptive brain messages arise. Choose an activity that engages your attention in a healthy way, like exercising, reading, playing a game, or spending time with friends.

• Refocusing is not about distracting yourself or avoiding situations. It’s about managing your responses to unhelpful thoughts and urges by deliberately shifting your attention to something constructive.

• Try to wait at least 15 minutes before acting on a deceptive impulse. Put time between the urge and your response. If you can’t resist entirely, act mindfully.

• Don’t repetitively think about what’s distressing you during Refocus activities. Choose activities that don’t involve dwelling on the thoughts. The goal is to rewire your brain in a healthy way.

• Don’t try to make uncomfortable feelings go away in the short term. Keep Relabeling and Refocusing each time deceptive messages arise. Change takes time through repeatedly managing your responses.

• Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Keep directing your attention to wholesome activities. It’s about what you do, not how you feel. The brain will rewire as you stay consistent.

• There are three main versions of Refocus that can be used depending on the situation: regular Refocus, Regulate & Refocus, and Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness.

• Regulate & Refocus emphasizes calming activities like focusing on your breathing that can help decrease uncomfortable physical and emotional sensations. The goal is still Refocusing your attention in a constructive way, not just calming down.

• Regulate activities elicit the Relaxation Response, which research shows can positively influence stress-related genes and reverse negative effects of stress. Examples include yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, prayer, and progressive muscle relaxation.

• Making mental notes to label your sensations and emotions can help calm down intense reactions. However, feeling calmer should never be the goal in itself when using the Four Steps. The goal is to retrain your brain over time.

• Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness means continuing with an activity or facing a situation you normally avoid, which tends to intensify uncomfortable sensations initially. It’s considered an advanced Four Steps practice.

• Regardless of the Refocus technique, the purpose is to sharpen your attention on healthy activities while uncomfortable sensations are present to rewire your brain over time. Quick relief should not be the focus.

Here are the key points from the passage:

• Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness involves deliberately confronting something that causes distress in order to learn to manage it. It is more advanced than regular Refocusing.

• It is similar to exposure therapy in that you enter distressing situations, but differs in that you actively Refocus on healthy behaviors or regulate sensations rather than just sit with discomfort.

• The steps are: 1) Enter a distressing situation 2) Allow sensations/thoughts to be present 3) Refocus on a healthy behavior or regulate sensations 4) Continue daily activities without avoiding.

• The goal is to strengthen your Wise Advocate so you can manage deceptive brain messages in many situations.

• It can help with anxiety, obsessions, avoidance, perfectionism.

• Never use it for highly addictive/dangerous behaviors like alcohol, drugs, gambling. Use regular Refocusing instead.

• It aims to rewire your brain in healthy ways unlike exposure therapy which just calms the Uh Oh Center.

In summary, Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness involves deliberately facing distressing situations while actively Refocusing on healthy actions. This rewires the brain adaptively and strengthens the Wise Advocate. Avoid using it for addictions, and focus on constructive behaviors, not just sitting with discomfort.

Here is a summary of how Ed used Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness to overcome his performance anxiety and avoidance of auditions:

• Ed made a list of performance-related situations that caused him distress and avoidance, such as going to auditions, acting classes, calling his agent, etc. He rated each one on a scale of 0-100 for level of distress.

• Items rated 50+ were the ones he had been avoiding. These became his targets for Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness.

• Starting with the least distressing activity first, Ed purposefully put himself in these anxiety-provoking situations weekly.

• When in the situations, Ed used the Four Steps - Relabel, Reframe, Refocus - to manage his anxiety and confront the deceptive brain messages telling him he would fail.

• He remained in each situation until his distress decreased by 50% from its peak. This taught his brain the thoughts were false and he could succeed.

• After 12 weeks, Ed was able to attend auditions and book jobs regularly. Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness helped him overcome avoidance by facing feared situations and retraining his brain.

The key points are that Ed made a plan targeting avoided/feared activities, purposefully exposed himself to those situations weekly using the Four Steps to retrain his brain, and over time saw great improvement in his performance anxiety and avoidance.

