Summary-You are a Badass - Jen Sincero

Summary-You are a Badass - Jen Sincero


Here is a summary of the copyright page:

  • The book You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero was published in 2013 by Running Press.

  • Running Press is an imprint of Perseus Books Group.

  • Bulk purchases of the book are available at discounts for businesses and organizations in the U.S. by contacting Perseus Books Group.

  • The Library of Congress Control Number for the book is 2013932303.

  • The ISBN numbers for the ebook and printed versions of the book are provided.

  • The book was designed by Joshua McDonnell and edited by Jennifer Kasius.

  • Two fonts used in the book are Avenir and Bembo.

  • Running Press Book Publishers is located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

  • Their website is

  • The book is dedicated to the author's father and brother.

  • An inspirational quote from Rumi precedes the table of contents.

The introduction summarizes the following main points:

  • The author used to be skeptical and disdainful of self-help and spiritual teachings but her life wasn't fulfilling and she knew she was capable of more.

  • The book is about identifying what makes you happy and alive and then having the courage to pursue it instead of settling for less or listening to what others think you should do.

  • The key shift required is going from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life, which requires action, persistence, and an openness to doing uncomfortable things.

  • The author's own journey to change involved trying many self-help and spiritual approaches before finding what worked for her.

  • The book aims to introduce self-help concepts to readers in an accessible way so they can make positive life changes, without shocking or overwhelming them.

  • An inspirational quote from Anaïs Nin summarizes the idea that staying stuck in an unfulfilling life ultimately becomes more painful than taking the risk to pursue your dreams and purpose.

The author had a bowling accident that left her with pain in her feet at night. She went mattress shopping with an overeager salesman who made her uncomfortable by lying in bed with her as she tested mattresses. The author didn’t ask him to stop because she was taught by her family to avoid confrontation and uncomfortable interactions.

The author says that the way people are “fucked up” is not their fault; it comes from beliefs and behaviors passed down through generations of their families. As babies, humans start out joyful, present, unashamed, and explorative. But as they grow up, they receive messages from those around them about how the world works that fill them with beliefs that aren’t necessarily true or aligned with who they are. Parents pass down beliefs they learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, and so on. Many of these beliefs have nothing to do with the truth.

The author says most people live in an illusion based on other people’s beliefs until they “wake up.” The book aims to help readers wake up from these illusions. Humans have a conscious mind and a subconscious mind. The subconscious mind shapes people’s realities based on the beliefs it holds, even if those beliefs are untrue or unhelpful. By bringing awareness to one’s subconscious beliefs, one can wake up from the illusion of them.

The key message is that the beliefs and behaviors people inherit from their families and societies often do not reflect the truth or who they really are. By becoming aware of the subconscious beliefs that shape their realities, people can let go of illusions and live in a way more aligned with their true selves.

The conscious mind is the analytical, judgmental part of our brain that develops during puberty. It’s constantly churning with thoughts, worries, and decisions. The subconscious mind is the intuitive, instinctual part of our brain that develops from birth. It operates based on beliefs formed in childhood and is the driving force behind our behaviors and life experiences.

Our subconscious beliefs, especially limiting ones, were formed when we were children and unable to determine the difference between truth and fiction. These beliefs then become the blueprint for how we live our lives and what we create and attract as adults. Even when our conscious mind wants something different, our subconscious mind is in control and will win out until we identify and release the underlying limiting beliefs.

Resentful behaviors, unhealthy relationships, lack of abundance, and unachieved goals are often the result of subconscious beliefs that don't align with our conscious desires. The first step is building awareness of the hidden beliefs driving our self-sabotage and dysfunction. Looking at problem areas of our lives and the beliefs of influential people around us as children can help reveal these subconscious drivers.

Once we see the limiting beliefs, we can begin to release them and reprogram our subconscious mind. This opens us up to inviting in the experiences and life we truly want. The author uses her changing view of country music and line dancing as an analogy for how we can come to embrace concepts, like God or spirituality, that we once rejected. With an open and seeking mindset, we find our snark and judgment softening into willing curiosity and openness.

The author initially struggles with Pigeon Pose in yoga class because her hips are inflexible and it is painful. She wants the instructor to move on to a different pose. However, when she surrenders to the present moment by quieting her mind and focusing on her breath, her body relaxes into the pose deeper than ever before and the pain disappears. For a brief moment, she feels connected to the universe.

Then her restless mind starts again with worries that she is stuck in the pose and impatience with the instructor talking for so long. But when she reconnects to the present again, her concerns melt away. She realizes that her worries and impatience only make the experience worse. As Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

The key message is: Being fully present and connected to the now, instead of being caught in anxieties about the future or regrets about the past, leads to peace and transcending discomforts or difficulties. Worries and impatience only make the present moment experience worse. But surrendering to the present with a quiet mind can lead to pleasant surprises and new insights or awarenesses, as the author discovered in her deepening experience of Pigeon Pose. Overall, the vignette highlights the importance of mindfulness, acceptance and patience.

  • The "Ego" refers to our false self or shadow self that acts out of fear and limitation. It is now referred to as the "Big Snooze" or BS.

  • The BS operates based on limiting beliefs and the need for outside validation. It is reactive, fear-based, and keeps us stuck in our comfort zones. It lives in the past and future and believes we are separate.

  • Our true self or higher self operates based on our connection to Source energy. It is self-validating, proactive, love-based, and helps us reach our full potential. It lives in the present and sees our oneness.

  • We all experience life from both the BS and true self perspectives. Most people are dominated by the BS and settle for less than what is truly available.