Here is a summary of the key points about Step 4: Revalue:

• Revalue encourages you to view situations from the perspective of your healthy, compassionate Wise Advocate rather than from the narrow, negative viewpoint of your deceptive brain messages.

• Revaluing involves clearly seeing thoughts, urges, and impulses for what they are - simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and have little value.

• The key to Revalue is learning to operate from the Wise Advocate’s perspective consistently. This allows you to see the bigger picture and dismiss unhelpful thoughts.

• To develop the Wise Advocate’s perspective requires accepting that you’ve been living life from the narrow viewpoint of deceptive brain messages, and committing to change how you view the world.

• Practicing the Four Steps, especially Refocus and Revalue, helps build your capacity to resist responding automatically to deceptive brain messages, taking things personally, or buying into thinking errors.

• With practice, Revalue allows you to increase mindful awareness, ingrain more positive automatic responses in your brain, and take away the power of deceptive brain messages.

• Using the Four Steps helps develop “progressive mindfulness”, which is gaining deeper awareness through experience in order to see troublesome feelings and thoughts as just deceptive brain messages.

• Progressive mindfulness is the ultimate goal of the Four Steps. With practice, you can get to the point of directly experiencing sensations as just deceptive messages, without needing to go through all the steps consciously.

• Revaluing is key to achieving progressive mindfulness. At first it may only happen for brief moments, but with time it becomes easier to dismiss the importance of deceptive messages and not get stressed by them.

• With continued practice, Revaluing provides a new perspective - you know feelings will pass and can focus on longer term goals. This builds confidence to face challenges.

• An important goal is learning to take care of yourself, make your needs a priority, and provide yourself with affection, attention, acceptance, appreciation and accomplishment.

• It’s key to distinguish between true emotions versus emotional sensations from deceptive messages. True emotions are valid reactions worthy of attention, while emotional sensations from deceptive messages should be dismissed.

• If you experienced true emotions like anger or sadness as a child, your brain likely responded with automatic deceptive messages that you were to blame, making you feel guilt and shame. This taught you that emotions were “dangerous”.

• If you were overly coddled as a child, your natural frustration and desire to be independent may have been met with messages that you were ungrateful, also causing guilt and shame.

• This makes it hard as an adult to discern true emotions from false emotional sensations. Using a Wise Advocate can help.

• Look at whether a reasonable person would feel the same way you do in a situation. Would they feel anxious and guilty, or angry and sad?

• For example, John and Kara felt anxiety and depression but suppressed true feelings of anger and sadness to avoid rejection.

• Revalue the situation from an impartial perspective to see your true emotions versus deceptive brain messages designed to keep you in uncomfortable emotional sensations.

• Understand where the deceptive messages originated in childhood to allow your true emotions to emerge and guide your choices based on your values.

Steve’s parents ignored his interests and emotional needs as a child, instead prioritizing his sister’s needs. This left him feeling alone, depressed, and unsupported. The only way he could get attention was through anger or acting out. As a result, Steve learned to suppress his real emotions like sadness and instead respond with anger whenever he felt his needs would be ignored or overridden by others, as they were by his sister in childhood. This anger and emotional withdrawal continued into adulthood and damaged his relationships.

Now when Steve notices himself becoming excessively angry, he reflects on whether that level of anger is justified by the situation. He considers how another person might respond - would they become as angry? Or would they see the anger as an overreaction driven by past experiences and childhood programming? This helps Steve choose to refocus on a more healthy, constructive response instead of lashing out.

The key for Steve is revaluing himself, using his Wise Advocate, and believing his emotions matter. He needs to allow his real feelings like sadness to come through, rather than suppressing them and responding only with anger.

Stress can make deceptive brain messages seem worse, but this is not a relapse - it is the brain’s old wiring going into overdrive under stress. The solution is using the Four Steps even more diligently during stress, to rewire the brain to recruit healthy pathways instead. Increased sensations during stress are not a sign of failure, but an opportunity to continue moving forward by applying the Four Steps.

Here is a summary of the key points from Part Three, Chapter 13:

• Differentiating between true emotions and unhelpful emotional sensations is critical for responding appropriately to situations.

• Emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety can be either true emotions or emotional sensations depending on the circumstances.

• Healthy anger advocates for your needs and encourages positive change, while unhealthy anger stems from distorted thinking and causes destructive actions.

• Sadness over real losses is grief, while beating yourself up over perceived failures is depression/self-hatred.

• Anxiety about real threats mobilizes action, while free-floating anxiety stems from exaggerated worries.

• “Should” statements often indicate emotional sensations rather than true emotions.

• Identifying whether you are experiencing a true emotion or an unhelpful emotional sensation is key to using the Four Steps effectively.

True emotions like grief, sadness, and anxiety can be helpful signals that guide us, while persistent negative feelings of depression and self-hatred are destructive results of deceptive brain messages. Anxiety in particular can be productive if it alerts us to potential threats or motivates action, but destructive if it leads nowhere. “Should” statements also have nuance - they can inspire positive change if the intention is pure, but shame us if the intention is contaminated. The key is using the Wise Advocate perspective to evaluate whether an emotion or “should” statement comes from a place of truth and self-care, or from deceptive brain messages. By distinguishing constructive signals from damaging noise, we can respond in healthy ways aligned with our true selves.

Here are some tips for using the Four Steps to stand up for your true self in relationships, resist momentary rewards, overcome perfectionism, deal with apathy and boredom, achieve optimal performance, and change unhealthy habits:

Standing Up for Your True Self in Relationships

• Make a plan to gradually speak up more about your needs and interests. Start small by voicing a minor opinion, then work up to bigger things.

• Refocus on enjoyable activities when you feel the urge to neglect yourself for others. Refocusing helps retrain your brain.

• Use your Wise Advocate to counter thoughts that standing up for yourself is “selfish.” Remind yourself that balance and self-care are healthy.

Resisting Momentary Rewards

• Refocus on long-term goals when you get cravings. Keep the future consequences in mind.

• Make a plan to gradually reduce the problem behavior. Cut back slowly rather than going cold turkey.

• Distract yourself with exercise, hobbies or socializing when cravings hit. Stay busy and ride out the urge.

Perfectionism and Fear of Rejection

• Make a plan to deliberately make small, inconsequential mistakes. This helps retrain your brain.

• Refocus on your values and the fact that you’re still a good person when you mess up.

• Use your Wise Advocate to counter fears of rejection. Remind yourself that mistakes help you improve.

Dealing with Apathy, Boredom and Fatigue

• Make a plan to gradually re-engage in activities even when you don’t feel like it. Starting small helps.

• Focus on accomplishing brief, simple tasks. Checking small things off your list boosts motivation.

• Schedule activities with others. Social obligation helps counter apathy and boredom.

Achieving Optimal Performance

• Refocus fully on the task at hand rather than worries about performance. Stay in the present.

• Make a plan to gradually approach feared situations. Build confidence through practice.

• Use your Wise Advocate to counter negative performance thoughts. Remind yourself of past successes.

Changing Unhealthy Habits

• Identify your triggers and make a plan to avoid or manage them. This reduces automatic responses.

• Refocus on new, healthy habits you want to build up over time as replacements.

• Use your Wise Advocate when you slip up. Remind yourself change takes patience and persistence.

• Cravings are strong impulses from the brain that do not have to be acted upon. Using the 4 Steps of Emotion Eating - Relabel, Reattribute, Refocus, Revalue - you can identify cravings for what they are and make a free choice about how to respond, rather than mindlessly following the impulse.

• Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness helps you safely evoke and sit with cravings and desires while encouraging you to not act in harmful ways. It does this by helping you slowly decrease unhealthy behaviors over time rather than going “cold turkey.” This allows the brain pathways associated with those cravings and actions to weaken through the processes of Hebb’s law, the Quantum Zeno Effect, and Self-Directed Neuroplasticity.