  • Few people are aware of their true potential because society promotes fear over awakening and following our hearts.

  • The summary is that we have a fearful egoic self and a loving spiritual self. The key is to wake up from the egoic BS and live from our true self.

Here's a summary:

  • Taking big risks and making major life changes often leads to disapproval from others, especially those close to us. This is because watching someone else fully pursue their dreams can be upsetting to those who haven't.

  • Those closest to us may express their discomfort through anger, hurt, criticism or trying to hold us back. It's best to avoid telling these people about your plans and instead seek out supportive people.

  • Making big life changes is like quitting an addiction, and leads to a kind of detox where things may seem to get worse before they get better. This is the "Big Snooze", or our limiting beliefs and fears, trying to sabotage us and keep things the same. We have to push through this.

  • Success usually comes only after facing obstacles and setbacks. We have to persist in the face of challenges, not interpret them as signs we should give up.

  • Our self-perception is constantly changing and inconsistent. We waver between seeing our own glory and potential, and fearing we are incapable or will be found out as phonies.

  • It takes just as much energy to believe we are awesome as it does to believe we are worthless. We should choose to focus on the positive, awesome view of ourselves.

  • Try seeing yourself through the admiring eyes of someone else. This can help establish a more consistently positive self-view.

The key message is that we have to overcome our own fears and limiting beliefs, as well as lack of support from others, in order to make real progress and change in our lives. A positive self-perception and perseverance are crucial. Success comes only after facing obstacles, not by avoiding them.

  • Believe in yourself and your abilities. Do not let self-doubt and insecurities hold you back.

  • See yourself through the eyes of your supporters and fans. Do not focus on your perceived flaws and weaknesses.

  • You have the power to choose your perspective. Choose to see yourself in a positive light.

  • You were born confident and capable. Do not let false beliefs and self-doubt diminish that.

  • Love yourself unconditionally. Do not criticize yourself or feel ashamed for being who you are.

  • Do things that you find meaningful and impactful. Follow your passions and purpose.

  • Appreciate how special and unique you are. No one else has your exact gifts, talents, and experiences.

  • Use positive affirmations to rewire your self-perception. Repeat them often until you start to believe them.

  • Prioritize joy and self-care. Make time for people, activities, and experiences that you love.

  • You deserve to be happy. Do not deny yourself opportunities for enjoyment and fulfillment.

Here’s a summary:

• Do not waste time worrying about what other people think about you. It’s liberating to not care about other’s opinions.

• As we age, we become less obsessed with how others perceive us, but few escape it completely.

• The only questions to consider when making life decisions are:

  1. Is this something I want?

  2. Will this move me in the direction I want to go?

  3. Will this hurt anyone else?

• We dampen our lives by fearing others’ opinions instead of celebrating who we are.

• Caring what others think is part of our survival instinct, but we must seek our own approval. Relying on external validation leads to people-pleasing and lack of fulfillment.

• You cannot control how others view you, you can only be your authentic self. Focus on your own journey.

• Do not let perceived weirdness or “crossing the line” stop you from creative pursuits or being your true self. Many successful people were considered strange or improper. Authenticity and individuality are appealing.

• Do not make important life decisions based on what will make you look good to others or what others want from you. Consider only what you genuinely want.

• Once you free yourself of others’ opinions, you open up to opportunity, adventure, and becoming who you were meant to be. Live for your own approval and happiness.

• Do not worry about seeming boastful by openly appreciating yourself and your talents. Celebrate who you are. But also maintain humility and kindness towards others.

• Ultimately, believe in yourself and honor your gifts. Do not stifle them due to fear of judgment. Share them with the world.

The key message is that you should find and pursue your life’s purpose. This will lead to a happy, fulfilling life. Not doing so can lead to an unfulfilling life full of excuses and regret.

Your purpose or “gift” is meant to be shared with the world. When you share your gift, you feel powerful and like a “rock star.” Most people only share a small, unsatisfying version of their gift. They play it safe rather than fully pursuing their purpose.

To find your purpose, you need to take risks and say “yes” to the challenges and adventures in life. Staying in your comfort zone will not reveal your purpose. Your purpose likely exists outside of societal expectations and norms. It may elicit criticism from others, but you must ignore that and stay true to yourself.

Constructive feedback from others can be useful to help you better understand yourself and make improvements. But do not let others’ opinions rule you or determine your self-worth. Your purpose and truth come from within. Listen to your intuition.

Some tips to help you not care what others think and pursue your purpose:

  1. Examine your motivations. Are you acting to please others or because you feel called to act? Act with integrity.

  2. Do your best. Put in maximum effort. That will give you confidence in yourself and your purpose.

  3. Trust your intuition. It will guide you to your purpose. Quiet outside voices and listen within.

  4. Find a role model. Consider what they would do in your situation. Use them as inspiration while you build confidence in yourself.

  5. Love yourself unconditionally. Do not base your worth on what others think of you.

In summary, pursue your life’s purpose with courage and self-belief. Share your unique gifts with the world. Follow your internal guidance, not what others expect of you. That is the path to a joyful, meaningful life.

  • Most people settle into boring jobs that afford a basic life but lack excitement or purpose. They occasionally do fun things but rarely pursue their dreams fully. The key is figuring out your unique gifts and purpose in life.

  • There are many ways to gain clarity on your calling in life. Some tips:

  1. Be the alien: Imagine you are an alien who just inhabited your own body. What would you see as your obvious talents and passions? What opportunities do you have? This helps get a new perspective.

  2. Take the first right step: Don't overthink it, just take action on something that feels right. Answers come through doing, not thinking. Take a chance on an opportunity that interests you.