• The key is to decrease the unhealthy behavior slowly, stick to the plan, and chart successes. This causes cravings to decrease over time as you pay less attention to those impulses. Nicole provides an example, first tapering off smoking slowly, then using a similar approach to change her stress-related overeating by rating her cravings for different foods, setting goals, and making small diet changes gradually.

• Making changes slowly over weeks and sitting with cravings allows time for the brain’s Habit Center to rewire and turn off strong impulses. Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness retrains the brain so cravings for unhealthy behaviors decrease.

Here are the key points:

• Cravings originate from the brain’s reward center and can be intense. Gradually decreasing triggering foods/activities and introducing healthier options using mindfulness can rewire the brain over time.

• Sitting with discomfort of cravings without over-identifying or pushing them away allows them to pass. Refocusing on healthy activities helps withstand cravings.

• Revaluing craving sensations as biological rather than your true self allows skillful handling. Charting progress helps see craving reductions over time.

• Moderation is key. Occasional indulgence will not create strong habitual brain pathways. Ask yourself why you want to indulge - for stress relief or enjoyment?

• In relationships, rely on your wise advocate to balance needs, not just cravings. Avoid neglecting your true self.

• For perfectionism/fear of rejection, make small mistakes deliberately. Use achievable behavioral goals focused on facing fears, not results depending on others.

• Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness involves setting achievable behavioral goals to overcome challenges like disinterest from others, apathy, boredom, or unhealthy habits. The “outcome” is your own actions, not how others respond.

• To combat apathy, depression, boredom, and fatigue, use the Four Steps to get yourself moving and engage in activities you normally enjoy. Movement and activity help overcome the inertia.

• For optimal work performance, view stress as helpful alertness, set timers to take mindful breaks, and find balance between pushing when needed and relaxing when possible.

• Changing habits requires clearly defined, reasonable goals you believe you can achieve, and sticking with it even when you experience cravings or lack of motivation.

• Relaxation and recharging are critical too, so make sure to schedule time for healthy pleasures.

• Medications can assist as a bridge to self-improvement but should not be the only treatment, or complacency can set in. The Four Steps should be the primary approach.

Here are some key recommendations for starting to use the Four Steps effectively:

• Focus on Step 1 (Relabel) and breath awareness for the first 1-2 weeks. Make a habit of labeling your thoughts, urges, sensations, etc. and bringing your attention back to your breath.

• Once you have a good handle on Step 1, start Reframing (Step 2) your thoughts and sensations by identifying why they bother you and how they may be distorted. Remember common thinking errors like catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, etc.

• Move on to Step 3 (Refocus) by purposefully shifting your attention to more wholesome, engaging activities whenever you notice deceptive thoughts/urges. Don’t try to make them go away - just refocus.

• Over time, utilize Step 4 (Revalue) to see thoughts as just thoughts, and sensations as just sensations. Develop progressive mindfulness by not placing importance on them.

• Use mental notes and your Wise Advocate for support. Relabel often to strengthen your Assessment Center.

• Go at your own pace, be patient with yourself, and don’t get discouraged. Changing engrained thought patterns takes diligent practice.

The key is to stay focused on directing your attention in healthy ways. What you focus on is what changes your brain over time. Keep applying the steps and you’ll rewire your brain to work for you!

Poorang

Partner: Akira Morikawa

Mom: Martha

Dad: Tyrone

Siblings: Cristina & Jeffrey

Friends: Catherine A., Caleb L., Lena H., and Jennifer S.

ALEX KORB, PH.D.

This book could not have been possible without the support of my family and friends:

Partner:

Christina Lee

Mom:

Shari Korb

Dad:

Andrew Korb

Sister:

Lesley Korb

Future thanks go to my two sons:

Soren and Leif Korb

Love and thanks to:

Christine Carter

Marta Czekaj

The Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) Community

Joshua Liao

Poorang Aurasteh

Harris Max Powers

Aditya Sharma

Finally, I’d like to thank the students in my UCLA classes and groups who provided valuable feedback on this material. It’s a treat having the opportunity to work with all of you.

NOTES

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Here are the key points about emotional sensations from the passage:

• Emotional sensations have bodily manifestations that are produced by brain biology.

• Emotional sensations can be accepted or avoided. Avoidance often leads to greater suffering.

• Refocusing techniques allow us to confront and work through emotional sensations rather than avoiding them. This reduces suffering in the long run.

• Accepting emotional sensations as they arise, without judging them, is an important part of mindfulness practice.

• Working through emotional sensations by confronting them, rather than avoiding them, enables us to break free of destructive habits and thought patterns.

Does this help summarize the main ideas about emotional sensations? Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional questions!

Here is a summary of the key points about techniques for working with thoughts, emotions, and sensations:

• Refocusing techniques help shift attention away from unhelpful thoughts, emotions, or sensations. Basic refocusing redirects attention to more positive or neutral experiences. Progressive mindfulness refocusing involves carefully observing thoughts/feelings without reacting. Regulate & refocus uses relaxation techniques.

• Reframing involves changing how we interpret thoughts, emotions, or sensations by considering different perspectives. This helps see them as passing events rather than reflections of reality.

• Relabeling involves identifying the true nature of thoughts, emotions, or sensations, seeing them as products of brain biology rather than truth. This diminishes their impact.

• Revaluing shifts appraisal of thoughts, emotions, sensations to see they don’t define you. It emphasizes your true self and values.

• These techniques counteract deceptive brain messages, habitual responses, false expectations, and thinking errors. They increase awareness, support veto power over sensations, weaken unhealthy habits, and shape healthy brain circuits.

• They require mindful observation, avoiding overanalysis. Making mental notes and engaging the Wise Advocate can help apply them. Sustained practice strengthens new neuroplastic changes.

Here are the key points from the book summary:

• Deceptive brain messages are false or distorted thoughts and feelings generated by the brain that can lead to anxiety, unhealthy habits, and relationship problems. They arise from early negative experiences and activate the brain’s fear and self-criticism circuits.

• These deceptive messages feel real and part of oneself, but they are distortions. By recognizing them as false “foreign invaders,” one can detach from them and avoid acting on them.

• The Four Step method provides a process for responding skillfully to deceptive messages: 1) Relabel the message as false or distorted. 2) Reframe it by understanding its origins and realizing it is not part of oneself. 3) Refocus attention on a positive, healthy activity. 4) Revalue the message by seeing the truth and acting with compassion.

• Mindfulness, self-awareness, and a commitment to one’s true self and values are key to implementing the Four Steps. Over time, responding skillfully trains the brain to weaken the power of deceptive messages.

• The book offers neuroscience explanations, case examples, thinking error categories, and various techniques to support applying the Four Steps. The goal is to live more freely by recognizing deceptive brain messages and reducing their influence.

• Mindfulness involves bringing awareness and acceptance to your present moment experience, including thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. It helps you get out of autopilot and pay closer attention.

• Mindfulness is not about stopping thoughts or trying to empty your mind. Thoughts will come and go. The key is to accept them non-judgmentally as they arise.

• Practicing mindfulness can reveal deceptive brain messages generated by the unhelpful modes of your Self-Referencing Center. Bringing awareness to these messages is the first step in disarming them.

• Mindfulness helps you tune into your Wise Advocate perspective. From this place of calm and compassion, you can respond more skillfully rather than reacting automatically.

• Regular mindfulness practice strengthens your ability to monitor your thoughts, catch deceptive brain messages, and choose wisely. It builds your Wise Advocate skills over time.

• Start with basic mindfulness of your body and senses. This provides an anchor to the present moment when the mind wanders. Progress to mindfulness of thoughts, emotions, and daily experiences.

• The key attitudes to bring to mindfulness practice are patience, non-judging, trust, non-striving, acceptance, letting go, affection, and appreciation. These nurture your inner Wise Advocate.