  3. Do your best wherever you're at: Appreciate wherever you currently are in your journey instead of feeling impatient. Everything contributes to your progress. Have a good attitude.

  4. Don't reinvent the wheel: Look at what others are doing that you find interesting or envy. Get specific about what aspects appeal to you. Read magazines, talk to people in that field, etc. You can learn from others.

  5. Don't get caught up in the "thunderbolt" hype: You don't need one single calling that comes in a flash of insight. You will likely have multiple callings that evolve over your life. Follow what feels good now.

  6. Listen to your intuition: Spend quiet time each day tuning into your intuition. It will guide you to pursue the right things for you.

The key is to gain clarity on who you are and what gives you a sense of purpose, then have the courage to pursue it. Remember, you have unique gifts to offer the world. Living an authentic, purposeful life is available to all.

Here's a summary:

• We speed through life physically and mentally, bulldozing over the answers we seek because we can't hear them above the noise. • When you sit quietly and listen, answers come. Be patient. You have the answers; you just need to let them through.

• Follow your fantasies. They reveal who you are and your best self. We avoid them out of fear they're impossible or silly. But someone's living your fantasy. Why not you?

• Love yourself as you are.

• It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not. Be unapologetically yourself.

• Meditation connects you to source energy. It's simple but challenging. Start small and build up.

• Thoughts during meditation show how unimportant most are. Quiet your mind to connect to source energy.

• Meditation brings you to the present, raises your frequency, brings ideas, relaxes you, reduces stress, strengthens intuition, helps you hear inner guidance, fills you with light and love, improves your mood, and helps you love yourself.

• Basic meditation: Sit quietly, close your eyes, focus on your breath, gently bring your mind back when it wanders. Even a short time helps.

• Mantra meditation: Repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent mind wandering.

• Guided meditation: Follow a recording to visualize peaceful scenarios. Walk yourself through them.

• Start with 5-10 minutes a day and build up. Find what works for you. The key is doing it. It will change your life.

Here's a summary:

•Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Release any distracting thoughts and empty your mind.

•You can set a timer, light a candle to focus on, visualize light moving through your body, use a mantra, or try guided meditations.

•Meditation takes practice. Even small glimpses of clarity can make a difference. Keep at it and your ability to focus will improve.

•Our thoughts are powerful and create our reality. We can use them to change our lives for the better.

•Some people succeed where others fail because of their mindset and beliefs. Your mindset and beliefs dictate your outcomes.

•Many people cling tightly to limiting beliefs and resist changing them. But in order to change your reality, you must change your beliefs.

•The truth is what you desire, not necessarily what currently is. Fixate your mind on what you want, believe it's real and already here, then take action.

•Source Energy, which created us and everything in the Universe, is an intelligence. We are made of the same thinking substance that creates worlds.

•We can use our minds to create either wonderful or terrible outcomes. The choice is ours. Positive thinking and visualization are key.

•Don't accept less than you desire. You created your current reality with your thoughts and beliefs and you can change it the same way.

That covers the main points on using your mind to create the outcomes and reality you want. In summary, your thoughts are powerful tools, and you must work to adopt a positive mindset and helpful beliefs if you want to live the life of your dreams. Your mind truly is powerful enough to make that happen.

Here is a summary of the key points:

  • Your reality is created by your thoughts and beliefs. You have to change your thinking first before you can change your reality. Most people demand to see evidence before they believe something is true, but you have to believe first and then the evidence will appear.

  • When you take a leap of faith and believe in something not yet seen, you won't know how to make it happen. Your job is not to figure out the how, but to know what you want and be open to discovering how to achieve it. Stay focused on your goal, do what you can, and look for opportunities.

  • Here are some ways to direct your thoughts:

  1. Ask and receive from the Source Energy. Get quiet and clear your mind. Ask for what you want and begin the manifestation process.

  2. Act as if. Believe it is possible even without evidence. Fake it till you make it. Do things that match your desired reality. Stay open to opportunities.

  3. Upgrade your environment. Make changes to match your desired lifestyle. This helps keep your frequency high and shows the Universe you are serious.

  4. Make a vision board. Feeding your mind images of what you want helps manifest them. Your mind sends these images to Source Energy which then works to pull them into your reality.

  5. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Spend less time with negative people and more with positive, visionary, optimistic people. Their influence will help transform your life.

  6. Love yourself. Choose to do so unless you have a better idea.

  • We have a sense of possibility and ability to manifest in our youth that fades over time. Though we may take dangerous risks, we also boldly pursue our creative pursuits and dreams. It's better to appreciate that spirit than to wish we knew then what we know now. Lead with your crotch - your gut instinct and intuition. Combined with life experience and wisdom, it leads to your purpose.

  • The author argues that as people get older, they often give up on excitement and passion in life in favor of responsibility and realism. However, it is possible to maintain dreams and passion at any age.

  • The author gives the example of her band ‘Crotch’ which she started with a friend despite not knowing how to play instruments. Through the band, they were able to achieve a lot and have fun even while working full-time jobs.

  • The author shares some lessons from her experience with the band:

  1. Just see what you can get away with: Life is ridiculous so don’t take it too seriously. Adopt an attitude of ‘why not?’ and see what you can achieve.

  2. Lose track of time: Focus on activities that cause you to lose sense of time. Make time for more of those activities.

  3. Keep being the beginner: Even as you gain expertise, maintain the fun and passion of a beginner. Enjoy yourself.

  4. Love yourself: Learn to love yourself fully and happiness will follow.

  • The key message is that people of any age can follow their dreams and passion if they maintain the right attitude - one of adventure and self-love. Responsibility does not have to come at the cost of excitement. With the right mindset, both are possible.

  • Gratitude is more than just good manners. It is an awareness and deep appreciation for the good in your life.

  • Being in a state of gratitude raises your frequency and connects you to Source Energy, allowing you to manifest more good things. Lacking gratitude lowers your frequency and cuts you off from manifesting good things.

  • Gratitude is powerful because when you express gratitude, you send out positive energy. This positive energy then reflects back to you, creating an exchange of energy at a high frequency. This makes the manifesting process even more powerful.

  • Without gratitude, you have little power or ability to manifest good things. Gratitude keeps you connected to the power of the universe.

  • The author was taught from an early age to express gratitude and have good manners. Saying “please,” “thank you,” and being polite were ingrained in her. She finds it baffling when people lack basic gratitude and manners.

  • Expressing gratitude makes you and the recipient feel good, creating a positive feedback loop. This raises frequency and connection.

  • In summary, gratitude is essential for manifesting the life you want. It raises your frequency, amplifies your power, and creates an energetic exchange that brings more of what you want into your life.

• Forgiveness means letting go of negative feelings from the past instead of holding onto them. Holding onto resentment, anger, guilt, and hurt only prolongs suffering and lowers your frequency.

• We are usually quick to relieve physical pain but hold onto emotional pain for a long time. We waste time reliving painful moments and blaming others instead of forgiving and moving on.

• Forgiveness is about taking care of yourself, not the other person. It’s about choosing happiness over being right and taking responsibility for your feelings instead of blaming others.

• Forgiving others releases you from being a prisoner to your pain. It allows you to be free and raise your frequency.

• Resentment is like taking poison and hoping your enemies die. Forgive others for your own well-being.

• Explain how others’ actions made you feel without blame and then forgive them regardless of the outcome. You may become closer or drift apart but you will be free.

• The moment you decide to forgive, you are on the road to freedom. Forgiveness melts away negative feelings from the past.

• Your higher self loves you and doesn’t care what others do or think. Your lower self holds onto resentment to feel right and get attention. Choose the higher path - forgive and be free.

• Put your happiness over being right. Own your power by releasing hurt, anger, and resentment. Take responsibility for your feelings instead of making others responsible.

Here's a summary:

•Let go of resentment and negative feelings toward people who have wronged you. Holding onto anger only hurts you, not them.

•Find compassion for the other person and yourself. Try seeing them as an innocent child who is suffering. Compassion is key to forgiveness.

•Take the other person out of the equation. React as if no one caused the situation. This helps you have a calmer reaction and see the bigger picture.

•Decide to be happy rather than right. Sometimes forgiving someone is worth more than proving a point.

•Look at the situation from all sides. Everyone sees things through their own lens. Try to understand other perspectives.

•Have an outburst. Get your anger out in a safe way. Then let it go.

•Remember this will pass. Whatever is upsetting you now will fade into the past. Don't cling to it.

•Wipe the slate clean. Once you forgive, release all judgment and resentment. Start fresh.

•Love yourself. You deserve to let this go and be happy.

•Go with the flow. When life feels chaotic and crowded, choose to relax into it rather than fight against it. This leads to more peace and joy.

The author describes an experience of a bird flying into her house and panicking because it couldn’t find its way out, even though the door was open. She uses this as an analogy for how humans often live their lives - unable to see the obvious solutions and opportunities around them because they are too caught up in their own stories and beliefs.

We focus so intensely on certain things that we don’t notice other things around us, even obvious things that have always been there. We get stuck in repetitive thought patterns and don’t open ourselves up to new perspectives. There are infinite possibilities around us at every moment but we only see and experience a tiny fraction of them.

The author suggests doing an exercise to demonstrate this limited perspective - look around and count the number of red objects, then try to count the yellow objects without moving your eyes. You likely missed many of the yellow items because you were focused on the red. She says “what you choose to focus on becomes your reality.”

We cling to excuses, stories, and beliefs that limit us even though letting them go and choosing a new perspective could open us up to creating any reality we want. The poet William Blake said “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”

The author questions why we would choose to create a reality that isn’t awesome when we have the power and ability to create anything. Letting go of the excuses and reasons we perceive as very serious and real could allow us to create whatever we want. Whenever she finds herself making elaborate excuses, the author turns to the example of Ray Charles who overcame immense challenges to achieve great success. With an open and determined mindset, we can achieve far more than we realize.

Here's a summary:

  • The author listens to Ray Charles' music for inspiration when she needs motivation. Despite facing immense hardships, Ray Charles overcame obstacles and became successful. His life story serves as a reminder to the author that excuses are useless and that she has control over her life and reality.

  • Our perception shapes our reality and life experiences. By changing our perception, we can change our reality. Although it may seem difficult, we have the power to rewrite our stories and live the life we want.

  • The first step is to identify the stories we tell ourselves, which are often not the truth. Look for sentences that begin with "I always," "I never," "I can't," "I should," etc. These types of statements reveal the stories we have constructed.

  • Next, determine what benefits we are gaining from these stories. There are usually rewards, even if unhealthy, that we get from perpetuating them. Some examples include: getting attention, not having to take risks, not being responsible, having an excuse, etc.

  • Finally, get rid of the old stories. Journal about them, identify the false rewards, release their power over you, and replace them with empowering new stories. Envision the old stories leaving your body and being replaced by a powerful new version of yourself. Make the choice to move forward with a new story.

In summary, the author recommends examining the stories we tell ourselves, determining their false rewards, and rewriting them into empowering new stories so we can live the life we truly want. By releasing limiting beliefs and taking control of our perception, we gain power over our reality.

Here's a summary:

• Don't let a lack of experience or feeling unqualified stop you from going after what you want. We often use that as an excuse because we're scared, not because we really can't do it.

• You know more than you think and are naturally drawn to things you're good at. Necessity is the best teacher, passion overcomes fear, and determination trumps experience.

• Stop making excuses and using distractions to avoid your dreams. Use that energy to go for what you want instead.

• The author got a job she was unqualified for but worked hard and succeeded. She realized she had relevant experience, like being bossy as an older sister and enjoying throwing parties. She went on to do many other things she felt unqualified for.

• Sitting around "getting ready" and doing nothing is less fun than jumping in and going for what you want.

• Don't procrastinate. Take action now instead of waiting until you feel perfectly ready or conditions are perfect. Start, learn and improve as you go. Perfectionism and procrastination go together - avoid both.

• The overall message is stop waiting, make excuses and procrastinating. Have confidence in yourself and go after your dreams and goals, even if you feel unqualified or unready. Take action now, learn along the way, and passion and hard work can overcome lack of experience. Don't let perfectionism hold you back.

Here is a summary of the key points:

  • Procrastination is common but prevents you from achieving your goals and leads to feelings of regret.

  • There are many excuses you can make to procrastinate, but eventually you have to take action.

  • If you want to stop procrastinating and start achieving, you have to make the decision to just get started now. Do whatever it takes to take that first step.

  • Perfectionism is harmful and prevents progress. Done is better than perfect. Get started, even if you're not fully ready.

  • Notice the precise moments you tend to stop working so you can prepare for those obstacles. For example, remove distractions like the Internet if that's what causes you to stop.

  • Make a bet with someone to hold yourself accountable. Bet an amount that motivates you but is still attainable.

  • If you're someone who works best under pressure at the last minute, plan time for leisure and work, then get down to business when the deadline approaches.

  • Learn to love yourself as you are right now to avoid negative feelings that fuel procrastination.

  • Overwhelm is largely caused by the unnecessary drama we create in our own minds. Shift your perception to a more balanced one.

  • Time is an illusion, so the feeling of not having enough time is also an illusion. The time is there, you just have to choose to see it.

  • If you're constantly late or blow things off, you're showing a lack of respect for time. Be on time and keep your commitments to align your actions with your desire for more time.

  • Notice what you do to avoid your responsibilities, like checking social media or email. Remove those distractions, especially at the precise moments you tend to stop working.

  • Break down big tasks into manageable chunks. Don't feel overwhelmed by the totality of a large project. Focus on one piece at a time.

  • Ask others for help when you need it. No one achieves great things alone. Look for support systems and delegating when possible.

  • Identify your distractions and weak spots, then build defenses against them. Turn off electronics and make certain areas off-limits when working. We often don’t realize our bad habits.

  • Break down big tasks into smaller chunks to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Focus on one thing at a time. Our brains can only handle so much at once.

  • Stop talking about being busy. Focus on enjoying what you do instead of feeling weighed down by it. Decide to live a relaxed, enjoyable life.

  • Get help if you feel disorganized or confused. Ask a friend or hire a coach. Outside perspective can help.

  • Prioritize what needs to be done now and what can wait. Hide the “wait” list. Focus on important tasks, delegate small ones. You can’t do everything.

  • Delegate when possible. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Figure out what you hate doing or aren’t good at and have someone else do it. There are always solutions if you look for them.

  • Put your priorities first. Don’t check messages or social media until you’ve started your day. Don’t answer calls or texts when busy. Other people’s needs can consume all your time if you let them.

  • Take time off to avoid exhaustion, sickness, and missing out on life. Living without inspiration or fun defeats the purpose. Make time for yourself a priority. What you do in life matters more than how busy you are.

  • Love yourself. You’re doing great.

  • Face your fears instead of avoiding them. Do one thing each day that scares you. Growth happens outside your comfort zone. Fear often means you should do something, not run from it. Over time, fear loses power over you.

The author goes caving with a friend and experiences complete darkness and fear. However, she chooses not to give into panic and hysteria. She realizes that fear is a choice and that we can turn on the lights to overcome it.

Society conditions us to be fearful from an early age through media, stories, cautioning others, etc. This is like crabs pulling each other down instead of helping one another up and out of the bucket. Imagine how different the world would be if we supported each other in pursuing our dreams instead of warning against risks.

Fear exists in the imagination, in the future, and is often about things that never come to pass. We do not know for sure that the scenarios we fear will be scary or even happen. For example, death could lead to an afterlife of eternal bliss. We create unnecessary drama and anxiety by fearing the unknown.

To overcome fear, have faith in yourself and the unknown. See fear through the rearview mirror, recognizing that things that now scare you will seem insignificant in retrospect. Think of past accomplishments that once terrified you but now do not. Use that perspective to face current challenges.

Also, flip your fear around by analyzing its root causes and not letting them control you. For example, do not avoid writing a book out of fear it may be terrible. Recognize the underlying fears - of seeming stupid, being made fun of and feeling ashamed. Then flip those around. Do not let fear of potential outcomes deter you from pursuing your dreams and living life fully.

In summary, we can choose to overcome fear through faith in ourselves and by not giving into societal conditioning that promotes an expectation of the worst. Look at fear through a rational and balanced perspective, recognize fear for what it is, and do not let it limit your potential and ability to live courageously. Turn on the lights and crawl past the fear.

Protect yourself from feeling stupid and ashamed.

How stupid and ashamed will you feel if you don’t write your book? Very. Living an unlived life of mediocrity, wimpiness; and shame.

Break it down so you can really look at, and defuse, what it is about a situation that’s scaring you. Fear is all about how you choose to look at things, so by changing yourperspective on it you can let the fear of NOT doing the thing you’re scared of fuel your quest to greatness.

Is anything scary happening to you right now at this very moment? Right now, where you’re sitting, is anything bad actually happening or is it just the thoughts in your head that are freaking you out? Stay in the moment and connect to your higher self.

Be more conscious of the information you absorb. Wallowing in the pain and suffering isn’t going to help anyone, yourself included, any more than starving yourself will help the hungry.

Don’t think of anything upsetting in bed at night. Use your meditative powers to move troubling thoughts out of your mind; focus on relaxing every single muscle in your body one by one, slowly and intentionally, so that it takes up all the room in your brain that you were using to freak out with.

Love yourself. And you will be invincible.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. —Eleanor Roosevelt; activist, feminist, superhero, longest-serving First Lady of the United States.

One of the most staggering things about other people is that they provide us with valuable, and often alarminglyintimate, information about who they are as soon as we meet them. All of this information then goes through the filter of who we are, and depending on our perceptions and judgments and hang ups and number of years spent in therapy, we decide if the person is someone we want to get to know better or not.

We’re all attracted to, as well as turned off by, various things about other people. The people you surround yourself with are excellent mirrors for who you are and how much, or how little, you love yourself.

The things that bother us about other people bother us because they remind us of something that we don’t likeabout ourselves. Or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity that we have, but may not realize we have.

I’m still not the most enthused member of a bridal shower, and I’m not saying that you have to come around and like everything in this world that bothers you, but I amsaying that if you actively don’tlike something about someone else, it’s worth exploring if it’s triggering an insecurity in you or reminding you of a part of yourself that you’re not entirely comfortable with— and then work to get comfortable with it.

• We tend to notice and get annoyed by traits in others that we have in ourselves or are insecure about. The irritation comes from these traits resonating with us on some level.

• Confronting situations where others irritate you can help you grow by forcing you to face undesirable parts of yourself. Admitting these parts is the first step to releasing them.

• We attract people who mirror the beliefs we hold about ourselves, whether consciously or subconsciously. Focusing on certain beliefs creates more of them in your life.

• It’s hard to stand up to toxic people because it means rewiring your limiting beliefs about yourself. But doing so is empowering and helps you attract better things.

• Notice what drives you nuts about others and use it as a mirror to reflect on yourself. Ask yourself questions to defuse limiting beliefs, like: Who do I need to be for this to not bother me? What am I getting out of being this way? How would I feel if I wasn’t this way?

• Don’t enable bad behavior in others. Helping should lift them up; enabling will drag you down and lead to resentment. Pay attention to how their behavior makes you feel.

• Never apologize for who you are. Respect yourself and stand in your truth. We respect people who respect themselves.

• Become fascinated by irritants instead of furious. Learn from them.

• Release false beliefs by questioning them, seeing their false rewards, and imagining how you’d feel without them. Choose to keep or drop behaviors based on whether they serve you.

• Raise your frequency by declining to engage in drama or complain about unfairness. This also gives others a chance to rise up.

  • It’s important to appreciate the people and things you love while you still have the chance. Life is short, so don’t delay enjoying it.

  • Making a real decision requires commitment and perseverance. It means sticking with your goal even when it gets difficult or uncomfortable. Many people only pretend to decide and end up quitting when it gets hard.

  • Henry Ford made a firm decision that he would create an eight-cylinder engine, even though his engineers said it was impossible. He trusted his vision and gut over the doubts of others. Because of his determination, he eventually succeeded.

  • To make bold decisions and see them through, you need:

  1. A strong connection to desire and belief in yourself. Without this, you’ll give in to fear and doubt.

  2. Faith in your vision, even before you’ve achieved it. You have to believe in the possibility before you have concrete evidence or proof.

  3. An understanding that failures and setbacks are part of the process. Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm or determination.

  4. Courage in the face of discomfort or risk. Making real change isn’t easy - you have to be willing to look silly or be criticized.

  5. Flexibility to adjust your approach. While staying committed to your ultimate goal, you need to be willing to try different strategies or solutions. Course-correct based on feedback.

  • With commitment and perseverance, you can achieve what others say is impossible. But you have to make the firm decision first, or you’ll quit when the going gets tough.

Here's a summary:

Successful entrepreneurs often experience failure and rejection before achieving success. Some examples:

•Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. •Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school three times. •Thomas Edison tried over 9,000 experiments before inventing the light bulb. •Soichiro Honda was rejected by Toyota, so he started Honda. •Beethoven's music teacher said he was talentless, but he went on to become a famous composer. •Fred Smith got a C for a paper proposing an overnight delivery service like FedEx.

The keys to overcoming failure and achieving success are:

  1. Have an intense desire and motivation. Half-hearted efforts won't overcome major obstacles.

  2. Become highly skilled and competent. Develop expertise and mastery.

  3. Make decisive choices and commit to them. Avoid waffling, excuses or negotiation.

  4. Show grit and perseverance. Success comes from persistence and refusing to quit.

  5. Practice self-compassion. Believe in your ability to achieve and be kind to yourself along the way.

With tenacity and belief in yourself, you can achieve what others think is impossible. Miracles and success are possible if you refuse to give up.

The story then transitions to discuss the role of money. The key message is: "You can do anything. Ask Life for what you want, and Life will provide it." In other words, don't limit yourself based on assumptions about money or lack of money. With determination and perseverance, money will follow.

The author didn’t have a lot of money and was driving around in a run-down car. She knew she could be doing much better in her life and business. She was scared to raise her prices because she thought she might lose clients or be seen as greedy. She was also worried that if her business grew too much, she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Though she didn’t have much money, she went to an Audi dealership and test drove an Audi Q5, which she loved. She knew that buying it would force her to uplevel herself and her business. She ended up buying the Audi, even though it was expensive, because she knew it would push her outside her comfort zone.

After buying the Audi, the author’s income and business grew significantly. She says that in order to transform your life, you sometimes have to spend money you don’t have yet. This goes against the belief that going into debt is irresponsible. It’s about taking a leap of faith into the life you want and becoming the person who can have that life.

Money is energy, and when your energy is high and you have no resistance to it, you can manifest the money you want. Making money isn’t just about the money itself; it’s about becoming the person who can have the life they want. Most people have a conflicted relationship to money, but we need to treat it like any other important relationship: pay attention to it, want it, nurture it, respect it, and love it.

The author used to disdain people who chased money, thinking she was nobler in pursuing fun and art. But she realized she had to get over her fear and loathing of money in order to have more of it. We have to understand we’re in a relationship with money and treat it well.

Here's a summary:

The author struggled with making money earlier in life because she associated it with greed and being a "scumbag". She realized this was a limiting belief and that she could make good money while maintaining her integrity.

The first rule of developing a wealth mindset is to come from a place of abundance rather than lack. Believe that money and resources are available to you, even if you can't see them yet. Compare this to a mindset of lack where you believe money is scarce and hard to come by.

The second rule is to get clear on your current beliefs and feelings about money. Write them down, then challenge any limiting beliefs. Replace them with more abundant beliefs. For example, replace "Money doesn't come to me" with "Money comes to me all the time". Do exercises to help you feel these new beliefs.

The third rule is to get clear on where you want to be financially. While we all need basic necessities, determine what level of wealth would allow you to thrive and contribute your gifts. Let go of any guilt over desiring more money.

The main message is to develop an abundant mindset, release limiting beliefs, and determine what level of wealth will empower you to thrive and make a difference. Money itself is neutral - it's about how you think about it and choose to attain and use it.

  • Be your biggest, badass self - this means being wealthy in all areas of life: psychologically, spiritually, energetically and materially.

  • If you own a clothing company, you need money for many expenses. But you also need to feel good so you can do your best work. Maybe you need an inspiring place to work, help so you're not exhausted, do things that make you happy, donate to charity, etc. Feeling you don't deserve these things hurts the world because you can't share your best.

  • Be your best, do your best, demand the best, expect the best, receive the best, and share your best with the world.

  • The world is better when people aspire to be their best, not live in fear and shame. Improving yourself improves the world. Get money to improve your life - it's not just about you.

  • Decide what will make you truly happy and be honest. Either live simply or stop pretending you don't want more. Figure out how much it will cost and go get the money.

  • Money itself means nothing. Its energy and value comes from us. The energy around money determines its relevance and worth. Value is make-believe - it's what we believe. If we believe we're worth $10/hour, that's the frequency we put out. If $1000/hour, that's the frequency. We attract clients and jobs at our frequency.

  • Charging clients or demanding a salary at a frequency attracts those already at that frequency. Lowering your frequency from fear leaves everyone at a lower frequency. Offer services for free or at low cost for those in need, but don't exhaust yourself and help fewer people.

  • Figure out the life and income you want. Raise your frequency and prices to match. Surround yourself with higher frequency experiences and people. Educate yourself. Make vision boards. Strengthening your frequency is a process.

  • Keep your frequency and belief in possibility high to achieve goals. Otherwise you risk sliding into unhelpful money beliefs. Read wealth books daily. Watch your thoughts and words.

  • Think about the life you want and why. Figure out exactly how much money you need. The Universe responds to details, energy, and badasses. Make a list of specific goals, costs, feelings. Want it badly - it must happen.

  • Decide what you want and write the exact cost. Make it urgent. We figure out how to get money when rent is due or for emergencies. Tap into that motivation and determination.

The key to manifesting money and success is:

  1. Clarity - Have a clear vision of what you want. Set a specific goal.

  2. Urgency - Develop a sense of urgency to achieve your goals. Treat your dreams with urgency and determination. Raise your standards and minimum requirements.

  3. Action - Take consistent action towards your goals. Do everything you can to achieve them. Look for new opportunities and ways to generate income. Continuously work to magnetize your goals to you.

  4. Surrender - Surrender the outcome to the universe. Have faith that what you want will come to you, even if you don't know how yet. Release your attachment to the outcome and allow the universe to work. Stop trying to control everything.

  5. Visualize - Visualize having and experiencing what you want. Feel the emotions associated with achieving your goal. Repeat visualization to strengthen your belief and magnetism.

  6. Get mentoring - Learn from those who have achieved what you want. Study them, hire them as coaches, take their courses. Surround yourself with people who inspire you.

  7. Self-love - Love yourself unconditionally. When you love yourself, you open yourself to receiving all the good in life. Make your happiness a priority.

In summary, take action and do the work to achieve your goals but also practice surrender, faith and self-love. Work with the universe, not against it. Success comes from balancing action and allowing, clarity and uncertainty, urgency and patience. Maintain an open heart through it all.

  • The author has a friend with "Duh" tattooed on her arm to remind her that life's biggest lessons are often simple and obvious, though they can take time to sink in.

  • People often spend years talking about change and attending self-help seminars but never actually do anything. Only about 5% of people actually follow through and make real changes.

  • Successful people are willing to get uncomfortable and push through challenges. If you want to evolve and improve your life, you have to be willing to face obstacles instead of avoiding them.

  • The author recently gave up her home and has been traveling the world for the past two years. Her goal is to master surrender and trust in the universe. She wants to leap into the unknown with faith that things will work out.

  • As she travels, the author has to surrender to the universe to figure out where she will go next and where she will stay. So far, by following impulses and the flow, the universe has provided her with ideal and unexpected opportunities, like an apartment in Tokyo and an invitation to stay in Spain.

  • Though the author preaches about decision making and "letting go," she also wants to "do instead of spew." Surrender has been key, especially in her travels, though it continues to be a learning process.

The key message is that while self-help advice and wisdom are abundant, real change only comes from taking action and facing discomfort or challenges with courage and faith in the universe. The author aspires to practice what she preaches by continually surrendering to the flow in her travels. Though it can be difficult, she is learning that faith and courage are rewarded. The lessons may often be simple, but implementing them fully can take a lifetime.

The author was nervous about her last free fall with the AI travel agent. She needed to land in the perfect place to finish writing her book within a month. She imagined being in a scenic, furnished rental home close to friends to avoid isolation. She searched online but couldn’t find anything suitable. She began to doubt herself but realized she needed to have faith. She envisioned her ideal writing place, felt grateful it existed, and asked friends again. A friend offered her a place to stay.

The author says you can make big life changes if you want to. You can increase your income, lose weight, or become excited to live life. You need to decide to make it happen and let the universe help you.

Here are some ways to make big changes:

  1. Get rid of bad habits and form good ones like successful people have. Make new habits automatic and get help if needed.

  2. Practice connecting to your energy source throughout the day through deep breathing. This can reduce stress and improve your life and health.

  3. Spend time with successful people who will motivate and inspire you. See what’s possible for you and be inspired to achieve more.

  4. Set honest, challenging goals that push you outside your comfort zone. Build up your discipline over time. Don’t take on more than you can handle.

  5. Write your goals and vision for your ideal life in the present tense. Make it exciting and emotional. Read it daily to stay focused on becoming that person.

  6. Get coaching or mentoring. It can help you make big changes faster.

Here’s a summary:

  • The author’s grandma lived to 100 and witnessed many incredible technological advancements in her lifetime, though simple things like soda dispensers at McDonalds baffled her the most. Her story shows that anything is possible if you have an open and believing mind.

  • The author encourages the reader to pursue their dreams and true desires, regardless of what others think is possible. When you do what you love, you light up the world. You’re here to shine your light.

  • Believe that what you want is here and available to you. You can have it all.

  • Love yourself. You’re a badass.

The author recommends the following books:

  • Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks. About manifesting desires using the Law of Attraction.

  • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. About four principles for personal freedom and happiness.

  • The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn. Simple spiritual lessons and stories.

  • The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. About living in the present moment and spiritual enlightenment.

  • As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. About the power of our minds to create our reality.

  • The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. About developing good habits to enhance creativity.

  • Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson. An autobiography of the inspiring entrepreneur Richard Branson.

The key message is that if you believe in yourself, pursue your dreams, develop good habits, and live in the present, you can achieve your desires and live a fulfilling life.

  • The biography of Richard Branson details his journey from starting a small record shop to becoming an influential entrepreneur. The author finds his life inspiring and exciting.

  • The book Practical Intuition by Laura Day teaches readers how to access their intuition to make better decisions. It provides exercises and case studies on developing intuition.

  • The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra breaks down achieving success into seven steps based on spiritual principles. It delivers spiritual advice in an easy to understand way and provides guidance for applying the principles to everyday life.

  • You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay teaches that self-love and positive thinking can heal physical and emotional problems. The book provides affirmations and guidance for overcoming negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs.

  • Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer teaches readers how to manifest money and abundance through meditation, clearing energy blocks, gaining clarity, and working with energy. It provides simple exercises and advice for raising your vibration and manifesting desires.

  • The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles teaches how to build wealth consciousness. It provides a how-to guide for achieving abundance and success.

  • Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill shares the secrets of successful entrepreneurs and provides a guide to building wealth. It teaches readers how to change their mindset and habits to achieve success.

  • Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck helps readers gain clarity on their purpose and passion. It provides guidance on connecting with your body and intuition to find the right path.

  • Getting to I Do by Dr. Patricia Allen provides insights into relationships from a clinical psychologist. It offers tips for finding and maintaining a healthy relationship based on an understanding of gender differences.

  • Loving What Is by Byron Katie teaches “The Work,” four questions to help readers find inner peace. The book provides examples of using The Work to overcome painful experiences and improve relationships.

  • The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida explores masculine and feminine energy in relationships. It aims to help men understand themselves and women better in order to have healthier partnerships.

  • Seminars like the PAX seminar “Understanding Men, Celebrating Women” and The Hoffman Institute provide intensive workshops focused on personal development, relationships, limiting beliefs, and more.

  • Other recommended authors and speakers include Martha Beck, Esther Hicks, Marianne Williamson, Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, David Neagle, Deepak Chopra, and Gabrielle Bernstein.

The author is expressing gratitude for:

  • Endless generosity

  • Support

  • High thread count sheets

  • Jennifer Kasius

  • Monica Parcell

  • Everyone at Running Press

  • Anders Pederson

  • Crystalyn Hoffman

  • Julie Faherty

  • Their sweet mother

  • Michael Flowers

  • Katharine Dever

  • The Universe, for providing endless awesomeness


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